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rpp
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I am not sure that modern society is responsible for leading men to go to prostitutes. I mean, prostitution is not called the “oldest profession” for nothing.
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whatevergirl
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*Even atheists know that cheating on their spouses is going to hurt the other person, and is wrong. On some level, they know that. They just don’t subscribe to the same moral code Christians do. But, whether you’re Jewish, Christian, Muslim, atheist, etc…on some level, people ‘inherently’ know that cheating will hurt the other spouse.
The issue that I have with some of these explanations, is that the wife is being looked at as the main reason why her husband is not satisfied and seeks out prostitutes. Men who seek out prostitutes might never be satisfied, because it’s an extremely dysfunctional way of viewing sex. Our society, as sexual as it is, still frowns upon prostitution, which is why it’s still illegal, and why men hide it from their wives. So, while there are numerous reasons behind it, this thread is spiraling into what wives could do to create a more welcoming environment for their husband…etc…etc…And I say, while that can be a reason, I am not seeing enough discussion about how this is really a very dysfunctional way of handling an unemotional and unsatisfying marriage. MANY men don’t turn to prostitutes. It’s inferred, subtly, that if a wife could only somehow be more loving or caring, a man wouldn’t ‘need’ to turn to this…that is what I take issue with. It paints prostitution as a substitute for what ails a person in a marriage. *
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BiologyBrain
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We don’t disagree. **Spousal cheating is NOT the non-cheating spouses fault. ** However, the cheater will use their spouse as an ‘excuse’ if they think it will get them a pass. Its up to us, that know better, to point the finger at the cheater doing the wrong thing, not the spouse.
However, I know from my husband that his viewpoint of sex (in all its forms) is drastically different than any Christian/Catholic man I know. He honestly doesn’t think it should hurt the spouse for the other to cheat. I think he’s wrong and I try to explain my side of the issue to him, but… You can lead a horse to water… He also doesn’t think that masturbation, contraception, or many other moral no-no’s are any big deal. Overall he’s a great guy, but his moral compass hasn’t been tuned in properly. He’s told me that since he met me and has started discussing things like this with me (and listening to a few homilies) that he can see my point and that it probably isn’t good. However, he still insists that it doesn’t really affect the spouse if the other cheats/goes to a prostitute. He’s promised that he wouldn’t consider it, but he’s honest enough (brutally so) to admit that sometimes thoughts of sex w/ another woman come into his mind. I keep working on him and praying for him… I’m hoping one day we’ll see eye to eye on this issue.
I also know 2 men, both active in their church (Baptists I think) that think a fling of an unmarried w/ a married is only a problem for the married person involved. They don’t take any responsibility for pre-marital/extra-marital relations taking 2 to tango/sin. Typically, these guys are fairly upright Christian men. However, they have a flawed viewpoint that no amount of argument will change easily. I could easily see both of these men indicating that if a married woman is interested in a fling she’s not getting what she needs at home & both would be more than willing to offer it to her. They are morally and practically incorrect, but that’s what they believe & profess.
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a_cermak
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Another reason why men might visit prostitutes is that there is no judgement from the lady. If he can’t perform, she doesn’t belittle him or complain, and she may even have the skills to help him perform under those circumstances. This is frequently a problem for the older model of men.
Another is that it’s almost anonymous. It’s sex without any consequences (other than a slightly lower bank account).
As a female, I would have to say though, I would rather my partner have sex with a professional sex worker than I would have him have an affair with another woman. First of all, the professional sex worker is going to consistently use a condom with him and as a professional, she is going to know how to use one correctly. Secondly, he’s less likely to lose his heart to her. Marriages don’t typically end when one or the other of the couple is unfaithful with their sex organs, it’s when they’re unfaithful with their hearts.
Another is that it’s almost anonymous. It’s sex without any consequences (other than a slightly lower bank account).
As a female, I would have to say though, I would rather my partner have sex with a professional sex worker than I would have him have an affair with another woman. First of all, the professional sex worker is going to consistently use a condom with him and as a professional, she is going to know how to use one correctly. Secondly, he’s less likely to lose his heart to her. Marriages don’t typically end when one or the other of the couple is unfaithful with their sex organs, it’s when they’re unfaithful with their hearts.
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rpp
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I think the assertion that sex with a prostitute is somehow “safer” than sex with a non-prostitute is easily contradicted by the empirical evidence. So many of these women suffer from multiple STDs including various forms of herpes, hepatitis and HIV/AIDS. If this were not so, then the Red Cross would not disqualify people from donating blood for nothing more than a postive answer when asked if they had ever been with a prostitute even once.
I find the term “sex worker” to be highly offensive because it is intended to legitimize prostitution.
Are you sure about that? Do you not recall Governor Spitzer and Dick Morris? And who really knows what kind of woman Gov. Sanford really was getting on with in Argentina.
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royal_archer
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I think of it in terms of the serenity prayer. What can the wife control.
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NoWhereMan
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Men that go to Prostitutes are adventurers & love the excitement of different sex adventures with all different types of women, & a lot of times a Prostitute will do things that their wife won`t do
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a_cermak
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I was thinking of the ladies who work in the official establishments in Nevada. There everything is fairly well monitored and condom usage is highly effective because of the consistency of usage. This might be different in non-legal establishments.
I tend to use it humanize the lady. She’s a human being, doing her best to survive in most cases.
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royal_archer
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I am not sure that waiting till the husband has got to the worst extreme and then chastizing him is the right approach either. having an affair (paid or not) is one negative out come, divorse is another. I feel it is the personal make upof the man as to what route is taken but both negative outcomes probably start out as simmilar little problems that build up over time. How do you suggest addressing these unemotional and unsatisfying marriages before things get out of control.
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whatevergirl
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*Communication. Cheating and seeking out prostitutes is not inevitable. For non Catholics and Catholics…cheating is never an ‘inevitable’ end to the problems in a marriage. Communication between a husband and wife must take place in order for the marriage to thrive, let alone survive. Cheating is NEVER an inevitable, it not the only recourse a married person has who is not happy in his/her marriage. *
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royal_archer
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I didn’t mean to imply that cheeting is inevitable. It is one of several outcomes of the downward spiral. Divorce and bitter stalemates are two other potential negative outcomes. I am sure that there are other potential outcomes. I agree with communication as a way to break the downward spiral. Now how do you make that happen when one partner is unwilling to work through or even discuss issues?
Programs like Retreauville and marriage encounters are good but only effective if both spouses are willing to attend. I don’t think it would hurt if the church made these events obligatory for Catholics in good standing.
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whatevergirl
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Yeah, I think you’re right. It could be a really important turning point for many out there. Nice chatting.
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psalm23now
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To the original poster, I am sorry for the pain you are going through (or have gone through). To answer your question… for me, it was a mixture of reasons like the WebMD article explains.
I am not trying to blame anyone… I am simply giving reasons like you asked for:
I am not trying to blame anyone… I am simply giving reasons like you asked for:
- Physical attractiveness
- Extreme emotional dissatisfaction
- Pessimistic attitude
- Constant nagging
- Overly critical
- Argumentative
- Horrible sex life
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mrpathetic
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These are reasons, not excuses. There is no excuse. I hope no one takes these as legitimate excuses for prostitution, or any other form of sexual misconduct.
Some of us live with these problems in our lives. To the point, some of us live with all of these problems in our lives. (I probably live with about 5-6 of them, to one degree or another.)
Regardless, I would never use these as excuses to violate God’s law, and engage in prostitution or adultery. I would rather live in 100% continence, permanently. That I can justify to God. That is my choice.
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former_Catholic
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Married men go to prostitutes to re-enact sexual abuse they experienced as children which they may or may not even consciously remember and have never dealt with in any other way other than by stuffing it back down into the unconscious with addictions (to sugar, alcohol, drugs, rage, workoholism, food, etc etc. etc…) and/or by acting it out with or on others (prostitution, abusive relationship, sexually abusing others)
Sexual addiction in an adult is a long term aftereffect of childhood sexual abuse.
Sexual addiction in an adult is a long term aftereffect of childhood sexual abuse.
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Charlotte408
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ok no offense but you KISSED him after you were fairly sure he saw a PROSTITUTE?!!
major ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww girl…lol…
have you ever heard the term ‘man up’??? well, my dear…‘woman up’…if your FAIRLY CERTAIN he went to see a prostitute, i would assume that you have some very incriminating evidence. Call him on it. And, I would never tell a wife to question or accuse her husband, but if you KNOW, then honey I’d go on STRIKE! So seriously!! You cant leave him, he’s your husband, you’ve made a commitment for better or worse and this is pretty bad…Confront him, tell him you know, talk about it…I’d demand some sort of counseling and a VOW that it wouldnt happen again before he even THOUGHT about being intimate with you again. And part of that is just for your personal respect and hygiene…I mean…run with the dogs and your gonna come home with fleas…
The other part is that, cheating, wether its a man or woman that does it is adultery…point blank…being MARRIED he violated that vow…dude…thats grounds for divorce…I’m sure he didnt think it all the way thru before he followed his … well…you catch my point…but DONT be a pushover…or it WILL happen again…a lot of why men go out and do these stupid things, is because they know they can. they might hear SOME nagging, for a day…or a week…you gotta be strong, CATHOLIC STRONG and put yer foot down…
yeah forget all that mess…thats just wrong…his behind should be sleepin’ on the couch honey…
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DeusCaritasEst
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Funny this thread would resurface right about now. My husband filed for divorce a little over a month ago. The date that I opened this thread was the beginning of what has been now more than 15 months of separate sleeping arrangements (in the same home). Also at the time I posted this thread, I was newly pregnant. The last time we were intimate was just one week before I opened this thread. So we’ve suffered through the past year, tried counseling a couple of times, had a new baby, and now he needs to divorce me. He still can not bring himself to admitting of the visit to the prostitute, although I can see it in his face now.
I believe my husband suffers from mental illness, a milder form of bipolar disorder, to be specific: cyclothymia. When I asked the question here initially, I was very confused, newly clued in to what was really going on. The truth of the matter in our particular circumstances is that my husband is disturbed, and he needs to get help. He won’t get the help he needs until he destroys our family though.
I’m heading over to the Spirituality forum to post a prayer request for us. Please keep us in your prayers, that we all have the strength to fulfill God’s will in our lives. Please also pray for our sons. May God protect them, and grant me the ability to raise them on the path to Jesus.
I believe my husband suffers from mental illness, a milder form of bipolar disorder, to be specific: cyclothymia. When I asked the question here initially, I was very confused, newly clued in to what was really going on. The truth of the matter in our particular circumstances is that my husband is disturbed, and he needs to get help. He won’t get the help he needs until he destroys our family though.
I’m heading over to the Spirituality forum to post a prayer request for us. Please keep us in your prayers, that we all have the strength to fulfill God’s will in our lives. Please also pray for our sons. May God protect them, and grant me the ability to raise them on the path to Jesus.
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Charlotte408
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Aw babycakes…thats terrible…but I’m really proud of you that your doing what you have to, for you and your new baby…((Big time congratulations BTW!!)) Much, much love goes out to you from me and my family…I definitely say a prayer for you two tonight <33
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djeter
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You can medicalize sin, give it all kinds of therapy etc. but sometimes the confrontation with sin and what it means, perhaps a group of Catholic men having an intervention with your husband, might help.
That’s what finally worked for me (an awareness of what sin was) for that to occur.
Also, in my case, was the insidiousness of acedia. More on that here:
payingattentiontothesky.com/2009/07/17/life-emerging-out-of-what-had-seemed-dead/
and here:
payingattentiontothesky.com/2009/07/20/from-eight-bad-thoughts-to-seven-sins/
dj
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