Why do most people ignore the Church's teaching on contraception?

[ALoveDivine]

I don’t like the Church’s teaching on this, in all honesty. I hate it actually. But I am not so bold as to say the Church is wrong. I admit that the Church in its 2,000 years of existence has more wisdom than I do in my 25. So I personally will not use contraception.

That said, I am a man, not a woman, and so it is quite a different thing for me. Me and my girlfriend have talked about this, as we plan to get married, and I’ve basically told her that whatever course she chooses is between her and God. I have no place to command her about what to do with her own body. I have informed her of what the Church teaches and have left that ball in her court. If she chooses NFP, I will go along with that without complaining. If she chooses to use contraception, that is her choice and it is between her and God, and I will still be intimate with her as there is no sin in that, at least on my part.

I really feel for the women out there, this must be very hard. It seems as if the Church demands the impossible of us. Economic conditions are so brutal the idea of having more than two children is inconceivable to me, not to mention all the dangers pregnancy can entail.

I have tremendous hope in the mercy of God, and feel that much of the contraception going on among faithful Catholics is not truly mortal sin, because I highly doubt there is FULL and DELIBERATE consent or malice. I imagine most Catholics who use it do so grudgingly and under great stress and fear, quite likely mitigating culpability. I know the ideal the Church holds out regarding sexuality, and I also know just how often we all fall short of the ideal. Let us all never despair of trusting in the mercy of God, and let us never become too judgmental, especially on such horrendously difficult and painful topics.

 

[bitterhope]

But that’s the point. Consolations rarely come without some sadness. They aren’t the product of an absence of sadness. That is a different kind of good feeling. That’s not what I am advocating for. I would never call a practitioner a ‘liar’ for acknowledging the obvious sadness involved for such a father. I’m in bat against those calling practitioners LIARS in big capitals for extolling the beauties of the lifestyle. I’m always very much middle ground in the majority of these strangely controversial issues.

I’m glad you haven’t been lied to. I’m glad you haven’t been called a liar by your instructor either.

 

[LongingSoul]

I’m glad you haven’t been lied to. I’m glad you haven’t been called a liar by your instructor either.

But this is what I don’t understand. If my instructor called me a liar, a little buzzing would happen in my brain that calls me alert. I would immediately think in my rational brain… this isn’t an appropriate way to talk to a client. I’m leaving and going to try another organisation or method.

Everybody knows there are cracks and snake oil sellers in every industry. You might get taken in once but when they call you a liar… that’s where you think oh this is a crack or snake oil seller… I’ll go somewhere else. It doesn’t seem rational to me to turn around and start slamming NFP practitioners in general across the board. It makes it seem like you have another agenda to push against a teaching of the Church.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I just wanted to give my experience regarding Creighton. Yes, I paid for the meeting with my instructor. I don’t remember how much it was, it wasn’t burdensome. It was a service, and most services are paid for. It was one on one instruction, and aimed at my own personal circumstance .

I never once paid a fee for a chart. The charts were not photocopies, except for once when she didn’t have any charts available and she gave me a photocopy. My instructor was always available for follow up questions, and emails and to take a look at my chart. And I was never charged for phone consultations.

I also learned Billings on my own and used their website to chart. I believe charting through www.woomb.org is free. There was a fee for learning with an instructor.

I found both methods to be good and user friendly for me.

I also was blessed to have an NFP doctor familiar with Billings, Creighton and Sympto-thermal.

 

[bitterhope]

But this is what I don’t understand. If my instructor called me a liar, a little buzzing would happen in my brain that calls me alert. I would immediately think in my rational brain… this isn’t an appropriate way to talk to a client. I’m leaving and going to try another organisation or method.

Everybody knows there are cracks and snake oil sellers in every industry. You might get taken in once but when they call you a liar… that’s where you think oh this is a crack or snake oil seller… I’ll go somewhere else. It doesn’t seem rational to me to turn around and start slamming NFP practitioners in general across the board. It makes it seem like you have another agenda to push against a teaching of the Church.

I have used what I learned later is billings–what my mom taught us as part of feminine health (recognizing signs of yeast infections, cycle abnormalities etc)–then sympto thermal taught by CCL, only EBF my children, and then basically Marquette but I didn’t realize it had a name until years later. It’s not a one shot deal for me. My sister learned Creighton from NAPRO herself because she is infertile and was trying to conceive. Now she teaches it at a secular clinic that she’s a midwife at and also through her diocese. She has several non catholic clients and every once in a while to a catholic client through the diocese. I’ve talked with her about my charts. She’s talked to me about hers. We’ve both discovered that NFP is not going to work for either of us. How is that pushing against a church teaching? Pushing against a church teaching would be advocating for ABC and never once have I done that. I never will either. Asking for truth instead of fiction is not pushing against a teaching. The teaching itself is beautiful. The way many are advertising it is not.

 

[LongingSoul]

I have used what I learned later is billings–what my mom taught us as part of feminine health (recognizing signs of yeast infections, cycle abnormalities etc)–then sympto thermal taught by CCL, only EBF my children, and then basically Marquette but I didn’t realize it had a name until years later. It’s not a one shot deal for me. My sister learned Creighton from NAPRO herself because she is infertile and was trying to conceive. Now she teaches it at a secular clinic that she’s a midwife at and also through her diocese. She has several non catholic clients and every once in a while to a catholic client through the diocese. I’ve talked with her about my charts. She’s talked to me about hers. We’ve both discovered that NFP is not going to work for either of us. How is that pushing against a church teaching? Pushing against a church teaching would be advocating for ABC and never once have I done that. I never will either. Asking for truth instead of fiction is not pushing against a teaching. The teaching itself is beautiful. The way many are advertising it is not.

You’ve exhausted every modern fertility awareness method and science there is and come to realise that you will never be able to use NFP at all. That puts you unfortunately in a very small catagory of women as far as my experience with Catholics adhering to Church teaching. That is definitely a Cross and you might need spiritual direction to endure it. But why does that make you so angry and bitter towards NFP practitioners in general? They didn’t cause your condition and in fact it seems like it presents somewhat of a mystery to some who are used to seeing at least tiny windows of opportunity in a cycle.

I think your resentment is aimed in the wrong direction. The service provided by practitioners is a great blessing for Catholic women regardless of how they promote or sell it. There are a lot of alternative practitioners if a woman doesn’t gel with the first one. If it comes to light that after consulting all possible sources, you aren’t able to do it, that is a trial unrelated to the manner of the practitioner. It comes across as if you are resentful of women that do NFP and want them to feel guilty and undeserving of this mercy from God. I’m quite sure the practicioners aren’t pressing you on your charts to call you a liar. What happens is that when a person is so forlorn or angry at their situation, others want very much to find a way to solve it. If there is some error in your charting, wouldn’t it have been great to have found that?! You have attributed negative judgement to people who I feel quite sure only wanted to help you solve this sad situation of permanent abstinence.

 

[jlc2k2]

You’ve exhausted every modern fertility awareness method and science there is and come to realise that you will never be able to use NFP at all. That puts you unfortunately in a very small catagory of women as far as my experience with Catholics adhering to Church teaching. That is definitely a Cross and you might need spiritual direction to endure it. But why does that make you so angry and bitter towards NFP practitioners in general? They didn’t cause your condition and in fact it seems like it presents somewhat of a mystery to some who are used to seeing at least tiny windows of opportunity in a cycle.

I think your resentment is aimed in the wrong direction. The service provided by practitioners is a great blessing for Catholic women regardless of how they promote or sell it. There are a lot of alternative practitioners if a woman doesn’t gel with the first one. If it comes to light that after consulting all possible sources, you aren’t able to do it, that is a trial unrelated to the manner of the practitioner. It comes across as if you are resentful of women that do NFP and want them to feel guilty and undeserving of this mercy from God. I’m quite sure the practicioners aren’t pressing you on your charts to call you a liar. What happens is that when a person is so forlorn or angry at their situation, others want very much to find a way to solve it. If there is some error in your charting, wouldn’t it have been great to have found that?! You have attributed negative judgement to people who I feel quite sure only wanted to help you solve this sad situation of permanent abstinence.

If I recall correctly, you are not in the US? It may help to clarify that in the US, many dioceses don’t offer a shop around option for NFP during marriage prep. For some dioceses, you are required to take a CCL course. For others, a different, specific NFP method course. It doesn’t matter if you know you have issues that will make that method difficult for you to use (such as PCOS or a wildly changing work schedule). Perhaps in these courses they mention that there are other available methods but I doubt it. So I wonder how many women would actually know that they have an alternative if they struggle with their diocese’s chosen method and the instructors aren’t supportive.

 

[bitterhope]

You’ve exhausted every modern fertility awareness method and science there is and come to realise that you will never be able to use NFP at all. That puts you unfortunately in a very small catagory of women as far as my experience with Catholics adhering to Church teaching. That is definitely a Cross and you might need spiritual direction to endure it. But why does that make you so angry and bitter towards NFP practitioners in general? They didn’t cause your condition and in fact it seems like it presents somewhat of a mystery to some who are used to seeing at least tiny windows of opportunity in a cycle.

I think your resentment is aimed in the wrong direction. The service provided by practitioners is a great blessing for Catholic women regardless of how they promote or sell it. There are a lot of alternative practitioners if a woman doesn’t gel with the first one. If it comes to light that after consulting all possible sources, you aren’t able to do it, that is a trial unrelated to the manner of the practitioner. It comes across as if you are resentful of women that do NFP and want them to feel guilty and undeserving of this mercy from God. I’m quite sure the practicioners aren’t pressing you on your charts to call you a liar. What happens is that when a person is so forlorn or angry at their situation, others want very much to find a way to solve it. If there is some error in your charting, wouldn’t it have been great to have found that?! You have attributed negative judgement to people who I feel quite sure only wanted to help you solve this sad situation of permanent abstinence.

When my instructor told me I must have been cheating on my husband because there is no other way that I could have gotten pregnant when I did, that’s when I began to lose respect for these “professionals.” When another told me that I was not nursing right and that’s why I was pregnant again didn’t help. Seeing it happen multiple times over many many years to many other ladies, not just to me, including here in CAF sealed it for me. Learning to accept that God called me to parent a large family is considered wrong by NFP advocates. Now that we’ve decided to abstain until such time as my husband is ready for another child has gotten criticized by NFP advocates. Even you, yourself, sent me a private message telling me that we are scrupulous in matters of sexuality for not trusting in our method of NFP. Unless a Catholic has several years of successful NFP in which they have 2-4 perfectly spaced children then they are lambasted by NFP instructors and users about all the things they must be doing wrong, mistakes they must have made, not being able to control their urges, etc. blame is immediately placed on them, never the method, never that God may have a different plan for their family. If a couple decides open to life means accepting children as they come they are criticized for being providential or quiverful and told they are ignoring the teaching about responsible parenthood. They are accused of being against NFP for any one for any reason always and forever. If a couple chooses to abstain that too is criticized as if that couple isn’t struggling enough to uphold that and uphold their marriage. They will be told about the marital debt by some and told about scruples by others and told about ABC by others. Those that offer advice about ABC are at least offering some sort of tangible help even if it is misguided. Not once have I had or talked to anyone else that has had an offer of help from the NFP professionals when things aren’t working. Instead we are given all kinds of grief. Even when I’ve asked her at CAF what is suggested for those like me, no suggestions are put forth. I accept it is God’s will and I would happily have 20 more kids if He has them for me, but what about those couples that can’t do that for whatever reason? What are they to do besides abstain? Some marriages cannot endure that. It doesn’t matter how much they intend to make it work. Some cannot endure without permanent damage. Many marriages will end. They turn to ABC because that is where the tangible support they need lies. They see compassion from others that have struggled. They get relief from their own troubles. And a beautiful Church teaching becomes the object of their hate. That is wrong. If truth was told to them from Day 1 and support given to help them accept whatever God has planned for them, especially if His plans don’t correspond with their own, I really don’t think nearly so many people would jump to artificial means or sterilization. I am not opposed to NFP. I know there are good instructors out there. I don’t despise them at all. I despise the fact that no matter what faithful Catholics opt to do we will be criticized by other Catholics. There is far more support from secular society than there is from our fellow church members. That’s is exactly what is driving so many people away from this teaching and many other teachings as well.

 

[jmjZelie]

You’ve exhausted every modern fertility awareness method and science there is and come to realise that you will never be able to use NFP at all. That puts you unfortunately in a very small catagory of women as far as my experience with Catholics adhering to Church teaching. That is definitely a Cross and you might need spiritual direction to endure it. But why does that make you so angry and bitter towards NFP practitioners in general? They didn’t cause your condition and in fact it seems like it presents somewhat of a mystery to some who are used to seeing at least tiny windows of opportunity in a cycle.

I think your resentment is aimed in the wrong direction. The service provided by practitioners is a great blessing for Catholic women regardless of how they promote or sell it. There are a lot of alternative practitioners if a woman doesn’t gel with the first one. If it comes to light that after consulting all possible sources, you aren’t able to do it, that is a trial unrelated to the manner of the practitioner. It comes across as if you are resentful of women that do NFP and want them to feel guilty and undeserving of this mercy from God. I’m quite sure the practicioners aren’t pressing you on your charts to call you a liar. What happens is that when a person is so forlorn or angry at their situation, others want very much to find a way to solve it. If there is some error in your charting, wouldn’t it have been great to have found that?! You have attributed negative judgement to people who I feel quite sure only wanted to help you solve this sad situation of permanent abstinence.

I haven’t read any bitterness in bitterhope’s posting. I wonder if perhaps you are reading bitterness into her comments, simply because of her username. I know that she is a faithful, devoted Catholic woman, who loves the beauty of the faith, and who always encourages others to take up their cross and embrace their opportunity to strive for holiness.

It is not a good idea to try to invalidate the experience of other people, though. And being so certain that bitterhope hasn’t experienced precisely what she says she has experienced falls into that category.

It is possible to be aware of the NFP option, but not able or willing to use it. For some or all of some marriages, the options remain either welcome the babies as quickly as God might send them, or abstain entirely until either another pregnancy could be accepted or until menopause. There are also very good reason to object to how NFP is marketed. Many people are told things that are simply not true or possible, with respect to the experience of using NFP, including any of the wrong statements shared by several CAF members in this thread.

I am one for whom NFP works well, but find that it causes several other personal problems, and so I don’t do any charting. Our natural family planning is simply to have a regular discussion about where we are in our family life and are we ready and willing to welcome another baby if God and nature should send us one. If we have some problems, like financial or lack of sleep or health, we address those with as much seriousness and earnestness as we can right away. Perpetual continence is not an option for me, and neither is charting. That doesn’t make me angry or resentful, either. Just realistic and trying to be proactive.

 

[bitterhope]

jmjzelie:

You bring up a good point about my name. My username is my actual given (Lakota) name in English form. It is also a name I gave to my youngest daughter, but hers is in Spanish instead of Lakota like mine. I have a different legal name, but my Indian name fits me well. Our Blessed Mother’s name also means bitter. Hope can at times taste bitter. My hope is in Our Lord above.

I’ve posted this a couple times before on here about my username but many probably never saw that. I don’t think anybody reads every post on CAF. When I was a little girl I hated my name. It sounded sad and repressed. My brother was Horse Against the Wind. That was the name I wanted. It was strong and proud. No matter what life threw at him he would overcome it. As I grew up I realized that his name was actually a sign of his struggles. A horse grows weary when always running toward the wind. He died of alcoholism when he was very young. Stubbornness often drags a soul down paths no one should enter. Me on the other hand placed my hope in the Hands of God. I bitterly cling to Jesus when life seems overwhelming. I beg Jesus to bitterly cling to my children as I cling to Him. I believe that sometimes names can be prophetic. Our names often suit us better than I like to admit. But I can see how others can misunderstand my name because for most of my life I didn’t understand mine either. Or my brother’s.

Maybe that will help prevent some misreading of future posts.

 

[LongingSoul]

I haven’t read any bitterness in bitterhope’s posting. I wonder if perhaps you are reading bitterness into her comments, simply because of her username. I know that she is a faithful, devoted Catholic woman, who loves the beauty of the faith, and who always encourages others to take up their cross and embrace their opportunity to strive for holiness.

It is not a good idea to try to invalidate the experience of other people, though. And being so certain that bitterhope hasn’t experienced precisely what she says she has experienced falls into that category.

It is possible to be aware of the NFP option, but not able or willing to use it. For some or all of some marriages, the options remain either welcome the babies as quickly as God might send them, or abstain entirely until either another pregnancy could be accepted or until menopause. There are also very good reason to object to how NFP is marketed. Many people are told things that are simply not true or possible, with respect to the experience of using NFP, including any of the wrong statements shared by several CAF members in this thread.

I am one for whom NFP works well, but find that it causes several other personal problems, and so I don’t do any charting. Our natural family planning is simply to have a regular discussion about where we are in our family life and are we ready and willing to welcome another baby if God and nature should send us one. If we have some problems, like financial or lack of sleep or health, we address those with as much seriousness and earnestness as we can right away. Perpetual continence is not an option for me, and neither is charting. That doesn’t make me angry or resentful, either. Just realistic and trying to be proactive.

I have a real problem with the condemnation of NFP practicioners and the whole NFP industry. I think as Catholics we should support it with gratitude regardless of its flaws. Back in the late 70’s early 80’s when my father was big into Knights, there was a global Knights campaigne against some of the well known pharmaceuticals companies for having purchased rights to fertility awareness prototypes and shelved them so they didn’t compete with the lucrative and burgeoning contraceptives market. That’s what fertility awareness science and research was up against.

It wasn’t until fertility awareness products became popular for the increasing problem of infertility in women and the need for aid in conceiving, that anyone was too interested in paying for the research. That was a good thing for the cause of NFP and the ‘products’ that are so helpful in NFP became part of demand for research into fertility awareness. That market is driven by American Catholics. They have the numbers and the money to pay for products which in turn create the demand that funds the research. The rest of us from smaller and poorer markets around the world are very grateful for the big American market that drives the advances. Anything to make life easier for Catholics especially those from the poor third world countries who have a greater understanding of suffering for Christ and the good of humankind without resentment and demonstrate a great example of the Catholic way.

Much of our angst is due to first world problems which while very real and significant for those suffering… could find purpose and comfort in ‘the bigger picture’.

 

[LongingSoul]

Exactly. I’m not advocating for a sackcloth-and-ashes approach, or for a sunshine-and-daisies one, either. I’m advocating for a balanced approach.

If I sold you a house and told you that it was in a good school district (true), that the roof was only a couple of years old (true), and that the drainage in that area was good (true) but neglected to mention that it was also infested with termites and would therefore require treatment and maintenance for related issues, that would be pretty unethical of me.

That analogy doesn’t work. Sure if someone has a history of endometriosis or something of the sort, it’s prudent to warn of future difficulties, but in a couple coming to learn, why should it be promoted as a trial and impossible for some? If I was selling a house that had a lot of good points and started saying but it could be possible that you get termites in the future and it’ll fall down around your ears… it’s not only bad business practice but not a good psychological practice either. Those types are generally proscribed as doomsayers and unhelpful to positive outcomes.

 

[bitterhope]

I have a real problem with the condemnation of NFP practicioners and the whole NFP industry. I think as Catholics we should support it with gratitude regardless of its flaws. Back in the late 70’s early 80’s when my father was big into Knights, there was a global Knights campaigne against some of the well known pharmaceuticals companies for having purchased rights to fertility awareness prototypes and shelved them so they didn’t compete with the lucrative and burgeoning contraceptives market. That’s what fertility awareness science and research was up against.

It wasn’t until fertility awareness products became popular for the increasing problem of infertility in women and the need for aid in conceiving, that anyone was too interested in paying for the research. That was a good thing for the cause of NFP and the ‘products’ that are so helpful in NFP became part of demand for research into fertility awareness. That market is driven by American Catholics. They have the numbers and the money to pay for products which in turn create the demand that funds the research. The rest of us from smaller and poorer markets around the world are very grateful for the big American market that drives the advances. Anything to make life easier for Catholics especially those from the poor third world countries who have a greater understanding of suffering for Christ and the good of humankind without resentment and demonstrate a great example of the Catholic way.

Much of our angst is due to first world problems which while very real and significant for those suffering… could find purpose and comfort in ‘the bigger picture’.

Have you tried listening to the problems people are having and working towards real solutions instead of blowing them off? Instead of dismissing the problems as made up or as an attack on the whole teaching of NFP out of spite, try actually seeing that many of us want others to follow that Church’s teaching on sexuality but the current system is instead turning people off. Change is needed. Not change in the Church teachings but change in the way the message is being sent. The Church has a beautiful message full of truth. Unfortunately the current system tries to hide a big chunk of that truth (it’s hard for some and impossible for some) and it discredits the entire message. People don’t trust people that hide things from them or misrepresent reality.

 

[LongingSoul]

I haven’t read any bitterness in bitterhope’s posting. I wonder if perhaps you are reading bitterness into her comments, simply because of her username. I know that she is a faithful, devoted Catholic woman, who loves the beauty of the faith, and who always encourages others to take up their cross and embrace their opportunity to strive for holiness.

It is not a good idea to try to invalidate the experience of other people, though. And being so certain that bitterhope hasn’t experienced precisely what she says she has experienced falls into that category.

I don’t invalidate her experience of NFP. I wonder why on determining the fundamental uselessness of the methods for her… there is still retrospective criticism and accusations? They didn’t cause her permanently fertile condition. It is out of the ordinary and the science hasn’t been able to explain it yet. I do reject that they said to her what she says they did because in her relating of my private message to her more than a year ago, she says I accused her of scrupulosity and mistrust. I can tell you with my hand on the bible that my PM was a genuinely felt care at her obvious distress at her situation. She read it as an attack and that tells me a lot.

 

[bitterhope]

I don’t invalidate her experience of NFP. I wonder why on determining the fundamental uselessness of the methods for her… there is still retrospective criticism and accusations? They didn’t cause her permanently fertile condition. It is out of the ordinary and the science hasn’t been able to explain it yet. I do reject that they said to her what she says they did because in her relating of my private message to her more than a year ago, she says I accused her of scrupulosity and mistrust. I can tell you with my hand on the bible that my PM was a genuinely felt care at her obvious distress at her situation. She read it as an attack and that tells me a lot.

Ok, maybe it was genuine care. Do you normally tell people it is scrupulous to abstain in cases that NFP doesn’t work? That might not be the best option going forward. You are not the only person. Others have related the same type of thing.

 

[LongingSoul]

Ok, maybe it was genuine care. Do you normally tell people it is scrupulous to abstain in cases that NFP doesn’t work? That might not be the best option going forward. You are not the only person. Others have related the same type of thing.

But what are you looking for by expressing your distress on a public board many times over? I’ve been trained by Catholic counselling trainers not to indulge the common victimhood modality that many people fall into, but to encourage attitudes and ideas aimed at finding the holy perseverance of the saints.

Did you want me to say poor little you, you have a right to your bitterness and resentment. I’m sorry. I don’t believe it will help you in the long run to constantly stoke that attitude

What do you want people to say to you? If you want ‘poor little bitterhope’ unfortunately I don’t believe that will help you resolve your pain. I will leave it at that and have learnt my lesson.

 

[bitterhope]

But what are you looking for by expressing your distress on a public board many times over? I’ve been trained by Catholic counselling trainers not to indulge the common victimhood modality that many people fall into, but to encourage attitudes and ideas aimed at finding the holy perseverance of the saints.

Did you want me to say poor little you, you have a right to your bitterness and resentment. I’m sorry. I don’t believe it will help you in the long run to constantly stoke that attitude

What do you want people to say to you? If you want ‘poor little bitterhope’ unfortunately I don’t believe that will help you resolve your pain. I will leave it at that and have learnt my lesson.

I don’t want you to solve my pain or whatever you think. That’s not your place. I’ve never asked for that. I will say the same thing I have said from the beginning. I’m very glad that NFP has worked well for you. I believe that is a sign of God’s will being aligned with your will. I had to learn to align my will for my life with God’s will for my life when it came to family size. Many others have that same issue in their life as well. NFP instructors should let people know up front that God is in control and if He’s got a baby up there for you, most likely He’s gonna send her and that is a big part of the beauty of NFP. It’s not a failure to have a baby. It’s not a mess up or a mistake. A baby should never be the source of embarrassment or guilt or heartache. Using NFP should go hand in hand with accepting whatever God wills for you in terms of family size. That is a reality that most instructors do not reveal. That is why so many people run from the teaching after unplanned babies #1, 2, 3… happen. They’ve never been told that part of living out Church teaching is learning to graciously receive gifts that we never intended to receive. Somehow infertile couples are reminded of God being in control of their fertility by NFP instructors as they struggle to conceive. The same openness should be shared with everyone. God is in control. 100% in control. People accept that when the pill, condom, sterilization, etc. still results in a baby, when using nothing results in a baby, even when rape results in a baby. When NFP results in a baby, instead of accepting that God was in control, couples are faulted for not controlling themselves or not following the rules of the method or a million other things. Where is God’s Hand in the whole thing? Is He not in control with NFP just as much? Instead of broadcasting the truth that God might have different plans than you do, the 98% effective for avoiding pregnancy is the selling point. When a person finds out they are in that 2% they are totally unprepared. Honestly prepare people to accept whatever God has in store for them. Don’t guilt trip them for it. Don’t tell them they did something wrong. Don’t put blame on their spouses. Help them see the beauty of adding another life into their homes even under less than ideal conditions. Truth is what our Church was founded upon. Don’t hide or even partially cover the truth from people or they may begin look elsewhere for answers. Earn their trust and they will continue to follow down the hardest roads. Life is beautiful even when it’s messy.

 

[CRATUS]

Here’s my adjusted answer to the OPs question.

People don’t follow Church teaching on contraception and sterilization because they are human. We are all sinners in some regard. We all have that one thing we have trouble with. We all struggle in different ways and we often have trouble relating to others’ struggles.

Sometimes we tell ourself it isn’t a sin. Sometimes we tell ourself it isn’t THAT bad or that everyone else is doing it so why can’t I. I mean this is regard to essentially every sin, not just this particular issue.

That’s the answer. We are sinners.

Perfect answer.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

NFP isn’t very merciful when every time a couple has an issue with it they are ridiculed and told it’s their fault it’s not doing what people are told it is supposed to do. That’s the harm in pushing it as a fool proof form of birth control (96%-99.99999% effective?) instead of a way of living a life rooted in the will of God.

I have read your posts. I want to express my sympathy for what you have had to deal with. Our experience is very similar to yours. I have shared your posts with my wife and we have discussed this at length the last couple days. Not only that but in a while, I will show this entire thread to our friends who are the only NFP instructors in our diocese. NFP will never be what it should as long as they keep focusing on numbers and selling it as something that works for or even should be used by most. Until then they will continue with the mindset that if it does not work for you then it is your fault. Because to admit anything else would be to admit failure. Notice that this subject gets personal and emotional when challenged because it is not really logical theology at this point. UNIVERSAL NFP is the goal and that will not happen. In our diocese NFP is used by the stay at home mom crowd or the TTC crowd but beyond that, it is a real struggle for the rest of us. And those who point fingers and tell you it is your fault and you are not right if it is not the bestest most wonderful thing ever are really just trying to sell you a used car…

Again, your story rings true to me and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[SusanneT]

Sadly couples ignore Church teaching because firstly it can be difficult and challenging and secondly because there is so much pressure to see sex inside (and sadly outside) of marriage as a right, not a privilege and in purely secular terms.

Even in Catholic circles the ‘unitive’ purpose has been given increasing prominence over the ‘procreative’ purpose of marital intimacy and even NFP is promoted as a way of living the secular - sex centred - dream without actually breaking the rules, not as an option which leaves fertility in God’s hands to be used in response to serious need, discerned in prayer.

I’m afraid this is what happens when the Church bends it’s teachings to make itself more attractive to a largely secular audience.