Why do people find it hard to forgive the faults and weaknesses of others?

[CRATUS]

Gees. Why are some people judgmental? It is easy to say they are bad people. Why do some people struggle to forgive the weaknesses and faults of other people? Why are some people bitter, judgmental, etc? I wonder about the Pharisees, of course they were the ones that Jesus chastised the most. Why are they that way?

 

[AKDee]

I can only opine that it comes naturally to us. Far less natural is it for us to examine ourselves only and to choose not to judge others. But that’s what we’re instructed to do by our Lord. But even the most dedicated follower of Christ can fall into the trap of judging others. When I catch myself doing it, I remember the saying “There but for the Grace of God go I” and try to remember that I’m not perfect and to stop judging others.

 

[CRATUS]

Some people simply do not judge, not in their nature.

 

[CRATUS]

I can only opine that it comes naturally to us. Far less natural is it for us to examine ourselves only and to choose not to judge others. But that’s what we’re instructed to do by our Lord. But even the most dedicated follower of Christ can fall into the trap of judging others. When I catch myself doing it, I remember the saying “There but for the Grace of God go I” and try to remember that I’m not perfect and to stop judging others.

Why does God want us to not judge others? Please don’t give a cliche answer. I have heard it all before.

 

[Memaw]

Why does God want us to not judge others? Please don’t give a cliche answer. I have heard it all before.

God does not want us to judge the person, that’s His job, but He does want us to judge the actions, if they are right or wrong, so we can avoid them ourselves or possibly help others out of them. God Bless, Memaw

 

[pianistclare]

Why does God want us to not judge others? Please don’t give a cliche answer. I have heard it all before.

What’s your idea of a cliché answer?

 

[Irishmom2]

What’s your idea of a cliché answer?

Matthew 7:1-6?

 

[CRATUS]

What’s your idea of a cliché answer?

How judgmental people are the worse in God’s eyes. Jesus was the harsher on them. Blah, Blah, Blah. Do not get me wrong, judgment is bad. I do not think it is the worse or only sin.

 

[pianistclare]

How judgmental people are the worse in God’s eyes. Jesus was the harsher on them. Blah, Blah, Blah. Do not get me wrong, judgment is bad. I do not think it is the worse or only sin.

Reading verses out of context will only confuse you. Hypocrisy is real.
There’s no blah blah blah in my copy of the Bible.
Where did you find this?

 

[CRATUS]

Reading verses out of context will only confuse you. Hypocrisy is real.
There’s no blah blah blah in my copy of the Bible.
Where did you find this?

Lol. I hear the whole judgmental are the worse type of Christians things often. It makes it difficult to recognize those same tendencies in yourself? Who wants to believe they can sometimes to be judgmental? It seems once you have made that mistake, you have utterly failed.

 

[agnes_therese]

Do not get me wrong, judgment is bad. I do not think it is the worse or only sin.

You’re right, it’s not. I don’t recall anyone seriously claiming that it is (but that doesn’t prove no one has, of course).

 

[Dorothy]

One should pray for the grace to forgive. That should be the first thing to do! Then forgive from your heart and be aware that good feelings do not have to accompany the forgiveness. We can just make an act of the will, knowing it is God’s will that we forgive.

If resentment comes back, then do the same thing over again. The Lord will strengthen us to do his will.

 

[PulvisEtCinis]

Well, I would think that people find it hard to forgive the faults and weaknesses of others because they are full of faults and weaknesses as well, one of them being Pride which has an ugly way of blinding one to one’s own faults and at the same time highlighting the perceived evils of other people and leading, so often, to rash judgment and hypocrisy.

How judgmental people are the worse in God’s eyes. Jesus was the harsher on them. Blah, Blah, Blah. Do not get me wrong, judgment is bad. I do not think it is the worse or only sin.

The reason that ‘being judgmental’ and ‘hypocrisy’ are condemned so harshly, is because they are a very ugly manifestation of Pride; the ‘Queen of all Vices’

As another poster said above, God does not want us to judge the person (e.i. their eternal destination or their subjective guilt) because we cannot read their hearts. This is God’s job, because God can read their hearts and He is their judge. What he wants us to avoid is rash judgment; judging matters we do not have sufficient evidence for, judging matters outside of our authority or judging hypocritically when we are guilty of the very same things or worse even (Hence, “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5)

We can, and indeed must, judge actions to determine such and such an action to be wrong objectively and correct our brothers and sisters in charity. We must also judge matters with prudence and justice for the good of our neighbor (and ourselves); if we see a man walking into a bank with a weapon and wearing a mask, it would not be rash judgment to conclude that such a person intends to rob the bank, rather it would be a prudential judgment. But to conclude that a person is evil or guilty of certain sins on slight evidence, or because we don’t like them, would be rash judgment (and possibly a mortal sin). And, like was said above, we can never judge the final fate of someone, because we do not have the authority, the right, or the information to make such a judgment.

St. Thomas Aquinas on Judgment

 

[chevalier]

Some faults are similar to one’s own, and that’s complicated.

Some people have a history with some particular faults and weaknesses in their family, friends etc., that’s also complicated.

 

[ChurchSoldier]

Matthew 7:1-6?

And Luke 6:41

 

[ChurchSoldier]

How judgmental people are the worse in God’s eyes. Jesus was the harsher on them. Blah, Blah, Blah. Do not get me wrong, judgment is bad. I do not think it is the worse or only sin.

The issue is not the degree to which judgement is a sin, but that it often is used as a tool to keep us from acknowledging or working to resolve our own sin.

 

[josh987654321]

Gees. Why are some people judgmental? It is easy to say they are bad people. Why do some people struggle to forgive the weaknesses and faults of other people? Why are some people bitter, judgmental, etc? I wonder about the Pharisees, of course they were the ones that Jesus chastised the most. Why are they that way?

I believe those who lack mercy are blind. They are blind to their own sins and do not realize that at the end of their lives they will be alone and naked before God and have nothing to defend themselves with accept God’s love and mercy.
The Gospel of Matthew:

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

I believe we must pray for those people who see mercy as a weakness, because the real irony here is that in reality it’s the other way around, mercy is strength, because the weak are not capable of it.

I believe anyone who sees mercy as a weakness, speaks volumes, as one cannot love without being merciful, those void of mercy are also void of love.

Jesus to St. Faustina -

"My Heart rejoices in this title of Mercy. Proclaim that mercy is the greatest attribute of God. All the works of My hands are crowned with mercy" (Diary, 300-301).

I hope this has helped.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[minkymurph]

Gees. Why are some people judgmental? It is easy to say they are bad people. Why do some people struggle to forgive the weaknesses and faults of other people? Why are some people bitter, judgmental, etc? I wonder about the Pharisees, of course they were the ones that Jesus chastised the most. Why are they that way?

I think it depends to what extent the faults and weaknesses of others impact on the individual. The more harm caused the more difficult it is to forgive.

In the case of more minor faults and weaknesses, I have a theory (and it is only a theory) it to compensate for their own discontent with themselves. People who are confident and feel good about themselves tend to be less judgmental of others.

I would also say judgmental attitudes are common in ‘bully cultures.’ To explain, judgmental attitudes are prevalent in oppressive and controlling environments. Often those who are weak’ attach themselves to bullies and follow their lead as a defense mechanism. Bullying others through being judgmental redirects the heat away from those who want to stay below the radar.

On the topic of the Pharisees, Jesus was a ‘truth teller’ and ‘truth tellers’ can be unpopular as won’t sacrifice either themselves or their principles to maintain a superficial facade. Those who hide beneath a superficial veneer don’t want their veil torn away.

Lastly I would say it is about power. We all enjoy a bit of power from time to time but humans often manage power badly. Putting others down and being judgmental is a means of maintaining a degree of power through making others feel bad about themselves. I had a boss who was a real bully and always putting others down. We concluded it was because he was actually a weak individual with an inferiority complex and a very domineering wife. Thus, he took it out on us.

 

[GratefulFred]

Pulvis at #13 above has an excellent answer, IMO.

It is impossible to not be somewhat aware of how others behave in word and act. Yet we have to realize we cannot be fully aware of what causes them to so behave. To the degree we are aware, we then decide how we will respond.

Most of us will not let our kids hang with those who do drugs, for just one example. Hopefully we would explain why to our kids.

But the OP’s question is “hard to forgive faults and weaknesses in others.” Most faults and weaknesses are not criminal. Most are no more than irritating. Many are just the way someone does things compared to the way we would.

I try to keep in mind three things. 1) None of us is perfect. I too have my F&Ws and I expect a certain degree of tolerance from others. No one likes to be constantly nagged. So, fair play requires me to extend the same courtesy. Yet ,when I go too far, I should be called on it as gently and privately as possible. We all remember the grading system in school: A,B,C,D,F. And we all disliked the A student dissing the C student. What is so easy for one may be hard for another.

1. While we seldom admit it, we often find life a challenge. It does take considerable effort to get it together and keep it together. And we resent anyone who seems to be making our personal life harder because of how they act. I expect everyone else to be as good as me or better so they can help me. But I should not be expected to help them if I am better. Again, reading it we can see that we are using a double standard which lacks Honor.
2. We forget the 2 greatest Commandments: Love God. And love others for the love of God. Love requires us to be tolerant of small transgressions. Love requires us to inspire others to maintain standards - to grow into a better performer. Love very seldom requires us to admonish others, but if necessary, love requires us to do it gently and privately. Love certainly requires us to maintain each others dignity so gossip cannot be part of our daily discussions.

What I believe would be a mortal sin is saying to another, or to others about him ,things like “G - D you!” Or “Go to H !” These are clearly judgmental statements about one’s soul and eternity that are God’s only to make. We must never forget “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

When we keep such positive thoughts Love and Honorable fair play in our mind, it becomes much easier to tolerate and forgive the faults and weaknesses of others.

Do I practice what I preach? I try. The Sacrament of Reconciliation helps.

 

[PulvisEtCinis]

1. While we seldom admit it, we often find life a challenge. It does take considerable effort to get it together and keep it together. And we resent anyone who seems to be making our personal life harder because of how they act. I expect everyone else to be as good as me or better so they can help me. But I should not be expected to help them if I am better. Again, reading it we can see that we are using a double standard which lacks Honor.
2. We forget the 2 greatest Commandments: Love God. And love others for the love of God. Love requires us to be tolerant of small transgressions. Love requires us to inspire others to maintain standards - to grow into a better performer. Love very seldom requires us to admonish others, but if necessary, love requires us to do it gently and privately. Love certainly requires us to maintain each others dignity so gossip cannot be part of our daily discussions.

Excellent points!

It is very easy to allow the weaknesses of others to get to us, especially if we do not have (or at least, do not perceive that we have) those same weaknesses. The more frustrated we become, the harder it is to not be judgmental. In addition, the more we exalt our abilities or our ‘holiness’ through Pride, the harder it is to see that we are just poor sinners ourselves in dire need of mercy. We forget the Law of Christ, the Golden Rule, and as you pointed out the 2 greatest commandments; we forget love and turn to condemnation, detraction and gossip.

I am reminded of a quote from St. Augustine that I think fits in with the topic at hand pretty well.

“Now this is the law of Christ, that we carry one another’s burdens mutually. When we love Christ, it is easy to put up with the weakness of others, even when we do not yet love them for their good qualities.” -Eighty-three Diverse Questions 71, 7

What I believe would be a mortal sin is saying to another, or to others about him ,things like “G - D you!” Or “Go to H !” These are clearly judgmental statements about one’s soul and eternity that are God’s only to make. We must never forget “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Indeed, those would be grave matter. It also becomes grave matter if it is an actual rash judgment (a firm belief -without sufficient evidence- rather than mere suspicion) and if it is regarding grave matter. And of course, if the other conditions (sufficient reflection and consent of the will) are present it becomes a Mortal sin. And it further becomes worse if an actual condemnation comes from such a judgment based on suspicion.

It is also important to remember that to commit rash judgment we do not even have to have an overt opinion or statement; we can commit rash judgment through an internal and even implicit belief of someone’s guilt without solid foundation for that belief. As the catechism puts it:

*2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury.278 He becomes guilty:

• of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
• of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;279
• of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.*

This is something I have recently discovered that I have done many, many times in the past. I mean, how often do we jump to conclusions about people rather than giving the benefit of the doubt? It is easy to condemn others in our hearts, and forget mercy. We must constantly remember to humble ourselves and put away Pride in all of its manifestations.

Do I practice what I preach? I try. The Sacrament of Reconciliation helps.

Indeed it does. Thanks be to God for the Sacrament of Reconciliation!