Why do people just give themselves away like its no big deal?

[AggieCatholic22]

i am a sophomore in college, and i go to blinn college and the campus i go to is one of the branches but anyway it is in a bigger town and anyway i was in class today and we were discussing " safe sex" and one guy was like yeah gotta use those condoms i mean look at me i am 30 and havent gotten any diseases…i know he has had sex because he openly said it in class one day anyway, just wondering why people think having premarital sex is no big deal…just curious

 

[teachccd]

Because they have yet to know the beauty of saving that intimacy for the one that you will love for life. I did and next summer I will be married for 30 years. I am so sad for those who will never have what I have. Pre-marital sex can never supply the union of the soul that can only come from the marriage bed. Sorry but if there are those of you out there who disagree then I am sorry for you as well…And, by the way, I am a male…

 

[Daniel_David]

i am a sophomore in college, and i go to blinn college and the campus i go to is one of the branches but anyway it is in a bigger town and anyway i was in class today and we were discussing " safe sex" and one guy was like yeah gotta use those condoms i mean look at me i am 30 and havent gotten any diseases…i know he has had sex because he openly said it in class one day anyway, just wondering why people think having premarital sex is no big deal…just curious

As a behavioural response, I would say it is because humans are all about seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. Also, the idea of “immediate gratification” and people’s sense that they deserve to have what they want, when they want it. I’m just giving my 2 cents. I understand that it is a much deeper subject than what I made it out to be.

 

[AggieCatholic22]

makes sense though i just dont see what people think they prove by that…premarital sex has so many consequences…

 

[JackVk]

makes sense though i just dont see what people think they prove by that…premarital sex has so many consequences…

Aggie, there are a lot of people in college who think they know everything, but are idiots deep down. You just have to be thick-skinned and forgive their ignorance. Pray for them.

 

[David2010]

I also think that one aspect of it is that some people give in to their impulses too easily. One message that almost every religion or moral philosophy teaches is that self-discipline is to be practiced. Animals react to their needs: they eat when they get hungry, they have sex when the urge hits them, they sleep otherwise, they go to the bathroom whenever/wherever they want, etc. We are not animals and should not behave like them; our goals should be more lofty. We know if we don’t give in to frivolous sexual urges, we don’t have to worry so much about STDs, we don’t have to worry about bumping into a mistress at the super market, or having your kids bump into a half-brother at pre-school. We do our homework because we know, if we do, we are more likely to graduate from school. We know if we save our money, we will have enough to buy a house or pay for our education. People with self-discipline tend to get further ahead in life.

Like Aristotle said, Character is formed by habit. Character traits tend to get reflected in all a person’s habits.

Don’t bounce through life like a pinball; practice your self-discipline, set some good goals, and a good path for getting there, and maintain your self-discipline for achieving results.

Remember: we are not animals, who simply react to urges. We are children of God and should set high standards for ourselves.

 

[ManOnFire]

i am a sophomore in college, and i go to blinn college and the campus i go to is one of the branches but anyway it is in a bigger town and anyway i was in class today and we were discussing " safe sex" and one guy was like yeah gotta use those condoms i mean look at me i am 30 and havent gotten any diseases…i know he has had sex because he openly said it in class one day anyway, just wondering why people think having premarital sex is no big deal…just curious

You see, the Regressives (I can’t call them Progressives) and the media saw the baby boom and asked how the earth could sustain a long term burgeoning population growth. So, their solution was to start removing true love, the Church, and romanticism from TV, music and movies (popular culture) in the mid 80s, and replacing it with lewd sex and drugs, and a belief in the fairy tale of little green men in spaceships. (Personally, I think they tried to introduce the bad girl persona with Olivia Newton-John’s character in Grease in the 70s, but it backfired because she ended up to be too damned adorable. So they invented “Madonna” [what a slap in the face] to start out with a peppy innocent persona, only to attempt to kill romanticism and degrade women into informal prostitution via the song Material Girl. It worked this time. Just think of the romantic love relationships that were ruined because of the shallow message of this one hit song. And it’s been a cheap slide into the shallow amusements of lewd sex and drugs since.). They must have read John Allen’s book, “As A Man Thinketh.” It was a simpole book that basically said that people become the sum of their experiences. If they are surrounded by lewd sex and drugs in the pop culture, they will be reduced into simpletons who will shed true love’s covenant in favor of the instant gratification of lewd sex and drugs. It worked. Too many men are led into shallowness by pop culture’s hotties, and we keep buying more, funding our continued shallowness and sadness. They see the misunderstanding between the genders and the promotion of homosexuality as a good thing because they believe they are saving the planet via abortion and lower birth rates. A population that has been reduced into the pursuit of lewd sex and drugs is easier to control. The effect is the exact opposite of freedom, strength for sacrificial love of others, resourcefulness, love of God and country, true independence, etc.

Or, I could be wrong. Maybe they just reduced this great nation for the easy money.

 

[spunjalebi]

The problem is values aren’t taught from an early age at home, from parents or trusted adults who are positive and healthy role models. I find it very funny, fascinating, and strange that parents have no qualms about teaching their 14-15 year olds to get behind a large machine which requires a high amount of self-discipline and awareness to control, but when it comes to talking about sex, relationships, love, morals, etc. they wet their pants. Why aren’t parents following what instructions of the Bible and teaching younger people about the real important things in life? Who cares about learning how to operate the darn cable remote, the PS3, or the lawn mower. Those things don’t get young people impregnated before wedlock.

Parents need to teach their children about the value of one’s chastity and body before a child is a teenager. Children who are 9-12 aren’t stupid, and they certainly pick up on things about human sexuality. I remember an elementary school I attended shared the same building with high schoolers and there were certain things which happened that we at the tender ages of 10-12 witnessed. Teens would be openly making out in the same hallway our lockers were, I remember a couple were talking in the lunch line about the possibility that the girl might be pregnant, and one of the boys from my class found a condom on the grounds of the school

People give them selves away because they have been taught one of the following:

1. That they should be giving them selves away because it is encourages, and you are a supposed “loser” for preserving your chastity and virginity;
2. They don’t know that they have value or have been taught that are of no value;
3. They don’t understand the importance of the value, and due to mixed messages, lack of information, insight, guidance, etc., they make a hasty decision to give them selves away, but it might be a confusing experience. I think many people fall into this category.

We can blame society and culture at large about this phenomenon but the truth is the bulk of the responsibility falls on parents. Why else would there be a thread about what we wished our parents taught us about sex??

 

[Cracker_Mom]

Aggie, there are a lot of people in college who think they know everything, but are idiots deep down. You just have to be thick-skinned and forgive their ignorance. Pray for them.

They also presume they’re carrying no diseases (STD’s) but are ignorant in this respect as well. Some STD’s can be asymptomatic in men but still transmissable.

 

[AntiTheist]

just wondering why people think having premarital sex is no big deal…just curious

Because, generally speaking, it isn’t.

There’s this strange false dichotomy promulgated here and elsewhere that makes it seem as if either a person is perfectly celibate and waiting for marriage or that person is a complete whore or manwhore with no self-control whatsoever.

It’s just not that simple.

Humans are sexual beings, so it’s not surprising that sex is a big part of the lives of many people. The sex drive is going to manifest itself in lots of different ways. Some people are most satisfied by a single committed relationship; others take a long time to find “the right one” and consider sexual compatibility to be an important part of a healthy relationship, so it’s not terribly surprising that they will want to test that sexual compatibility; others are most satisfied by different kinds of sexual relationships altogether, including “open” relationships or non-monogamous relationships.

A person is perfectly capable of having long-lasting and meaningful sexual relationships outside of marriage, just as a person is equally capable of having short-lasting sexual relationships whose level of meaningfulness may vary.

To put it bluntly, when you hear a 30 year-old man making comments that suggest that – oh heavens! – he’s had sex at some point in his life, it’s more than a little bit of an overreaction to lament the state of the world.

 

[spunjalebi]

Humans are sexual beings, so it’s not surprising that sex is a big part of the lives of many people. The sex drive is going to manifest itself in lots of different ways. Some people are most satisfied by a single committed relationship; others take a long time to find “the right one” and consider sexual compatibility to be an important part of a healthy relationship, so it’s not terribly surprising that they will want to test that sexual compatibility; others are most satisfied by different kinds of sexual relationships altogether, including “open” relationships or non-monogamous relationships.

That may be fine and dandy but as Christians, that is not acceptable. Sexual compatibility is quite the overrated concept, when you consider the various aspects of life which change people’s “compatibilities,” such as hormonal changes, stress, children, etc.

 

[Newbie2]

Because, generally speaking, it isn’t.

There’s this strange false dichotomy promulgated here and elsewhere that makes it seem as if either a person is perfectly celibate and waiting for marriage or that person is a complete whore or manwhore with no self-control whatsoever.

It’s just not that simple.

Humans are sexual beings, so it’s not surprising that sex is a big part of the lives of many people. The sex drive is going to manifest itself in lots of different ways. Some people are most satisfied by a single committed relationship; others take a long time to find “the right one” and consider sexual compatibility to be an important part of a healthy relationship, so it’s not terribly surprising that they will want to test that sexual compatibility; others are most satisfied by different kinds of sexual relationships altogether, including “open” relationships or non-monogamous relationships.

A person is perfectly capable of having long-lasting and meaningful sexual relationships outside of marriage, just as a person is equally capable of having short-lasting sexual relationships whose level of meaningfulness may vary.

To put it bluntly, when you hear a 30 year-old man making comments that suggest that – oh heavens! – he’s had sex at some point in his life, it’s more than a little bit of an overreaction to lament the state of the world.

“Overreaction”? I beg to differ.

What is “meaningful”? A “satisfying” experience? A relationship where nobody gets hurt? Or simply the pleasure in getting one’s rocks off?

 

[vera_dicere]

When I was in uni, one of the girls in my hostel was informing us all of when she lost her virgnity, her statement was: “I was so relieved, thank God that’s over! Is what I said!”

She was releived she was no longer pure. She then recounted how she crosses the road if she sees her first in the street, avoiding him with embarrassement.

Both her parents were liberal, pro-abortion doctors, who obviously raised her with no concept of self-respect or purity. There are people out there, lots and lots, who just don’t know what sexuality is all about. They have a secular, selfish concept of it, and they will curse anyone who opposes that or tries to inform them of the truth.

I’ve met people who think educating children as to abstience and purity is sick and archaic, but what’s a better gift to give your children? A self respect that ensure the gift of their sexuality is only shared with their spouse? Or an education of sorts that leads them into bed, after bed after bed of others? A life risking disease and unplanned pregnancy? A life of regret and heart break? A life of ex-partners, not all of them stable of mind?

The correct place for sex is within the confines of a stable and faithful marriage. You only have to look around the mess teh secular world is in to see that.

All i can recommend is live your life as a testament to God’s natural law. People at my work are of a secular mind and they often have heartache and confusion caused by premartial sex, they ask my advice, and I give it, someone accused me of being a virgin [as an insult!] and I confirmed it, and why wouldn’t I, I said, I’m not ashamed, I’m disease free, have no children being tormented by broken homes, and I don’t have any nasty skeletons rattling in my closet.

 

[AntiTheist]

That may be fine and dandy but as Christians, that is not acceptable.

Well, ok, but the OP wasn’t commenting on a gentleman who was expressing his view as a Christian in a church; he was judging some guy whose life he knows nothing about.

Sexual compatibility is quite the overrated concept, when you consider the various aspects of life which change people’s “compatibilities,” such as hormonal changes, stress, children, etc.

Well, I certainly agree that a couple has to be compatible in other ways as well if they want a long term relationship. But sexual compatibility is pretty darned important to a lot of people, and I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss it. Sure, various changes happen to people as they get older, but changes will affect all areas of compatibility, so there’s no reason to single out sexual compatibility as less important simply for that reason.

Newbie2:

What is “meaningful”? A “satisfying” experience? A relationship where nobody gets hurt? Or simply the pleasure in getting one’s rocks off?

By “meaningful,” I had in mind a loving, caring relationship that is enriching and uplifting to the lives of both members. It’s very possible to have such a sexual relationship without being married, obviously.

But as I said, there are varying degrees of meaningful – there are plenty of people who are ok with relationships that are just “ok,” and there are others who are content to just have a little bit of pleasure and move on. Some of these people eventually move on to more stable relationships, and others just aren’t comfortable with more stable relationships.

Vera:

They have a secular, selfish concept of [sex]

See, this is what I was talking about. You think that any view of sexuality that is not informed by your supernatural beliefs must be, by necessity, “selfish.” It’s just not the case. Plenty of non-religious people have very fulfilling long-term relationships. You are creating a false dichotomy.

 

[AggieCatholic22]

When I was in uni, one of the girls in my hostel was informing us all of when she lost her virgnity, her statement was: “I was so relieved, thank God that’s over! Is what I said!”

She was releived she was no longer pure. She then recounted how she crosses the road if she sees her first in the street, avoiding him with embarrassement.

Both her parents were liberal, pro-abortion doctors, who obviously raised her with no concept of self-respect or purity. There are people out there, lots and lots, who just don’t know what sexuality is all about. They have a secular, selfish concept of it, and they will curse anyone who opposes that or tries to inform them of the truth.

I’ve met people who think educating children as to abstience and purity is sick and archaic, but what’s a better gift to give your children? A self respect that ensure the gift of their sexuality is only shared with their spouse? Or an education of sorts that leads them into bed, after bed after bed of others? A life risking disease and unplanned pregnancy? A life of regret and heart break? A life of ex-partners, not all of them stable of mind?

The correct place for sex is within the confines of a stable and faithful marriage. You only have to look around the mess teh secular world is in to see that.

All i can recommend is live your life as a testament to God’s natural law. People at my work are of a secular mind and they often have heartache and confusion caused by premartial sex, they ask my advice, and I give it, someone accused me of being a virgin [as an insult!] and I confirmed it, and why wouldn’t I, I said, I’m not ashamed, I’m disease free, have no children being tormented by broken homes, and I don’t have any nasty skeletons rattling in my closet.

yepp, there was a girl like that in my high school that i graduated with that practically was yelling it around school that her and her boyfriend had sex…and i am a virgin too and i am not ashamed of it at all…and i agree with you…well said!

 

[mcteague]

Like any sailor I to long for comfort of my own harbor. Surrounded by those I love, and sharing the intimacy that only comes from a union based on love and commitment. But the seas of life are often tumultuous. So as we say, any port in a storm

 

[spunjalebi]

The OP is actually more frustrated with the cavalier attitude toward sex. When people go around acting like it’s not a big deal to share their bodies with other people on multiple occasions, yes it’s going to be quite frustrating.

You know, I recently became acquainted with another person who is around my age. She and I had a great talk about relationships and sex, and while she didn’t wait until marriage to have sex, she stressed to me that that kind of sharing of your body was very special and important to her, that she couldn’t fathom the idea of sharing your body with everyone you had a relationship with. She wasn’t religious either, but she too was shocked at the attitudes toward sex and relationships. As if it was something you could just “try” and then dispose of after you were done.

 

[ManOnFire]

Since more people are being tempted away from true love and into instant gratification, maybe we should just give people the option to have electrodes implanted into the pleasure centers of their brains like the famous lab rat experiment. For those not familiar, electrodes were implanted into the pleasure centers of the brains of rats. A “pleasure button” was placed in the rat’s cage, where, when the rat pressed the button, the electrode would stimulate extreme pleasure for the rat to feel. They had it rigged where, if the rat wanted pleasure too often, a negative stimulus was given once the prescribed “greedy” threshold was crossed. We could just skip the greedy threshold for humans since many would just bypass the threshold by finding other ways to have a few moments of casual ecstasy anyway. They could have the electrodes implanted in their brains and we could place the pleasure button on their belts. Then, they could walk around and push the pleasure button as often as they liked. It would save the public the medical costs of STD treatment and abortions and innocence would be preserved because public lewdness would no longer be necessary, thanks to this ultimate device for those who will seek instant gratification no matter how hard others try to save them.

 

[AggieCatholic22]

The OP is actually more frustrated with the cavalier attitude toward sex. When people go around acting like it’s not a big deal to share their bodies with other people on multiple occasions, yes it’s going to be quite frustrating.

You know, I recently became acquainted with another person who is around my age. She and I had a great talk about relationships and sex, and while she didn’t wait until marriage to have sex, she stressed to me that that kind of sharing of your body was very special and important to her, that she couldn’t fathom the idea of sharing your body with everyone you had a relationship with. She wasn’t religious either, but she too was shocked at the attitudes toward sex and relationships. As if it was something you could just “try” and then dispose of after you were done.

yeah its said that people think that way about sex, and really in all reality premartial sex doesn’t prove anything just that you sinned…here is my theory…if you dont want a kid, and dont want to worry about STDs, and you are not able to provide for a family, then you should probably not have sex…and one thing i learned from my mom, when you go shopping for furniture, dont you want a new piece one thats shinny, and has no flaws?, rather than one thats cracked and falling apart? when you get married dont you want to walk down the isle knowing that you have saved yourself for your husband, and not to lying to him?..idk thats what i think about all this…and i didnt know this either a priest told my sister and her husband during there marriage prep that if you have had sex before marriage( consent of course) that you should not wear a white wedding dress at your wedding…has anyone heard that before?

 

[AntiTheist]

when you go shopping for furniture, dont you want a new piece one thats shinny, and has no flaws?, rather than one thats cracked and falling apart?

Your metaphor implies that having sex makes a person flawed and, essentially, “breaks” that person. I strongly disagree. What you’re saying is no different than the old Victorian notion that sex “ruins” a woman for the marriage market.
I mean, by all means save yourself for your wedding night if you want – I could care less what you do – but claiming that sex “breaks” a person in the same way that furniture can “break” and become essentially useless is entirely off-base.

if you have had sex before marriage( consent of course) that you should not wear a white wedding dress at your wedding…has anyone heard that before?

Certainly. “White” supposedly symbolizes purity. And the “maids” of honor are supposed to be virgins also. That’s what “maid” means.
No one really abides by those guidelines, any more, but it makes for some funny jokes on TV.