Why do people marry outside their culture?

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I don’t disagree with you. I guess it was a combination of the subject “What I married an Asian” plus the mention of “traditional values”. Reading the thread, it seems like the appropriate subject heading would possibly have been, “What’s it like being married to somebody from a different religious or cultural background?”

People marry individuals. You don’t marry somebody because that person is a member of a particular ethnic group. Of course, some people are particularly attracted to a certain kind of appearance or are particularly interested in a culture, and that could influence their choice of somebody to marry. It’s also only natural that people would want to marry somebody who shares their values. But it has to be about an individual. Put it this way:

“Why I married a Swede”: I wanted to marry a blonde woman who enjoys dark crime thrillers and shares my progressive political views, so I narrowed my search to Swedes. Alternatively:

“Why I married my wife”: I’ve always been really attracted to blonde women, and my wife is very blonde, which was the first thing I noticed about her. When we got talking, we discovered that we shared a love of Scandinavian crime fiction, and we both said our favorite author was Henning Mankell. I thought it was wonderful when she told me she drives an electric car and shares her home with a family of Syrian refugees.
 
ontheway1 said:
What prompted these men to marry otuside of the church or even Christianity?
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Every one of us has a deal killer when it comes to selecting a person to be our spouse. For some people it is habits, like they will never pursue a relationship with a smoker. For someone else it might be political party.

For some people, that they share the same faith is the number one criteria, they consider that the most important thing in a potential spouse. For these 5 men you know, faith was not their number one criteria.
 
Like aroosi said, Catholics are people and people are not uniform in the way they act or think or with whom they fall in love. Some Catholics may fall in love with non-Catholics (I struggle to see why it’s the business of the Church) and marry them. That’s not a problem. I realize one rebuttal may be “But what about the children” but there are many people whose parents were both Catholic and who converted or left later on in life. There’s no guarantee two Catholic parents will have a Catholic son/daughter
 
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I know a woman who married an Asian man. I don’t think Asians necessarily have any values/qualities that Americans don’t posess. Many of the Filipino women I personally know are very materialistic and very much into shopping and having to have this or that new gadget.
 
jzea1992 said:
I know a woman who married an Asian man. I don’t think Asians necessarily have any values/qualities that Americans don’t posess. Many of the Filipino women I personally know are very materialistic and very much into shopping and having to have this or that new gadget.
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I agree with this as well. In fact, my original question about Catholic men marrying non-Catholic, women of various backgrounds must have had a serious flaw in it. I just happened to know of these six examples and I was looking for a possible pattern on which generalizations could be made. Big mistake! One can’t generalize about personal things like love and marriage.
But one good thing did come out of this discussion. I will get into trouble again but the “tea leaves” are revealing that Catholicism, the faith and tradition don’t matter at all when it comes to life. 😔
 
ontheway1 said:
I will get into trouble again but the “tea leaves” are revealing that Catholicism, the faith and tradition don’t matter at all when it comes to life. 😔
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How in the world did you come to this conclusion? Again it matters to the person. Just because I married an Asian who is not Catholic. Doesn’t mean that Catholicism doesn’t matter to either of us. It matters deeply in my family.

My own husband who is not Catholic attended a Catholic convent school as a child. The only form of christianity that he knows is Catholicism, I think my Catholicism is part of what made him attacted to me.

We send our child to Catholic school…which was the idea of my husband. It wasnt my idea (Im a cheapskate). My husband wanted our child to have the experience of a Catholic education as he had.

Once when my child was going to bed as a small child I heard my nonchristian husband teaching our child the Our Father.

My nonchristian husband, attends mass every Sunday with our child. Today as an example, I cant attend mass. I work all day. My nonchristian husband faithfully takes our child to mass even if I am absent.

When my non Christian husband is in the presence of the Eucharist. He failthfully makes a very deep and profound bow.

Moreover, Catholicism is also important to my nonchristian mother-in-law. Because it is again the only form of christianity that she has ever been exposed to. She also showed the deepest amount of respect to the Catholic articles in my home, when she had briefly visited us from her owwn country. My husband had translated something between us once. She said to me “Jesus, is my God too”

It is erroneous and frankly preposperous and offensive to say that Catholicism is not important to us. It is deeply important to me and my family even in my marriage to an Asian non Christian
 
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Obviously, they probably love the person. I’d have to wonder why you assume they must have a reason beyond simply meeting and falling in love with a person who happens to be of another culture? I do know someone who from a young age, was fascinated with Japanese culture. He took lessons in Japanese and began to go to Japanese cultural events around town. He joined a drumming group. He eventually went to study in Japan for two years. And during the course of immersing himself in Japanese culture, he met a Japanese woman and fell and love and they got married. But even he was “looking” for a Japanese wife. He simply met her because of his interest in Japanese culture.
 
OddBird said:
Then what on earth has being Asian to do with it ? Asian doesn’t equate with non-Catholic or non-Christian. FWIW, South Korea, my husband’s birth country, is mainly Christian.
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Yes, I had a very good South Korean friend who was a devout Catholic. In fact, I nearly married her. (old story) And many other South Korean friends - not Catholic.
As I have mentioned somewhere previously, I used the word “Asian” as a mental short cut. My mistake.
In my 5 (now 6) examples, two of the three Asian ladies were Buddhist, one was possibly Catholic and I don’t know about the young lady from India. The other two ladies were Muslims from Egypt.
However, my sweeping generalization could have been considered thoughless(characteristic of all generalizations) rather than ill intentioned. I recognize that we live in a hyper-sensitive world where any word uttered could be turned into an offense. This was not my intention.
 
Thank you for explaining. I will freely admit I tend to be sensitive on that topic, as racism is something I am too often confronted with as the wife of someone from a “visible minority” (as the French state says). If I hurt you, please accept my apologies.
 
OddBird said:
If I hurt you, please accept my apologies.
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No apology needed. I spent my entire life as an outsider, a minority, if you will, and fully understand prejudice. Perhaps this it the reason why I have appetite for asking provocative or uncomfortable questions. My way of challenging the established conventions and norms perhaps.
 
I think one thing to keep in consideration when talking about the church in foreign countries. Is that in some societies even though they are not Christian. The church may be present through charity and non Christian communities may develop a deep respect for the church.

Like I said, my husband was raised in a non Christian community. But he attended a Catholic convent school. He has always had a respect for the church because during his formative years he was educated by nuns. Catholicism, is the only form of christianity that he was ever exposed to. This was also something that had a deep effect on my nonchristian mother in law. There are many communities through the world that even though they are nonchristian, the communities depend on the church for charity. I think this helps foster understanding of christianity and also fosters a respect for our faith.
 
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Allie1 said:
I think one thing to keep in consideration when talking about the church in foreign countries. Is that in some societies even though they are not Christian. The church may be present through charity and non Christian communities may develop a deep respect for the church.

Like I said, my husband was raised in a non Christian community. But he attended a Catholic convent school. He has always had a respect for the church because during his formative years he was educated by nuns. Catholicism, is the only form of christianity that he was ever exposed to. This was also something that had a deep effect on my nonchristian mother in law. There are many communities through the world that even though they are nonchristian, the communities depend on the church for charity. I think this helps foster understanding of christianity and also fosters a respect for our faith.
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This is a wonderful insight. Catholic culture exists in places where there are practically no Catholics left.
 
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