H
HailStarofSea
Guest
Some people have an urge to see how far they can push your limits? Why? Is there any redeeming quality to this characteristic?
- Status
M
mab23
Guest
some people are selfish and push peoples boundaries merely for their own entertainment
don’t give them the satisfaction - as hard as it may be
don’t give them the satisfaction - as hard as it may be
C
Christine85
Guest
Maybe they want to challenge you. Maybe they don’t have any thing else to interest themselves with
C
chevalier
Guest
It may be a failure or shortcoming like any other. Generally, it’s easier for us to rationalise our own behaviour than that of other people. Chances are their faults are different from our own but perhaps equally annoying to a bystander.
It can be something they don’t realise or it can be something that poses a challenge to them. Since people find it hard to battle destructive addictions, it isn’t really so strange that they may be prone to “evolutionary” mechanisms, as in testing how far they can take it in an interpersonal relationship.
I suppose one way of dealing with the problem could be just telling the person what his or her behaviour looks like from our side. Then that person could realise the problem and do something about it, or offer some explanation (his or her side of the story) that could actually be informative and provide some insight into the situation (causes, reasons, goals etc.).
At worst you can just put your foot down and tell the person that this kind of behaviour has to cease.
It can be something they don’t realise or it can be something that poses a challenge to them. Since people find it hard to battle destructive addictions, it isn’t really so strange that they may be prone to “evolutionary” mechanisms, as in testing how far they can take it in an interpersonal relationship.
I suppose one way of dealing with the problem could be just telling the person what his or her behaviour looks like from our side. Then that person could realise the problem and do something about it, or offer some explanation (his or her side of the story) that could actually be informative and provide some insight into the situation (causes, reasons, goals etc.).
At worst you can just put your foot down and tell the person that this kind of behaviour has to cease.
L
Lost_Wanderer
Guest
This.
But when I say ‘This’, I don’t mean that in a good way. It’s another sign of just how egotistical a majority of my generation is. I call it the Chef Ramsay philosophy where people think driving people crazy and talking down all their efforts somehow improves them. If not, they’re weak and should be culled.
It’s nothing more than Social Darwinism posing as a virtue.
God it makes me sick and the fact that I can name two to three people my brother’s bosom buddies with who are like that just makes it all worse.
S
Schieffelin
Guest
Depends on what your relationship to this person is. Sometimes it comes from anxiety or their own insecurities.
Unfortunately, I have struggled with a lifelong habit of “pushing” those who are closest to me because of some warped, subconscious need to see how much they love me. It’s immature and twisted, I know–but it is what it is. It comes from a fear of abandonment.
Now I don’t know if that fits the bill for the person you’re talking about or not.
Unfortunately, I have struggled with a lifelong habit of “pushing” those who are closest to me because of some warped, subconscious need to see how much they love me. It’s immature and twisted, I know–but it is what it is. It comes from a fear of abandonment.
Now I don’t know if that fits the bill for the person you’re talking about or not.
S
Schieffelin
Guest
P
PatriceA
Guest
Perhaps the other person feels the same way about you. I don’t think its a flaw that is found in a certain type of personality. I think we all have the ability to push someone’s boundaries at any given time, depending upon the situation and the conflict of the temperments/personalities of the people involved. Nobody can say they’ve never gotten on someone else’s nerves. I think we’ve all been guilty of pushing people and testing people at one time or another.
F
Fireflylight
Guest
There are a few reasons
- they are selfish narcisistic people without a problem…just have bad manners
- they are selfish narcisitic people with a mental illness
- they appear selfish due to a neurological illness such as autism and don’t understand that their actions push boundaries.
- they are a selfish person with an neurlogical illness and simply don’t care
- they were raised the wrong way…they only know how to relate by seeing what they can do.
C
chaunceygardner
Guest
Depends on how you look at it and what your mean. It doesn’t necessarily have to be bad. Much of what we know about the world around us, the growth of civilization and the advances that mankind has made are because of people who pushed boundaries and tested limits.
Jesus pushed a lot of boundaries and tested many limits, and invites all of us to do the same if we want to be his followers. Christianity is not meant to make everyone content and satisfied, it is meant to challenge us and how we live, and to produce change within ourselves and our world. To accomplish that we sometimes have to push and test.
Jesus pushed a lot of boundaries and tested many limits, and invites all of us to do the same if we want to be his followers. Christianity is not meant to make everyone content and satisfied, it is meant to challenge us and how we live, and to produce change within ourselves and our world. To accomplish that we sometimes have to push and test.
C
chevalier
Guest
I think the OP is talking about situations when people test your boundaries as in test your patience. Not test you you like give you a difficult task.
J
jazzy0710
Guest
G
gardenswithkids
Guest
Yes there are redeeming qualities to this characteristic.
Scientists and inventors test the limits of many things. . Why can’t we fly if birds can fly? Thus…the invention of the airplane. :takeoff:When other people push us, the questioning can help us to examine, explore, and make sure that our positions are reasonable and correct. Sometimes people push us because boundaries* need* to be or* can* be expanded. When done right, pushing boundaries can take us to new heights.
Sometimes people push as the result of communication problems. They ask or explain something again (and again and again…) because they think that you didn’t understand them. Or they are not sure that they heard you correctly and they are double or triple checking. It may seem like they are pushing when they are really just trying to make sure that you both understand each other correctly.
Sales people sometimes push. Good companies can fail from lack of sales, so a pushy sales staff that won’t take “no” for an answer can help keep other good people employed.
The trait can be used for a lot of good. And, I’m fully aware that it can also be very annoying. Like most qualities, there are positives and negatives to it.
H
HailStarofSea
Guest
Thanks for commenting on this!
C
cmscms
Guest
Yes I agree this can often be the case and this is a good point.
The reasons people push are often very complex but all boil down to make the ‘pushee’ uncomfortable at best.
This is another theory I strongly believe and it is why sadly, I have pushed in the past.
Example:. My brother called me fat, I started to cry. He called me a baby because if it was all my fault for eating like a pig and being to lazy to exercise. (disclaimer, I look at picutres of me from back then and I was not fat). Not only did I believe I wasn’t fat, I also believe I was an idiot for being hurt by his comments. I desperatly needed to know I was normal form being hurt. So I would insult others. Not because it was true but because I was secretly hoping they would feel hurt so I could feel normal for having feelings. Well, no one likes to show their hurt, so when my insults did not hurt them, the sentiment ‘I am dumb for having feelings’ increased. I did not like that and thus the desire to know other people felt like me increased and therefor so did the insults. Vicious circle.
So, it all stems from the other person’s baggage. Vocally setting boundaries can full their fire. Simply looking down at the floor gets them to stop. Sometimes
CM
H
HailStarofSea
Guest
Thank you for this and for Schieffelin as well.
What is the best way to interact with friends who push your boundaries?
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
M
Mayita30
Guest
You teach others how to treat you! If you think they are disrespecting you , you should not tolerate this and let the other person know their behavior is unacceptable. Some people just don’t get it. Perhaps they had verbal abuse in their family
C
chevalier
Guest
May be a cultural thing too. Different types and intensities of joking and sarcasm may be considered acceptable in different groups. ‘How you been’ doin’, you big fat smelly troll!’ can be a friendly greeting, depending on the context. In some cultures a jab is an invitation to jab back, intelligently. That’s a contest, a rivalry, all in good spirits. Not intended to hurt, just to scratch (sort of like animals ‘fight’ when they play).
But I tend to associate ‘pushing the boundaries’ more with people who seem to be actively checking how far they can take dishonesty and failure to live up to agreements, or how long they can ‘borrow’ your things without asking or returning, or put their own workload on you etc. Which is different, because it’s not play. This is natural to some extent (except the stealing), especially with regard to persons in position of authority (one does want to have a reasonably clear idea of how much those are willing to tolerate) but I think normal people probe for a moment until they find out and then stick to it, they don’t probe constantly.
More context from the OP would help. I understand this is a rant but perhaps we can still talk it over and get to some helpful conclusions.
- Status