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Pfaffenhoffen
Guest
Right.
That one could not get a husband.
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Lost_Wanderer
Guest
Does wearing hoodies and glasses count for that look? If yes, ouch. Y’know I practice a decent amount of hygiene but that doesn’t stop me from ‘looking’ like that. D:… but not this look of a boyish nerd who looks like he just spent the last 2 days with other boys playing videogames. Also I wonder when people all look the same, what is going on.
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GraceDK
Guest
I guess it does.
Its not because its bad to wear casual or relaxing clothes… but if you want to attract the opposite sex you might wanna wear something masculin, something that shows that you are a grown up man with grown up style and interests.
I had a friend at university who was wearing hoodies. When I saw him I thought he was a total nerd. But he turned out to be the most clever guy in the whole class, and we all respected him. He was also social… and he got married as the first one of us
These things happen… but again, his success was not because of his clothes.
You know many women like men in uniforms. It sounds cliche, but I think its true. We are attracted to men who wear police uniforms, marine-outfits… or even priestly cassocks, because this clothes signalises control, safety, authority, adulthood and manliness. Of course the inner person should strive to be that which he then looks like.
Someone here said that a woman who looses some pounds will have better chances at attracting a man. This is true. Its also true that a man who has good style will attract a lady.
When I was a little girl I ran around in loosehanging pink jogging-suits… fit for playing. But if I still were wearing that… well, it would be no wonder…
I remember in my senior high school days, there was a boy who walked around in joggingsuit every day, like he was still in preschool. Im sure he was nice, but his clothes worked against him socially. He was called: “The guy in the jogging suit”. And NO, he was not poor. He could have bought some other clothes… He just didn’t. Maybe he didn’t know, maybe he didn’t care
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Crescentinus
Guest
How about women who look more like men? And no, I’m not talking so much about tomboys.
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Andromedus
Guest
Define Northern and Southern
.I am not a girl so I can’t claim that I know for sure why that is so, in the cases this is true that is. It is not like ‘‘Southern Boys’’ are all bad either, whatever you mean with South. One thing is probably that they look a bit exotic and if they are ‘‘bad’’ they also might be quite confident which they might find attractive. Other than that I have no idea, except (if I am talking about my own country) that we are a pretty reserved people compared to ‘‘Southerners’’ and they are more outgoing, but therefore the outgoing part can sometimes also backfire.
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ManOnFire
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The most succinct description I have heard came from a retreat: we need to have the “fullness of the lion and the fullness of the lamb.” The ladies want to first see the fullness of the lion, then later, the fullness of the lamb. My 2 cents. It worked that way naturally for me. But, I grew up with 70s and 80s rock before the wimpy progressive pop and madonna music took over, so maybe I was just lucky.
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ManOnFire
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Intolerance for human fallibility decreases the marriage and birth rates. Another liberal conspiracy.
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Lost_Wanderer
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Nevaaaar!!! DX I live to defy Freud! He can burn for all I care! I’ll prove you all wrong! You’ll see!! I’ll show you all!!Don’t bother resisting. You can’t resist Freud and the Oedipus complex. No one can.
lightning strikes in the background
Sorry, but I have a problem with this. If a girl I like happens to be fond of little children’s story books about saints (maybe even a bit of My Little Pony on the side shudders) then what you’re saying would be like me saying it’s kid’s stuff (and makes me nauseous).
Honestly, how does this stuff matter? Just because I like video games, anime, and comics doesn’t mean I don’t care about the stuff that matters. (Heck sometimes those things have a weird way of reminding me of it.)
Why not just strive from within? Why rely on what’s outside to tell you who you are?
Well I won’t deny that some pretty girls got my attention… for like the first two seconds. After that, it’s either they talk or they don’t talk and I’m without anymore useful information to discern what kind of person they’re really like (or at least without time to get it).
Well chalk it up to me being classified a nerd and having the whole underdog experience (with some people saying two lifetimes worth of it), but I can’t say I agree with this. I don’t like the Arnie look and never saw myself in it.The most succinct description I have heard came from a retreat: we need to have the “fullness of the lion and the fullness of the lamb.” The ladies want to first see the fullness of the lion, then later, the fullness of the lamb. My 2 cents. It worked that way naturally for me. But, I grew up with 70s and 80s rock before the wimpy progressive pop and madonna music took over, so maybe I was just lucky.
And if we’re talking animal symbolism, I’d rather choose a dragon or at least a serpent. It has more power but without the flair that makes my eyes roll.
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feed_me
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Actually I would have to agree with that. Anybody who says that women outnumber men 4 to 1 basically translates to 4 “experienced” ladies to 1 young man. You really don’t have to travel to Europe to get that. Just walk into church.
. On the other hand it’s so unfortunite :sad_yes:.
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MCGar
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I’ve been thinking about this.
I’m married to a good guy. He is a confidant, strong, and intelligent. I think a big attraction is his confidence not just in what he is doing but also his confidence in himself.
He has friends that aren’t practicing any faith and tend to hang out at clubs and bars, etc. They all knew that he didn’t like clubs but would go to hang out (when he was single) and he wouldn’t hit on any girls. He was just not intimidated nor unsure of what he wanted. Alot of my friends admire how great a guy he is and wonder where all the good guys like him are hiding at.
In my opinion, there are alot of good guys, but if they aren’t intending to hide, they sure are not ‘standing out’ like the rest of the guys out there. They need to be a bit more outgoing and possibly willing to get out of their comfort zone, I think.
Also, I’ve been thinking about the ‘friend zone.’ If you are in the ‘friend zone,’ with a girl that has a boyfriend or husband then you are basically fulfilling the girl’s emotional needs that usually is common when people have emotional affairs. The girl has the best of both worlds and doesn’t see anything wrong with it because just as long as physical boundaries aren’t crossed ‘friendship’ looks innocent.
They won’t get that same emotional intimacy from the ‘bad boy’ if he was in the ‘friend zone,’ because he would have his walls up when it comes to friendships. That is usually why the girl will go beyond ‘friend zone’ in order to get past those walls.
In my opinion, have some healthy boundaries up when it comes to having female friends. Do not share any emotional intimacy that really should be reserved for your own (future) girlfriend. Actually, you should pretend you have a girlfriend sitting between you and your friend at all times and then you can see where you might be giving in to having unhealthy boundaries.
If you find you want more than a healthy friendship then go for asking the girl out, if she rejects you and you still decide to be friends, then you need to keep your boundaries up. Also, look into moving on to finding other girls that you might want to date.
Another side effect of having a friendship with a girl that doesn’t have healthy boundaries is that other girls might completely overlook you because you seem too close to another girl even if it’s a ‘friend zone.’
I’m married to a good guy. He is a confidant, strong, and intelligent. I think a big attraction is his confidence not just in what he is doing but also his confidence in himself.
He has friends that aren’t practicing any faith and tend to hang out at clubs and bars, etc. They all knew that he didn’t like clubs but would go to hang out (when he was single) and he wouldn’t hit on any girls. He was just not intimidated nor unsure of what he wanted. Alot of my friends admire how great a guy he is and wonder where all the good guys like him are hiding at.
In my opinion, there are alot of good guys, but if they aren’t intending to hide, they sure are not ‘standing out’ like the rest of the guys out there. They need to be a bit more outgoing and possibly willing to get out of their comfort zone, I think.
Also, I’ve been thinking about the ‘friend zone.’ If you are in the ‘friend zone,’ with a girl that has a boyfriend or husband then you are basically fulfilling the girl’s emotional needs that usually is common when people have emotional affairs. The girl has the best of both worlds and doesn’t see anything wrong with it because just as long as physical boundaries aren’t crossed ‘friendship’ looks innocent.
They won’t get that same emotional intimacy from the ‘bad boy’ if he was in the ‘friend zone,’ because he would have his walls up when it comes to friendships. That is usually why the girl will go beyond ‘friend zone’ in order to get past those walls.
In my opinion, have some healthy boundaries up when it comes to having female friends. Do not share any emotional intimacy that really should be reserved for your own (future) girlfriend. Actually, you should pretend you have a girlfriend sitting between you and your friend at all times and then you can see where you might be giving in to having unhealthy boundaries.
If you find you want more than a healthy friendship then go for asking the girl out, if she rejects you and you still decide to be friends, then you need to keep your boundaries up. Also, look into moving on to finding other girls that you might want to date.
Another side effect of having a friendship with a girl that doesn’t have healthy boundaries is that other girls might completely overlook you because you seem too close to another girl even if it’s a ‘friend zone.’
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chevalier
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Grace. First of all I’d like to thank you for taking your time to give a thought or two to the welfare of a stranger, I’m grateful for that. Secondly, I’m not >35, I turned 29 a month ago. Must be something in my way of talking, I guess. When I say ‘girl’ sometimes in this context, I do so because I’d like someone youthful (and still wise, as in beyond years, and definitely not infantile), and youth is not just age, it’s an attitude. When it comes to nominal age, I’m definitely not looking on purpose for someone 7 years younger than I am. In fact, with someone 3-5 years younger I often feel like I’m talking to someone a generation younger or a student or something like that. In most cases I like a woman’s appeal and have a good contact with her (or especially she with me) it tends to turn out she’s in early to mid thirties. This is a little troubling. In fact, independently of my own preferences (not like I really have any specific ones) most women who are interested in me tend to be several years older than I am. As an exception, I get some interest from those several years younger. It’s more like for my own age group I just don’t have the appeal.
And ‘chicks’ is not a word I’d use, especially not about a lady I were interested in.
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CesarAugustus
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Good advice!
It makes sense.
About the bolded part, in my experience, someone doing that (over here) would be considered a too serious person and even strange or weird. That sadly raises many questions and I don’t know why many people feel perplexed about that.
LostWanderer:
It also depends of the stereotypical nerdy look of your country.
For example, in mine, we have various stereotypical nerd looks, variious “otaku” looks, various “stylish” looks and so on. Sometimes is so complex that has to be explained in drawings!
Blessings!
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chevalier
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Perhaps you should take some rest from dating. Don’t fall in the trap of looking for a subordinate. Don’t be CEO that chases the secretary. Allow your loved one to be equal to you, just find a person who will not constantly undermine your decisions and be uncooperative. These are personality traits that many people have but then also many don’t.
Oh yeah, good luck. Let me know when you find it.SAY NO MORE!
My bags are already packed! I’m on my way to Europe!
Things are gonna get Norse here…You have probably already discussed it but isn’t perhaps one of the main reasons for why ‘‘bad boys get so many women’’ that they seems to be more confident than some of the nicer guys? I say ‘‘some’’ because it is of course not all of them, but I don’t know how many since I don’t have any statistics on it.
Don’t trust her! She is Danish!
(It is not an uncharitable post, just a childish joke post from a Swede to a Dane)
Ok, I’m going to show you the error of your ways. (Never said I was a nice guy, have I?
)In your example, as long as it’s true that the woman’s man is treating her poorly, then yes, she has horrible taste, there is something wrong with her esteem, and she can’t make good decisions, as much as this isn’t the kind of language you use when consoling a person who suffers from emotional pain (I’ve seen my own share of lovesickness in regard to a woman not treating me particularly well, so I can relate). She shouldn’t, and doesn’t have the right to expect other people to pretend it’s otherwise.
A woman needs a good man who will do what’s good for her, not a warm jellyfish who will offer superficial affirmation of the soundness of whatever stupid thing she chooses to do.For the record, I don’t expect a woman to applaud my own stupid choices either.
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chevalier
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Come to think of it, Our Lord did say that those who can take it, should make themselves eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven, and St. Paul did advise that unless you are ‘burning’, you are better off not married. There might be some sense in her words, if a bit remote.
Jim, that’s not so simple. There’s that old saying according to which average women are conquered by trying and care, and beautiful women are conquered by indifference. The saying is chauvinistic and all but there’s a whole cliché of women pursuing men who ignore them. This may be some kind of reptilian brain thinking, as in if he’s trying so hard, then he must have a low position regarding to mine; if that other one isn’t trying or acts like he expects me to or just ignores me, then his relative position must be higher, so he must be a better mate.Maybe it’s really simple. The “bad boys” are out looking for women. The good guys are inside the house on the computer complaining about it!
Come to think of it, with so many distracting gadgets around, it’s a wonder anybody gets married.
Obviously, yeah, what you say is true but there’s also this other side of the coin I’m mentioning here. I also tend to associate ‘bad boys’ with men who make women pursue them, compete for them etc. Which is a sad sight to watch.
Well, my aunt, a northerner herself, married a southerner and he’s a treasure of a man according to that side of the family (I’m not really close enough to know).
IMHO it’s probably dark and handsome plus the appeal of machismo. Perhaps the exoticity. Southern ladies going for Englishmen and the like would represent the same kind of mechanism.
Well, perhaps too demanding of the ‘nice guys’ or ‘good men’ or whatever, and too much willing to ignore their requirements and standards for the ‘bad boys’. As in she doesn’t want a man who’s a bit too passive, so she goes with a man who’s active enough to beat her or verbally abuse her. Concern legitimate, reaction unproportional (and self-destructive).
Well, he does sound like the archetypal bearer of ‘strong genes’ from the evolutionary thinking cliché. The kind of man that gets things done.
Don’t demonise the games, Grace! As in it’s all fine if you’re just not attracted to the look or whatever and I’m not going to comment on that, but some people who play computer games are intelligent, hard-working people. Take it from an ‘insider’ (I’ve played a lot myself, was a kind of gaming journalist when I was younger) that some games actually require a lot of brain activity, specific skills or even team play to pull off, or even social skills. They’re not any more silly than playing a sport game outdoors (if maybe less healthy) and not necessarily stupider than chess just because they tend to be more fast-paced, and they make quite good learning platforms. Some have been used in this capacity by universities. And I could mention a lot of typical girly things to do that are or may be more silly or less productive than playing computer games (soap operas, window shopping, romantic novels, social gossip–women can engage in some or all of these in spare time, while feeling disdain for a man who plays computer games as a hobby). I’m only saying this because it’d be a shame if you were to skip a potentially good guy just because he were a nerd. Well, if you can actually stand nerds anyway. If you don’t then this is moot.I much more liked a more stylish look, nice longer hair,e even beard is okay… but not this look of a boyish nerd who looks like he just spent the last 2 days with other boys playing videogames. Also I wonder when people all look the same, what is going on.
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, in the past I sometimes wondered if it wasn’t just because of getting to know that guy (learning the secret kind of thing) that the woman was giving up her own boundaries, if this is what you mean.
Also, women are mystery solvers. They love getting past walls too. This in addition to changing people. All of these are factors that work in the ‘bad boys’’ favour. Oh, and it’s not my intention to be bashing. Just to be sure.
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chevalier
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Okay, one more thing. I’m gonna get flamed like a grilling sausage for this but in my impression some women, due to romantic misfortunes they have experienced or witnessed (parents?) have this kind of outlook in which friends are a good thing, worthy of keeping, well, basically the good people, and romantic partners are mostly cads (and possibly all men are scum, maybe except friends) and if not now, then sooner or later they will show themselves to be, and can’t be trusted or emotionally linked with like a friend, and they’re basically enemy. (Reminds you of the Romans & Sabines scenario). Or friendships are stable and relationships are fickle. So a good guy is made a friend, while boyfriends are chosen from the bad ones.
Just don’t be offended merely because I’m a man saying this. Nowhere have I said that men are nice people to be with or particularly smart in the relationship area.
Just don’t be offended merely because I’m a man saying this. Nowhere have I said that men are nice people to be with or particularly smart in the relationship area.
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CesarAugustus
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Hypergamy?
Another thing…
What people here understand by bad boy and nice guy?
I’m reading lots of different descriptions in this thread!
Blessings!
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EasterJoy
Guest
This is not a flame, but a clarification: I have had many male friends who I thought the world of and yet did not see myself marrying. I almost felt sad about it, because wow, somebody needed to catch that guy, but you know when it isn’t going to work. I was always delighted when they found the right women, and I can’t think of one who didn’t…well, except the one who was eventually ordained a priest, but he did find the right vocation, he’s happy as a clam being a priest, so that’s the main thing. There were a few I’d liked to have dated and only got as friends, but you know, you gotta figure that they know. Honesty is a good thing. Friendship isn’t the 2nd best place, not when it is the right place instead of the wrong place.
There is a third group you don’t mention: guys who were neither friend nor date material. Those, I simply avoided, and that was a fair number of guys. There were a fair number I might have been interested in as friend or date, but I got the same the signals myself sometimes, the signals are clear, and you move on.
It is not that uncommon for men and women to be friends for several years, both thinking “just friends” and then they finally see something they didn’t see before and, well, you know, maybe I need to give you a chance, and they wind up married. There are some great marriages that come out of that.
You are wise enough not to rush in to find someone to marry just to be marrying her. Let’s face it: you could find some “bad girl” who’d be happy to take you for a whirl, too, couldn’t you? You could probably find one of a hundred foolish or predatory women out and be dating her tomorrow, if you wanted. Finding marriage material takes longer.
As I used to say though, it is smart to skip the marriage that isn’t going to work and to hold out for the one that will. You may wind up marrying somebody who wasn’t wise or fortunate enough to escape getting into an invalid marriage, you might find a widow, but at least when she finds you, you two won’t have your “ex” to deal with. Be thankful for that. It is a harder path at first, but much wiser.
I hope you’re asking God to help. Keep being patient, though. You are on the harder path, but it is worth it. And don’t feel bad that so far you’ve only turned up a lot of good female friends. At least that means that you have what it takes to truly be a woman’s friend. If you truly are their friends, and not just the poor kid with his nose on the pet shop window because he can’t have a puppy of his own, it is excellent preparation for being a good husband.
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exoflare
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You’re definitely right that some women think like this, because I’ve seen it before. I have no idea how common it is though.
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StarFireKK
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You completely missed my point.Ok, I’m going to show you the error of your ways. (Never said I was a nice guy, have I?
In your example, as long as it’s true that the woman’s man is treating her poorly, then yes, she has horrible taste, there is something wrong with her esteem, and she can’t make good decisions, as much as this isn’t the kind of language you use when consoling a person who suffers from emotional pain (I’ve seen my own share of lovesickness in regard to a woman not treating me particularly well, so I can relate). She shouldn’t, and doesn’t have the right to expect other people to pretend it’s otherwise.
A woman needs a good man who will do what’s good for her, not a warm jellyfish who will offer superficial affirmation of the soundness of whatever stupid thing she chooses to do.For the record, I don’t expect a woman to applaud my own stupid choices either.
My point was not you should support anyone’s stupid choices or say those choices are good. My point was being hyper-critical about a situation you are not in- NEVER puts you in the nice guy section. It makes you a jerk.
So why should a woman trade one jerk who doesn’t treat her very well for another jerk that insults her right out of the starting gate?
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