The guy didnât just say he thought something was beautiful⌠As I recall he said: I dont wanna be with someone who looks like a man.
That was a stupid, uncharitable and immature thing to say, especially as it turned out what he referred to was all the ladies who dont have as big breasts as he prefers.
Its the same as if a woman would say: I dont want a man who looks like a woman, by that meaning someone who had a smaller than average private part, and was less muscular than many of his peers.
A girl who said something like that public would be an airhead. So also, the previous poster comes across. Deborah said she has a flat chest compared to some women (there is no reason to believe she is not within the NORMAL helthy range) and she was offended.
Frankly I also felt offended by the nonsense of that poster.
In order to get a lady a man must first become a gentleman. Is that not what this thread is all about really.
One of the ways to know a guy is not mature but selfish and boyish is that he will talk about female private parts publicly and represent his superficiality as though its normal and good for a Christian man. We must hope his future wife never has an accident or gets breast cancer, for then the reason for his attraction might disappear.
To reduce the attractiveness of a lady to her breast size is what unchaste boys do, not what adult Christian men do.
No, unfortunately, a man does not have to be a gentleman in order to get a lady. That mystery is what this thread is all about. There are classy women all over the place who inexplicably wind up with cads, and I think we all know it.
I have no problem with jumping on someone who says what he finds desirable in the way that fellow did. The issue I have is that people argued about what he finds attractive, rather than the insensitive way in which he chose to post about it, as if there is something wrong with a man who doesnât feel the same attraction to every nice woman he meets. That is nonsense. Who hasnât met a very nice person whose looks they arenât attracted to, or who they arenât attracted to for reasons they can only try to articulate?
If you think that becoming Christian means that you wonât have a natural response to some members of the opposite sex who fall into some type or other over others, you are much mistaken. That is something a person can describe badly or well, but it isnât always something that a person decides. Rather, if you take the plain meaning of the Epistles, a Christian sees all other people as brothers and sisters, not as prospective mates, because married people have distractions and trials in this life that St. Paul would spare them, but if two people fall for each other and are on fire, well, then thatâs a sign that marriage is probably a good idea, for some have gifts different than St. Paul. (1 Cor. 7)
That is initial attraction. It is changeable, and once it is replaced by a deeper relationship, changes in looks that are beyond oneâs control usually do become irrelevant when it comes to feelings toward a partner. Maybe you wouldnât have fallen in love with the fellow youâre married to now when you were both teens, but the looks of the one you love have a way of becoming the looks you love, even when the looks change. If you donât think heâs neglecting himself and by extension neglecting you, a mature person takes those changes as a matter of course. Still, being attracted to some people instead of others based on physical type does not mean a person is âreducingâ them to anything. It means the person being attracted can identify what makes their heart beat faster. Should they just shut up and pretend that physical response never happens? I suppose they could, but it is wrong to imply that a man isnât Christian if he recognizes that he has feelings for women of one physical type to the exclusion of others. Itâs wrong if he thinks those feelings add or subtract anything from the womanâs actual value as a person, but it isnât wrong to describe what elicits romantic feelings and what doesnât.
If someone who looks like you really hurt the fellow in question, though, then I would predict that when he sees someone who looks like the two of you, heâll either recoil, be attracted, or be a confusing mixture of both. I am not surprised that heâs not as sensitive as he ought to be when heâs talking about her, because people give themselves that self-centered indulgence when theyâve been hurt. The insensitive way in which he expresses his sentiments is something else again, but that he has those feelings is not something to beat him up about.
(Having been given fair warning, however, theyâd be unable to complain. 
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