Why do women do this thread

[sanctamaria17]

I was a loner in high school. I had friends, people liked me, but no one would spend time with me outside of school, they were “too busy” (getting drunk).

I was the only devout Catholic I knew and a lot of people really didn’t understand, didn’t try to understand. I got attacked for holding pro-life viewpoints.

My friends were the Jewish kids, gay kids, creative/anime/artist kids, writers, atheists/agnostics, all of whom were much more real and pure, who were also outcasts, but all of whom graduated before I hit my toughest year.

I was told I was pretty, but I didn’t believe anyone. I hated people staring at my body and making comments. I hated being compared to my sister, who looks older (though is younger) and is prettier.

I felt forgotten about.

I worked so hard, never took a break, to forget my loneliness. I tried to hide it. I was hurting a lot.

When I was sixteen, I ended up catching the wrong sort of attention. I hung out with boys who did not have the best reputations. But they were the only ones who acted like they actually care, actually wanted to spend time with me, they didn’t have cliques. Something about them felt wrong, but I didn’t care. I would take what I could get.

All of that ended with a scary experience, where I was lucky it didn’t turn out how it could have turned out.

If I had been attacked that day, would you have judged me, told me I was stupid, and that I was on the same moral level as someone who killed someone else? Simply because I was looking for friendship and ended up finding creepy people? Simply because I was stuck in the black hole of my loneliness?

Or would you have done what my best friend did, which was help me go through YEARS and I mean, YEARS of repressed emotions? Would you have let me talk about it, listened attentively, held me when I needed it, got me to a good counselor (to deal with the stuff that no untrained person can walk you through) and been there for me? Who helped me realize that I should reach out to others instead of close up in my shell? Who took time from his own busy life to have tea with me and make sure I was doing OK? Who ultimately helped me realize that while I was weak, God was strong and that, as a matter of fact, I had untapped strength?

Sorry, but people tried to kick me while I was down, in an attempt to help me. It made me clam up for three years. I lost three years of my life to an icy black hole of unreachable depression (and depression does run in my family and something I do struggle with off and on, especially in winter time), because I felt there was no one who would care and that I should just toughen up. I lost three years. And I wasn’t even raped, but I had enough experiences that frightened me, yet I was ashamed because I believed everything was my fault.

Imagine the women who are losing more years because of judgmental attitudes like yours.

I work in a crisis pregnancy center and the last thing these women need to hear is that they’re stupid, sinful idiots who only pick scumbags or that they put themselves in situations of rape and abuse (by the way, rapists and abusers are the ones who commit their crimes. It wouldn’t be called “rape” or “abuse” if consent was present) so they don’t deserve an ounce of compassion. They need a friendly face, a kind word, a smile, and finally, the assurance that someone, even if a mere stranger, loves them just for the sake that they are human and as such, are made in the image of our Creator.

 

[excaliber]

I was a loner in high school. I had friends, people liked me, but no one would spend time with me outside of school, they were “too busy” (getting drunk).

I was the only devout Catholic I knew and a lot of people really didn’t understand, didn’t try to understand. I got attacked for holding pro-life viewpoints.

My friends were the Jewish kids, gay kids, creative/anime/artist kids, writers, atheists/agnostics, all of whom were much more real and pure, who were also outcasts, but all of whom graduated before I hit my toughest year.

I was told I was pretty, but I didn’t believe anyone. I hated people staring at my body and making comments. I hated being compared to my sister, who looks older (though is younger) and is prettier.

I felt forgotten about.

I worked so hard, never took a break, to forget my loneliness. I tried to hide it. I was hurting a lot.

When I was sixteen, I ended up catching the wrong sort of attention. I hung out with boys who did not have the best reputations. But they were the only ones who acted like they actually care, actually wanted to spend time with me, they didn’t have cliques. Something about them felt wrong, but I didn’t care. I would take what I could get.

All of that ended with a scary experience, where I was lucky it didn’t turn out how it could have turned out.

If I had been attacked that day, would you have judged me, told me I was stupid, and that I was on the same moral level as someone who killed someone else? Simply because I was looking for friendship and ended up finding creepy people? Simply because I was stuck in the black hole of my loneliness?

Or would you have done what my best friend did, which was help me go through YEARS and I mean, YEARS of repressed emotions? Would you have let me talk about it, listened attentively, held me when I needed it, got me to a good counselor (to deal with the stuff that no untrained person can walk you through) and been there for me? Who helped me realize that I should reach out to others instead of close up in my shell? Who took time from his own busy life to have tea with me and make sure I was doing OK? Who ultimately helped me realize that while I was weak, God was strong and that, as a matter of fact, I had untapped strength?

Sorry, but people tried to kick me while I was down, in an attempt to help me. It made me clam up for three years. I lost three years of my life to an icy black hole of unreachable depression (and depression does run in my family and something I do struggle with off and on, especially in winter time), because I felt there was no one who would care and that I should just toughen up. I lost three years. And I wasn’t even raped, but I had enough experiences that frightened me, yet I was ashamed because I believed everything was my fault.

Imagine the women who are losing more years because of judgmental attitudes like yours.

I work in a crisis pregnancy center and the last thing these women need to hear is that they’re stupid, sinful idiots who only pick scumbags or that they put themselves in situations of rape and abuse (by the way, rapists and abusers are the ones who commit their crimes. It wouldn’t be called “rape” or “abuse” if consent was present) so they don’t deserve an ounce of compassion. They need a friendly face, a kind word, a smile, and finally, the assurance that someone, even if a mere stranger, loves them just for the sake that they are human and as such, are made in the image of our Creator.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Sounds like you were
around some bad people.

Im not judging you, I don’t know your situation.
But I would like your viewpoint on this “Judging” that you accuse me of.

Only God will deside our eternal destination.We would need to read
hearts to do that, and we can’t.

But do we need to read hearts to
know if something is right or wrong?

If I drive drunk and put people’s lives at risk, and someone tell’s me that what I did was foolish…
aren’t they correct?
Reguardless of the reason I drove drunk, it would be no less foolish.
Is that not true?

I appreciate your honesty and sharing, but I did not call you foolish. I did not call all women that are in bad relationships foolish.

But I DID say that the women willing to marry a man that is on national t.v. as the probable killer
of 3 of his wives…that’s foolish.

Will you realy try to tell me that the only man that will give this woman any attention is a possible
MURDERER…there are no other men? Would you say that it is not foolish but actualy wise?

These women no very well that its
not the wise thing to do.

Are you going to tell me that women who date men in prison, for violent crimes don’t know that
its not the best thing to do?

Put me in the situation.
I am lonely, and I find myself at a strip club. I talk a woman into coming home with me, and I try to
get her pregnant to get her to stay with me.
Now I may have been desperate,
I may have been lonely. But If someone said my actions were foolish…they would be correct.

What about men who rape women. Are there actions any less
foolish if the woman was wearing revealing clothes?
What if he was very lonely, are his actions less foolish then?

We don’t need to read hearts to know if a persons actions are foolish do we?

But how could I judge you?
I didn’t even know anything about your situation until you posted it.

I lost 3 years also, because I was
fooled into something. And even though I was truly tricked into it.
My actions were still foolish.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Exactly, you didn’t know my situation.

You also don’t know the situation of the women who do date murderers, try to keep guys by getting pregnant, or going to strip clubs. We know they’re foolish decisions, but that’s why we try and get out there. Instead of trying to figure out the exact science, it takes building a relationship, earning trust, constant prayer, and sincerity to help someone. And most importantly, we need to pray.

NO ONE is saying that these decisions are good ones. But just because a woman knows she’s beautiful does NOT mean she believes she is worth something. I almost ended up in bad situations because I struggled myself. And when I do end up in depression, it takes A LOT of reminding that God is there to not make those decisions.

Have you ever struggled with despair or depression?

 

[jean8]

I get angry when I hear about the
drew peterson case. 5 wives 3 end
up dead. He is a suspect to murder.

So why is it that there are women who will be wife number 6?!?!

I don’t like when people take advantage of someone phisicaly weaker then them. It makes me so upset I have thought of making it my main ministry to support any organization that helps abused women or children.

But I get discouraged when I see
a woman dating a street thug.
Dating people that are in prison.
I used to study the bible with a drug adict, he was so bad he could
hardly keep his eyes open…but sure enuf he was introducing me to his girlfriend and Im like what is her problem.

what is the deal with strip clubs, and playboy models? These women are obviously attractive and intelligent, and they are aware
that they are putting themselves in
danger.

If I was injured in a car reck, would you feel sorry for me if I told you I was driving drunk?

How can I make it my main ministry to help women, if there are an army of them that are doing everything in there power to
put themselves in danger?

Is there any logical explanation that I am not aware of?
Because now I am thinking of focusing on helping children because I feel they need me. And
deserve a fair shot at life.

excaliber,
It’s sweet of you to be concerned about these unfornunate women.
However, there are those who make poor choices for themselves, just as men make poor choices when they are selecting the would-be mother of his children.
It’s obvious Peterson is a unbalanced person. But who knows the reasons?
I’m happy that he has been arrested for his horrific actions.
Not everyone has come from a stable home. This is something we can pray about.

God bless you,
jean

 

[Pug]

How can I make it my main ministry to help women, if there are an army of them that are doing everything in there power to
put themselves in danger?

Join the society of st. vincent de paul. In my area, many of the clients are battered women who have escaped or are escaping. Often they have children. You would be helping the exact sort of person you seem to feel called to help. You could man the phones, for example, or deliver furnature to them.

Maybe you would gain insight into their lives, maybe not. But you would be helping.

Remember, a person with a different set of priorities and expectations will behave differently, and yet still be logical. Women seem to follow logic just as much/little as men, in my book.

 

[excaliber]

Exactly, you didn’t know my situation.

You also don’t know the situation of the women who do date murderers, try to keep guys by getting pregnant, or going to strip clubs. We know they’re foolish decisions, but that’s why we try and get out there. Instead of trying to figure out the exact science, it takes building a relationship, earning trust, constant prayer, and sincerity to help someone. And most importantly, we need to pray.

NO ONE is saying that these decisions are good ones. But just because a woman knows she’s beautiful does NOT mean she believes she is worth something. I almost ended up in bad situations because I struggled myself. And when I do end up in depression, it takes A LOT of reminding that God is there to not make those decisions.

Have you ever struggled with despair or depression?

Yea I got out of a cult, I know about despair and depression.
And I can explain why I was depressed. I had done foolish things while in that cult, and I know and can explain why.

There is probably a 80 percent
chance that I will marry a member
of that cult. Is that foolish…you bet it is LOL.
But I can explain why I may not have much choice.

So I do foolish things and I know why I do foolish things, sometimes
I don’t feel I have much choice.

But if I did have a choice of lets say 10 girls and 4 of them are from my old cult. I sure won’t choose the ones from the cult.

If I had the choice between a catholic or cult member, and I CHOOSE a cult member. that would be foolish.

The same with women that DO have a choice, and choose violent ex cons over normal people.

 

[chevalier]

Its the take what they can get part. Am I missing something or
can’t nice looking women get several men to approach them?

That one is relatively easy to answer. Sometimes men are intimidated by very attractive women and they don’t try to make moves. This may be even more true of beautiful women who don’t exhibit much flirtaciousness, which means they don’t make it obvious they’re up for getting. In the end they may actually have few men going after them. Compare with the solitude of great leaders.

 

[chevalier]

Now, I’ll have to agree with much of what’s been said. Except for one thing: logic. The ill effects of the sufferings of the tormented people are pretty logical if you look from the point of view of science and medicine instead of trying to apply common sense to them. Or rather what you see as common sense. If you had a Ph.D. in psychology, you’d have a ton of logical explanations and another ton if you were a neuroscientist or specialised in biochemistry.

You can arrive at somewhat similar, although simpler, conclusions, with mere common sense, but only if you calm down and rid yourself of plaintive attitudes. That is, you would need to calm down and quit focusing on the bad feeling of being preferred over men who are bad news by women who are attractive to you - if that’s the case, and it often is - or, which would probably be more difficult - quit focusing on the pain caused to you by dear females whom you don’t love romantically choosing those guys. Then if you quit expecting it to make sense your way and try to find what sense actually is in it, then you might actually understand it better.

I’m not trying to justify wrong decisions here, but there are logical patterns in people’s experience and their subsequent behaviour. It’s hard to get out of it and it would be heartless to expect people to deal with their own problems so that what? - so that they’re in a better condition themselves now, or so that they don’t annoy us with their poor choices? Not saying that’s what motivates you, but a notion of that is often there. I have to guard myself against it… They need healing more than we need them to sort it out.

And obviously, some people are just silly. Some love to flirt with danger. Others play with fire. That’s like with some animals. It’s pretty basic and primordial. Poke their higher functions a bit and they might stop following those routes any more.

Plus, men who complain about being skipped in favour of a “bad news” guy need to ask themselves: “Why did I choose that woman?” After all, we choose them before they choose some other guy. The most consistent factor between all those situations is that in each case we picked the woman. So they pick the wrong guys, but we pick the women who pick the wrong guys. Does everyone have a broken picker?

 

[Norseman82]

I was a loner in high school. I had friends, people liked me, but no one would spend time with me outside of school, they were “too busy” (getting drunk).

I was the only devout Catholic I knew and a lot of people really didn’t understand, didn’t try to understand. I got attacked for holding pro-life viewpoints.

My friends were the Jewish kids, gay kids, creative/anime/artist kids, writers, atheists/agnostics, all of whom were much more real and pure, who were also outcasts, but all of whom graduated before I hit my toughest year.

I was told I was pretty, but I didn’t believe anyone. I hated people staring at my body and making comments. I hated being compared to my sister, who looks older (though is younger) and is prettier.

I felt forgotten about.

I worked so hard, never took a break, to forget my loneliness. I tried to hide it. I was hurting a lot.

When I was sixteen, I ended up catching the wrong sort of attention. I hung out with boys who did not have the best reputations. But they were the only ones who acted like they actually care, actually wanted to spend time with me, they didn’t have cliques. Something about them felt wrong, but I didn’t care. I would take what I could get.

All of that ended with a scary experience, where I was lucky it didn’t turn out how it could have turned out.

If I had been attacked that day, would you have judged me, told me I was stupid, and that I was on the same moral level as someone who killed someone else? Simply because I was looking for friendship and ended up finding creepy people? Simply because I was stuck in the black hole of my loneliness?

Or would you have done what my best friend did, which was help me go through YEARS and I mean, YEARS of repressed emotions? Would you have let me talk about it, listened attentively, held me when I needed it, got me to a good counselor (to deal with the stuff that no untrained person can walk you through) and been there for me? Who helped me realize that I should reach out to others instead of close up in my shell? Who took time from his own busy life to have tea with me and make sure I was doing OK? Who ultimately helped me realize that while I was weak, God was strong and that, as a matter of fact, I had untapped strength?

Sorry, but people tried to kick me while I was down, in an attempt to help me. It made me clam up for three years. I lost three years of my life to an icy black hole of unreachable depression (and depression does run in my family and something I do struggle with off and on, especially in winter time), because I felt there was no one who would care and that I should just toughen up. I lost three years. And I wasn’t even raped, but I had enough experiences that frightened me, yet I was ashamed because I believed everything was my fault.

Imagine the women who are losing more years because of judgmental attitudes like yours.

I work in a crisis pregnancy center and the last thing these women need to hear is that they’re stupid, sinful idiots who only pick scumbags or that they put themselves in situations of rape and abuse (by the way, rapists and abusers are the ones who commit their crimes. It wouldn’t be called “rape” or “abuse” if consent was present) so they don’t deserve an ounce of compassion. They need a friendly face, a kind word, a smile, and finally, the assurance that someone, even if a mere stranger, loves them just for the sake that they are human and as such, are made in the image of our Creator.

The differnece here, though, is that here in the Chicagoland area, this story has been major news for at least a year or so, so unless this woman met him just as she emerged from a bomb shelter after 10 years with no contact with the outside world, there was ample societal warning to tell her: DANGER! THIS MAN IS SUSPECTED TO HAVE KILLED HIS LAST TWO WIVES! RED FLAG! PATTERN! YOU COULD BE NEXT!!

 

[Norseman82]

Poke their higher functions a bit and they might stop following those routes any more.

DING! DING! DING!

I think that is the key sentence here (or, as the head of family ministry here in the Chicago archdiocese once said, one needs to not forget the head when dealing with matters of the heart). I think this is what everyone would like to see happen, it’s just that some may have a better knack for “poking” tactfully.

 

[ack]

You can arrive at somewhat similar, although simpler, conclusions, with mere common sense, but only if you calm down and rid yourself of plaintive attitudes. That is, you would need to calm down and quit focusing on the bad feeling of being preferred over men who are bad news by women who are attractive to you - if that’s the case, and it often is - or, which would probably be more difficult - quit focusing on the pain caused to you by dear females whom you don’t love romantically choosing those guys. Then if you quit expecting it to make sense your way and try to find what sense actually is in it, then you might actually understand it better.

I’m not trying to justify wrong decisions here, but there are logical patterns in people’s experience and their subsequent behaviour. It’s hard to get out of it and it would be heartless to expect people to deal with their own problems so that what? - so that they’re in a better condition themselves now, or so that they don’t annoy us with their poor choices? Not saying that’s what motivates you, but a notion of that is often there. I have to guard myself against it… They need healing more than we need them to sort it out.

A very good point (not only for the OP, but also for some others on this thread.)

 

[excaliber]

Now, I’ll have to agree with much of what’s been said. Except for one thing: logic. The ill effects of the sufferings of the tormented people are pretty logical if you look from the point of view of science and medicine instead of trying to apply common sense to them. Or rather what you see as common sense. If you had a Ph.D. in psychology, you’d have a ton of logical explanations and another ton if you were a neuroscientist or specialised in biochemistry.

You can arrive at somewhat similar, although simpler, conclusions, with mere common sense, but only if you calm down and rid yourself of plaintive attitudes. That is, you would need to calm down and quit focusing on the bad feeling of being preferred over men who are bad news by women who are attractive to you - if that’s the case, and it often is - or, which would probably be more difficult - quit focusing on the pain caused to you by dear females whom you don’t love romantically choosing those guys. Then if you quit expecting it to make sense your way and try to find what sense actually is in it, then you might actually understand it better.

I’m not trying to justify wrong decisions here, but there are logical patterns in people’s experience and their subsequent behaviour. It’s hard to get out of it and it would be heartless to expect people to deal with their own problems so that what? - so that they’re in a better condition themselves now, or so that they don’t annoy us with their poor choices? Not saying that’s what motivates you, but a notion of that is often there. I have to guard myself against it… They need healing more than we need them to sort it out.

And obviously, some people are just silly. Some love to flirt with danger. Others play with fire. That’s like with some animals. It’s pretty basic and primordial. Poke their higher functions a bit and they might stop following those routes any more.

Plus, men who complain about being skipped in favour of a “bad news” guy need to ask themselves: “Why did I choose that woman?” After all, we choose them before they choose some other guy. The most consistent factor between all those situations is that in each case we picked the woman. So they pick the wrong guys, but we pick the women who pick the wrong guys. Does everyone have a broken picker?

What you say makes no sence, because of the teachings of hell and pergatory.
There must be people who choose
to do evil, while knowing and having the opportunity to do good.
If everyone had a scientific reason
to do what they do, or if they realy
had no alternative. Then God who
is the perfect judge, would have no reason to send anyone to any
of these places.

The bible and the church, make the argument of having no choice
void.The woman who is or was trying to marry a probable murderer, is simply not trying to
“marry in the lord”.
Her father is all over national T.V.
Saying that he dose not approve
of his daughters actions.

So This woman ignored her own
father and the church. The only other argument would be that a possible murderer is her only choice to find a man…we all know
that is not true.

So no I don’t trust science, that trys to find excuses for disobedience. These same scientists would deny the existence
of God himself.

 

[sanctamaria17]

We have free will, but if we are blinded by previous trauma, it’s hard to make a true choice. Also, if a woman knows she is physically beautiful, maybe she’s afraid that’s all she’s considered good for? Or maybe, some women deliberately make bad choices while others are dealing with more trauma than they realize? By the way, beauty doesn’t last forever. How do you know she could catch any man, just by her looks? What about what’s in her heart? Her mind? Her soul?

Why can’t you just pray for these women and just go after someone who DOESN’T fall for murderers?

 

[chevalier]

Excaliber, it’s very fine to reject science or scientific methods when they conflict with God’s message, but be careful about rejecting them because they conflict with your view.

You apparently want to find a sinful fault in particular women choosing particular men, whereas diseases of the mind are medical units as much as diseases of the body are and while in most people’s perilous inclinations can be overcome with reason, in some cases there’s little informed choice to make. A person suffering from schizophrenia makes no choice to have invisible friends. A paranoid person makes no choice to see danger everywhere and arrive at logical ends from falsely assumed beginnings. This is the very reason why some people don’t incur criminal responsibility for criminal offences - or don’t sin for that matter, or at least not gravely.

No matter what you want to believe, you cannot discount the fact that responsibility reaches only as far as the individual is able to make a choice. Absent full knowledge and full consent, you have no mortal sin. Absent any choice, you have no sin whatsoever.

You can wave away the mitigating factor of traumas and addictions with just a single negation borne out of personal aganst against a certain situation which makes you feel bad. You must realise that you are dealing with troubled women who are in need of help.

By the same token, you would need to look for moral fault in yourself for picking a woman who picked a disturbed man. How about that? Does the prospect bring you joy?

 

[excaliber]

Excaliber, it’s very fine to reject science or scientific methods when they conflict with God’s message, but be careful about rejecting them because they conflict with your view.

You apparently want to find a sinful fault in particular women choosing particular men, whereas diseases of the mind are medical units as much as diseases of the body are and while in most people’s perilous inclinations can be overcome with reason, in some cases there’s little informed choice to make. A person suffering from schizophrenia makes no choice to have invisible friends. A paranoid person makes no choice to see danger everywhere and arrive at logical ends from falsely assumed beginnings. This is the very reason why some people don’t incur criminal responsibility for criminal offences - or don’t sin for that matter, or at least not gravely.

No matter what you want to believe, you cannot discount the fact that responsibility reaches only as far as the individual is able to make a choice. Absent full knowledge and full consent, you have no mortal sin. Absent any choice, you have no sin whatsoever.

You can wave away the mitigating factor of traumas and addictions with just a single negation borne out of personal aganst against a certain situation which makes you feel bad. You must realise that you are dealing with troubled women who are in need of help.

By the same token, you would need to look for moral fault in yourself for picking a woman who picked a disturbed man. How about that? Does the prospect bring you joy?

You are correct, there are times when a persons judgment is impaired. Or they are not aware of
the facts. And you can’t sin gravely by mistake.

But do you think it has application
here, and why assume that all these women are mentaly impaired?

Are all the men mentaly impaired?
If a man sleeps with a woman, is
it ok because her revealing clothing rendered him mentaly impaired?

Men that go to strip clubs, that are
married…Is it ok because the pressure at work and in his marriage affected his thinking?

I am interested in knowing if there
is a double standard, or dose the
trauma men face excuse them also?

 

[excaliber]

We have free will, but if we are blinded by previous trauma, it’s hard to make a true choice. Also, if a woman knows she is physically beautiful, maybe she’s afraid that’s all she’s considered good for? Or maybe, some women deliberately make bad choices while others are dealing with more trauma than they realize? By the way, beauty doesn’t last forever. How do you know she could catch any man, just by her looks? What about what’s in her heart? Her mind? Her soul?

Why can’t you just pray for these women and just go after someone who DOESN’T fall for murderers?

I am not after someone who is dating a murderer. I Know guys who are not even close to marriage material, they are only looking for sex. And when Im out with guys I have known my whole
life and care about, I try to encourage them to get it together
and go to church. But its hard because all these guys have one thing in common…plenty of women. These guys don’t have much of a reason to listen to me.

Its because I have seen a lot of these women, that its hard to believe that they are mentaly impaired. Seems like they are just as bad as the guys. And not any more mentaly impaired then the men.