Why does God not want me to get married?

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_Gemma

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Maybe I’m just impatient, but I would like to finally meet a nice man. I’ve been single my whole life and now at 22 I’m starting to get depression and can’t cope because I have nothing to live for. All my friends have partners and my Catholic friends are all happy.
Sometimes I don’t understand because I’m one of the few Catholics that actually are devout and follow the teachings of the church but I’m not happy.
I just want a reason to live. I want to love and be loved. what can I do?
I’ve tried the St Raphael prayer.
Does God want me to just suffer?
 
The devil wants you to suffer; God does not torment people with these kinds of concerns. The devil, on the other hand, wants you to give you things to suffer in your mind, because only in your mind can you suffer something that hasn’t happened to you yet. Most of us here were “single our whole life” at the age of 22. Some of us who were not single at 22 also did not have a valid attempt at marriage.

It is not common for someone to conclude they will never marry because they haven’t done so at the age of 22. The average age of first marriage for women in the United States is around 26. I cannot put my finger on the study, but if memory serves correctly, a Catholic upbringing increases the chance of marital success for those who marry later in life, but a Catholic upbringing does not relieve the increased chances of divorce among those who marry young.

Please see a counselor. The feelings you describe are not healthy and are not preparing you well for a fruitful married life. Taken too far, they could even be dangerous. Help God get the soil ready, so there will be a good result when God provides the seed, OK?

To fall in love with God is the greatest of romances,
to seek Him the greatest adventure,
to find Him the greatest human achievement.
St. Augustine
 
_Gemma said:
Maybe I’m just impatient, but I would like to finally meet a nice man. I’ve been single my whole life and now at 22 I’m starting to get depression and can’t cope because I have nothing to live for. All my friends have partners and my Catholic friends are all happy.
Sometimes I don’t understand because I’m one of the few Catholics that actually are devout and follow the teachings of the church but I’m not happy.
I just want a reason to live. I want to love and be loved. what can I do?
I’ve tried the St Raphael prayer.
Does God want me to just suffer?
Click to expand...
I am not being unempathetic–but truly if you could only realize how very young 22 is, you wouldn’t worry. Enjoy these years and being single. Love usually comes around when you least expect it–and then the work begins with a husband and kids and the responsibility of a family and you’ll be glad you had a few years of being single to remember!👍
 
Joseph waited 13 years. Abraham waited 25 years. Moses waited 40 years…if God is making you wait, you’re in good company.

Found this in interenet…

.Keep praying St.Rapahel until you meet the person of your dreams.I am not saying this w/o any experience of what you have mentioned.One thing I am sure of is that the more you pray the more the fruits of the prayer will be and the wait will be worth it.
 
Hello Gemma,
maybe you’re right, that he doesn’t want you to get married. Praying and ask what He wants from you is the best thing, and even ask for the prayers of your patron saint Gemma, who only wanted to be Jesus’ bride.
 
_Gemma said:
Maybe I’m just impatient, but I would like to finally meet a nice man. I’ve been single my whole life and now at 22 I’m starting to get depression and can’t cope because I have nothing to live for. All my friends have partners and my Catholic friends are all happy.
Sometimes I don’t understand because I’m one of the few Catholics that actually are devout and follow the teachings of the church but I’m not happy.
I just want a reason to live. I want to love and be loved. what can I do?
I’ve tried the St Raphael prayer.
Does God want me to just suffer?
Click to expand...
Hi, Just keep a positive outlook on life and meet people. Eventually you will find a mate that may lead to marriage. You are very young still and there should be no rush to marry, but to find the right mate for you. Good Luck and keep thinking positively.
 
I just wanted to add one more funny thought–I’m hoping that it will put a smile on your face and erase some of your worry–or put it in perspective anyway. 🙂 An old cajun OB doc I once worked with for awhile in Louisiana and I were talking about some of the pregnant women we saw and some of the men who had impregnated them. It was a rather “earthy” conversation as most such conversations are but I’ll try to give you a sanitized version–LOL!

The basic premise we were discussing was that some of the women who arrived to us in labor weighed over 400 pounds, had perhaps 1 or 2 teeth left, had body odor to high heaven–having obviously not bathed in a week-- and often had on criminal ankle bracelets from being on house arrest. Frankly, it had become a bit of a joke–he seemed to attract this particular clientele like a magnet time after time and probably 5 for him to 1 for me–and I loved to tease him about his luck in this area–or lack thereof. So one evening, we were both in the providers’ lounge when one of the worst examples of my above description–and HIS patient of course–arrived in labor. The woman couldn’t even be weighed on our unit’s scale, as it only accommodated up to 450 pounds–and arriving with her was the baby-daddy-- a skinny little twerp of a man, as equally unkempt as the woman, but perhaps weighing 100 pounds soaking wet–which he obviously hadn’t been any time recently. I was teasing my doc friend and remarked something like: “Y’know, Rob, when I look at some of your ladies I am confounded by 2 things.” He asked me what the two things might be. I explained to him “Well, aside from simply trying to figure out the mechanics of how a man that size was even physically able to impregnate a woman of her girth–and that’s a hard mental picture for me to even try to wrap my mind around you have to realize— my second question would be WHY WOULD HE WANT TO?”

The old doc looked at me for a minute and then, with a big smile on his face said in a thick cajun accent::
“Well see, it’s like this–for every saskwatch there’s a saskwatch-inseminator! If you set your sights low enough, any woman out there can find herself a man! Ya just gotta lower those sights!”

After that, I used to tell my own daughters, “YOU are not saskwatchs. If you put a 5 cent price tag on your forehead, you’ll attract men with a nickel to spend. If you put a price tag on yourself that says $1,000,000.00–you won’t be bothered by that first group as they will know you’re out of their league–but you will attract a man who can shop in that price range and store!” Obviously, we weren’t discussing a future husband’s bank account–nor was I suggesting to my girls that they prostitute themselves. There is almost a scent to desperation that members of the opposite sex pick up on as it it were a phermone–and if you allow yourself to feel or be or act desperate, you will never attract the kind of man you want to spend your entire life with. You want to marry and have a family–good for you, and since you feel this strongly, it must be the vocation God wants for you. But remember that your goal is NOT simply to find a husband. Anyone out there can accomplish that if they become willing to settle for any man who’s willing to tie his horse to their cart! What you are wanting is THE right man for you–someone who will love and respect you and be a good husband, father and life partner–someone you will be willing and happy to see every morning of your life for hopefully the next 50 or 75 years! SO:RELAX!!, Be selective. If it takes you until you are 30 to find the man that God has put here on earth for you, you will still have years ahead for a family and all that goes with it. Concentrate on your education, hobbies you enjoy, work that you find fulfilling, travelling if you like to, and of course, your faith. Pray for the right man–not just A man–and let God work in his own time and way!! And SMILE–that’s what I am hoping to make you do–you are definitely not an old maid at 22!👍
 
Over the years I have known several people who could have written your thread, who felt like you do. There are quite a few people who have posted similar sentiments on this forum, so basically I am trying to encourage you that you are not alone. Recently, perhaps last week, someone on here posted almost everyday a thread “praying for my future spouse”. Maybe you could look it up and get some further encouragement from them. But, one thing I know for sure, God does have a plan for you and no doubt a future spouse out there that you just have not met yet. Waiting on God’s timing is one of those most difficult things many of us do, I will pray for you to be patient with an open heart and that God reveals His plan for you soon. Hang in there.
 
Hi, i dont comment very often but i saw your post and I wanted to respond. Please dont think for a second that God doesnt care about you finding your future husband, just because you havent met him yet at 22! I am older than you, & please dont see this as condescending, but you are still really young. However, I know you are concerned that since you haven’t met him yet, you may never meet him. Please be assured - this isn’t true at all. You will meet him. God loves you and is concerned about every aspect of your life.

I think you should be really proud of the fact that you are living a good life and being the kind of person that God would be proud of.👍 IMO, I think that your goal right now should be to keep being that kind of person, and to pray for advice and guidance to help you connect with the kind of young man that shares your morals and commitment to living a Godly life. There are many young men who have had the exact same experience as you, & are looking for a girl like you. You just have to meet one of them, so your task is pretty easy if you think about it! Dont worry about other people - you are on the right road, and I can say from experience that it sometimes takes a little longer:shrug:

To help focus your mind and prayers, and inspire you, you might want to make a list describing the qualities of your ideal mate & relationship / marriage, & also a list describing the things about you that you are most proud of. You can include morals, values, interests, accomplishments, & anything else you want. These kind of exercises have helped alot of people (myself included).

Many people have received the intercession of the Blessed Mother and Archangel Raphael in seeking their mate. Its important to develop a good prayer life no matter whats going on in the rest of your life, because when you feel close to God, you will know in your heart that he will guide and take care of all of your needs.

Going forward, dont worry about finding your husband, or anything else - just focus on living the best life you can. You make have to take some appropriate action when it feels right or is just common sense (eg socializing with good people; meeting new like-minded people, etc), but just know that you are not alone on your journey. Be proud of who you are, work on your goals and dreams, and try to love yourself the way God loves you. When the time is right, you will be led to the right young man who will love you in that way, too. 🙂
 
Like Rick, I don’t post here often, but want to compliment him on his advice to you which was beautifully crafted. You are still young Gemma, don’t worry about not finding a mate. I know at times it can seem like it will never happen, but God has a plan for you and will introduce you to your future spouse in His time. Along with praying for a spouse, pray to God to give you the strength and patience to deal with the wait for a spouse.

Here is something which I use to give me strength - it’s a message from Jesus:

Why you are confused and shaken when faced with problems of life? Leave the care of all your things to me and everything will get better. When you abandon yourself in me, everything will resolve with tranquility according to my will. Do not get desperate, do not direct a shaken prayer at me, as if you wanted to demand the fulfillment of your desires. Close the eyes of your soul and tell me calmly: Jesus, I trust in you.Avoid the preoccupations and anguishes and the thoughts of what he can happen next. Do not spoil my plans, wanting to impose your ideas on me. Let me be God and act with freedom. Abandon yourself confidently in me. Rest in me and leave your future in my hands. Tell me frequently: Jesus, I trust in you.What more damage does to you is your reasoning and your own ideas and to want to solve things your way. When you say to me: Jesus, I trust in you, do not be like the patient who asks his doctor to cure him, but he suggests the way to do it. Allow yourself to be carried in my divine arms; do not be afraid, I LOVE YOU. If you think things are getting worse or are complicated in spite of your prayers continue trusting. Close the eyes of your soul and trust. Continue saying to me at all times: Jesus, I trust in you. I need my hands to be free to be able to work. Do not tie me up with your useless preoccupations, Satan wants that: to agitate you, anguish you, to take away your Peace. Trust only in ME, abandon yourself in ME. So do not worry, throw all your anguishes at ME and sleep tranquilly. Always tell me: Jesus, I trust in you and you will see great miracles. I promise this to you because of my love for you.

Hope this helps 👍
 
No, God doesn’t want you to suffer and God wants the best for you. First as others have pointed, you are extremely young. Second, you mention depression, wanting something to live for and have someone to love you. Those are all wrong reasons to look for love because they mean you are unhappy within yourself and lacking self esteem. You cannot expect someone else to come and give you love if you don’t love your own self. If you are unhappy with tour own self no one will ever make you happy because happiness comes from within. I think you should stop looking for love outside of yourself and start looking for love and happiness within you and with God. I think some counseling and therapy should be good for you given the depression. Again you are very young and maybe what God wants is for you to start loving yourself and get out of the depression first in order that you can have a truly happy and lasting marriage. If you start taking care of this issue now I am sure marriage will come to you when you least expect it.
 
You’ve received some great (name removed by moderator)ut already. 👍

I just want to add that, when I was 22, I felt exactly the same way. I’d had this desire to marry since second grade. And I thought that – as I was exiting my college undergrad days – that I had missed the boat. An inordinate number of my friends had gotten married over that summer (including most of my better friends and my brother) and I felt like the odd one out. Oh how easy it is to worry. :o

The best thing I ever did (at the advice of my spiritual director) was to forgo all thoughts of dating and marriage for eight months and just focus on my spiritual walk with the Lord and on taking my life in the direction it needed to go. It was a very freeing experience to let go of all those thoughts. And when the time was over, I had a much different perspective.
 
Dont worry Gemma, i didnt get married until the old age of 23. God only wants what is best for you and him. be patient, dont despair, God may have something really great coming your way and you are being prepared for that moment. 😉
 
I’m in a similar situation, and i feel the same way.
The only thing i can say is focus on yourself, so you can be at your best when you meet that special someone. I’m also focusing on repairing my relationship with god after being agnostic for a while. I hope that by the time i’m done healing my mental health, getting into college, and becoming closer to god that i will unexpectedly find my future husband.
 
_Gemma said:
Maybe I’m just impatient, but I would like to finally meet a nice man. I’ve been single my whole life and now at 22 I’m starting to get depression and can’t cope because I have nothing to live for. All my friends have partners and my Catholic friends are all happy.
Sometimes I don’t understand because I’m one of the few Catholics that actually are devout and follow the teachings of the church but I’m not happy.
I just want a reason to live. I want to love and be loved. what can I do?
I’ve tried the St Raphael prayer.
Does God want me to just suffer?
Click to expand...
I want to touch on the “I’ve tried the St Raphael prayer”. I’ve seen many folks who say “I’ve tried this, I’ve tried that, and it didn’t work.” Prayers are not like coins we put in a machine that dispenses a drink that we chose. Prayers are not what we do to get our way. It’s one of those things to bring to confession because the more perfect prayer is to say Jesus, I wish to get married, but I trust in You! I choose Your will for my life today. Help me to love you more. You don’t know what kind of stuff God is working today in your future husband. What happens if he isn’t in the Church yet? God may be orchestrating his life in such a way that in a couple of years he will come into the Church and will be open to God and walking in faith. What should you do in the mean time? Ask God to bless him, strengthen him in his faith walk, ask God to protect him from temptation today, and may all these blessings be on you today as well. Maybe you have some spiritual exercises to do before you meet your husband too, some struggles to over come, some people to meet, some fire to walk through.

Married life can be full of challenges. Never look at someone and think How happy they are, because you never know what difficult crosses they may have to carry in 5 years, or 10 years. I’m in my 50’s, and I’ve recently met some friends that I went to high school with, and they were taller, prettier, handsomer, smarter, more educated then me. Married before me. I wouldn’t trade places with them today when I see what the years have put in their lives. Just be grateful for your todays because a thankful and grateful heart is pleasing to God, and pleasing to others. May we both live that today, for God’s glory.

Jesus, I trust in You! I want to prefer Your will to my own! Help me to do that today.
God bless!
 
I’ve been thinking about “I’ve been single my whole life”. Many young people date at an early age and put themselves into times of temptation. They become sexually active, go on the pill. These activities are sinful, and they put ourselves into position to have our heart broken. Since the pill has become so widely available, STDs have exploded, not only in amount, but also the kinds of diseases have taken off too. Teen pregnancy and single mothers have exploded, and is a major cause of living below the poverty line. And then there are the millions of abortions from sex that is not between a married couple who are committed to each other.

Did you know that the pill works in 2 ways? It 1) suppresses ovulation and 2) makes the uterus uninhabitable for a fertilized egg. The pill is ‘safer’ if it is a lowest dose possible, so sometimes an egg is released, there to be fertilized. This means that a sexually active woman may release an egg once or twice in a year, and the outcome is that these young babies are aborted.

The Church teaches that married couples are not to use artificial contraception. When couples are planning their families, they can use Natural Family Planning, which is scientifically based. A woman can watch her signs of fertility, and can tell when ovulation has occurred or has been delayed. This may be a very good time, if you haven’t already, to look into classes of NFP, do charting, and learn your fertility signs. So many young ladies are quick to go on the pill because they are not married, and when it comes to getting off the pill to get pregnant, they never learn this basic method of learning fertile and non-fertile days. It is a way to work with God and his plan for married life. I wish I had learned it when I was a teenager and had irregular cycles, and didn’t know what the heck was going on. I hope you look into NFP, take the classes, and talk about it with your friends. Be an apostle for the Church teaching on sexuality and marriage as designed by God. God bless.
 
Starrsmother said:
…

After that, I used to tell my own daughters, “YOU are not saskwatchs. If you put a 5 cent price tag on your forehead, you’ll attract men with a nickel to spend. If you put a price tag on yourself that says $1,000,000.00–you won’t be bothered by that first group as they will know you’re out of their league–but you will attract a man who can shop in that price range and store!” …
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While I agree with your sentiments that a woman should have high standards for a lifetime partner, having high standards won’t dissuade the dirtbags.

Oddly, a confident and intelligent woman tends to put off (especially at younger ages) men who are still building careers and feel as if they have little to offer, yet. The dirtbags seem to be brimming with confidence and will approach any woman thinking of themselves as the end-all be-all of manhood without really having achieved anything or having much to offer. Just my .02, YMMV.
 
Gemma, I found myself in the same situation as you when I was younger. (I’m 29.) Finally, when I’d just about given up hope and resigned myself to the single life, God inspired a wonderful man to contact me online when I was 25. (Keep in mind that I had never seriously dated anyone prior to this, apart from a few fun dates here and there.) We’ve been married for 2.5 years now, since I was 26, and I couldn’t ask for a better husband. Truly, he has qualities that I didn’t know I needed in a husband until I met him.

I know it’s hard. It’s very hard. My heart truly aches for you. St. Anne and St. Joseph are also excellent at finding partners. As it turned out, I figured I could see myself marrying my husband after our first date! (We’d been corresponding for about 4 months online prior to that.) Our family has always been specially protected by Our Lady, for generations. My husband and I agreed that our first date would be at St. Joseph’s Basilica for noon Mass, followed by lunch together. Turned out it was the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes (February 11). I found out later that his birthday is July 26 - Feast of Sts. Joachim and Anne, parents of Our Lady. When I found that out, it was as if I knew I was supposed to marry him.

While we still have free will, I believe that God still has a plan for us - whether or not we choose to cooperate with His plan is up to us. If it is His Will that you should be married, He will inspire you to make certain choices and He will inspire your future husband to make certain choices, too. It’s important to be open to His Will so that you can listen to the still, small voice in your heart that is His voice, guiding you on the path.
 
_Gemma said:
Maybe I’m just impatient, but I would like to finally meet a nice man. I’ve been single my whole life and now at 22 I’m starting to get depression and can’t cope because I have nothing to live for. All my friends have partners and my Catholic friends are all happy.
Sometimes I don’t understand because I’m one of the few Catholics that actually are devout and follow the teachings of the church but I’m not happy.
I just want a reason to live. I want to love and be loved. what can I do?
I’ve tried the St Raphael prayer.
Does God want me to just suffer?
Click to expand...
I’m more worried about what seems like extreme language in your post than the fact that you are 22 (still young!) and single. To be depressed, unable to cope, and feel like you have nothing to live for- if you are truly feeling these things and not being hyperbolic for the sake of a post- these are signs of serious depression! Get professional help for this and find some things that you are passionate about regardless of whether there is a man in your life or not, and I guarantee you will be far more attractive to the devout guys - who ARE out there, I promise.
 
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