Why does it seem like even Catholic and Christian girls are shallow?

[ManOnFire]

Well, i guess my counter question would be: why does it seem like even catholic and christian guys say they want a nice girl and end up going for the super model/pretty girls, and then complain to the nice girls that they cant get a good girl? I agree with a previous poster, i have liked some “nice” guys before who only told me how they wished they had a girlfriend, all the while pining for some unattainable and/or mean girl.

These are the “values” the media has painted. It’s more hype and less soul. This is why young people need to shift away from pop culture, believe it or not. Good luck getting that message through to people when the media is so smothering.

 

[chevalier]

These are the “values” the media has painted. It’s more hype and less soul. This is why young people need to shift away from pop culture, believe it or not. Good luck getting that message through to people when the media is so smothering.

Going for the unattainable is an old, weary thing that goes back to the chivalric literature of the middle ages (it was brought North from Muslim Spain to Southern France) and then the romanticism period of 19th century. It’s not actually connected with consumerism etc. Unless we’re talking about guys who only go after Photoshopped models or other images that sometimes don’t even happen in the real world.

 

[EasterJoy]

Back to the main point of the thread: Even during the Great Depression, there were people who could find a job. Even if this is the Great Depression when it comes to finding people properly disposed for marriage, if you make yourself into someone who is properly disposed, then you’ll be someone attractive to someone else out there who is looking for the same thing and who won’t settle for less. You have to put yourself out where you can be found, yes, but if you want the best you have to both work at deserving it and force yourself to be patient enough to be available when it comes along.

Keep knocking, but don’t try to force the door. Do your part, and then you can go to sleep knowing that God will do his part, too.

 

[chevalier]

The younger ones weren’t being told not to look for a wife. They were told not to waste the time of not having found yet by ignoring the advantages of still being single. Live the life you have, don’t waste it wishing for the life you don’t have yet, that was the message.

Yes, of course. I perhaps went overboard with leaving the status quo alone in my interpretation. Thank you for clarifying.

Not exactly. I’ve been in 2 abusive relationships and and witnessed female relatives in them too. I’m not talking about a desire for a woman to not give up any autonomy or independence. I’m talking about legitimate control issues, being intimidated and frightened, manipulated in to staying away from friends and family, physically threatened and even hit, and sexual coercion. The men that I have encountered who are abusers have all had the needy, “I really want/need a woman, I really want to love and care for her, and I’m really, really bitter and angry that I don’t have that” thing going on.

That attitude scares the **** out of me and every other woman who has ever been in or witnessed an abusive relationship. The good guys are the ones who treat you like a human being and show kindness and respect. The scary ones see women as a commodity that they deserve.

Yes, I understand that. I am even willing to concede that I may have shown some legitimately (objectively) scary signs in my own behaviour that I may be failing to see (while there’s a couple I can see clearly if I go back through my dating misfortunes… nothing ever happened to me that I didn’t deserve).

On the other hand I’ve witnessed quite a lot of a desire for control in women. Perhaps not directly gaining the control of the man but definitely gaining the control of the relationship, preserving the control of one’s own affairs while pushing the onus of compromise on the other party, which does lead to my way or highway, although milder vocabulary is normally used. On the other hand, one comment about a décolleté or a flirtacious remark direct at another man, and the man is made into a controlling abuser. If not actual then at least potential. Some basic justice is lacking in that, in my opinion. Mutual assistance and community of life is replaced by affirmation of the woman’s freedom versus everything by the man, or at least that’s the expectation. I can understand that to an extent: there were indeed centuries of at least some kind of unequality of opportunities. There wasn’t exactly legal equality either. That can lead to rebound. It’s also hard to remain totally uninfluenced by the mysandria of radical feminist talk. Plus, one can’t deny that a man always has the comfort of being larger, stronger, physically, which the woman doesn’t, so she actually even risks her physical safety and the integrity of her person when trusting a man, which is something typically ignored because a man doesn’t normally understand it. But excess is still excess.

Point being that women should put a reality check on their conceptions and conclusions when control appears as a topic. Just like men should remind themselves to correct the cognitive bias resulting from previous wrong (one-sided) ideas about fidelity or e.g. dignity lost in a woman but not in a man by sleeping around etc.

 

[akela135]

Actually, there’s another dimension to that: organising and making things happen. For example, I love the woods and I’m sure I’d love hiking. But the thought of me organising it is a lamentable joke. I guess I could introduce someone to the computer world on the other hand, who couldn’t really find a way otherwise. A good thing about interacting with others is that they can introduce us to new things and facilitate some others. Makes life more interesting.

I haven’t read all the posts in this thread although I’ve been mointoring it over the last day or two.

This wasn’t directly related to “things you can do” but I think it should be. I think there is a lot to be gained by learning to organize and plan not only events and dates, but general outings and hang out times. The older you get and the more involved with various things, from work to an eventual family, the more things will have to be thought of and taken care to simply go to the park for the afternoon. Something to practice now would be to schedule and plan things for you and your friends to do. If you can show yourself to be good at planning and organizing events more people will rely on you to “get the gang together” so to speak, and as those friends meet new people they are likely to ask if their friends can tag along at your “hang out”.

This will give you something to fill your time with, it will be fun, and it will be practicle for future events that may be more difficult. Start with scheduling everyone to go watch a movie in the theater, or invite them to your place to watch a movie. If at the theater make sure all going can meet at about the same time and know where to go. Perhaps arrange to get popcorn to share as a group and be sure to have the movie planned out before arriving. For instance if you want to see movie A and you know several other friends also wanted to see it, invite them, maybe letting others know that you will be seeing movie A and they are more than welcome to come as well. After you master movies, move on to game nights, prayer and church groups, local parks or sporting events, all the way up to a day out of town in another city.

People generally will be more likely to attend an event or come spend time with you if you have the task of planning done. You aren’t forcing them, merely extending and invitation to something you are planning on doing anyway. If they had nothing going on they are likely to think “That sounds fun, I think I’ll come along” and you might get more people to join you. If one of your friends is like “Hey I told a female coworker about plans and she wants to come along, can she?” You’ve extended your pool of meeting people and you got to do something enjoyable to boot. Afterall, one of the people who just tag along might know someone who you would be a great match for.

I think you sound like a nice guy whose headed in the right direction. I just wanted to offer advice on what I think a very useful skill is.

 

[EasterJoy]

You’ve got to realise that you aren’t your father and that while you could perhaps try to improve some things in your family line, you aren’t individually responsible for what your dad did wrong… or right, for that matter. You’re your own man. You have flaws your dad doesn’t have and you have some areas where you do better than he did or still does.

Also, being a little thoughtless or forgetting to phone is not a crime. It’s not the caliber of thing that should have you thinking you don’t want to be a “man like that”.

The OP’s example also illustrates one of the reasons that it is bad to complain about your spouse in front of your children. It is like letting the jury see only the prosecution’s case, and nothing else. You can’t guarantee that they’ll ever see the conversation where the apology is made, where the mitigating factors come out, where the misunderstanding was corrected, or where the problem is solved. Since the kids will usually only see the venting, it is better not to vent in front of your kids.

 

[johnsmith2025]

Being a not very attractive man, why is this. I’ve heard many girls say they want a godly man in their life, but look the other way at a guy like me in favor of the better looking guy. Now i’m not saying their aren’t good looking guys who are godly, but lets just say those of us who got beaten with the ugly stick are at a disadvantage. Why is it that even devout girls (and yes girls devout guys ) are so shallow?

Because people are always more comfortable giving a nice lie instead of the aweful truth.
There’s always going to be people to tell you want you want to hear ; family and friends will always do it, and politicians, doctors, and yes, some girl too.

It’s not as if she’s going to actually say to you “Hmm, yeah well I don’t want you because that tattooed guy over there with the Harley has a lot more sex appeal than you.”. No, instead, she’s going to be nice and lie and say “Yeah you’re a great guy! I’m sure you’ll find someone just right for you!”.

That’s just how the human race is. I learned this long ago, this B’S’ing that people like to do, so, instead of listening to people’s words, I pay a lot more attention to their actions. I’m more interested in SEEING who that hot chick is going for, rather than talking her at her WORD for who she SAYS she wants. What she SAYS and what she DOES typically controdict each other.

Fortunately you’re a guy though, so, you’re appearance isn’t quite as important. Not that you shouldn’t keep up good maintenance on whatever genetics you have to work with.
Fact is, if you’re making 6 or 7 figures a year one day, the hotties will come regardless — you can think of an endless list of hideous male Hollywood entertainers who get gorgeous women by the bucketloads because he’s rolling in moolah. Granted, that might not SOUND very nice, but it’s perfectly true and it’s not a point that can be argued.

And anway, shallow is something more along the lines of “Oh my God Becky, eww this nail polish so clashes with my coctail! … Waiter, bring me a different drink, chop chop!” … So let’s be clear about the definition of “shallow”. Just because a human being excercises their right to be selective when choosing a partner, that doesn’t necessarily make them shallow – it just means that you didn’t like the fact that she didn’t want you.

Also, just because someone says that they want someone “Godly”, even if they mean it and aren’t just saying it because it sounds good, that doesn’t mean that they don’t still have to be physically attracted to that person. – People need to be physically attracted no matter what they level of faith is. … And besides, if it were the other way around, can you honestly say that you would be attracted to an ugly girl?

Just because someone is selective doesn’t mean they are shallow – people just like to tell themself things like that because it makes them feel better.

But you can’t take these things personally – just forget about her and move on to the next opportunity with the next woman. Persistance usually pays off in the end!