Why does it seem like so many Catholic mothers are stay-at-home moms?

[Evania]

I have a friend who actually sat down and did the math. Both her and her husband worked. They had four children, three of which were in daycare. When she added up gas money that was spent driving to and from work, and daycare expenses, she found she was seriously only making one dollar to contribute to the family finances. One dollar wasn’t worth the time spent away from her kids. She actually makes more money working from home now!

 

[SlackerCatholic]

^^^ the money party was very true for us until recently too.

 

[Frank_Drebin]

“IF I am blessed with children, I don’t plan on being a stay at home mom.”

Keep an open mind about this, and bear in mind that little kids get sick a lot, especially in a group setting like daycare.

I wouldn’t make any major decisions categorically before having kids (i.e. I’m going to breastfeed 11.5 months, etc.). Leave some room for improvisation, as well as the unexpected (children with serious disabilities).

Good advice. I considered breastfeeding for the first year, but then when my wife I had our daughter, I realized that wasn’t a good plan.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

“It is proven that kids who grow up living in project housing (in nasty conditions) will be healthier than kids who’s hands are cleaned 100 times a day. Because they build up immunities.”

I think you may be thinking of allergy issues. There have been a number of articles about how some dirt is good for preventing the development of allergies (so farm kids or kids with dogs at home have fewer allergies). What you want is a moderate immune response, rather than the hyper-vigilant allergic response.

I’ve been through the preschool petri dish experience, and it was really terrible. It was hardest on our infant at the time, who wound up hospitalized for a night in order to get rehydrated after getting rotavirus (his big sister who had brought it home “just” needed a few hours in ER). That was what it took for my husband to persuade me that preschool wasn’t worth it that year. We’d been less seriously sick for much of that year (our preschooler was missing at least one day a week due to illness), but the rotavirus was the last straw.
It is a pay-now-or-pay-later thing with germs, but the smaller children are, the more dangerous illnesses are for them. And since you are a teacher, your child will likely face two different germ sources (the kids in your class and the other kids at daycare). That is a lot of germs to be turning loose on one defenseless little baby who hasn’t even had all her shots yet.

No, not just allergies. If your body hasn’t been introduced to germs, your body won’t know how to defend against it. Just like the Native Americans when European settlers came. Their bodies didn’t know how to defend against the new germs. Proper diet helps with the immune system. Babys who are breastfed recieve immunities from their mother. Since I have a strong immune system, because of my job, my baby will benefit.
I caught mononucelosis when I was in the 3rd grade. My mother didn’t start homeschooling me because I got sick. That would be silly, sickness is a fact of life.
Parents also need to make sure that where they are sending their kids are cleaning properly and trying to prevent sickness.
Teachers should sanitize their room, make sure that a child with a temp. goes home, making sure a child who comes back after being sick doesn’t have a temp, making sure kids wash their hands properly at school, making sure kids use tissue, etc.

 

[The_Bucket]

I have a friend who actually sat down and did the math. Both her and her husband worked. They had four children, three of which were in daycare. When she added up gas money that was spent driving to and from work, and daycare expenses, she found she was seriously only making one dollar to contribute to the family finances. One dollar wasn’t worth the time spent away from her kids. She actually makes more money working from home now!

This and the other posters who have cited economic issues are probably on the money, so to speak. In our case, daycare is incredibly expensive in our area and we’re expecting #3 fairly soon. Once all our kids are at least preschool age, she’ll probably go to work, incidentally, as a teacher.

 

[7armyrugrats]

OP, you asked if SAHM’s would judge you for deciding to work. No, I don’t know of any that would. It seems, however, that you are judging SAHM’s and especially homeschooling SAHM’s. If we respect your decision, then why can’t you accept ours? If I could financially afford to work I would. Daycare, before and after school care and gas are too much for us. After #4 was born I was using my entire paycheck plus $50 of my husband’s to continue working. It didn’t make sense. I started homeschooling because my kids were switching schools often due to my husband’s career. With two in the autism spectrum it didn’t work out well with all the changes.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

OP, you asked if SAHM’s would judge you for deciding to work. No, I don’t know of any that would. It seems, however, that you are judging SAHM’s and especially homeschooling SAHM’s. If we respect your decision, then why can’t you accept ours? If I could financially afford to work I would. Daycare, before and after school care and gas are too much for us. After #4 was born I was using my entire paycheck plus $50 of my husband’s to continue working. It didn’t make sense. I started homeschooling because my kids were switching schools often due to my husband’s career. With two in the autism spectrum it didn’t work out well with all the changes.

Woah, so I’m not supposed to comment on anything? I don’t think I’m being judgemental. Especially since I was told not to have a plan and that I am basically going to be unfit because I’m going to be bringing home germs. I don’t think I have made a comment about money issues at all.That seems to be a big factor and understandable. Since I don’t have ANY kids, money isn’t really a factor as to me staying at home or not. Especially since I work at a private pre-k, so I will have a discounted rate. Could I change my mind IF I have tons of kids? Sure. Seeing that having babies is hard for several of my family members, I’m not sure if I can even have them.
I will defend my career. If learning facilities will clean properly and all, the spread of germs will be minimal.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

OP, you asked if SAHM’s would judge you for deciding to work. No, I don’t know of any that would. It seems, however, that you are judging SAHM’s and especially homeschooling SAHM’s. If we respect your decision, then why can’t you accept ours? If I could financially afford to work I would. Daycare, before and after school care and gas are too much for us. After #4 was born I was using my entire paycheck plus $50 of my husband’s to continue working. It didn’t make sense. I started homeschooling because my kids were switching schools often due to my husband’s career. With two in the autism spectrum it didn’t work out well with all the changes.

Whaaa??

I see no judging here. I see a bunch of women who care about their families best interests and either have made or are making prudent choices.

Oh…and I see me of course! A catholic dad who wouldn’t judge a working or a stay at home mom. I would judge a bad mom. Not her…just her behavior. See what I did there?

 

[Xantippe]

“If learning facilities will clean properly and all, the spread of germs will be minimal.”

I think you’re being overconfident about this.

Bear in mind that if you have a child, that child may be autistic or have some other major issue that will not fit easily into your current life.

 

[90Domer]

If anything, I feel like I am looked down upon for being a SAHM (although I prepare income taxes from my house). I even got a smart-Alec comment from my MIL telling me that I would be “throwing away” my college degree by being a SAHM.

However, we always knew once we had children I would stay at home because my husband and I both had intense careers. And honestly, I think my staying home helped my husband advance in his career faster because I could concentrate on running our house. I should add that we have a special needs child, so that also factored greatly into the decision.

 

[AmberDale]

**KendraDZ1902 - I know a lot of SAHM but also many working mothers. Most of the SAHM I know are Christian (not all are Catholic Christian). I think many SAHM are Christian because they are always open to God’s will in their life. Right now, God’s will for you is to work. It is fine to have a plan, but also be open to what God calls you to do. That is my advice. He may want you to work, you have a good respectable career afterall. But there MAY or may NOT become factors for your plan not to be working.

I always planned to work. I loved working, I loved my job. I worked until my oldest was 4 and my (then) youngest was 2. Circumstances arose (my health, couldn’t afford childcare after family moved, different callings, etc etc) and now I am a SAHM.

Just keep your options open, but have a plan in place. Your plan isn’t the same plan for others.
**

 

[beenwashed]

There’s all sorts of reason to stay at home or not stay at home. I agree with whoever said dont make any decisions about what you plan on doing once you have children. Brings to mind the saying “when we make plans, God laughs”. I planned on staying at home. I love it. Its not easy. It’s not luxurious. It’s difficult in ways non stay at home folks can’t imagine. But the financial, social, emotional, physical, and mental sacrifices are worth it 1000 fold and then some. I don’t care if someone disagrees that I stay at home. I do think more people should try it and really give it a shot. It’s wonderful. If someone thinks down on you because you work then I would just think they don’t know you well enough and I would le it go.

A few reasons I stay at home: seeing my babies kshining faces after naptime, watching my kids dump all their food on the floor because they’re exploring g gravity and how cool it looks when things go “splat”, holding them when we’re watching veggie tales, soothing them with lots of bugs and kisses when they get hurt, rocking them to sleep and lingering there to stare at their sweet faces as they sleep (like I’m doingright now), seeing my son who’s two already counting to 10 and learning his abcs because I taught him, lazy morning in our pajamas when dads off to work and were just reading books, a boy who was potty trained by 22 months, a brother and sister who are best friends, the hope of adding more to my brood, naptime!!, limiting the bad influences especially at such young and fragile ages, hugs, when they want me to hold them just because, waiting for the trash truck to roll by so we can watch it go down our street, lo g afternoons at the park when it’s beautiful outside, the occasional sleeping g in, spending priceless time with my kids who will neve be this young and innocent and darn near perfect again, the amazing positive changes I see in myself due to caring for them, watching the birds eat from our bird feeder and realizing that slowing down and looking at Gods creation is SO much better than watching tv…just to name a minuscule amount of my reasons.

 

[PetiteFoi]

A few reasons I stay at home: seeing my babies kshining faces after naptime, watching my kids dump all their food on the floor because they’re exploring g gravity and how cool it looks when things go “splat”, holding them when we’re watching veggie tales, soothing them with lots of bugs and kisses when they get hurt, rocking them to sleep and lingering there to stare at their sweet faces as they sleep (like I’m doingright now), seeing my son who’s two already counting to 10 and learning his abcs because I taught him, lazy morning in our pajamas when dads off to work and were just reading books, a boy who was potty trained by 22 months, a brother and sister who are best friends, the hope of adding more to my brood, naptime!!, limiting the bad influences especially at such young and fragile ages, hugs, when they want me to hold them just because, waiting for the trash truck to roll by so we can watch it go down our street, lo g afternoons at the park when it’s beautiful outside, the occasional sleeping g in, spending priceless time with my kids who will neve be this young and innocent and darn near perfect again, the amazing positive changes I see in myself due to caring for them, watching the birds eat from our bird feeder and realizing that slowing down and looking at Gods creation is SO much better than watching tv…just to name a minuscule amount of my reasons.

See! This is exactly the kind of reminder I needed when I had just spent all night up with a teething baby!
Thank you!

~ PetiteFoi

 

[PatriceA]

I think it’s the forum. Also, this depends on a particular social context. In many countries women don’t have the luxury not to work. The ability to make this choice is perhaps a developed world issue, not a religious question per se. Let’s not confuse that.

The bolded part, you always have to keep that in mind in ANY thread you read on CAF. This message board is just a sample of what Catholics think and believe on subjects such as this one. In no way is CAF the majority of what Catholics are thinking overall. Just keep that in mind, OP, that its just a sample but not the absolute voice of the Catholic woman and their vocation in life.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I don’t know many Catholic families. The ones I do know, I have met through RCIA and I feel a bit uncomfortable asking them these questions.
Why does it seem like a lot of Catholic Mothers are stay-at-home moms? Let me make it clear that I do not find anything wrong with stay-at-home moms. My mother was a stay at home mom until both me and my brother were in school. Just from reading things on this forum, it seems like a lot of moms here do stay at home. Is there a reason for that? IF I am blessed with children, I don’t plan on being a stay at home mom. Are Catholic mommys going to think bad of me for that?

First off… how you decide to lead your life as a parent is not a question of morality or theology. There is no “right” or “wrong” in this area at all. So, if this particular group of women you have met treat you poorly for this decision, then that’s their own fault, and not something dictated by the faith - whatsoever.

Second… I’m a working mom… always have been. I know LOTS of working moms at our parish. In fact, we have a DAYCARE at our parish… where lots of working moms take their Catholic kids. So I’m very familiar with this way of life.

Third… and I think this is the main issue I’m going to take with your post (be patient with me - I’ll explain)… and I understand because I was very similar for a long time…
You have “PLANS” for how you want to live your life… yes, we all want to have PLANS and be IN CHARGE of how our lives are run. I get that natural desire, especially for someone with an A-type personality… it surges through your blood and you can’t help it!
Plans… well, they often CHANGE. If I’ve learned anything as a mother over the years - the biggest is… don’t form hard opinions/plans and expect God to keep you in this little box. It’s nice and easy to “define” ourselves with words and actions (like “working mom” or “homeschooling mom”), but usually God throws a little wrench into our lives and shakes things up a bit. The less we are “defined” by this box we’ve put ourselves into, the easier it is to change to God’s wrenches. So, I HIGHLY advise you to pray a little on the idea of being FLEXIBLE to God’s plan… which is going to be more bizarre than you could ever dream of at this point in your life.

And, this goes for EVERYONE who is highly opinionated on any subject that isn’t a moral/theological concern. I know plenty of hard-core working moms, and I know plenty of hard-core homeschooling moms (and every flavor of every “opinion” out there!)…
Quit being hard-core… loosen up the laces a bit and allow for God’s flexibility in your life.

You really can’t PLAN for everything. Be patient with other’s opinions… let them go… ignore the differences and learn what works for you and your family.
And most of all… be at peace.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Woah, so I’m not supposed to comment on anything? I don’t think I’m being judgemental. …
I will defend my career. …

When you defend your career, be aware “defense” often comes across as “attack”. It can sound judgemental of people who made other choices or live in different circumstances, even if you didn’t intend it to be.

No, I won’t negatively judge a mother who works, nor will I judge a SAHM. I’ve been both. I had a working mother. I think it’s rather silly that women fight about such things. There are some very practical reasons for working, and there are some very practical reasons for staying home. There is nothing wrong with planning how you want to live your life, but many of us (who are probably older than you) have discovered that life doesn’t always work out the way we plan it.

 

[Em_in_FL]

When you defend your career, be aware “defense” often comes across as “attack”. It can sound judgemental of people who made other choices or live in different circumstances, even if you didn’t intend it to be.

No, I won’t negatively judge a mother who works, nor will I judge a SAHM. I’ve been both. I had a working mother. I think it’s rather silly that women fight about such things. There are some very practical reasons for working, and there are some very practical reasons for staying home. There is nothing wrong with planning how you want to live your life, but many of us (who are probably older than you) have discovered that life doesn’t always work out the way we plan it.

 

[Xantippe]

I think the problems with over-planning apply to all sorts of plans, not just your plan to work and have kids and live happily ever after.

For instance, when I was a newlywed, I had the following plan. My husband would get a great job and I’d be the SAHM of five or six kids and I’d homeschool all of them and life would be terrific! Well, there were some surprises. My husband did get a good job, instead of being my right-hand-girl as I’d expected, my oldest turned out to be a very difficult child early on. She was nearly 4 before she potty trained and we got a diagnosis of Asperger’s when she was a 1st grader, after many hair-raising episodes at school and at home. (I was SO happy she didn’t get expelled.) There are 7 years between our 2nd child and our 3rd child (the baby), and I’m in my later 30s now. Will we have more kids? Maybe, maybe not. It’s too early to say (for instance, what if our baby turns out to be severely autistic?). I’d like to do tax work or become a CPA some day (we’re going to need more money for a third private school tuition and for college), but I’m playing it by ear. Oh, and the homeschooling thing? I eventually realized how amazing it was to send our oldest child to school and have help from teachers for her and to be able to give individual time to the younger child at home. I need all the help I can get.

Anyway, in short, it’s very valuable to give yourself the right to say, “This isn’t working for me anymore,” and figure out some different arrangement when your dream life turns out to be too much for you.

 

[Kal2012]

I don’t know many Catholic families. The ones I do know, I have met through RCIA and I feel a bit uncomfortable asking them these questions.
Why does it seem like a lot of Catholic Mothers are stay-at-home moms? Let me make it clear that I do not find anything wrong with stay-at-home moms. My mother was a stay at home mom until both me and my brother were in school. Just from reading things on this forum, it seems like a lot of moms here do stay at home. Is there a reason for that? IF I am blessed with children, I don’t plan on being a stay at home mom. Are Catholic mommys going to think bad of me for that?

It will only be an issue, if you make it an issue.

A lot of Catholic moms do stay at home. A lot of people believe that their home/family is their primary vocation.

A lot of Catholic moms don’t stay at home. Their home and family is a vocation, but not the only one that they want/need.

Sorry, to burst people’s bubbles, but girls/women tend to be a lot more catty and judgmental than men. And we get in trouble a lot because we like to talk and talk and talk and we don’t think about the words that we use a lot of the time.

Not everyone wants to work for pay. Not everyone wants to stay home. Both are okay, but I’m sick of people of the way people talk about this issue, as if one is right and one is wrong. One is better or one is worse. A lot of this stuff is just opinion and we forget that when we hear people talking. We end up taking it personally because we get defensive about our choices. We feel like we have to justify why we are doing what we are doing and not just do it.

Our culture is so focused on working that it’s hard for some people to relate to someone who chooses not to work. That’s where we get into trouble.

Jo

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Sorry, to burst people’s bubbles, but girls/women tend to be a lot more catty and judgmental than men. And we get in trouble a lot because we like to talk and talk and talk and we don’t think about the words that we use a lot of the time.

I was not aware of that…

God bless you.