We are not supposed to put God to the test by asking for “Signs” He is the Master, not us. But he never abandons us. He is always there, because he loves us. We just do not always get what we want. God wants us to have faith in Him.
You ask for help by sharing a experience. I can honestly say God has, so far, given me everything I want. But, I never got it at the time I wanted it. Sometimes it took years. And you have to ask for the right thing. Instead of asking for a girl to fall in love with me (I did this when I was in my teens) I had to ask for the courage to ask women out and ask for the grace to know who would be a good woman to choose. It took about 6 or 7 years after the time I began praying to find a wife that I met my wife. And it took a lot of heart break and patience and tears (and money, yes, dates cost money sometimes) before my prayer was answered. And then another couple years until my answer was sealed and a for sure thing, because my wife could have ran away the day of the wedding for all I knew. But she did not.
Just once in awhile God gives us a special grace though and we do not have to work for it at all. But it is rare, in my life. For one example… I was having a very tough time quitting getting drunk. I was a alcoholic. And a pretty hardcore one at that. I realized that I could not be a Christian and a drunk. But I realized I could not postpone baptism until I felt ready because that time would never come. SO I decided to go ahead and go through RCIA and Baptism, with my problem with alcohol. I was Baptized and God too away my alcohol problem. Just like that… I no longer wanted to get drunk. When I did have a few drinks I wanted to stop at 2 or 3 beers because I no longer liked the feeling of being buzzed. But I had to go through being a alcoholic for years before this miracle happened. And I can think of at least 2 more examples of God providing graces like this in my life. But, it is rare. Mostly, it takes a lot of work on my end to get what I am asking for.
So, Perhaps there is something you can do yourself instead of asking God to provide it for you. If you doubt Gods love for you then perhaps you need to work on getting closer to Him so that you know He is there and loves you no matter if you feel like he is or not. Perhaps you need to work on your self esteem? Some kind of therapy? Perhaps you cant afford therapy so you need to work hard, go to school, get a good job so that one day you can afford it. Who knows? I do not know you. But I know God is with you and Loves you. I hope you feel better soon. Prayers said for you.