Why does this bother me? (Modesty/Lust)

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Nonono. Those were the thoughts that go through my head. I don’t agree with them which is the problem. I’m asking if there’s a way to make them stop/deal with them. I am attracted to women (normal). I don’t lust over women (I don’t look for things, I don’t fantasize, I don’t excite myself, I don’t commit the sin of lust, etc.) In everyday life I am forced to look at people who are dressed immodestly and I don’t lust or necessarily even come close to lusting them but it does bother me when I see it for some reason. Maybe it’s some sort of trigger or something. I am wondering if there is something else I can do besides simply “not lusting” that would stop the innapropriate clothing from bothering me so much. Or maybe I just have to keep brute forcing it. The second question was merely explaining some weird thoughts which, not by my own choosing, enter into my head whenever I see innapropriate clothing. I was wondering if there is a way to remove those thoughts.
 
goout said:
Umm…you just posted two complete full posts about your struggle with immodesty and how it is scandalizing you.
Are you being honest with yourself? Knowledge of self is part of the path to sanctity.
“Con-viction”. A good word to ponder in the glow of Pentecost. The Holy Spirit brings us to truth. We see ourselves as we are, accept our spiritual state in the light of truth, and progress from there.
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I do not struggle with immodesty or lust. It seems as though for me, constantly being surrounded by sexual images which I’ve had to reject in order to stay chaste has led to any sort of sexually suggestive clothing to become a trigger for me. And it triggers a bunch of random thoughts which invade my mind. I am wondering if there is a way to make this stop bothering me since I have to see this type of clothing on a daily basis.
 
There is no way that you are going to stop women from dressing the way they do. provocative, casual wear etc, I don’t think you should go up to any woman and tell her about the way she’s dressed, if you don’t no her. Your family members ok.

I can only suggest that if you are looking at a woman and don’t like the way she is dressed, is to say good morning, etc and move on. Don’t let your thoughts linger on what is clearly is a problem and upsetting you. Try bringing this to a priest or someone you are close to. God bless you.
 
MC , here’s a thought.I live in a rural area and I’m not faced with what so many in highly populated areas have to deal with on a daily on going basis.
I don’t see scantily and provocatively dressed people,I don’t see gross billboards,I don’t see crude advertisement .And it’s great.
I believe you need to give yourself a break,get away from it all if you possibly can to help aid you in overcoming.
I would feel disillusioned being bombarded with sensory overload being in the city .
It’s not running away ,as some might possibly suggest ,but giving yourself a break.
God bless and all the best.
 
Ya I know that telling them to change isn’t going to do much good. You and other posters have suggested just not thinking about it too much but I am very introverted and I spend most of my time thinking. It’s strange but I always like to fully think through things which means that if i did that, I would feel as though I’m hiding something from myself. When something is mentallly bothering me, I usually think it out in order to feel comfortable but that would not be possible if I just didn’t think about it.
 
I would rather not give my specific age but I am young. Whatever that means. Hormones, Juices flowing, etc.
 
ModernCatholic said:
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goout:
Umm…you just posted two complete full posts about your struggle with immodesty and how it is scandalizing you.
Are you being honest with yourself? Knowledge of self is part of the path to sanctity.
“Con-viction”. A good word to ponder in the glow of Pentecost. The Holy Spirit brings us to truth. We see ourselves as we are, accept our spiritual state in the light of truth, and progress from there.
Click to expand...
I do not struggle with immodesty or lust. It seems as though for me, constantly being surrounded by sexual images which I’ve had to reject in order to stay chaste has led to any sort of sexually suggestive clothing to become a trigger for me. And it triggers a bunch of random thoughts which invade my mind. I am wondering if there is a way to make this stop bothering me since I have to see this type of clothing on a daily basis.
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Virtue is the practice of the thing.
Purity is the practice of purity.
Modesty is the practice of modesty.
The trials that God allows you can be your way to virtue. We all have situations that allow us to practice those things we struggle with. These trials can edify us and those around us.

it seems to me that vaguely criticizing women and culture are not going to help edify you.
 
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I figured but temptations themselves are weird anyways. Maybe I should just treat it the same as thoughts of lust. Like I said before I’ve never succumbed to tgese thoughts but they occur for some strange reason.
 
ModernCatholic said:
I am very introverted and I spend most of my time thinking.
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Again, I highly recommend that talk, and take notes!

He makes good points about right brain vs. left brain thinking. Right brain thinking can get you into serious trouble if you have an unhealthy thought process.
 
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ModernCatholic said:
I would rather not give my specific age but I am young. Whatever that means. Hormones, Juices flowing, etc.
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That’s fine - and no offence, but I could guess you were young. I think a lot of this becomes easier as you get older, you learn to navigate situations and how to deal with them.

Your posts do suggest that you have an overfocus on this issue, though - not wanting to go out, having extreme reactions to clothing (or lack thereof) etc. I wonder if you are scrupulous, perhaps? You should talk to your Priest about your issue, if you haven’t already.
 
ModernCatholic said:
Ya I know that telling them to change isn’t going to do much good. You and other posters have suggested just not thinking about it too much but I am very introverted and I spend most of my time thinking. It’s strange but I always like to fully think through things which means that if i did that, I would feel as though I’m hiding something from myself. When something is mentallly bothering me, I usually think it out in order to feel comfortable but that would not be possible if I just didn’t think about it.
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I don’t think this is helping here. I have something of a similar tendency to want to think everything through. But sometimes thinking can turn into an obsession where you think the same thing over and over that you really can’t change, so you stay focused on it.

I have heard from other men that worrying too much about modesty can have this effect on them - that it becomes very hard to not focus on women’s bodies and clothing. That they become over concerned with whether this or that woman is modest.

It’s hard at first, because it will feel like you’re not being honest with yourself. But I’d recommend consciously telling yourself “thinking about this isn’t helping” and deliberately focusing on something else. If you need to get away for a bit, try that. But it sounds like the problem is you want a mental resolution that you’re never going to reach.
 
Well if that is the problem, then the solution is an easy one. Your problem is no different than what the rest of us live with all day, everyday. You let the behavior and actions get under your skin. You need to work on adopting a live-and-let-live attitude about this. If that is not the way you are naturally wired, you have to practice it. It means making yourself aware each time you start to get bothered. You need to make a commitment to understanding and accepting that you can only control yourself, and not other people.

I will caution you. If you learn to get past this, you need to be careful not to pass this obsession to another activity. People can be bothersome sometimes. You may naturally have a component to your personality that causes you to be predisposed to being bothered excessivley. Therapy can help you, if this is the case.
 
I didn’t mean to criticize people. We already have enough people to do that. I meant to ask for answers so that I could fix myself and my problems. Anything I said would have been necessary to understand context.
 
FelixW said:
“I am attracted to women, I dont lust after them”. That is a contradiction. Attraction is a form of lust. You are denying your choice. Pray. If you are graceful, no naked women, not even pornography would disturb you. Stop blaming women for your lust and beat the lust.
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I’m not going to spend much time on this thread, but I will say that this is not true. Attraction does not necessarily mean lust.
 
I think the issue here is that you are very bothered, to the point where it seriously interferes with you going about your day, by something that other people are generally able to either ignore or set aside by just controlling their eyes. The reality is that unless you move to a very remote area or live in an area where women dress in traditional old-fashioned long skirts and such, you are going to be exposed to the sight of women in clothing that you don’t like, and this is going to affect your life.

Since you say you are young, I would suggest that maybe this is a temporary phase of learning how to cope with the hormones you’re dealing with. You should pray and discuss with a priest. Also, I would look into whether there is any sort of a Catholic youth counseling resource that can help you with this struggle. If you are over about 20, then you may want to look into getting some psychological counseling help so you can handle being around women in all sorts of outfits in the course of a normal day, without being too affected by it.
 
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