Why don't men go to church?

[mastda]

Because the church in my lifetime has emphasized feelings, talking, empathy for others, compassion… This isn’t bad. It’s just one sided. Men aren’t interested in it mostly.

Men want goals, objectives, lofty ideals to strive for. We are willing to make sacrifices to be part of a brotherhood working together for something tangible. Men will come back when the church starts to seem like a place where a man can be a man.

Otherwise, he will prefer to watch football. Ever wonder why? Because it is simple. Two teams of men with opposing goals. Each team must work together to overcome major obstacles and achieve a simple, tangible goal. We’re not very complicated creatures.

Great answer manualman, it really is this simple. I returned Home in 2000 but what I miss mostly about the protestant services is the in your face get the job done sermons. Calling men to holiness and the pastor not being afraid to challenge men on sensitive issues. Unfortunately there are not enough Groschels, Fortunas and Corapi’s yet…but they are coming. We get more priests like them in Parishes, men will return.

 

[jmcrae]

I really don’t get that. Why wouldn’t boys want to be altar servers just because girls do it?

(As mentioned in another forum), do boys not want to go to school because girls go, too? Do men not want to be physicians because women are going to med school?

Maybe I just live in a very weird part of the world, but we have equal numbers of males and females serving in the Church, in all of the ministries.

I was told one time, “OOOH, you’re going to lose your boys, because boys don’t like to be with girls,” but that’s false, too, and if there weren’t a law against it, I’d post photos of the kids in our school yard to prove that our boys and girls do, in fact, play together, and like each other very much.

It’s the adults who have the hang-ups; not the kids, just IMHO.

PS: Of course, our priest looks (and is) as tough as a gangster - he doesn’t put up with any nonsense, and his homilies are excellent. Picture a truck with a Roman collar and a Doctor of Divinity degree - that’s him!!

 

[cecilia97]

Because the church in my lifetime has emphasized feelings, talking, empathy for others, compassion… This isn’t bad. It’s just one sided. Men aren’t interested in it mostly.

Before now, back when the Church didn’t emphasize feelings, talking, empathy, compassion…where were the women? I’d bet money they were in Church! No matter how “masculine” the Masses or the sermons were…I bet they were there week after week, and I don’t know for sure but I’ve heard anecdotes that the old retired ladies have always been the majority at weekday Masses.

So what is it that says the parish atmosphere must cater to men to get them to perform their duties? I thought we attended Mass to worship and not to be entertained or to feel good about it.

Too much touchy feeliness might be a small piece of the puzzle, but I’m not buying it as the reason that dads fail to attend with their families. I blame that on just plain laziness.

cecilia

 

[djrakowski]

Great answer manualman, it really is this simple. I returned Home in 2000 but what I miss mostly about the protestant services is the in your face get the job done sermons. Calling men to holiness and the pastor not being afraid to challenge men on sensitive issues. Unfortunately there are not enough Groschels, Fortunas and Corapi’s yet…but they are coming. We get more priests like them in Parishes, men will return.

The way you’ve described Protestant services is exactly how it went in evangelical churches. Pastors issued challenges, calls to holiness, spoke about specific sins, encouraged fellowship and accountability with other men who would challenge you quite strongly if they saw you straying off-course, etc.

I’m very fortunate to have found a Catholic parish that is very much the same, but I know that, at least in my area, it is in the minority. Our priest often gives us ‘homework assignments’ at the end of his homilies, and if I happen to see him outside of Mass, he asks if I’ve completed them.

 

[apricot_yogurt]

Children whose mother practices the faith are less likely to remain in the faith than if they have a father who practices.
Men have such an important role in the church.

 

[deb1]

We have many men at our mass. I don’t know if this has something to do with the surronding culture-we are in the south-or not. We also have female alter servers. Many of the alter servers are adult males, though(I don’t know why there aren’t more boys)

I think that it is society that is hurting men. Not a lot is expected from men by secular society. If you are a guy you are never expected to rise much above the level of a neanderthal who objectifies women and then whines if asked to do something. If you have any higher desires then you are dubbed gay, a nerd or any other assortment of names.

The Protestant Churches that I attended all made the point of discussing that Christians were to be apart from the world. I even heard sermons calling on men to be men.

Recently our priest pointed out in a homily that women are to be submissive to their husbands and I saw a couple of women roll their eyes.

Women, by the way, are often very involved in Protestant Churches but the men are equally active. So, it isn’t active females that are driving out males.

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

The men go to church in my parish! It probably helps that my parish makes the men feel welcome, and provides plenty of opportunities for the men to get together for spiritual activities; for them to pray together as men.

For what it’s worth, we do have girl altar servers, but far more boys. I think it helps that some of the altar severs are young men (late teens, early twenties), and they serve as good role models for the young boys.

Even our daily Masses have plenty of men in the congregation, and not all retirement age, either.

We could use more men in our choir, but this is not a Catholic Church “thing” – the secular chorus I sing in could use more men, too.

**Crazy Internet Junkies Society
**Carrier of the Angelic Sparkles Sprinkle Bag
Pace e Bene

 

[Paganus]

I really don’t get that. Why wouldn’t boys want to be altar servers just because girls do it?

(As mentioned in another forum), do boys not want to go to school because girls go, too? Do men not want to be physicians because women are going to med school?

When I was a boy, I wanted to be an altar boy because they appeared very militaristic. They were always dressed up. Their shoes gleamed. They were very precise holding the patens (which looked something like halberds to me) and ringing their bells. They knew exactly what to do and when to do it. I sensed that they were part of an elite.

The altar critters now tend to be of indeterminate gender, unkempt, awkward, sloppy. They have no patens or bells and their toes are not fully encased. It makes a different sort of impression.

If a boy wants to be a slob, he can do it easily without aspiring to assist a priest at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

 

[Cristiano]

Honestly I do not think that this is an issue with the large presence of women in every lay function of the Church. I see this problem in everyday life where men are not MEN.

I see men that want to be and act like little boys with no sense of responsibility. I see men that are lazy. I see men that are so scared of exposing themselves that they do not want to deal with love or being emphatic. I see men that leave their wives to be the only role model and teachers for their young boys. I see men that are afraid to literally tell on a daily basis to their children that they love them. I see men that do not respect their wives in front of their children. I see men that do what it is easy and what it feels good instead of what is right.

When it comes to Catholic men is it even worse. I see a lot of men complaining about the feminine aspect of todays liturgy and that Latin is a manly thing. They look like a bunch of wimps that are more sensitive to the fact being embarrassed than just listening to Jesus’ message and doing their own best given the circumstances. Is a man’s love for Christ so weak that they are not willing to take a some femininity in the functions? These are the same men that talk so well about martyrs dying for Christ. It sounds to me like those men that use the word WE when they talk about their team or their children football team playing.

I am embarrassed when I see that I need to teach young boys how to be a man because their fathers are to scared to act like one. I am embarrassed when I hear other fathers that they are happy because I am a catechist to their children but they are not willing to make the effort of becoming teachers themselves.

At the end of the Mass Father says “The Mass is ended go in peace to love and serve the Lord”. That does not mean go and whine, it means serve at your best with the gifts I gave you.

 

[I_A]

Men and women think differently.

From you own personal experience if somebody gets up and says we need someone to do lector, women would normally be more forward about volunteering. Most guys are fine with doing it, but if someone else wants to do it its fine by them. But if you go up to him and ask him individually would you be willing to do this they’ll likely say yes.

Thats the way most group of men work, be it ushers or schola cantorum or whatnot. One guy inviting another individually. A priest standing up at the pulpit saying, we need more vocations has much less impact than a priest looking into the eye of a parishoner telling him, “Have you (singular) ever considered the priesthood?”

For the most part people don’t like to stand out and be in aquward situations. If these chiors are composed of all women a novice singer isn’t going to go in as the only male voice. If the chior is composed of enough men the other guys can say, hey just listen to us, follow our lead, and pick things up. Seeing as how every cantor is a novice in the chior at some point, if you don’t have men in the chior to train other men you won’t have men in the chior or men cantors.

Everyones a pope so when you see something you know you dont like you say so, but when have they been invited personally, would you like to do it. (Not a if its not good enough for you then you’re taking my work for granted and nothing I do seems good enough, you do it if you know so much.) Rather, hey Joe, you might be right, would you be interested in perhaps forming a mens chior with me? Hey, if you think Latin is more masculine do you think we should see what support is there in the parish for a mass in Latin?

The comments about altar boys is this. Call it early age sexism or whatever you wish, perhaps its innate or perhaps its cultural, but the way things are now young boys do not like to do “girly” things. It is why most boys do not take ballet, rather football, karate or whatever. Now if they only see girls as altar servers they think it must be girly, so I would not want to do that.

For the most part the men that complain are the ones who try to do something. The men who don’t complain are the ones who don’t go to chuch or don’t have a problem with the feminity.

Now I am rather young and havn’t had much experience with life or children, so all of these ideas may actually be quite off, but it is my perspective of things so far, if someone has something they would like to correct please do so.

 

[Jennifer_G]

I know my dad always says he doesn’t have to go because he “was an altar boy” and “did his time/duty”.

In our church, it’s mostly older people (and has been that way for atleast 10-15 years now).

 

[oldfogey]

I really don’t get that. Why wouldn’t boys want to be altar servers just because girls do it?

(As mentioned in another forum), do boys not want to go to school because girls go, too? Do men not want to be physicians because women are going to med school?

Yes, boys do not like school these days either. There is a concerted effort on the part of much of the educatiuon establishment to neutralize their masculinity, as part of false agenda of “equality.”

And my younger boys definitely did not want to be altar boys, whereas my older ones did. The difference was the female altar servers.

 

[jmcrae]

Yes, boys do not like school these days either.

I have a late-breaking news-flash for you - boys have never liked school, even back in the days when they were the only ones allowed to go.

I was a girl, and I didn’t like school when I was growing up, either - sitting down to the discipline of learning facts and memorizing dead lists and poems isn’t any kid’s idea of “fun.”

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

My husband goes to Mass weekly, and squeezes in an occasional Mass on the weekday. He is fortunate. More than one of the colleges at which he teaches is Catholic, and has daily Mass that is actually reverent, and not used for political gain.

My father: Well, he started going to Mass regularly as he should, I want to say maybe 10-15 years tops. Prior to that, it was a host of Protestant ministers on TV while my mother went to Mass. His verbal abuse of the Church, his wife, and children for practicing their faith was not to be believed.

My dad was baptized and received First Holy Communion, but was never confirmed, and looked upon anything Catholic as, at best, feminine and superstitious. Add to that his stepfather who hated anything Catholic. It went on that way for decades. It was a major event to have him attend one of your sacraments, and you weren’t really sure how he was going to act, so it wasn’t necessarily an honor to get him in a pew.

He had male practicing Catholics all around him, including his best friend, and all his brothers and brother-in-law who were very big into KCs. His best friend died young. We credit his intercession with Dad’s change of heart. His mother died, his brother had a host of medical problems, and all of the sudden, it seems that it dawned on him that maybe he wasn’t going to live forever. And besides, it’s better to be a Knight than just a guest at the KC hall. Now, he acts as if he was never that verbally abusive guy toward Catholics, acts shocked if it’s mentioned. But he’s developed what I term Catholic Belligerence. He tends to channel his verbal abuse towards those family members who long ago left the Church, but never made a show of it. Trapped his Baptist brother into a car trip, and nagged him some 1200+ miles.

 

[Missa_Solemnis]

Well if you’ve ever been snooping around the popular media every now and then…Catholicism is viewed by many seculars as a feminine Church. Celibate priests, humble nuns, skinny and fragile monks. Today’s popular culture tends to portray the Church in every possible non-masculine way.

And dont even get me started on the ridiculous accusations of homosexuality in the Catholic Church

One of my younger friends was even accused of being gay just because he would sometimes have outings with his parish priest.

Outrageous what some people say…

 

[deb1]

Well if you’ve ever been snooping around the popular media every now and then…Catholicism is viewed by many seculars as a feminine Church. Celibate priests, humble nuns, skinny and fragile monks. Today’s popular culture tends to portray the Church in every possible non-masculine way.

And dont even get me started on the ridiculous accusations of homosexuality in the Catholic Church

One of my younger friends was even accused of being gay just because he would sometimes have outings with his parish priest.

Outrageous what some people say…

I think that this might partly be because modern culture makes fun of men with any higher ideals then chasing women or making money. If you are concerned with moral behavior or spiritual matters then you are considered feminine.

 

[estesbob]

This man would have answerred this earlier but I just got back from Church…

 

[kim3260]

I don’t seem to notice a difference in my Parish. Of course I don’t count them but it seems more or less equal and we only have one Sunday Mass and a Saturday Evening.

 

[Missa_Solemnis]

I think that this might partly be because modern culture makes fun of men with any higher ideals then chasing women or making money. If you are concerned with moral behavior or spiritual matters then you are considered feminine.

I agree 100%

 

[Jay2]

(I’ve got my asbestos suit on… so flame away)

I’ll attend Mass about one Sunday in eight, and on Easter & Christmas. I go when I feel the need/pull to get into the Church.

On those odd Sundays I see:
A bunch of “automatronic robots”… Stand, Sit, Kneel… and reciting responses before the Priest is even finished with his sentence (warranting the reply).
The responses don’t even sound heartfelt… just “Andalsowithyou” “PraisebetheLordJesusChrist…” etc.

Make it interesting to attend.
I tire of hearing the same stuff every time I attend. It’s like a soap-opera. You can “tune in” a month later and not miss anything… the same subject is still being hammered on.

What happened to “Your Sunday Best”??
We dress to attend Mass. Seeing a large percentage of the congregation in sweats, jeans, flannels, “Team Arctic Cat/Earnhardt/Gordon/Polaris/NASCAR/etc.” jackets and (my favorite) FLIP-FLOPS just conveys the message “This isn’t really all that important, but I have to go”. (We live in suburbia, not a farm community at harvest-time or near the beach).

I’d like to HEAR the sermon.
It’s great that there’s a bunch of kids & babies in the congregation, but when 50+ of them are whining or crying at once… Take them back to the Narthex or “cry-room” as a courtesy to others.

Maybe I’m being nit-picky here, and yes it’s only 1 hour a week, but I’d like that 1 hour to have some value to me.