**I think I would be Catholic today if Catholics (especially my age) would have welcomed me into the Church; excited to know that I’m coming to the “fullness of faith”. **
Yes, there was much emptiness in that Cathedral when I signed up for RCIA. I recently started going to a new Evangelical Church that’s closer to where I have moved; the Theology is the same as my old one, it’s way smaller, but man those people noticed a new face. I walk in and everyone’s so excited that a new couple have come in; I’ve been invited to dinner by two different families, and coffee with the pastor.
Hello dronald,
Yes, English speaking Catholics are terrible at the fellowship part. In non-English speaking nations, Catholics are WAY better.
While I wish Catholic parishes were better with fellowship, there are some reasons why it’s not the case in English speaking North America (esp the United States) – just look how close-nit the Spanish ministries are in our Catholic Parishes (or the personal parishes which are based on ethnic/national heritage), if you don’t believe me.
- parishes are built in neighborhoods and boundaries are assigned. People typically attend the parish they live in. Historically, that means that the parishioners knew each other outside of Church and did things together at home. Extended families attended Mass together, then had brunch or dinner after mass together. Sunday, was a day for God and family. Close friends/neighbors were also sometimes included. Additionally, parishioners would attend parish activities during the week. Daily Mass, devotions at night, Knights of Columbus, Knight of Columbus Auxiliary, Legion of Mary, bingo, etc. So the social part of the parish took place Monday through Saturday. Sunday was strictly for Mass and Family, as the fellowship took place during the week.
- evangelical communities have a different course of development, especially the larger ones and the “non-denominational” ones. A focus on fellowship became extremely important when protestants started attending different denominations, instead of staying in the one they were born in. The evangelical communities were very good at this, and frankly because they had to be. With the creation of the non-denominational communities, members were joining where their extended family did not attend. So when you had more people picking their place of worship based on the preacher, and not where their family attends or where they live, a focus on fellowship becomes very important to help make them part of the community.
- Where I believe Catholic parishes miss the boat is due the following demographic changes in American society:
– today, especially in the suburbs and gentrified urban areas, people don’t know their neighbors. Other than their immediate neighbors, they may often never speak to people in their neighborhood, especially if they don’t have kids.
– on average, people don’t live in their homes as long as they did in the past, and people move more (on average), so they don’t get as close to their neighbors as you would if you lived next door to someone for 25 years.
– more people live today in parishes where they do not have family, and many live far from their families (like me).
– less practicing Catholic attend parish activities during the week and some parishes don’t have a full plate of activities during the week, other than daily mass.
- Catholics also participate in Catholic groups outside of our parish. We often attend events at other parishes, or Catholic clubs which are located and meet elsewhere (whether Knights of Columbus or something else). We also attend events sponsored by the Diocese or Catholic apostolates, like the Catholic Answers Cruise.
- Finally, many Catholic parish activities are still run by the lay members who have lived there for years. They often do not understand the fellowship needs of transplants and converts because they are receiving their fellowship needs during the week from their Catholic neighbors, friends, activities, etc.
As a transplant, I totally understand that Catholic parishes are not the best at fellowship – especially when it comes to converts and transplants. But it is important to understand that in (at least) English speaking Catholic parishes, our fellowship takes place with our families and during the week.
Most Catholics will tell you that we would like more coffee socials, etc. however, many of the women who run them frankly want to get home to their grandkids, etc. They have brunch or dinner planned for the extended families, etc.
In order to expand this, we need the converts and transplants (like me) to volunteer and fill that need. Otherwise, the nice ladies (God Bless them) who have attended the parish for 40 years will continue to do run those socials just once in a while because that is what they can commit to.
God Bless
BTW - in most (not all) Cathedrals, you are not going to find a lot of fellowship. The local parishes are typically much better for that. Reason, many Cathedrals are not actually parishes, and the ones that are parishes are often run like they are not (pastor being identified as Rector, etc). Most Cathedrals focus on being place of pilgrimage, vs being a local parish. However, there are exceptions and some Cathedrals that are working on developing an active parish schedule of events, for example, some Cathedrals have started Young Catholic Adult groups, ambassadors, tour guides, etc.
Also, in regards to having dinner with Catholic Pastors, since they have hundreds or thousands of parishioners (and no wife), it’s often not realistic for them to invite people to dinner. However, they often attend when parishioners invite them to dinner (if their schedules are not crazy - as many are).
God Bless
