I think I understand where you are coming from now. I used to think that I could only feel God’s presence if I prayed diligently and solemnly at church. I was hoping for flashes of inspiration from the Holy Spirit, or something heartfelt and uplifting. Little did I know that I could get that same burst of spiritual joy while talking to friends or taking my dog for a walk in the park, or even listening to the rain at night. I could do that because I realized that moments of shared love and joy came directly from God.
I pray that you will be comforted with the knowledge that God is present with you even though you don’t “feel” Him. Take comfort in the knowledge that God is there in even the smallest of joys. We tend to think that we can only be close to God when we are at church, or while we are reading scripture, or when we are living perfectly sinless lives. But God is just as present in a smile and a kind word. He is also closest to us when we are lost or in pain, or even doubting whether He exists.