Why is it so hard for people to come back to the Church - some ideas

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=iamamiracle;8410258]I left the church at the age of 18 – I went of to a Catholic university and promptly fell in with a large crowd of drinkers. My whole dorm life consisted of one drinking party after another. As a result of this all to frequent use of alcohol I became an active alcoholic. Having been raised Catholic I had enough sense to know what I was doing was wrong but not enough strength to quit drinking so I quit the Church thinking I would avoid the guilt associated with my behavior. WRONG! When I finally realized I was an alcoholic and started attending AA meetings I realized I needed God more than ever but my twisted thinking kept me from going back to the Church. After 15 years of church-shopping and getting into a common law marriage I realized I honestly wanted to go back to the real Church. I went to a priest who was very welcoming-- he even agreed to help me get my marriage validated in the Church but my husband would have no part of it because he felt I was returning to the Church for all the wrong reasons. Even after my initial confession I felt so unworthy of being a participant in Church activities. After a year my husband realized that my returning to the Church was a ture faith decision and for our 10th wedding anniversary he went with me to the priest and did his part to help get our marriage validated by the Church. A few years later we built a home in another city and I started attending a church that had a program called Landings – a program designed to help people return to the Catholic Church. I went through the program and have never regretted a moment of it. I found that there are lots of loving Catholics who have gone through the same things or very similar things as I have with regards to the Church and that I do fell loved and welcomed by my Catholic brothers and sisters. I still have to face some issues that some may view as wrong but I have received the grace of God in such a way that I look at these issues as the consequences of wrong choices I made in my past and though I am forgiven and have maintained a very long period of sobriety I must accept the consequences of my decisions. I have switched parishes once in the last 18 years and this parish is the most loving and accepting parish I have ever had the honor to be a part of. The priests are wonderful about helping me see my part in my sins and in pointing me to the right path. The parishioners are all supportive, loving people. I can’t recommend enough the program of Landings for those people who want to return to the Church.
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Miracales take different forms. Spiritual miracales such as yours are the HIGHEST level:)

God is SOOOOO Good; and he never gives up on us! THANKS for sharring:thumbsup:

WELCOME HOME!

God Bless you,
Pat
 
I know this can be difficult for faithful, practicing Catholics to understand. But some Catholics, including those who have been properly informed and catechized, who have left the practice of the faith, do not “come back” to faithful practice for the simple reason they no longer hold belief or faith in some aspects of the Catholic faith in which they were baptized/confirmed in at a younger age. It can be as simple as that.
 
I agree that single people are really not made to FEEL welcome in the church.
that is how I feel. I also feel that fellowship is deemed as a “bother” to a lot of catholics.
The catholic church I attend has ZERO fellowship.

I also think that a lot of people don’t feel like going to church.

I also think the catholic church is in a state of crisis.
will it get fixed? maybe one day. HOPEFULLY , anyway.
 
For those who have explored Protestant gatherings and then attempt to return
to the Catholic church, it seems clear that they miss a “feeling” of belonging,
of being welcomed. Where is the socialization, the sense of togeterness?

Well, my hope is that the socialization is in your social life. I’ve been Catholic
for 65+ years and I’ve never heard the complaint until more people had a big
taste of Protestant “fellowship.” Catholics are called to worship together -
and we do. This newer idea that we should be socializing is unusual to me.

I’ve been in my current parish for 12+ years. Have I made any close firends? No.
Does that bother me? No. I got to know afew people well when I was able to a part
of the St. Vincent de Paul group. Then I became too ill to participate. I still see
other members at Mass and we greet each other with warmth and I’m sure I could
turn to any of them for help if needed.

Anyone who wants to make personal friends might choose to join any of the
multiple groups for laity at any parish. Lectors, Readers, Catechists, Prayer
Ministry, etc… The initiative must be yours though.

I guess I see the Catholic Church as a “working, praying Church.” The idea
that the Church can or should provide for all of my needs is foreign to me.
I know that God provides for all my needs.

Yes I’m single and older than most. Do I avoid the child-crowded Masses?
Yes, I do. I can hear and see better when I’m not surrounded by small children
yet my work-life has always been child-focused. I don’t feel shut out because
families seem to know more people. Hurray for them - they SHOULD know
more people. If you want to feel “more at home” sign up for something. It’s
easy and painless. Please don’t expect a red-carpet welcome.
 
CMatt25 said:
I know this can be difficult for faithful, practicing Catholics to understand. But some Catholics, including those who have been properly informed and catechized, who have left the practice of the faith, do not “come back” to faithful practice for the simple reason they no longer hold belief or faith in some aspects of the Catholic faith in which they were baptized/confirmed in at a younger age. It can be as simple as that.
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Totally agree with you, and it does need to be taken into consideration. I can accept this and understand not everyone agrees with the church, I wish others would.
 
=chipeto;8419633]I am a convert, so don’t really have a horse in this race, but this is a problem for me as well. I come from a Evangelical background, and if I were joining such a church, there would be any number of people eager to welcome and involve me in small groups, mens groups, and so forth.
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Nevertheless, I know that the Catholic Church is the only place for me, lonely or not.
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Every parsih has social and prayer type groups. If yours does not; then see your pastor and start one:thumbsup:

God bless,
Pat
 
my parish has ZERO social groups. I am not interested in starting one.
I should say I am in a small parish.
 
catharina said:
Catholics are called to worship together -
and we do. This newer idea that we should be socializing is unusual to me.

I guess I see the Catholic Church as a “working, praying Church.” The idea
that the Church can or should provide for all of my needs is foreign to me.

Please don’t expect a red-carpet welcome.
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I preface this by saying I have yet to have any firsthand in person experience with as you put it “Protestant gatherings”. Other than attendance for instance at a Protestant wedding. But I have had Episcopalians tell me they are united in worship too. In fact I would venture to say most faith based worshiping groups would say they are called to worship together. Yet somehow they find a way to fellowship as well. And many other churches (or ecclesial communites to some Catholics) I would think also consider themselves a working, praying church/community. 🤷

I also haven’t seen anyone necessarily say they expect all of their social needs to be provided. But what might seem somewhat foreign and unusual to me is if at least a remnant of a red or some color carpeting was not to be extended in welcome and was not to be expected.
 
CMatt25 said:
I preface this by saying I have yet to have any firsthand in person experience with as you put it “Protestant gatherings”. Other than attendance for instance at a Protestant wedding. But I have had Episcopalians tell me they are united in worship too. In fact I would venture to say most faith based worshiping groups would say they are called to worship together. Yet somehow they find a way to fellowship as well. And many other churches (or ecclesial communites to some Catholics) I would think also consider themselves a working, praying church/community. 🤷

I also haven’t seen anyone necessarily say they expect all of their social needs to be provided. But what might seem somewhat foreign and unusual to me is if at least a remnant of a red or some color carpeting was not to be extended in welcome and was not to be expected.
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I see your point, yet in Catholic parishes it seems to me that
the way to be welcomed, to feel part of a community, is to take the initiative.
My parish is very large and, in my 12 yrs, I couldn’t tell you who is a newcomer.
 
I would think that a private meeting between them and your pastor to discuss why they are having a difficult time coming back. Then another discussion with your RCIA leader about class subjects and scripture study. Get them to explain why they stay away or don’t want to come at all and go from there. If you don’t address their reasons and show them where they can change a little at a time they may never come back.
 
DL82 said:
I have encountered this with my own family and with people I met while doing apostolic work for the Legion of Mary - people who stop going to Mass for whatever reason, then it just gets harder and harder to go back.

It seems like some people, for whatever reason, miss Mass (either carelessly, or because they can’t face being close to God), then they think ‘oh, now I’ll have to go to Confession, and the priest will read me the riot act, and everyone will judge me. I’ll not go back just yet, until I’ve got myself ready to face that’, and so a few weeks go by, then it gets easier to stay in bed and sleep in Sundays. Then a few years go by, and nobody contacts them or asks why they’re not at Mass, so they think they are not missed, or that the people they knew have moved on. Then after all those years they either don’t feel they belong in the Church at all any more, or worry how they could possibly make a good Confession, or think everyone will judge them (and often, they’re right about this last thing).

Some people just find it so hard to come back. I think some people remember the old-school Irish Catholicism of their grandparents, who wouldn’t miss Mass for anything, wouldn’t even go to another parish in case someone thought they had been absent, and they imagine the Church will judge them that way if they come back after a period away.

In the Protestant tradition I was brought up in, lots of people didn’t go to church for years, or only at Christmas and Easter, then came back in their 50’s, and nobody batted an eyelid. Even now, I could walk into my old Presbyterian or Episcopalian church and say ‘I used to come here, but then I became Catholic for a while’, and people would more or less just say, ‘no matter, you’re back now’ and it would be as if nothing had ever happened.

Part of the reason for this, of course, is that some liberal Protestant denominations have lost a sense of sin, and have replaced a Christian understanding of forgiveness with a psychologistic idea of acceptance. Nonetheless, Our Lord, in His ministry and in His Passion, offered both acceptance AND forgiveness. He went to eat with Zaccheus BEFORE he had repented and promised to pay back whatever he had taken, He let the prostitute approach and sit with Him BEFORE she had washed His feet with her tears, and He died for us, WHILE WE WERE STILL SINNERS. While you can criticise those liberal Protestant denominations for ignoring the forgiveness narrative, it’s equally problematic to ignore the acceptance one.

I know some people on this board will take issue with what I’m saying here, but I find a lot of judgment and harshness from Catholics here, and I think that is what so many lost sheep of the Church fear about coming back. How can we learn to be a Church that both accepts AND forgives, each at the right time and in the right way?
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All of the reasons that others have listed are common and understandable ones - but I would say they are all in a sense “only” symptoms of the root cause, a lack of faith. We as a Church fail to catechize and form the members with a firmly grounded, comprehensive and growing adult faith. As a result, falling away is too easy. Why can’t every one who leaves say with Peter (Jn 6:68-69),
“Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”

It seems that many Catholics have a “loyalty” but not a firm faith. We as a Church are failing in the very reason for Church: “Make disciples, … teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” (Mt 28)

We need to make adult catechesis a real priority. As of now, tragically it is not. Today, Catholics can get miffed at the pastor for the most trivial of reasons, and decide to walk.

We need to be a welcoming and forgiving church, and a catechizing one for those who remain and for those who return!
 
fide said:
All of the reasons that others have listed are common and understandable ones - but I would say they are all in a sense “only” symptoms of the root cause, a lack of faith. We as a Church fail to catechize and form the members with a firmly grounded, comprehensive and growing adult faith. As a result, falling away is too easy. Why can’t every one who leaves say with Peter (Jn 6:68-69),
“Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”

It seems that many Catholics have a “loyalty” but not a firm faith. We as a Church are failing in the very reason for Church: “Make disciples, … teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” (Mt 28)

We need to make adult catechesis a real priority. As of now, tragically it is not. Today, Catholics can get miffed at the pastor for the most trivial of reasons, and decide to walk.

We need to be a welcoming and forgiving church, and a catechizing one for those who remain and for those who return!
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I agree with you on this. When most people were illiterate it may have been fine to just know a few responses to the catechism. The problem today is there are people in complex professional jobs with graduate degrees who still have a faith that hasn’t developed since they were in 3rd grade.
 
No matter what I have mentioned in Confession, the priests have always been understanding and helpful.

I think that fears about being judged, etc, for being away from the Church, might not be based on truth. I’m sure that if a person mentioned this in Confession, the priest would just be glad that the person came back.

God bless
 
=soretoe;8441194]I would think that a private meeting between them and your pastor to discuss why they are having a difficult time coming back. Then another discussion with your RCIA leader about class subjects and scripture study. Get them to explain why they stay away or don’t want to come at all and go from there. If you don’t address their reasons and show them where they can change a little at a time they may never come back.
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**BULLSEYEB]👍

Always be willing as a priority to “meet them where THEY are at spiritually in the present time.” First and formost is to 1. Find out why they seperated. 2. What they believe and accept and choose NOT to believe and accept. Then in charity carefully and fully OPEN A DISCUSSION ON THESE VERY ISSUES FIRST. Always resove these two things before attempting to move on.🙂

God Bless,
Pat**
 
Sometimes it’s just that the momentum, once lost, is hard to regain. As is the motivation to regain it. This applies to those who have drifted away out of laziness, but also in a different way to those who left over an “issue” - I’ve seen examples of both.

Once they fill the time void on Sunday morning with some other activity, they stop feeling the pull to go to Mass. Once they stop feeling any qualms about not going to Mass, they also feel fewer qualms about not going to Confession, or making an appointment with a priest, or any other measure that would help them find their way back to practicing the Catholic Faith. Inertia is a powerful force.

But God’s grace is more powerful, and our prayers can help. So let us not be discouraged. We each know who we need to pray for! Let’s get started!
 
DL82 said:
I agree with you on this. When most people were illiterate it may have been fine to just know a few responses to the catechism. The problem today is there are people in complex professional jobs with graduate degrees who still have a faith that hasn’t developed since they were in 3rd grade.
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Exactly right. In an adult Catechism class, some years ago, we were all blessed to hear a participant - a medical doctor in his 60’s, I’d guess - say exactly that of himself. He had grown in many ways in his life, in his career, in his medical practice and expertise. But he confessed that he had not grown at all in his faith, or his understanding of the Faith, until now in that study of the Catechism. His self-disclosure was not surprising, because very sadly he disclosed a condition that is common - but to hear someone say it “in public” was a surprise and a happy one. He was an encouragement for many.

A related tragedy for our times is this: not only have so few grown in understanding the Faith of the Church in a way appropriate to their chronological age, but equally undeveloped is their growth in their own personal interior life of prayer and relationship with God in Christ. Their prayer life, and their prayer-communion with the Lord, is beaten to near death by busyness and noise and distraction. Catholic adults of working age, and of family responsibilities, are committed up to their ears and over their heads in an almost 24/7 constant schedule of things to do. The many I have talked with seem to believe that to make a place for prayer and quiet is impossible - a fantasy.

No wonder we are so impoverished today.
 
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