Why is lonliness such a big deal?

[realtiger]

Relationships and marriage aren’t for everybody, I’d be the first to say it.

What concerns me, OP, is that I don’t think you’re speaking from a “But I’m happy with my life as it is!” viewpoint…I get the feeling you’re speaking from a “I’m too afraid of getting hurt to try” viewpoint. I base this off the following:

Yes, it’s great to have food and shelter, and it’s a good thing to be aware of how fortunate you are to live someplace where going hungry isn’t an issue. But that doesn’t mean you have to settle for just the bare necessities of life–there’s nothing wrong with wanting something more.

I guess I feel greedy in asking for a lot more. I feel I should be happy when I go to the supermarket and buy groceries and that I live in a nice and safe neighborhood…

This just comes across as somebody who is doing their best to guard their feelings…which is sad.

Yes I guess I do feel like I would get hurt so I am afraid of opening up.

This is definitely a “If I don’t let myself feel anything deeper, I won’t get hurt” stance. It’s true that if you don’t let anybody in, they can’t hurt you, but by the same caveat, they can’t grow to love you, either.

There’s nothing wrong with preferring one’s own company and wanting the single life, if that’s what you REALLY want…but I can’t help but think what you want is to never be hurt again. And that breaks my heart for you.

 

[realtiger]

Relationships and marriage aren’t for everybody, I’d be the first to say it.

What concerns me, OP, is that I don’t think you’re speaking from a “But I’m happy with my life as it is!” viewpoint…I get the feeling you’re speaking from a “I’m too afraid of getting hurt to try” viewpoint. I base this off the following:

Yes, it’s great to have food and shelter, and it’s a good thing to be aware of how fortunate you are to live someplace where going hungry isn’t an issue. But that doesn’t mean you have to settle for just the bare necessities of life–there’s nothing wrong with wanting something more.

This just comes across as somebody who is doing their best to guard their feelings…which is sad.

This is definitely a “If I don’t let myself feel anything deeper, I won’t get hurt” stance. It’s true that if you don’t let anybody in, they can’t hurt you, but by the same caveat, they can’t grow to love you, either.

There’s nothing wrong with preferring one’s own company and wanting the single life, if that’s what you REALLY want…but I can’t help but think what you want is to never be hurt again. And that breaks my heart for you.

I guess I feel greedy in asking for a lot more. I feel I should be happy when I go to the supermarket and buy groceries and that I live in a nice and safe neighborhood…
Yes I guess I do feel like I would get hurt so I am afraid of opening up.

 

[Faxero]

And it’s cheezey

Whoops. I misspelled your username.

Well, the birthday, anniversary of one’s own being, is a day to celebrate that person’s being.

If no-one wishes to share that with someone, it suggests that that person’s being is valueless.

It’s kind of like why women stereotypically go nonconcentric when their significant-other forgets their “song” or their first kiss, or worst of all, the wedding anniversary: it suggests to her that the relationship is less important to him than it is to her.

ICXC NIKA.

All right; God likely infused in us the desire to celebrate our longevity, and we, by our own counsel, took it a few steps further and implemented birthday celebrations.

Yeah, women tend to be strangely sensitive. My mother scolded me once for not celebrating her birthday :ehh:, factoring into my confusion as to why people value the celebrations so much.

 

[GreyWings]

I realize some guys don’t have the gift or even calling to have a girlfriend. I think I am one of these guys. Also I think being in a relationship can be a burden. Being married and having children is definitely a cross that I am not willing to carry. I don’t think I can be man enough for a girlfriend or a family so I just try to be happy being single. It is no big deal.

There is something so precious and beautiful about love and matrimony between a husband and wife.

God has a plan for you, and as I remember reading in a book, accepting His will and saying, “Yes, Lord” will help bring peace. Your plan may be marriage after all, only He knows! But God loves you, remember that even when you feel the most lonely.

 

[Sarcelle]

There is a spectrum of people out there. Some prefer to be alone for a number of reasons, but we are not meant to be alone. I have a friend who is very lonely. He calls me on a regular basis.

Ed

Well, I am alone on the East coast with family thousands of miles away.

Being alone is not sinful.

 

[CatholicGuy31]

I am 25 years old and I feel marriage and dating is not for me. I feel happy about being single. I also don’t hang out with too many friends either. I don’t know why people make such a huge deal about loneliness. I have food and shelter. I should be happy about this.

I remember talking to a girl in church and I had a crush on her but lately looks like she has been pushing me off and now I try to distance myself. I learned to be more with God with her but now maybe I should cut ties with her and take what I have learned from her or just at least stop thinking about her as much or be disillusioned with any ideas of us being close friends.

When I like a girl many times I try to repress my feelings. I don’t feel it is worth it to like someone who will not feel the same way for me.

When I tell people I don’t want a girlfriend, they tell me I should find a girlfriend and that it is good. .

I realize some guys don’t have the gift or even calling to have a girlfriend. I think I am one of these guys. Also I think being in a relationship can be a burden. Being married and having children is definitely a cross that I am not willing to carry. I don’t think I can be man enough for a girlfriend or a family so I just try to be happy being single. It is no big deal.

Interesting post, I will try my best to impart my views but at 25 it is difficult to see what true loneliness really is. Yes marriage is not for everyone. Yes you can be happy being single. Yes you should be thankful that you are blessed with the basics of life but none of these have anything to do with loneliness.

True loneliness is how Blessed Mother Teresa describes:
“The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love."

So basically loneliness has to do with a lack of love. You can live without women and you can live without children but you cannot live without love. Even monks live within a community where they are able to share with each other. A lack of receiving and of being able to give love will eventually harden the heart. Learning to love is when you know you have truly started living your life.
If you haven’t already seen it I would recommend the movie: “Into the Wild” particularly the ending when he realizes the true meaning of love and happiness (its a good movie so don’t just skip to the end).

My advice would be to try to build friendships with everyone (not just the girls you are attracted to). Try to be with people you enjoy being with. Try to do those things you most enjoy doing. Try to give in whatever little way that you can. Be open to a religious vocation. Ask yourself firstly do you want to love? Then work at trying to find it.

 

[Rosebud77]

Try thinking about giving rather than receiving… about how YOU can be there for others rather than expecting others to be there for YOU. Using your aloneness to give. I am alone but never lonely; mostly abed now and living prayer and delight in the work of my hands that will give joy to others and raise money to feed babies. Life is a chain of giving. Took me years to learn this… over 70 now and know the truth of it. When I was still able for mid week mass used to sit at the back after communion and smile at all the lonely old ones as they came down the aisle to see their faces crack into a grin! THEY are lonely you see; going home to an empty house. now I smile at folk on the internet!

 

[Antegin]

Try thinking about giving rather than receiving… about how YOU can be there for others rather than expecting others to be there for YOU. Using your aloneness to give. I am alone but never lonely; mostly abed now and living prayer and delight in the work of my hands that will give joy to others and raise money to feed babies. Life is a chain of giving. Took me years to learn this… over 70 now and know the truth of it. When I was still able for mid week mass used to sit at the back after communion and smile at all the lonely old ones as they came down the aisle to see their faces crack into a grin! THEY are lonely you see; going home to an empty house. now I smile at folk on the internet!

Finally, some constructive thought on the matter. Rosebud77, where have you been this whole time?:clapping:

 

[realtiger]

Try thinking about giving rather than receiving… about how YOU can be there for others rather than expecting others to be there for YOU. Using your aloneness to give. I am alone but never lonely; mostly abed now and living prayer and delight in the work of my hands that will give joy to others and raise money to feed babies. Life is a chain of giving. Took me years to learn this… over 70 now and know the truth of it. When I was still able for mid week mass used to sit at the back after communion and smile at all the lonely old ones as they came down the aisle to see their faces crack into a grin! THEY are lonely you see; going home to an empty house. now I smile at folk on the internet!

I have given to others. But they could take advantage of you too. You could be giving one day and think you have a good friendship. But then when you can’t help them out they may no longer speak to you. It is painful to give and give and find out you were being taken advantage of.

You should give because you want to give not because you want to compensate for being lonely. Giving should come from the heart not because you want to “win” more friends.

 

[Xantippe]

I have given to others. But they could take advantage of you too. You could be giving one day and think you have a good friendship. But then when you can’t help them out they may no longer speak to you. It is painful to give and give and find out you were being taken advantage of.

You should give because you want to give not because you want to compensate for being lonely. Giving should come from the heart not because you want to “win” more friends.

That’s fair. I think that friendship requires some degree of reciprocity, and a person that does not reciprocate in some way is not a friend.

Of course, a friend may be in such need that they cannot reciprocate, but I’m afraid that at that point friendship turns into social work. (I’ve had that happen a couple times.)

 

[realtiger]

That’s fair. I think that friendship requires some degree of reciprocity, and a person that does not reciprocate in some way is not a friend.

Of course, a friend may be in such need that they cannot reciprocate, but I’m afraid that at that point friendship turns into social work. (I’ve had that happen a couple times.)

Good point.

 

[Joy2day]

If you’re lonely at Christmas with no where to go; tell the priest or join the Christmas day charity lunch for the homeless & poor. You’ll meet others that way in a similar situation to u.
If u dont receive any cards on ur birthday, go & tell ur neighbour its your birthday & tell the cashier as u buy something, & of course tell ur priest; its his job to be nice to u.

If ur really lonely at home, I suggest getting a pet: maybe a dog or a cat, & housetrain them.

 

[Rosebud77]

Finally, some constructive thought on the matter. Rosebud77, where have you been this whole time?:clapping:

Funny! Offline as I am unwell all the time and cannot take too much… company! BUT I trade one day a week at a street market, selling the handwork I do abed etc to feed the babies my family rescue in India. I am old and disabled and so easy it would be t feel useless and alone in these lat years. At market as they know why I trade I meet so many people of so many nations ( In a tourist town in Ireland)… Love the work and a joy to be GIVING at my age. But I need solitude as much as I need food. There is a way for everyone to give. There really is. In the US you have the Second Harvest movement and so many places where the basic needs of humanity are met… knew someone once who used to make sandwiches and flasks of coffee and sit with some of the homeless on her way to work. it is the giving of self that heals. Because it is of Jesus. Just the giving. I feel humbled and awed to be still able to do this. Yesterday sold baby sets and the love in the eyes…feeds my soul, but then I need time out.

 

[Rosebud77]

I have given to others. But they could take advantage of you too. You could be giving one day and think you have a good friendship. But then when you can’t help them out they may no longer speak to you. It is painful to give and give and find out you were being taken advantage of.

You should give because you want to give not because you want to compensate for being lonely. Giving should come from the heart not because you want to “win” more friends.

Hey you give to give not to foster friendships! I will never see the people I work for. OF COURSE giving costs. I do not give to compensate; I give because there is need and because I can. Any yes indeed must come from the heart. I did not say to “win friends”… My way is to do good and disappear. If friendships do happen then that is good too but that is not why we give.

 

[Rosebud77]

If you’re lonely at Christmas with no where to go; tell the priest or join the Christmas day charity lunch for the homeless & poor. You’ll meet others that way in a similar situation to u.
If u dont receive any cards on ur birthday, go & tell ur neighbour its your birthday & tell the cashier as u buy something, & of course tell ur priest; its his job to be nice to u.

If ur really lonely at home, I suggest getting a pet: maybe a dog or a cat, & housetrain them.

My memory of a Christmas lunch for the poor etc makes me wince. At one time I was the loneliest person on the planet and was invited to one. … Dreadful day it was and the loneliness when i got home was excruciating. Had i been there as a helper of course it would have been different. I honestly do not care re cards etc or birthdays… and I LOVE being alone on Christmas Day after the craft fairs and markets are over and I can be quiet… LOVE the silent holiness

 

[Rosebud77]

That’s fair. I think that friendship requires some degree of reciprocity, and a person that does not reciprocate in some way is not a friend.

Of course, a friend may be in such need that they cannot reciprocate, but I’m afraid that at that point friendship turns into social work. (I’ve had that happen a couple times.)

Wincing at your last para! stunned!