why is NFP allowed if all contraception is wrong?

[Polluted]

Can you please explain to me why you can’t use NFP ?

And I am sorry to hear that

Maybe she’s one of those girls who has like a 5 day window. Or who’s period is all over the place, or who has tried it and still has 3 unplanned “surprises”.

 

[Kelfa28]

Can you please explain to me why you can’t use NFP ?

And I am sorry to hear that

I don’t trust it’s effectiveness with my cycles.

My last experience with using STM (currently the ONLY technique offered by my diocese) was a complete nightmare.

We were trying to put off another pregnancy for several years. I followed the rules to the best of my ability. Took temps and attempted to read my mucus and cervix.

Something changed in my cycles between my second and third child. I couldn’t read anything and was constantly confused.

I found out I was pregnant despite a clear temp spike and after waiting 3 days.

Then I found out that I probably got pregnant about a month earlier because my due date was no where near the month I thought I conceived.

I tried to get in touch with CCL and they ignored my emails and calls.
I won’t consider them as a reputable source for NFP anyway…given there cult-like obsession with ecological breast feeding.

Some of my friends have seen my charts and I’ve been given several different interpretations.

We can’t afford the monitor for Marquette and there are no NAPRO doctors, Creighton or STM instructors anywhere a mother of three under 4 feels comfortable traveling too for consultation.

The deck is stacked too high against me for me to give NFP another go anytime soon.

If the Church has no options for me…then we abstain. I’m NOT getting pregnant again. I’m NOT having another baby…ever.
I don’t care what anyone says about this on this forum.
I’ve had enough.

I’m at my wits end over this, to be honest. I won’t have my marriage crumble over something this ridiculous.

If the Church wants us to adhere to their teachings…they should be doing a heck of a lot more for wives and mothers who are actually trying to follow what she teaches.

Not make it impossible for us.

NFP is not sunshine and roses for everyone.

Spacing pregnancies is the biggest cross I’ve ever had to encounter. It’s such a huge mountain for me and I just want to give up…more then anything.

Nothing anyone will say or do can convince me that STM or Creighton will work for me. I want to try Marquette but we just can’t afford it.

 

[Kelfa28]

Maybe she’s one of those girls who has like a 5 day window. Or who’s period is all over the place, or who has tried it and still has 3 unplanned “surprises”.

4-5 day window…thats about right.

I get mucus most of my cycle…especially from when I start ovulating until I get my period.

I don’t get it in the beginning…but using phase 1 is still a Russian roulette scenario.

So…even if I use NFP conservatively…I think I’ll get be abstaining roughly 23-25 days out of a 28 day cycle.

 

[Polluted]

I don’t trust it’s effectiveness with my cycles.

My last experience with using STM (currently the ONLY technique offered by my diocese) was a complete nightmare.

We were trying to put off another pregnancy for several years. I followed the rules to the best of my ability. Took temps and attempted to read my mucus and cervix.

Something changed in my cycles between my second and third child. I couldn’t read anything and was constantly confused.

I found out I was pregnant despite a clear temp spike and after waiting 3 days.

Then I found out that I probably got pregnant about a month earlier because my due date was no where near the month I thought I conceived.

I tried to get in touch with CCL and they ignored my emails and calls.
I won’t consider them as a reputable source for NFP anyway…given there cult-like obsession with ecological breast feeding.

Some of my friends have seen my charts and I’ve been given several different interpretations.

We can’t afford the monitor for Marquette and there are no NAPRO doctors, Creighton or STM instructors anywhere a mother of three under 4 feels comfortable traveling too for consultation.

The deck is stacked too high against me for me to give NFP another go anytime soon.

If the Church has no options for me…then we abstain. I’m NOT getting pregnant again. I’m NOT having another baby…ever.
I don’t care what anyone says about this on this forum.
I’ve had enough.

I’m at my wits end over this, to be honest. I won’t have my marriage crumble over something this ridiculous.

If the Church wants us to adhere to their teachings…they should be doing a heck of a lot more for wives and mothers who are actually trying to follow what she teaches.

Not make it impossible for us.

NFP is not sunshine and roses for everyone.

Spacing pregnancies is the biggest cross I’ve ever had to encounter. It’s such a huge mountain for me and I just want to give up…more then anything.

Nothing anyone will say or do can convince me that STM or Creighton will work for me. I want to try Marquette but we just can’t afford it.

Abraham was stoked when God told him his offspring would outnumber the stars! Imagine having some epic number of kids! Might be rough for a few decades or so…but imagine how awesome the Thanksgiving dinners would be

 

[Xantippe]

Abraham was stoked when God told him his offspring would outnumber the stars! Imagine having some epic number of kids! Might be rough for a few decades or so…but imagine how awesome the Thanksgiving dinners would be

That promise was fulfilled via Sarah having 1.00 children.

 

[jlc2k2]

Abraham was stoked when God told him his offspring would outnumber the stars! Imagine having some epic number of kids! Might be rough for a few decades or so…but imagine how awesome the Thanksgiving dinners would be

I don’t recall Abraham having to change all the diapers of those offspring.

 

[jlc2k2]

That promise was fulfilled via Sarah having 1.00 children.

Very good point.

 

[Polluted]

4-5 day window…thats about right.

I get mucus most of my cycle…especially from when I start ovulating until I get my period.

I don’t get it in the beginning…but using phase 1 is still a Russian roulette scenario.

So…even if I use NFP conservatively…I think I’ll get be abstaining roughly 23-25 days out of a 28 day cycle.

Honestly, that sounds pretty rough. I feel for ya I really do. I personally would be joyful for every healthy offspring the Lord gives me (even not so healthy). As a man who comes from a broken home, who has 1 half sister…and who’s babies mama decided it was time to relocate with our child hundreds of miles away. It’s pretty clear to me how important the family unit is.

I know what it’s like to have more kids than you are ready to, or afford. Last year I had to set up a tent on a friend’s property just to save enough money with my minimum wage job in order to visit my son. No matter how bad you think it is, if you are actually able to BE with your kids, watch them grow, and your relationship is not one of abuse and toxicity…it sounds like the Good Lord is happy to bless you with a small army, regardless of how you feel about it Your kids are also under 4. Anything under 4 is not an easy age to handle. But guess what, they will grow up, probably faster than you will enjoy once you realize it’s happening.

Make sure you say a prayer for those mothers as well who will never get to live out the joys of having children. Sadly they don’t get the luxury of experiencing the birth if even 1 child. You may hate life or sex now, anyone would be stressed as heck in your situation. But when you are on your deathbed surrounded by your children, and grand babies. Maybe you will look back and be amazed.

Don’t give up! I’ll pray for you. I promise nothing is worse than being away from your little guys. Nothing is more amazing and emotionally shattering than visiting your child for the first time in months only to see a completely different little person, so new and exciting! Being away from them is the most painful thing I have experianced. I have suffered physical torture in my lifetime. It’s not fun, but I would trade years of such physical pain to avoid 18 of not getting to have my son by my side. I throw out a prayer to everyone in this forum who is forced to be away from their children. And pray that you who are considering breaking up your marriage realize what you are in for. It isn’t all wild passionate sex, parties, and good times I assure you. It’s pretty freaking painful

 

[Polluted]

Very good point.

Ha!! You guys!

 

[Kelfa28]

Abraham was stoked when God told him his offspring would outnumber the stars! Imagine having some epic number of kids! Might be rough for a few decades or so…but imagine how awesome the Thanksgiving dinners would be

No.

I won’t and will never again entertain that.

I’m not having an “epic” number of kids.

I’m done.

 

[phoenix1950]

No.

I won’t and will never again entertain that.

I’m not having an “epic” number of kids.

I’m done.

that is sad situation I always thought that after you get married you are free to have fun with your spouse from time to time without necessity that every possible act to be open for procreation, but simply have a relaxing time with your spouse.

I am in a very catholic relationship for about 2.5 years now and we never crossed any line, honestly can’t wait to get married

 

[Polluted]

that is sad situation I always thought that after you get married you are free to have fun with your spouse from time to time without necessity that every possible act to be open for procreation, but simply have a relaxing time with your spouse.

I am in a very catholic relationship for about 2.5 years now and we never crossed any line, honestly can’t wait to get married

Ýou are more than welcome to have a relaxing time with your spouse in Church teaching…but yes one must be Open to life at the same time. If you are just fooling around and engaging in acts as a means to an end (that end being the avoidance of pregnancy), it is a mortal sin in the eyes of our Church.

They aren’t saying only have sex for babies, but if a baby were to result we should be open to that possibility

 

[Kelfa28]

that is sad situation I always thought that after you get married you are free to have fun with your spouse from time to time without necessity that every possible act to be open for procreation, but simply have a relaxing time with your spouse.

I am in a very catholic relationship for about 2.5 years now and we never crossed any line, honestly can’t wait to get married

I’ve had 3 kids in the 4 years I’ve been married. I’ve never been able to relax and enjoy anything in my marriage. Not once.

It’s too much. I could get pregnant at anytime…except when I’m already pregnant.

I stopped being able to have sex whenever the day I got married.

I’m literally in am impossible situation. Completely impossible.

It’s awful. I hate it. I love my husband very much…but not enough to open myself up to another pregnancy.

I hate being pregnant more then anything. The constant physical pain and feeling sick followed by months and months of psychological issues is too much.

Sex leads to pregnancy. Since I’m completely terrified of pregnancy…I’m all set with it.

Maybe Marquette will work. Maybe it will give me a clearer picture and allow me more then 4 or 5 green light days a month.

I don’t know. Right now I’m way too terrified to find out.

 

[Polluted]

I’ve had 3 kids in the 4 years I’ve been married. I’ve never been able to relax and enjoy anything in my marriage. Not once.

It’s too much. I could get pregnant at anytime…except when I’m already pregnant.

I stopped being able to have sex whenever the day I got married.

I’m literally in am impossible situation. Completely impossible.

It’s awful. I hate it. I love my husband very much…but not enough to open myself up to another pregnancy.

I hate being pregnant more then anything. The constant physical pain and feeling sick followed by months and months of psychological issues is too much.

Sex leads to pregnancy. Since I’m completely terrified of pregnancy…I’m all set with it.

Maybe Marquette will work. Maybe it will give me a clearer picture and allow me more then 4 or 5 green light days a month.

I don’t know. Right now I’m way too terrified to find out.

And you don’t think completely avoiding pregnancy is gonna avoid any future problems? Withholding yourself from your husband is gonna lead to some serious issues as well…

You are averaging less than a child per year since you got married, not tooooo aweful. I’m also confused as to what you mean by impossible? What’s the worst thing that could happen to you if you got pregnant again (not factoring in you deciding to say you are done with the marriage because that choice is entirely in your hands)

 

[Kelfa28]

And you don’t think completely avoiding pregnancy is gonna avoid any future problems? Withholding yourself from your husband is gonna lead to some serious issues as well…

You are averaging less than a child per year since you got married, not tooooo aweful. I’m also confused as to what you mean by impossible? What’s the worst thing that could happen to you if you got pregnant again (not factoring in you deciding to say you are done with the marriage because that choice is entirely in your hands)

No…not entertaining this with a response.

It doesn’t deserve one.

You aren’t me and you aren’t my husband or spiritual director/Priest.

You have zero say to make any assumption or opinion about my life.

You aren’t even married nor have you been pregnant.

So…this doesn’t warrant a response at all.

What’s the worst thing that could happen to me? Given the deep, depression I’ve been in over this?

Why don’t you take a guess.

How about you stop responding all together and keep your assumptions and thoughts to yourself where they belong.

 

[Xantippe]

And you don’t think completely avoiding pregnancy is gonna avoid any future problems? Withholding yourself from your husband is gonna lead to some serious issues as well…

You are averaging less than a child per year since you got married, not tooooo aweful. I’m also confused as to what you mean by impossible? What’s the worst thing that could happen to you if you got pregnant again (not factoring in you deciding to say you are done with the marriage because that choice is entirely in your hands)

Less than one child a year. No biggie!

A child roughly every year is kind of a big deal for human females and even a child every other year is a big deal. We tend to need a lot of recovery time and mental energy to deal appropriately with the needs of bigger children. We’re not dairy cows or alley cats.

thepracticalconservative.wordpress.com/the-practical-conservative-guide-to-proper-care-and-feeding-of-a-sahm/

thepracticalconservative.wordpress.com/the-practical-conservative-guide-to-proper-care-and-feeding-of-a-sahm/child-spacing/

 

[ThePCWife]

And you don’t think completely avoiding pregnancy is gonna avoid any future problems? Withholding yourself from your husband is gonna lead to some serious issues as well…

You are averaging less than a child per year since you got married, not tooooo aweful. I’m also confused as to what you mean by impossible? What’s the worst thing that could happen to you if you got pregnant again (not factoring in you deciding to say you are done with the marriage because that choice is entirely in your hands)

A child per year means no time to nurse the child via breastmilk, which is, at a minimum also part of a woman’s biological mothering apparatus. Women’s bodies also need time to build up reserves of minerals and nutrients depleted in order to grow the baby. Major things like bone health are affected by the baby a year or even every nine months approach.

I would hope “being open to life” means something just a bit more than “ready to have pregnancies at any time with no concern about the other parts of mothering infants and children”. For some couples “spacing” is only achieved via multiple miscarriages, which aside from the emotional traumas can be physically devastating as your body repeatedly gears up for pregnancies that don’t always complete.

Also related, in the “needs more research” category of NFP stuff, post-baby cycles are often very different than pre-baby cycles. There does seem to be a “fertility feeds itself” thing going on with many women and their cycles after the babies start coming. Responsive ovulation isn’t supposed to happen in humans, but, well, some of the “failure” descriptions people give about conceiving on improbable fertility days look like that would fill in the puzzle. But it would need more research.

 

[Kelfa28]

My health has gotten progressively worse and the depression has gotten worse with each pregnancy.

I hemorrhaged immediately after having the baby.

I bled profusely for nearly 5 weeks straight. A week later, despite exclusively breastfeeding my newborn…I started ovulating again.

My midwife told me I needed a break from having kids…one that is much longer then 11 months between pregnancies.

 

[Kelfa28]

Less than one child a year. No biggie!

A child roughly every year is kind of a big deal for human females and even a child every other year is a big deal. We tend to need a lot of recovery time and mental energy to deal appropriately with the needs of bigger children. We’re not dairy cows or alley cats.

thepracticalconservative.wordpress.com/the-practical-conservative-guide-to-proper-care-and-feeding-of-a-sahm/

thepracticalconservative.wordpress.com/the-practical-conservative-guide-to-proper-care-and-feeding-of-a-sahm/child-spacing/

Xantippe.

I appreciate the practical conservative.

But I’m at a total loss as to how to space pregnancies without either abstaining for all three years or using an IUD or something.

It’s a struggle of nothing but stress and emotional rollercoasters every month when I charted.

 

[jmjZelie]

Kelfa,

I don’t have any advice for you but I want to offer a couple thoughts for you.

First, I think you are doing the right thing by being so honest and real about the gravity of this struggle. Not only will you benefit from being able to vent it to those who “get it” here at CAF, but you are also helping others who remain readers, never posting. So thank you for sharing your struggles so openly.

Second, right now you are in the trenches. You have three children under four. For the next two days, so do I. I also have two older children. I have also lost two babies in miscarriage. That is a total of seven pregnancies in a decade. Slightly less often than one pregnancy per year, but the grouping has been more rapid in the last five years. We have our own struggles which are different from yours, but the answer ends up being the same: abstinence, and a lot more of it than we ever anticipated. But this time in the trenches, or maybe it might be better to say, this time in the crucible, is refining us and causing us to grow deeper and stronger and more willing to set aside all the things of this world that distract us from the goal of heaven, for both of us.

So, I think it is great that you are posting here about the struggles of living as faithful married couples in an increasingly unfaithful world. I always read every one of your posts about this topic. I think of you and pray for you often. You and your husband, and all those who abide by all the Church’s teachings that bring eternal life but costs everything in this life, are working toward building heroic virtue. People might say that is just an ideal and that not realistic or sane, but the truth is that the saints are the sanest among us and heroic virtue is what it actually takes. But the road to sainthood has a lot of suffering as we purge our lives of all that is unworthy of the nobility of a child of God. It really hurts. It can make us angry and sad. But still doing the right thing, no matter the personal cost, is real virtue.

Sorry for the rambling post. I know you are going through a really rough time and I just wanted to show you what I see in your posts: a couple that puts God in the highest place and does everything they can to help each other to heaven.