Why Is Sexual Orientation Anyone's Business?

[SuperLuigi]

Why is sexual orientation anyone’s business?

I think a lot of people would rather it not be, but throw in the parades and the desire to teach sexual perspectives to six year olds, all while demanding taxpayer money and government recognition as well as more than enough representation in the media… you may see how it’s a little hard to miss.

People will ask you if you’re gay if they suspect you due to innocuous and stereotypical reasons (“Oh, you sing and like musicals? Are you gay?”).
But to me, I don’t care if you fill every stereotype to a T, why is it anyone’s right to ask you if you are gay or not? Your sexual orientation doesn’t matter, but it’s also very personal, and I think it crosses many boundaries to ask someone about it.

You have a point with nosy people who ask those kinds of questions. We have pregnant friends on their third and fourth child who get basically asked “am I going to have to pay you more welfare for that baby?”.

When it’s like that, it can be just down right rude.

 

[SuperLuigi]

This is one of the very few times I agree with former VP Dick Cheney, who said it is nobody’s business.

Then keep the government and my tax money out of it.

 

[meltzerboy]

Then keep the government and my tax money out of it.

I’ll see to it personally, SuperLuigi.

 

[JB_Dugan]

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Here, there is no need to ask.

People of the same sex being very affectionate (to say the least) in public…fairly obvious…even if one was not curious.

Loud boisterous protests outside a Church by strangely dressed people ranting about Catholic teaching on certain lifestyles…again pretty obvious.

Teachers who encourage homosexual experimentation in class…are also pretty obvious.

Around here we really don’t need to ask.

 

[meltzerboy]

Which teachers are these “who encourage homosexual experimentation in class”? That statement seems a little too explicit.

 

[JB_Dugan]

Which teachers are these “who encourage homosexual experimentation in class”? That statement seems a little too explicit.

I didn’t mean within the classroom. Although I would not be surprised. I should have said **the encouragement of **homosexual experimentation as taught in "diversity” and “safety” classes.

 

[esieffe]

I feel like I have to confess this as happened to me in St Thomas when I was on a cruise with a group of friends. We all wanted to do different things so we split up and agreed to meet back up at a certain time. A very good FRIEND and I a male, wanted to see Blackbeards Castle. The girls could be less interested. They wanted to go… shopping.:banghead:

We saw a sign after walking for a while to Blackbeards castle, but it turned out to be in the middle of a vacation “time share” development. We walked up to the guy and I asked if there was anyway to see the castle and not go through a sales pitch. Now I have a relative who is gay so I shouldn’t have been so angry, but… when he asked me in front of my good friend if we were a COUPLE! I completely lost it, I mean I went sideways. My friend was also stunned and angered by the question but became afraid that we would end up in jail because to him, it looked like I was ready to climb down this guys throat.

The sales guy profusely apologized and said that “you can never tell” and blah, blah, blah. I think even if I was gay that I would have still been mad. It is like asking someone “what are you into?” Highly offensive. It ruined my day at St Thomas. I felt really bad for the way I chewed him out later. Not so Christian like… not at all, but I was much younger.

I think even today I would be mad, but I wouldn’t launch into a tirade because the younger generations are so clueless sometimes. Oh well. That’s may story and my take on asking questions that are better left unasked for a whole multitude of reasons beginning with basic dignity and respect.:nunchuk:

 

[Ridgerunner]

This is one of the very few times I agree with former VP Dick Cheney, who said it is nobody’s business.

Agreed. I thought “Don’t ask, don’t tell” was a good policy for the military, and think it’s a good policy in civilian life as well.

But the government didn’t ask my opinion, of course.

 

[BOProof]

For the most case, one’s sexual orientation is not other people’s business. However, there are cases in which it is perfectly reasonable for other people to ask about one’s sexual orientation.

If some acquaintance who is not too close to you asks you out of the blue about your sexual orientation, especially in mixed company, that’s crossing a boundary.

If a brother/sister/parent/close friend asks generally about your sexual orientation, it can be an appropriate question. Even then, if they are demanding to know certain details about your sexual orientation (e.g., if they demand to know if you’re in love with a particular person, such as a vocational director), they are generally crossing a boundary.

Sexual orientation is a bit unique in that it is very personal yet, in a sense, both public and private. On one hand, sexual orientation is something inside your head that others don’t have a right to know about. On the other hand, it has to do with who you love, which is a very public thing when in a relationship.

I think even if I was gay that I would have still been mad. It is like asking someone “what are you into?”

Not really. Introducing your wife/girlfriend to someone says nothing about what you’re into other than that you (probably) like that particular person. Why would it be any different if it was a boyfriend/girlfriend instead?

Agreed. I thought “Don’t ask, don’t tell” was a good policy for the military, and think it’s a good policy in civilian life as well.

That’s a very different issue. The DADT policy means that you can be thrown out if people find out, even accidentally. It means that if people find out that you have or use to have a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, you can be thrown out (but only if the significant other is of the same-sex).

DADT, if applied to civilian life and applied to both same-sex and mixed-sex couples, would mean that you could be fired if someone finds out that you are in a relationship.

 

[meltzerboy]

I didn’t mean within the classroom. Although I would not be surprised. I should have said **the encouragement of **homosexual experimentation as taught in "diversity” and “safety” classes.

I realize you didn’t mean homosexual or any sexual experimentation right there in the class! But even the advocacy of homosexual EXPERIMENTATION in sex-education classes, I’m not so sure about; maybe implicitly but I doubt it is explicitly advocated. If one is ALREADY having sexual relations, whether homosexual or heterosexual, this is not usually discouraged, however, provided safety precautions are taken. Yet I’m not current with what goes on in such classes. This is only my hunch.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

If a brother/sister/parent/close friend asks generally about your sexual orientation, it can be an appropriate question.

I suppose it can be, but it’s best to tread lightly. It is never a question to be asked casually, or joked about.

Asking a gay person if they’re gay, before they’re ready to be open about it, puts them in a situation where they have to consider lying. Either they lie, or they are boxed into an intimacy which they did not choose. It’s really a harsh thing to do to a person.

 

[7armyrugrats]

I agree with all of these posts. I think what inspired this thread is yesterday when I was in the car with my sister, and she told me my mother was greatly concerned that I was in love with my spiritual director and had always worried that I was gay. Seriously? So what if I am? Is it really something to worry your entire life over? And why would you discuss it with said person’s sister, that person’s mother or not?

I am sorry to hear this. It makes my heart very sad for you. No one deserves something like this from their mom.

As a mom myself, I can honestly say I have never even thought–NEVER AT ALL–about who my children will one day fall in love with. It’s not a concern for me at all. I raise my kids to be modest, humble, loving, accepting and moral. I instill the virtues in them. When they become adults (one already is), I trust them to make good decisions based on the way they were raised. I can’t imagine worrying my entire life that one of my kids might be gay. I can think of thousands of worse things that one of my kids might do, become, or fall victim to than having been born homosexual.

I mean honestly, wondering about someone’s kids’ sexuality is even more disturbing than wondering about their parents’…it just shouldn’t be done. I have noticed that it seems that it is the current obsession though. Rude, nosey people will always be around and currently nothing is considered off limits. It is so very sad.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

I am sorry to hear this. It makes my heart very sad for you. No one deserves something like this from their mom.

As a mom myself, I can honestly say I have never even thought–NEVER AT ALL–about who my children will one day fall in love with. It’s not a concern for me at all. I raise my kids to be modest, humble, loving, accepting and moral. I instill the virtues in them. When they become adults (one already is), I trust them to make good decisions based on the way they were raised. I can’t imagine worrying my entire life that one of my kids might be gay. I can think of thousands of worse things that one of my kids might do, become, or fall victim to than having been born homosexual.

I mean honestly, wondering about someone’s kids’ sexuality is even more disturbing than wondering about their parents’…it just shouldn’t be done. I have noticed that it seems that it is the current obsession though. Rude, nosey people will always be around and currently nothing is considered off limits. It is so very sad.

Thank you so very much. I’ve been thinking along the same lines as you: That there are so many worse things I could be or do than be homosexual. I’d rather be a faithful and orthodox Catholic who is homosexual than a straight meth addicted alcoholic with a gambling addiction, for instance. Incidentally, what she thinks doesn’t hurt me too much because I’ve never been a momma’s boy. Well, I am – to Mary. And no matter what my biological mother thinks, I know that Mary will love me and care for me no matter my sexual orientation.

 

[EasterJoy]

I agree with all of these posts. I think what inspired this thread is yesterday when I was in the car with my sister, and she told me my mother was greatly concerned that I was in love with my spiritual director and had always worried that I was gay. Seriously? So what if I am? Is it really something to worry your entire life over? And why would you discuss it with said person’s sister, that person’s mother or not?

I have found that the best response to this is, “When Mom tells you she is concerned about me for some reason, please tell her to talk to me about it directly.” It is just a good policy. There s nothing worse than having one family member stirring up trouble by sending out emissaries and building alliances of opinion instead of just dealing with their own issues themselves, including only the people directly involved. When you select a family member to help you think through your problems, choose someone who will keep your counsel and not spread it around for you.

Then I would go on: “In case you asked because you wonder for yourself, though, my response is that I value privacy very highly. I don’t just mean my privacy; I mean everyone’s privacy. My sexual orientation is of interest to the person I want to court. OK, if I feel called to be a priest, it is something the bishop can ask about, and he would have that right. Otherwise, I figure that it is high time that people have room to keep their own secrets. If I don’t keep mine, how can anyone else seem normal for keeping theirs? So the answer is: When I get married, I’ll let you know. When I get into a seminary, I’ll let you know. If someone wants to go to the movies with me, tell them to just ask. I don’t talk about sexual orientation, though. I’m going to bat for privacy.”

 

[7armyrugrats]

Thank you so very much. I’ve been thinking along the same lines as you: That there are so many worse things I could be or do than be homosexual. I’d rather be a faithful and orthodox Catholic who is homosexual than a straight meth addicted alcoholic with a gambling addiction, for instance. Incidentally, what she thinks doesn’t hurt me too much because I’ve never been a momma’s boy. Well, I am – to Mary. And no matter what my biological mother thinks, I know that Mary will love me and care for me no matter my sexual orientation.

Your post made me chuckle. You sound like a great kid. You are right–Mary has much better things to think about. I’ll be praying for you, that you find where God is calling you toward. I’m assuming you are discerning a vocation (spiritual director and your signature). We can always use more priests with a good sense of humor. But wherever He leads you I know you’ll make it work perfectly, and not turn into one if those meth addicted alcoholic gamblers

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

Your post made me chuckle. You sound like a great kid. You are right–Mary has much better things to think about. I’ll be praying for you, that you find where God is calling you toward. I’m assuming you are discerning a vocation (spiritual director and your signature). We can always use more priests with a good sense of humor. But wherever He leads you I know you’ll make it work perfectly, and not turn into one if those meth addicted alcoholic gamblers

Thank you. I am indeed discerning the priesthood – I actually just visited the seminary and really think God might be calling me there. As long as I keep getting good grades and score well on the ACTs, pass the psychological evaluation, and impress the Bishop during our three interviews, I’ll be going to the seminary. It’ll be a cakewalk, really.

 

[BOProof]

Asking a gay person if they’re gay, before they’re ready to be open about it, puts them in a situation where they have to consider lying. Either they lie, or they are boxed into an intimacy which they did not choose. It’s really a harsh thing to do to a person.

Continually being in the closet usually requires a certain amount of deception anyways (even if one never outright tells a lie). So, if anything, when asked in an appropriate way by an appropriate person, the question is more of an invitation – rather than a forcing – to genuineness with the other.

That is why it can be OK to ask someone you’re already close with, but usually not OK to ask someone who is just an acquaintance. Of course, the person asking the question should be understanding if their family member/friend decides to lie.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Continually being in the closet usually requires a certain amount of deception anyways (even if one never outright tells a lie). So, if anything, when asked in an appropriate way by an appropriate person, the question is more of an invitation – rather than a forcing – to genuineness with the other.

That is why it can be OK to ask someone you’re already close with, but usually not OK to ask someone who is just an acquaintance. Of course, the person asking the question should be understanding if their family member/friend decides to lie.

You talk about “deciding to lie” as if it is a decision without any moral implications. But many people feel awful about lying, and the morality of lying in such a case is unclear. When you ask someone about their sexual orientation, then, you are putting them in a situation where they are tempted to do wrong. That is, if nothing more, a serious breach of etiquette.

Yes, there may be cases where two people are so close that such a question is appropriate. But I think people often think they’re close, when they’re not. So, once again, I think we should tread very lightly on this one.

 

[Sarabande]

I think we first of all live in a very sexualized society, which cannot be clearer. However, we also live in a very nosy one. Why is sexual orientation anyone’s business? People will ask you if you’re gay if they suspect you due to innocuous and stereotypical reasons (“Oh, you sing and like musicals? Are you gay?”). But to me, I don’t care if you fill every stereotype to a T, why is it anyone’s right to ask you if you are gay or not? Your sexual orientation doesn’t matter, but it’s also very personal, and I think it crosses many boundaries to ask someone about it.

This isn’t a rant, it’s just an honest question as to why people think they have a right to ask someone about it. To me, it’s like asking a couple how many children they plan to have. I remember one person said when people ask that, she replies “I don’t know, how many do you think we should have?” in order to convey the point that that is a very personal question and people shouldn’t ask it.

It’s no one’s business and I’ve always thought it was rude to ask. I have several gay friends, colleagues and family. They let me know in their own time about their sexual orientation. I didn’t become friends with them because of their orientation. Those same people who are bold enough to ask a person if they’re gay would probably never think of asking someone if they are straight. Then again, maybe they would. It’s still rude none-the-less. Some people treat sexual orientation as if that is the only aspect of a person and a judgment is made on that person based on it. I think it’s wrong.

I’m sensitive to this subject of people asking personal questions. Because I am mixed race, I grew up with constantly being asked “What are you?”, like I was some strange, exotic creature novelty. As soon as a person found out what I was, I was viewed and judged differently. It happened all the time. I wished that people just looked at me for who I was, not what I looked like.

This is a right-to-know society and people seem to think that they have to know everything about you. I’ve had people ask me about my sex life and even wanted to know the details of the day/night I thought I got pregnant with my first child. I’ve had an older man who was friendly work acquaintance (and someone I initially thought was a nice, upright guy) think he had the right to ask me if I masterbated and if I was a virgin. Without going into details, I was shocked and flabbergasted, to say the least.

So, yeah, I agree with you ATeutonicKnight, sexual orientation or any other personal thing about an individual is no one’s right to know. It’s rude, tacky and crude to ask.

 

[Ridgerunner]

The DADT policy means that you can be thrown out if people find out, even accidentally. It means that if people find out that you have or use to have a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, you can be thrown out (but only if the significant other is of the same-sex).

DADT, if applied to civilian life and applied to both same-sex and mixed-sex couples, would mean that you could be fired if someone finds out that you are in a relationship.

I think you misunderstood my meaning. In civilian life, “don’t ask, don’t tell” is just a good rule of thumb. It’s rude to ask, and it’s excessive personal information to simply volunteer that or any other sexual proclivity to someone else without very good reason.

In no way did I say the knowledge should lead to being fired.