Why is the Catholic Church so unfriendly to singles?

  • Thread starter Thread starter happypeacemaker
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
H

happypeacemaker

Guest
Families and seniors get VIP treatment at church.

Singles…second class citizens.

Am I mistaken?

Yes, I realize it’s not a social club, but if there’s no acknowledgement whatsoever that some would-be-parishoners are treated like pariahs, I really don’t what to say.
 
There’s some truth to this. The Judeo-Christian ethos is largely predicated on couples. Heck, society is. Not sure that this issue is limited to Catholic mass.
 
happypeacemaker said:
Am I mistaken?
Click to expand...
Depends on the parish.

Mass, Sacraments, and Eucharistic Adoration are equally open to families, elders, and singles, so I assume you are referring to programs (like Bible study, prayer groups, faith formation) and social events (parish picnic, fish dinner, musical performance).
 
Last edited:
For social events it is more efficient to please a family than a single person. If a greeter, secretary, priest, etc. deals with 5 people at a time, then spends the same effort to deal with 1 person, it’s really just more convenient to deal with the family so they might get higher priority. People don’t realize this; they don’t mean to offend.

Also, at social events, it’s very easy for families to break ice by talking about their kids. A single person might need to take more initiative.

I don’t believe that because the Church values families so they ignore singles. I was very well treated as a single person at my former Church, but I had to make an effort to start conversations.
 
Last edited:
happypeacemaker said:
Families and seniors get VIP treatment at church.

Singles…second class citizens.

Am I mistaken?

Yes, I realize it’s not a social club, but if there’s no acknowledgement whatsoever that some would-be-parishoners are treated like pariahs, I really don’t what to say.
Click to expand...
This is not true at all. There are PLENTY of things for single Catholics. There are even singles conferences.

However, I would argue many parishes don’t have events for singles unless they have a lot of them.

The reason is because singles groups are not easy to run today (esp on a parish level). The Catholic Match Insitute wrote a good article regarding this. You can read it here:

https://www.catholicmatch.com/institute/2012/06/the-trouble-with-singles-groups/

And here is the link to the National Catholic Singles Conference.


God Bless!
 
Last edited:
happypeacemaker said:
Families and seniors get VIP treatment at church.
Click to expand...
That’s not true.
Not in the Catholic church.
I’d even say THAT’S A LIE.
And who gives them this " VIP " treatment ? - lol

However, it is very true in Protestant churches.
They - play that game - big time -
except seniors usually get the shaft - unless they got money - and dress fancy !
 
My parish advertised a “singles night” with folks from our and other parishes in the bulletin a little bit ago. Men and women, regardless of marital status, are encouraged to make annual retreats at a neighboring parish. And, single men and women are sought to join religious life and the priesthood.

We get our stuff, and couples get their’s. (Theirs? Theirs’?)
 
Last edited:
The reason is that singles are generally poor and/or off at college, so there’s not much for the parish to focus on. When it comes to the collection plate, it is families and seniors who put in the money, and so they expect certain features at that parish. It seems to me that the parishes that focus on children’s ministry tend to have the most cash-flow. That’s obviously not what Mass and Parish life is supposed to be about, but that’s the (sad) reality. I have been a strong advocate for Young Adult Groups and getting people connected, you just have to pray and seek out the parishes that are open to this (which few are).
 
My parish has 3 single groups that are grouped by ages. There are several Bible Study groups for singles including the athlete in training, regular style Bible Study, Small Community Church Bible Study, and others. There are retreats, conferences, and activities for the singles. There is a “college/university” ministry from the rest of the parish, where mail and gifts are sent to those in colleges. Not all parishes treat singles in an unfriendly way.
 
Is this post based on some personal bad experience of yours?

I’m single, and I do not see single people being treated poorly at church. Then again I don’t expect a fanfare when I show up to pray either.
 
Catholic_Dude said:
The reason is that singles are generally poor and/or off at college
Click to expand...
Why are you assuming that all “singles” are in this category? There are plenty of older single people, including widowed people and never-married people, who are way past college age and are not particularly poor, but aren’t in the category of “senior citizens” yet either.
 
I don’t know – I belonged to a parish where there was a special Mass for families every Sunday, with a potluck meal afterward. There was nothing like that for singles.
 
I’m single, and everyone has been friendly to me.

If anything, it gets a little annoying when all of the little old ladies keep trying to fix me up with all of their unmarried daughters.

I am involved with most of the ministries that my church has, and I have never felt unwelcome.
 
This might be the OPs perception. I’d be careful about throwing around the word “lie”.
 
Last edited:
JulianN said:
a special Mass for families every Sunday, with a potluck meal afterward
Click to expand...
I’ve probably attended 3 dozen Catholic churches over the last 3 years and never heard of anything like this. The closest thing to it is the “youth Mass” held usually on Sunday evening with guitar music at the Mass and pizza and Lifeteen meetings afterwards.

If I saw a “special Mass for families”, I’d see it more as an attempt to get all the young children at one Mass, perhaps so they could have Sunday school (which one of my parishes does have during a certain Sunday Mass for the young children).
 
When you say families you mean “families of school-aged children”

People seem to forget they must be little children first.

Seniors generally have more time. It’s not that they get “VIP treatment” its that they can meet at 10AM on a work day when the parish hall is free or they can read a novel to meet for book club or they can volunteer to repaint the church basement.

However, singles of any age can join Bible studies and cook parish dinners that are not during working hours.

Honestly, I think the most left out group is single parents of young children. They don’t have time to give, don’t have money, don’t have child care and so they simply get forgotten.
 
No – it was definitely not that. It was a family Mass that was held at the same time as another normal Sunday Mass. There was no religious ed component involved. I worked at the parish at the time – they just felt that they needed to encourage families more. The promotion not only made singles feel unwelcome; it was especially true for single parents.

I don’t thing it’s intentional, but I’ve worked at a number of parishes, and I don’t think the OP is completely off-base.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top