I have become more cynical of life.
This is a hard saying but, you cannot trust human nature at all. That is why we must learn to trust God alone, even when life does not make sense at all.
I no longer believe things happen for a reason.
So everything just happens randomly and without purpose? In other words God created the universe and just left it subject to anarchy. This is what happens when we decide for ourselves what is true and what is not, instead of taking the Creator at His word and accepting it on faith and confirming with reason.
I believe that there is a greater power (i.e. God) but don’t think he interacts with us or reveals himself through a book or religion.
So you once were devout Catholic, you lost the Faith due to a failed relationship, and now you don’t even know which way is up. Why would you stake your entire faith, and therefore your soul on any earthly relationship? Either you never fully possessed the Faith, or you were reluctant to give up something in order to keep it. In order to obtain the various levels of Christian spirituality we absolutely must be willing to let go of anything or anyone that we hold dear in this life in order to love God as He loves us. So your problem stems from a lack of detachment.
Aside from that, regardless what you believe now, that in no way changes what is true. Truth that never changes, truth you learned from the Catholic Church.
When people die and others say they are in a better place, I am not sure that is true. I don’t think there is a rhyme or reason for bad things or good things, just the simple fact we live in a broken reality where we define our lives and God does not intervene. I now work as a paramedic seeing difficult situations everyday and have yet to see God within these people and times. I behave immorally (according to Christian definitions) and regularly involve myself with more than one girl at a time. My college education is suffering. In general, I am depressed and miserable.
- Not everyone goes to “a better place”.
- God’s ways are not our ways. We do not always see how the invisible hand of God intervenes in our lives.
- You have forfeited your ability to see God in any situation because you are no longer open to faith or grace. You closed that door, but you can open it back up.
- By continuing in immoral behavior you open the door for the enemies of God to influence everything you think say and do. You are basically tormenting yourself and heaping misery upon your lifeless soul. Your soul is starving for grace and relief.
5.Because your soul is tormented by a lack of life-giving grace it is natural that you should be depressed. The soul is attached to the body. If your soul suffers it will manifest itself in the physical body. I have gone through a similar experience. I, too suffered with great depression and despair. Trust me your human nature cannot suffice on it’s own. You need the influence of the Divine to be fulfilled.
Here’s the kicker: if I think all that I just posted is true, why am I posting this here? I know that I felt good and I felt more alive when I did believe. When I prayed I was happy and felt something. But how do I know its not just a release of chemicals stimulating portions of my brain? You can say that was a design God came up with to mix the spiritual with the physical. Am I simply posting and searching just to make myself feel better? Is it God or is it my ego and other psychological faculties edging me towards something to make me believe that life isn’t so bad. Or is God using my own brain to help me, is it his way?
Why…the question is why for me.
Okay now you are just going to drive yourself insane because you are attempting to abandon reason along with faith, which happen to be just two of the gifts God gave you for the purpose of finding Him so you can find true happiness. There is such a thing as over analyzing things and making them much more complicated than they need to be.
Yes, God gives us emotions and feelings to help us on our journey toward Him which begins here in this life. In mystical theology they are usually called consolations. Obviously you are at a point where you need consoling. So don’t hesitate any more, just pray for His help and for relief and say what is on your mind. If you are angry with Him then let Him know it and ask Him to help you understand. Try not to be too disrespectful but I am sure He wants to hear it from you if you are angry.
Why you? Because you left Him that’s why. Did you think that He would not pursue one of His precious creations who just up and walked away from Him. No! Divine Love is too strong to just let go. In fact He has never left your side but you have ignored Him and His broken heart. Now that you are suffering and miserable He wants to console you and be your healer. Just let Him. There is not enough people in this world that will let Him give Himself to them that is another reason why you do not see God in those people you mentioned. Perhaps He needs you to be the light of Christ for those suffering people?
I can feel your pain! I offer my tears and my prayers on your behalf to the Divine Lover, Jesus Christ our hope.
