Why oh Why? (All read)

[tenchk]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little more than one year. I am catholic and he is not (non-denominational christian). We are both very strong in our beliefs. I have always wanted to marry a catholic, but I truely believe God put him in my life for a reason. We are now trying to figure out what to do about our religions. We are both ok with each others religion, but the question of how to raise our kids comes into play. I know I want my kids baptized as babies and to receive their first communion, but I do agree with my boyfriend that the kids should experience many religions. If anyone has suggestions for me I would love to hear them!
Thanks!

 

[1ke]

You raised a good question. Recently I have discussed this with my Pastor about such concern. One of my children is interested in a person with a totally different faith. My pastor said that in an ideal world one should date a person of same faith, but we are not in an ideal world. He is not against it. Then I talked to two other priests, they hold the same position. I am concerned.

Perhaps your priests need refresher courses in the Sacraments and the Church’s teaching on mixed marriage.

I’m sorry you’ve gotten such useless advice from them. You are right to be concerned.

I understand what the priests said, it is not easy to find someone who matches in every way. And as a parent, I cannot disallow my child to pursue his or her own interest. I can only pray. And praying hard I am. Have fun? There is no fun in this situation.

Finding someone who likes the same hobbies as you is negotiable, finding someone of the same faith is a non-negotiable. We aren’t talking about peripherals, we are talking the core of your future family.

Honestly, I don’t know why people think mixed marriages are a good idea. And, I am very sorry that these priests are being so irresponsible.

 

[1ke]

1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife; and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband: otherwise your children should be unclean; but now they are holy.
Where does the bible “strongly” advise against marrying someone of a different faith?

Au contraire! In context, in the verse you reference Paul is talking about relationships in which one spouse has converted to become a Christian and the other remains pagan. Remember, Paul evangelized the Gentiles. In that same section he also talks about the believing spouse letting to unbeliever go if they will not live in peace.

Note verse 39 in that same chapter where Paul states a widow of an unbeliever can remarry **only if **the man is “belongs to the Lord”. So, that answers your question where the bible “strongly advises” against marrying someone of a different faith. In fact Paul actually *forbids *it. He says they MUST belong to the Lord.

In other areas he writes not to associate with unbelievers-- 2 Cor 6:14.

 

[Norseman82]

I have always wanted to marry a catholic, but I truely believe God put him in my life for a reason. We are now trying to figure out what to do about our religions. We are both ok with each others religion, but the question of how to raise our kids comes into play. I know I want my kids baptized as babies and to receive their first communion, but I do agree with my boyfriend that the kids should experience many religions.

This is a very troubling statement. Unless the reason is that he “comes home to Rome”, ask yourself why God would put someone in your life if he is going to lead you away from the Church that He founded and into one that He did not? Why would God put someone in your life to risk having your kids leave Him? And what about the part of the marriage vows to raise the kids in the Catholic faith?

No offense, but you really need to step back and think about what you just said and re-evaluate some things. Do you believe that the Catholic Church is the one founded by Christ Himself and contains the fullness of truth?

 

[leonie]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little more than one year. I am catholic and he is not (non-denominational christian). We are both very strong in our beliefs. I have always wanted to marry a catholic, but I truely believe God put him in my life for a reason. We are now trying to figure out what to do about our religions. We are both ok with each others religion, but the question of how to raise our kids comes into play. I know I want my kids baptized as babies and to receive their first communion, but I do agree with my boyfriend that the kids should experience many religions. If anyone has suggestions for me I would love to hear them!
Thanks!

I would like my children to be open to a lot of different worship experiences. For example, I love both charismatic prayer and traditional liturgical worship. I love Gregorian Chant and I also love contempory Christian praise and worship music. I love spontaneous prayer that pours out of you and also the beautiful prayers written by the saints.

But, there is just a lot of Catholic theology that can’t be reconciled with Protestant theology. In that sense, I think it would be dangerous to try to integrate doctrines.

I have a sense that maybe you and your boyfriend haven’t studied Catholic theology? Maybe you could undertake a study of Catholic theology together!!! You could start by simply listening to Catholic radio.

 

[lak611]

Now I am not here to point fingers at anyone or make people feel bad or anything like that.

But I see so many threads, have seen and will probably continue to see threads on the issue of Catholic/Non-catholic marriages.

Either the husband isn’t catholic or the wife isn’t catholic and hence there are plenty of marriages on the verge of divorce or just tearing away due to sexual issues, child raising issues or other issues. Sure everyone has their fights, but when the fights regard deep rooted issues to do with faiths that will always be in conflict until one person changes their faith, nothing will be solved.

So the million dollar question is, why jump into relationship, let alone marriages with someone of a different faith? The Bible advises (strongly) against it, and so does common sense, leaving alone even religion. If I believe nazism is the right way to go, would I or should I marry a communist? One will find all too soon, the deep conflicts firmly rooted in different beliefs.

I am not sure of the statistics here on this forum, but I suspect that there are more converts here than cradle Catholics. It seems to me that most of the posters who are experiencing conflicts in their marriages due to religion were originally Protestant or non-Christian who converted to Catholicism, and now they are dealing with a spouse who has not converted.

 

[Mintaka]

I’m a cradle Catholic. My mom is Catholic; she married a United Methodist man. As part of the normal procedure (then and now!) for non-Catholics marrying Catholics, he agreed that all us kids would be baptized and raised Catholic.

Now, my dad was not and is not lukewarm about religion. But he did agree to this, and he has abided by it faithfully. He has never stood in my mom’s way; he has never mocked our faith. In fact, he goes to church every Sunday with my mom as well as to his own church earlier in the day.

The reason it works is that, on everything except religion, my parents agree on values. Even there, they agree that it is important, not optional. Dad’s theology isn’t different enough from Catholic theology to cause us kids any confusion; and he just kept his mouth shut about those things he didn’t and doesn’t believe (mostly Marian issues and the Pope, from what I’ve been able to pry out of him, and honestly, I don’t think he has much problem with the Pope).

I don’t know whether my dad will ever convert. (His sister did, and I sometimes think Dad will start RCIA after his mom passes away. But who knows?) Certainly I hope he will.

The point, however, is that my dad is, like St. Joseph, a just man. That is why it works – because he is so solid, and because he and my mom always went to great lengths to present us kids with a united front. Religion was never used as focus for drama. So if my parents hadn’t been of one mind and heart on so much, it wouldn’t have worked. (Especially since my mom and dad are very different personalities, and we are a very argumentative family!)

So it can work; but it is hard work.

Of course, all marriages are hard work.

 

[Lady_Bug]

Yeah but don’t people have a problem with not being able to worship together with their spouse? People say, “well, we agree on most things except religion, so therefore it wasn’t a problem.” But if you don’t agree on religion, are you taking God away from the focal point of the marriage? If you cannot pray Catholic prayers together, go to a Catholic Church together, and raise your children together as Catholics, doesn’t one parent bear the entire burden of raising their children Catholic? Aren’t you lonely that you can’t really discuss your Catholic faith with your spouse to the fullest? Or read the Bible together with a Catholic mindset? Do you feel like you are keeping your mouth shut about Catholicism sometimes when you are married because you feel like it won’t interest your non-Catholic spouse? Do you feel it’s fair for your non-Catholic spouse to keep his mouth shut when you are teaching the kids Catholicism? Do you have backup plans for your children to be raised as Catholics if you as the Catholic spouse become sick or impaired in any way and hence unable to impart your faith on your children?

I was looking at the “family prayers” thread in the Family Life section and I thought to myself, what a nice arrangement for a family. But it can’t really be done in a mixed marriage.

For the record, I am a child of a mixed marriage (mother: fallen away previously nominal Catholic, and Muslim father) and it was the worst experience I ever had, and therefore that is why my opinion is very strong on this.

 

[TOP]

Au contraire! In context, in the verse you reference Paul is talking about relationships in which one spouse has converted to become a Christian and the other remains pagan. Remember, Paul evangelized the Gentiles. In that same section he also talks about the believing spouse letting to unbeliever go if they will not live in peace.

Note verse 39 in that same chapter where Paul states a widow of an unbeliever can remarry **only if **the man is “belongs to the Lord”. So, that answers your question where the bible “strongly advises” against marrying someone of a different faith. In fact Paul actually *forbids *it. He says they MUST belong to the Lord.

In other areas he writes not to associate with unbelievers-- 2 Cor 6:14.

I don’t speak Dutch, but you have a point. It might be on top of your head, but a point just the same.

 

[leonie]

Yeah but don’t people have a problem with not being able to worship together with their spouse? People say, “well, we agree on most things except religion, so therefore it wasn’t a problem.” But if you don’t agree on religion, are you taking God away from the focal point of the marriage? If you cannot pray Catholic prayers together, go to a Catholic Church together, and raise your children together as Catholics, doesn’t one parent bear the entire burden of raising their children Catholic? Aren’t you lonely that you can’t really discuss your Catholic faith with your spouse to the fullest? Or read the Bible together with a Catholic mindset? Do you feel like you are keeping your mouth shut about Catholicism sometimes when you are married because you feel like it won’t interest your non-Catholic spouse? Do you feel it’s fair for your non-Catholic spouse to keep his mouth shut when you are teaching the kids Catholicism? Do you have backup plans for your children to be raised as Catholics if you as the Catholic spouse become sick or impaired in any way and hence unable to impart your faith on your children?

I was looking at the “family prayers” thread in the Family Life section and I thought to myself, what a nice arrangement for a family. But it can’t really be done in a mixed marriage.

For the record, I am a child of a mixed marriage (mother: fallen away previously nominal Catholic, and Muslim father) and it was the worst experience I ever had, and therefore that is why my opinion is very strong on this.

I agree with you Ladybug. I think a marriage with two devout Catholics is stronger in every way than a mixed marriage. I can tell you that I often feel lonely.

Plus, there’s the kids. It’s so important for the father to be a very visible, strong spiritual leader. A Legionary priest told me once that only 50% of children in families where both parents practice the Faith grow up to be practicing Catholics. In families where only the mom practices it’s less than 20%.

In families where the father only practices, it’s 80%. See how important dads are!!!

He was quoting a statistics from a Catholic radio show, but I don’t know the source.