Why Saving Yourself for Marriage Could Be Costly

[ReeferShepard]

Kids this generation are constantly getting information about sex which comes from every angle, and some of which contradict itself.

I’m not here to state why I believe pre-marital sex is good & great, but people choosing to “save themselves” could create more harm than good.

My friends dad said it best. “Sex is 50% of a relationship. If you marry someone without ever being intimate with them, you have no idea how they are in bed, or if they even care about a sex life. If they’re bad at sex, you aren’t going to want to stay in it.”

I think this is excellent advice. Especially with divorces higher than they’ve ever been, I think people get the wrong idea of sex before marriage. You can read me all of the lines in the Bible, but the fact is, it’s what you choose. I’m not saying one-night stands, vacation splurges, etc. are fine, but if you’re in a relationship with somebody, and both are ready, it could be the best decision to make.

 

[PennitentMan]

Kids this generation are constantly getting information about sex which comes from every angle, and some of which contradict itself.

I’m not here to state why I believe pre-marital sex is good & great, but people choosing to “save themselves” could create more harm than good.

My friends dad said it best. “Sex is 50% of a relationship. If you marry someone without ever being intimate with them, you have no idea how they are in bed, or if they even care about a sex life. If they’re bad at sex, you aren’t going to want to stay in it.”

I think this is excellent advice. Especially with divorces higher than they’ve ever been, I think people get the wrong idea of sex before marriage. You can read me all of the lines in the Bible, but the fact is, it’s what you choose. I’m not saying one-night stands, vacation splurges, etc. are fine, but if you’re in a relationship with somebody, and both are ready, it could be the best decision to make.

I could not disagree more.

Sex was intended for Marriage. Jesus speaking against fornication, should be enough to discourage this kind of thought.

Sex is not about sex, it’s about sharing yourself with your partner.

If he/she is bad in bed, it doesn’t matter…that is not why you choose to have sex…if that is your outlook on sex, then you are using your spouse to our own gratifying needs, and hence is committing sin every time you engage in sex…see Chrcuh teachings on lust in the Catechism.

Sex is about being intimate with your partner, sharing your souls, expressing to our life-long partner the love you have for him/her and can only say it in one way…with spousal intimacy of intercourse, being open to life.
It’s not about performance…that is exactly opposed to the teachings of the Church.

Your arguments are unfounded, especially if your audience is Cathoilc and has done nothing for me except upset me…
PM

 

[wanner47]

Kids this generation are constantly getting information about sex which comes from every angle, and some of which contradict itself.

I’m not here to state why I believe pre-marital sex is good & great, but people choosing to “save themselves” could create more harm than good.

My friends dad said it best. “Sex is 50% of a relationship. If you marry someone without ever being intimate with them, you have no idea how they are in bed, or if they even care about a sex life. If they’re bad at sex, you aren’t going to want to stay in it.”

I think this is excellent advice. Especially with divorces higher than they’ve ever been, I think people get the wrong idea of sex before marriage. You can read me all of the lines in the Bible, but the fact is, it’s what you choose. I’m not saying one-night stands, vacation splurges, etc. are fine, but if you’re in a relationship with somebody, and both are ready, it could be the best decision to make.

I dispute this assertion.

A relationship should not be based on sex, and if it is, then you have a huge problem. What happens if the other becomes severely injured or disabled to such a degree that s/he cannot have sex, or your sex life is severly impaired? If your relationship is built on sex, then it will quickly crumble. If a relationship is built on sex, what about the times when one spouse is too tired or ill for sex? His/her spouse will seek immoral gratification elsewhere, which will also cause the relationship to crumble.

If a man and woman truly love one another and have a relationship grounded in Christ, their sex lives will either be compatible from the outset of marriage, or, if not, for whatever reason, the two will love each other enough to be willing to work to MAKE their sex lives compatible.

Men and women are sexually attracted to each other without the benefit of marriage. If you’re not sexually attracted to someone, why choose them as your lifelong mate? If the sexual attraction is there, a good sex life is pretty sure to follow. And waiting until the wedding night makes sex all the more incredible. I should know – my husband and I waited.

However, everything previously posted pales in deference to the fact that the Catholic Church, guided by the Holy Spirit, has again and again confirmed that premarital sex is a sin. And that’s good enough for me.

 

[DanteAlighieri]

I would add to what PM said the following:

The unitive and procreative act of sex is only one aspect of marriage – and it certainly doesn’t comprise 50 percent of a marriage.

Spouses are supposed to enjoy sex together because it is with each other; not for its own sake. To state that one would want “out” of a relationship with a partner who is “bad in bed” is preposterous, unless one is being selfish. Inexperienced couples are just as capable of becoming “good in bed” together, anyway, for what that’s worth.

Peace,
Dante

 

[dulcissima]

I think statistics de-bunk your argument. Couples who try before they buy have a higher divorce rate. Couples who took the time to get to know each other on many different levels will have the compatibility to not just make it in the long run, but also getting to know each other that way creates more true intimacy, better communication, and more satisfying sex.

 

[LilyM]

Kids this generation are constantly getting information about sex which comes from every angle, and some of which contradict itself.

I’m not here to state why I believe pre-marital sex is good & great, but people choosing to “save themselves” could create more harm than good.

My friends dad said it best. “Sex is 50% of a relationship. If you marry someone without ever being intimate with them, you have no idea how they are in bed, or if they even care about a sex life. If they’re bad at sex, you aren’t going to want to stay in it.”

I think this is excellent advice. Especially with divorces higher than they’ve ever been, I think people get the wrong idea of sex before marriage. You can read me all of the lines in the Bible, but the fact is, it’s what you choose. I’m not saying one-night stands, vacation splurges, etc. are fine, but if you’re in a relationship with somebody, and both are ready, it could be the best decision to make.

Of course people waiting for sex does more harm than good … that’s why the divorce and separation rates are so stratospherically high among couples who wait until after marriage compared to those who don’t … and why in the era of free love and no-fault divorces we’re happier and more fulfilled in our love lives than ever … oh, wait …

God does NOT approve of divorce nor premarital sex, and for extremely good reason.

 

[Contarini]

My friends dad said it best. “Sex is 50% of a relationship. If you marry someone without ever being intimate with them, you have no idea how they are in bed, or if they even care about a sex life. If they’re bad at sex, you aren’t going to want to stay in it.”

That’s simply a horrendously wicked sentiment. Forget about the Bible and Church dogma for the minute–just in terms of basic human decency it’s a vile thing to make sexual skill a deal-breaker for the most intimate human relationship there is. The fact that you could repeat approvingly such a sentiment without deep shame shows the emptiness of all the talk about “loving, committed, respectful” relationships. In the end, you seem to be saying, it all boils down. If you really love someone, then sex is just part of the picture. Not an unimportant part, mind you. But not the one thing on which it all depends.

Edwin

 

[1ke]

www.pureloveclub.com

 

[jmcrae]

Human beings are not shoes. It is neither necessary nor desirable for people to try each other on for fit.

 

[whatevergirl]

Kids this generation are constantly getting information about sex which comes from every angle, and some of which contradict itself.

I’m not here to state why I believe pre-marital sex is good & great, but people choosing to “save themselves” could create more harm than good.

My friends dad said it best. “Sex is 50% of a relationship. If you marry someone without ever being intimate with them, you have no idea how they are in bed, or if they even care about a sex life. If they’re bad at sex, you aren’t going to want to stay in it.”

I think this is excellent advice. Especially with divorces higher than they’ve ever been, I think people get the wrong idea of sex before marriage. You can read me all of the lines in the Bible, but the fact is, it’s what you choose. I’m not saying one-night stands, vacation splurges, etc. are fine, but if you’re in a relationship with somebody, and both are ready, it could be the best decision to make.

There is some merit to what you say here, but the main problem with that way of thinking is that we tend to look at relationships and marriage as…‘what can YOU do FOR ME?’ If you stink in bed, eh, I don’t wantcha. That’s pretty dismal, to think that we are to be scrutinized with how ‘skilled’ we are in the sack.

Something you might find surprising…is that people who have sex BEFORE marriage, have higher divorce rates. True. Weird, huh? But, the reason is that there is a dissipating respect that occurs after a while, when a man realizes that he doesn’t need to marry a woman to get sex…it’s built into our psychies…and that whole ‘what can you do for me’ mentality carries through INTO the marriage. Logically speaking, if the sex starts to dry up, no pun, then one or both partners start to look elsewhere. Not to say people who marry as virgins don’t have their share of marital issues…they do. But, I do believe a Pandora’s box can open up, when we give ourselves away to the wrong person-- too many times.

 

[Cor_Jesu]

I think this is excellent advice. Especially with divorces higher than they’ve ever been, I think people get the wrong idea of sex before marriage. You can read me all of the lines in the Bible, but the fact is, it’s what you choose. I’m not saying one-night stands, vacation splurges, etc. are fine, but if you’re in a relationship with somebody, and both are ready, it could be the best decision to make.

How can someone be “bad” at sex? Really, unless one of you has some sort of birth defect I guarantee that you will be anatomically compatible with your future spouse…you don’t need to commit fornication (“premarital sex”) to make sure!

And I’m sooo sure that spouses waiting for marriage is the one of the primary causes of divorce. Get real, kiddo! Premarital sex is a mortal sin and engaging in it will lead you to hell. Period.

Have a nice day!

P.S. Your friend’s dad sounds like an idiot! :yup:

 

[whatevergirl]

Kids this generation are constantly getting information about sex which comes from every angle, and some of which contradict itself.

I’m not here to state why I believe pre-marital sex is good & great, but people choosing to “save themselves” could create more harm than good.

My friends dad said it best. “Sex is 50% of a relationship. If you marry someone without ever being intimate with them, you have no idea how they are in bed, or if they even care about a sex life. If they’re bad at sex, you aren’t going to want to stay in it.”

I think this is excellent advice. Especially with divorces higher than they’ve ever been, I think people get the wrong idea of sex before marriage. You can read me all of the lines in the Bible, but the fact is, it’s what you choose. I’m not saying one-night stands, vacation splurges, etc. are fine, but if you’re in a relationship with somebody, and both are ready, it could be the best decision to make.

is your friend’s dad still married?

 

[Cor_Jesu]

Human beings are not shoes. It is neither necessary nor desirable for people to try each other on for fit.

Yeah, I have never heard of a couple who waited for marriage discovering on their wedding night that they weren’t the right size for eachother or didn’t fit, LOL!

 

[whatevergirl]

How can someone be “bad” at sex? Really, unless one of you has some sort of birth defect I guarantee that you will be anatomically compatible with your future spouse…you don’t need to commit fornication (“premarital sex”) to make sure!

And I’m sooo sure that spouses waiting for marriage is the one of the primary causes of divorce. Get real, kiddo! Premarital sex is a mortal sin and engaging in it will lead you to hell. Period.

Have a nice day!

lol–so true. Even monkeys can figure it out…so, that’s saying somethin’.

And teaching one another and exploring…well, that’s 1/2 the fun. But, there is something to be said about compatibility.

The reality is…that way back when…in my parents’ days…(say back in the 40’s) …men were gentleman…they didn’t ‘expect’ sex at the end of the night…women were ladies…couples dressed up for dates, and when the two ‘fell in love’ they got married…they didn’t test drive one another like today. There’s something missing in my generation…and the future generations…it’s called innocence.

 

[Jay2]

Old line:
“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free…”

Yes, the milk is refreshing, but it’s only a momentary tactile satisfaction.

There’s a whole lot more, the cream & butter for instance… (fill in your own definitions of these…)

 

[lizaanne]

I couldn’t disagree more with the OP. And I’ve been there done that - both ways.

I was in a previous 11 year invalid “marriage”. He was my childhood sweetheart, and we were having sex when I was 16 and he was 18. We married in our mid 20’s - we knew everything about that aspect of each other, and even lived together first just to make sure we were doing it “right” and knowing for sure we were ready.

What a bunch of garbage. I was no more ready for that than getting hit by a bus.

Now I’m 42. I met my husband, who is 29, two and a half years ago. We made a decision to wait to be intimate until our wedding night. We married last September. I can’t even begin to tell you how this has pulled us together in such a way that not waiting would have never done. It is a jewel in the crown of our marriage - not the biggest, and not the brightest - but it is a jewel we waited for and now is so very precious to us.

Don’t sell out for what people and society tell you. We live in a sex driven world, and I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t buy you a damn thing. If anything, it has the ability to ruin your future in so many ways. Just wait for the right woman, and don’t give yourself away as if you were a sample pack of cookies. Your future wife will thank you for it.

~Liza

 

[KathleenElsie]

50%???

Well that is hard to dispute LOL. :whacky:

50% of what?

of time? no way can it be 50% of time since we work, sleep, go to Mass, watch movies, take care of the babies & household chores. So no it can not be 50% of time.

of Physical contact or closeness? I sure hope not. the act itself does not take that long. Now if instead of sex you said intimate moments and intimate time I might give it 10% (but then again I am a woman and not driven by physical needs all the time) Gee I can be sure that sitting together and talking, sharing a meal and special time is much more then only half of the time we spend together. So again I don’t think it can be 50% of closeness.

of Marriage? read both the former answers and then I will again say NOPE NOT 50% Maybe 1% if both the husband and wife are lucky and Blessed.

Maybe the OP can get his friends father to explain what he considers sex and how it can make up 50% of any committed relationship between a husband and wife.

OTOH it could be 50% of a non-committed shallow relationship that only values the physical use of each person involved. But, that is probably another thread.

 

[psteichen]

Doesn’t sound like you’re getting a lot of support for your theory Reefer. Then again with a name like Reefer I can see how you could have become confused at what your buddy’s dad was trying to tell you. Why don’t you go ask again after a few days of fresh air and see if it doesn’t sound different this time.

 

[Cor_Jesu]

Doesn’t sound like you’re getting a lot of support for your theory Reefer. Then again with a name like Reefer I can see how you could have become confused at what your buddy’s dad was trying to tell you. Why don’t you go ask again after a few days of fresh air and see if it doesn’t sound different this time.

LMAO!! OUTSTANDING!:clapping:

 

[MidnightSun02]

I think the person to listen to about love, marriage, and sex would be God (Christopher West is pretty good too read “Theology of the Body”!). I honestly don’t think that taking advice from your friend’s dad is entirely fitting.

Keep praying.