Why the bias against medium to large families?

[ajaffres]

Yes, I agree, but I believe another serious reason to delay is if either parent feels that they are getting “overwhelmed” - in my personal experinece, (not saying this is what’s happening here) - I have friends who have husbands that would “love to have another child” - but this is a husband who is working outside of the home -gone for probably 60 hours out of the week at least - if the woman is feeling she’s “had enough” or isn’t sure she could happily welcome and care for another then that is also a serious and just reason. I know this isn’t the case with all husbands out there but I’ve seen it happen with some and that is plenty of reason to ‘deny her husband life…’
God Bless
Rye

I agree, feeling overwhelmed is a serious reason to delay children. Both parents must be psychologically and physically ready to welcome the new life. What I meant was the attitude where people think a child is a liability instead of a blessing. It is something our culture is currently teaching us. Everyone around me, thinks it is more important to spend 10K a year per child for Hockey than it is to welcome new life in their homes.

 

[ajaffres]

Thank you for all the supportive responses. I was almost afraid to read them because it is usually hot topic.

My big concern is that through the comments and attitude of so many people my wife’s condition is being worsened rather than helped. She already sees everything in such a negative light that when others “confirm” this view it makes life that much tougher.

Unfortunately it looks like four is it and we will be lucky to hold things together and heal through all of this. I had a very upsetting conversation with her last night. Even though we are both Catholic, she has now turned her back on God and her faith. When I reminded her that there are three of us in the marriage she said that there wasn’t and for I don’t put her first, before even God, there will be no more marriage. This includes being OK with an abortion as birth control should she ever get pregnant (by accident for lack of a better word). All her friends and therapist think that is OK and that if I love her I will be OK with that too. Fortunately my Catholic therapist supports me and I am working on talking to my priest about this new development.

I am so lost by all of this right now. I don’t know the answer to this, other than a know that God does come first and everything else must follow.

I would tend to agree with your wife on the marriage part. Marriage is between a man and a woman before God. We travel in this life and hope our marriage will bring us closer to holiness, but we are not married to God, we are married to each other and promise to please God.

Now obviously she is not ready for a new child, if I were you, I would drop the issue until her therapy is finished. Too many people are ‘involved’ in your discussion which should be happening between the two of you. When both of you have completed your therapy, you can always revisit the situation. For now, practice safe NFP and pray that abortion will never need to be discussed.

 

[TheGreatHillOfT]

I think that the bias against large families is starting to disappear. I have six brothers and two sisters and nobody has ever called me rude names or been negative about it. Sure, I get surprise from most people but I haven’t really met anyone who hate large families.

 

[Bataar]

I believe a lot of it has to do with the fact that a general perception is that only poor people have large families. I know of a lot of Catholic families that have 6+ kids and only one of those families I would consider (I don’t know them very well so this is just my perception) firmly in the middle class. The rest are probably fairly close to the poverty line. With that being the perception, the next perception is that they’re probably getting some kind of government assistance. This is where I have mixed feelings. I have no problem with people having large families and I don’t buy into the overpopulation/climate change myths at all, but I have to think that if you can’t afford to support X amount of kids, you shouldn’t have that many. Again, that’s not a firm belief I have, but it’s definitely in the back of my mind.