WHY won't God respond to my need?

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george92

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alright. i don’t want a girlfriend…i NEED a girlfriend. I pray and pray every single day for one for over an hour, help out a lot at my church, talk to tons of young ladies, as a result…NO GIRLFRIEND. unlike most men, i need a lady to have around just to cuddle, hang out, and do stuff.

God provides for our needs. Why won’t he provide for this one? its driving me to the point of craziness. advice? ( please no smart-a** remarks or advice…it doesn’t do me any favors)
 
i know He understands me but at the same time he doesn’t. its so frustrating day after day
 
Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given unto you.

I went through this very thing. I fell in love with someone and then broke up. I was immature. When I realized my stupidity I wanted her back, prayed very hard for it. I’ve met other women, prayed for them to be the right one, and none of it worked. It took a long, long time between girlfriends. I even got to the point I was angry at God. But somehow that turned me around. After my anger subsided I never stopped believing in God so I said I’ll figure out how this prayer thing works. My faith was on a steady path to growth. Eventually I met the most perfect woman for me whom recently we just celebrated our 6th year of marriage, and we have 2 wonderful kids.
 
Sorry, you NEED food shelter and clothing. You do not NEED a girlfriend. Take it from someone who was in a relationship and has spent years single since then. It isn’t something you NEED.

Not intended as a smart-a@@ comment, just a reality/perspective check.
 
God is replying to your need. It’s not what you think it is. You don’t need a girlfriend, you need to figure out who you are. Define yourself apart from a relationship. Remember when Christ prayed in the garden to be spared the passion God did not give Jesus what He desired, He sent an angel to strengthen Him to do what was required.

God is giving you what you need, it’s not what you want desire. Do the things you enjoy, forget about finding a girlfriend and focus on living your life instead. Find out your strengths and your weaknesses, what you are passionate about and what you don’t like. We always seem to find the right person when we aren’t looking but simply living. That’s when we cross paths with a person who enjoys the same things we do, has the same kind of goals.
 
When relationships are based on need they tend to be unhealthy. I believe that we can only be with someone in a healthy way when we are ok with ourselves and not needy. Many people will tell you that they met that special person once they stopped looking. That happened to me as well.
 
I assume first that you’re ready to have a girlfriend because being in a relationship involves a “real” commitment. You have to know who you are (your strengths, your weaknesses) before any kind of “real” commitment can begin. Having said that, if you feel you’re ready for the “right” reasons (want to share your life with someone else, perhaps start a family down the road), then by all means, go for it.

God does answer our prayers but sometimes we don’t ask the way we ought to. When you pray, you have to pray according to the Father’s will, so you should see what the bible says about what God wants for you in a partner. Whether you come up with a list of must have’s about a person or not, I would certainly ask God to send you a “godly partner” who will join you in your walk with God. Everything else is secondary.

After asking God in prayer for a girlfriend, you have to wait, trusting that He will send you someone. Of course, in the meantime you must continue your walk with God, learning about Him, especially in attending church and even reading the bible. Jesus said to “seek the kingdom of God first” and then everything would fall into place thereafter. Seek God first and He will give you the desires of your heart.

I wish you the best in your journey.

God Bless
 
Contra_Mundum said:
When relationships are based on need they tend to be unhealthy. I believe that we can only be with someone in a healthy way when we are ok with ourselves and not needy. Many people will tell you that they met that special person once they stopped looking. That happened to me as well.
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And sadly, sometimes it doesn’t work out. Sometimes that other person leaves you. That is when you will need to be comfortable enough with yourself to be content to be alone with yourself. To realize, that it is in fact better to be alone than settle for a relationship just to have someone around.

A relationship, IMHO, should be more about what you can give to another person than what you are gaining. Finding that person that you want to be worthy of is far different than simply settling for someone who will have you. I can understand your frustration, wanting to give of yourself to someone, and not being able find that someone who will appreciate it. Do not be so anxious that you settle for someone who will not appreciate you, who you are, what you can give.
 
I think God is trying to teach you patience.

I think He is also trying to teach you to focus on Him and trust in His will. Be selfless. Live to serve others above yourself. Think about what He wants you to do, what you can do for Him, rather than what you want Him to do for you. The more you think of and serve others, the less time you’ll have to think of yourself and your own desires.

You will also feel less lonely if you stop focusing on wanting a girlfriend. You spend over an hour a day in prayer focusing on your loneliness; no wonder you’re going mad! Why not instead pray for the needs of others, and give thanks that you have food, water, shelter and clothing?

I can think of some (non-religious) women I know whose husbands are away in the military or for business and what do they do with their spare time? They read romance novels! By doing this they are putting all this energy and thought and time into something they cannot have right now. And then they complain about how lonely they are. Well, maybe if they would distract themselves with other things, time would pass more quickly and they wouldn’t be going insane with lust.

To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women. (Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen)

Strive to become the man who is worthy of the woman God has planned for you to marry. In order to do this, you will need to grow in virtue and have a strong relationship with God in order to become a man who will be a good husband and a good father. A man who is worthy of the woman Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen was describing.

I think a big problem is that too many people these days feel like they always “need” to be in a relationship. They rush into things with a person they barely know and it creates huge problems. Get to know some young women and develop strong friendships with women before you consider dating any of them. Get to know her as a person rather than an object with which to fill your desires. Then instead of, “I want a girlfriend.” It will be, “I would really like to go on a date with [insert name here] because I really like her and we have a lot in common.” Your spouse should be your best friend, so any long-term/romantic relationship should be built on a foundation of strong friendship.

You may also want to approach this situation the same way an addict would approach not drinking, smoking, doing drugs, etc. Take it one day at a time. Don’t think about far into the future because it could stress you out (what if I don’t meet my wife for another 10 or 20 years? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) and you’ll relapse into dwelling on being single. Think about what God would like you to do today. Whom is He asking you to help, to befriend? Think about today and maybe tomorrow (insofar as what you need to do today to prepare for tomorrow) and leave the future in God’s hands.

And most importantly: if it’s God’s will for you to marry, He will send a nice young lady your way when He feels you’re ready.

A lot of people meet their spouse after they stop looking. Why did they stop looking? Because they were content with themselves and in their own lives. That is the place you need to be mentally, spiritually, emotionally, before you’re ready for marriage or a serious relationship anyway.
 
Maybe He is responding to your prayer by telling you to wait until you’ve accomplished some other tasks, such as becoming content with your life as it is now, growing closer to Him, finishing your education, launching your career, establishing a home (even if it’s just you and a goldfish,) learning to entertain yourself so that you aren’t bored, and lots of other things. Maybe He’s in the process of starting to call you to the priesthood or the religious life. Maybe in your current circle there are no suitable young women, and He’s trying to spare you some aggravation (there’s plenty worse than not having a girlfriend or boyfriend, for any young women who might be reading this.) We’re not you, and we’re not God: How do we know what you really need, or what He has in store for you?

In my own experience, I met my husband when I was definitively NOT looking for someone. I was simply living a single life, enjoying myself, and serving God in several ways beside Mass attendance.

And in my experience, I’ve learned that basically, God has four ways of answering my prayers: “Yes, and I was beginning to think you’d never ask,” “No, because it’s no good for you,” “Wait, and work on this in the meantime,” and, “Are you NUTS, Odile?!” I could share with you several specific examples of each of these answers, but you’d go crosseyed from reading all of it, and besides, it would take up too much bandwidth!
 
george92 said:
alright. i don’t want a girlfriend…i NEED a girlfriend. I pray and pray every single day for one for over an hour, help out a lot at my church, talk to tons of young ladies, as a result…NO GIRLFRIEND. unlike most men, i need a lady to have around just to cuddle, hang out, and do stuff.

God provides for our needs. Why won’t he provide for this one? its driving me to the point of craziness. advice? ( please no smart-a** remarks or advice…it doesn’t do me any favors)
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God knows what we want and need whether we pray for it as thus or not. He is an all seeing God. My advice would be to just relax, (easier said than done you’re going to shout at me - I know:thumbsup:).

But what I mean by relax is enjoy being in the Presence of God. He knows what you personally want. Trust in him and enjoy being in his Presence, is my advice to you.

After all, you may get that girl who actually wants nothing to do with the church and just basically wants you as some sex machine thing? Having a girl will give you less freedom to go out to things that you are currently doing. St Paul himself if you read his letters, advises men not to get married because that will distract them from God. May be like me you are not destined for marriage but learn to accept what you have now is as precious whether you have a girl and married or not. Life is the most precious gift and some get to share it with a loved one but for some that sharing it with a loved one ends up in unhappiness, heartache and divorce and more heartache. For others they work out how to get through the ups and downs of marriage. For the rest of us who are blessed not to get married, we have the freedom to love God without the demands of our loved ones loving God too. We are free to Love God and be with others and help them to Love God by what we do and say.
Girls (or boys) and marriage aint for everyone even if its perceived to be the traditional norm. For me, I would find even in a healthy marriage I think I would experience far too much heart ache at times it be overpowering. LIfe does get that way anyway for me but at least I am free to be at these times and not upsetting my husband because I am not married.

Try to forget about the desire for a girl. One day, you may find yourself walking down the Isle with one about to be married but that day may never come. Learn to accept where you are at right now and not worry about what may or mayn’t happen. Appreciate that you have all the time in the world to give Glory to God and slowly work out you life with God.

Partners - we don’t all get one. No big deal in this day and age especially if you’re happy anyway. Thats more important than wanting a partner - being happy.

Also read Ruth. Wasn’t it Ruth who begged and begged God for a baby and when she did have a baby she offered it to God in thanksgiving. Though she did get what she wanted in the end but you too can get you want if you are able to be flexible and find out what is really important in your life. God may be seeing that and giving you the space and time to help you work it out. Who knows? But God is listening because he knows what we want. The trick is, not wanting much from God but being with him and one day you may discover you have what you want all along and you may get that girl and I sincerly hope that if you get that girl, she loves you and you don’t have too many heart ache issues etc.
 
If you NEED. A girlfriend, you’re in a very bad place and that’s why she is not coming.

Women can never stay far away enough from the kind of men who NEED us. If you are so desperate it’s because you need God.
 
george92 said:
alright. i don’t want a girlfriend…i NEED a girlfriend. I pray and pray every single day for one for over an hour, help out a lot at my church, talk to tons of young ladies, as a result…NO GIRLFRIEND. unlike most men, i need a lady to have around just to cuddle, hang out, and do stuff.

God provides for our needs. Why won’t he provide for this one? its driving me to the point of craziness. advice? ( please no smart-a** remarks or advice…it doesn’t do me any favors)
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Have you considered that the answer is “not yet”?

It’s hard to give advice since we know so little about you…But I think the problem may be with your priorities…
When you pray for your needs, do you end your prayer with, “But thy will and not mine be done”? Then - are you willing to accept His will for you at this time?

If you are called to marriage, which it sounds like you might be, then you don’t need a girlfriend - “a lady to have around just to cuddle, hang out, and do stuff.”
Those are all purely selfish reasons and our good God knows this and is waiting for you to realize it so that you can change what you are “needing”. In short, God is not going to simply supply you with person as an “object” for you to “do stuff” with.

If you are called to marriage, what you need is someone who you can spend the rest of your life with and raise a family with. Cuddling, and hanging out and doing stuff is certainly a part of that, but there is so much more…

It is good that you volunteer are Church and that you are outgoing and friendly. Keep this up. Continue your good prayer habits. I don’t know what all your prayer method is, but I might suggest some contemplative periods - perhaps some lectio-divina to allow yourself to be more open to God telling you what you need, what His desires are for you and how you can grow so that He can provide for all of your needs…Including a wonderful lady, if that indeed is in His plans for you.

I know that the above is rather direct and I do not mean to be harsh. You asked for advise and this is what the Spirit has given me to say to you.

I hope it helps.

Peace
James
 
george92 said:
alright. i don’t want a girlfriend…i NEED a girlfriend. I pray and pray every single day for one for over an hour, help out a lot at my church, talk to tons of young ladies, as a result…NO GIRLFRIEND. unlike most men, i need a lady to have around just to cuddle, hang out, and do stuff.

God provides for our needs. Why won’t he provide for this one? its driving me to the point of craziness. advice? ( please no smart-a** remarks or advice…it doesn’t do me any favors)
Click to expand...
Like other’s have said, if you “need” a gf especially to have her around to “cuddle, hang out, and do stuff,” seems to me to be a selfish need and you just wanting a girl around for selfish reasons. Girls generally don’t like needy guys and that will scare us away. Also a woman (as opposed to a girl) is going to want way more than cuddling, hanging out, and doing stuff. She is going to want a relationship that looks like it can go somewhere. A relationship that will hopefully lead to commitment, marriage, a family, a partnership, not just a good time. I don’t think you are unlike most boys because most boys feel that they need to have a lady around just to cuddle, hang out and do stuff. Now men, they want something more serious.

You say you don’t want any “smart-a**” remarks, but what I really think you are saying is that you don’t want people to tell you that you don’t need a girlfriend, but it is true. You haven’t died yet and no one has died ever from lack of girlfriend. When someone is dying of hunger or thirst, you can’t tell them a girlfriend is a need. You need food, water, and shelter. Those are needs. You need to be thankful for what you have. You have a roof over your head, food in your mouth, clean water that won’t make you sick, a wonderful Church community, a God who loves you enough to send His Son to die a horrible death on the cross so you may have forgiveness, and a lot of young ladies around…lol. Maybe instead of praying for a girlfriend for an hour, maybe you should be praying for your possible future wife, if that is what God has planned for you.
 
Maybe God IS responding to your prayer - maybe He’s telling you “no” or “not yet”. God doesn’t work on our timeline.
 
george92 said:
i know He understands me but at the same time he doesn’t. its so frustrating day after day
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This is absolute silliness right here. How on earth do you know that “at the same time he doesn’t”??? Just because you’re not getting what you want doesn’t mean God doesn’t understand every single thing about you!
 
george92 said:
i know He understands me but at the same time he doesn’t.
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Oh believe me, he understands you more than you ever will understand yourself.
And as others have mentioned, that may be the problem. He is waiting for you to understand yourself.

As everyone else has said, not meant as a smart a** reply, but the truth.
 
At the same time, God also works through people, and people have free will. Maybe God is trying to send you one or several to choose from, only she is/they are misusing the free will and resisting God because their priorities and values are out of whack or are looking at dating from secular psychobabble standards instead of Catholic standards.
 
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