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Norseman82
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Not all needs are physical. Some are emotional (having someone to talk to). As long as it’s chaste, that’s how relationships leading to marriage begin.
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TrixieMcGee
Guest
I am not criticizing those who seek marriage. I am married so that wouldn’t make sense. We are just saying you need to have the right attitude having the focus be you first and foremost is a wrong and bad attitude and you never answered my question if you are married. I know that my focus on my marriage is loving and honoring God and loving and honoring my husband, not what do I get out of this. The I focus, like I should have a relationship because it is what I need, is all about you and only considers yourself. That is selfish. You should be saying I want a marriage so that I can honor and love God and my spouse and yes, it will make me happy, but I am not the main focus.
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Holly3278
Guest
God understands your needs. He will provide you a girlfriend if it is His holy will. Try to be open to God’s will. He knows what you need and if He wants to provide you with a girlfriend He will do so. He may not do it on your time table though. I have wanted an orthodox Catholic boyfriend who is around my age for a long time but I don’t need one. I have pretty much declared myself to be celibate (not just chaste but I definitely want to practice and do practice chastity) for the rest of my life barring God putting someone in my life.
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Sonny_Jim
Guest
You think you have it bad? Dude, I’m 32 and single with a heart that longs for a loving relationship. The difference is that I know the longing of my heart is something I “want”, not a “need.”
Count your blessings that you’re still young (I’m guessing 20 by the 92 in your username). What I wouldn’t give to be 20 again and do things differently! Start becoming concerned when you hit 30+. Remember, there are people that are far worse off than you!
Count your blessings that you’re still young (I’m guessing 20 by the 92 in your username). What I wouldn’t give to be 20 again and do things differently! Start becoming concerned when you hit 30+. Remember, there are people that are far worse off than you!
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EasterJoy
Guest
Yes, let’s do think about this.
You sound as if you may not like it, but women have had increasingly more say about these matters since the days of Eve. Do you think most guys each find a wife by arguing some poor woman into submission?
I don’t know if you’re married, but in general a habit of arguing with women on the topic of what women want is not a good way to find yourself a wife. If you want to find a woman, you are going to have to give her credit for knowing her own feelings. If you argue about what she should find attractive or what she* shouldn’t* find annoying, she’s going to keep looking. Who needs a lifetime of that? Who wants to give a veto vote to some guy who doesn’t want to listen and always has to be right? Should you make a man your king, when you’ll obviously not be reckoned as his queen?
If a woman begins dating a guy who has no friends and no life because he can’t figure out how to spend a weekend when he doesn’t have a girlfriend, that is a red flag. If she doesn’t think it is, her friends and family will. They will ask her: What has he been doing? Spending all of his time “burning” and pining away about what he wants? Can’t he just lighten up and enjoy the company of friends? Don’t you have to wonder if the guy is capable of making and keeping friends? (You know, the friends that show up in the nuptial prayer: "…May they reach old age in the company of their friends… ") If not, why not? What are the reasons he has no friends? Too busy for others? Too demanding? Too much of a perfectionist to let anyone please him with their inadequate company? If you learn some things about a fellow by the company he keeps, what is there to learn when he keeps no company?
Like it or not, excepting those who are so desparate that they don’t care that much, most women of marriageable age will care whether or not you have friends and how you treat the ones you have. It is only sensible. Honestly, if you find your female counterpart, the woman who has made no friends and has no social life because she has been so intent on snagging a boyfriend and a husband, I’d consider her very carefully, too. “Too busy with ______ for a social life” does not portend particularly well for a happy marrage.
OTOH, when you start dating a guy and his best friend’s girlfriend is happy for both of you because he is such a great guy and she and his best friend have been hoping he finds someone just as nice, that is a very good sign. There is nothing better than the endorsement of good people who know a man well. So if you want to find a good woman, do yourself a favor and keep very good friends. They won’t just make your life easier while you wait. Very often, they’ll work to help God find you the woman right for you…the woman you need to find.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
Yes, let’s do think about this.
You sound as if you may not like it, but women have had increasingly more say about these matters since the days of Eve. Do you think most guys each find a wife by arguing some poor woman into submission?
I don’t know if you’re married, but in general a habit of arguing with women on the topic of what women want is not a good way to find yourself a wife. If you want to find a woman, you are going to have to give her credit for knowing her own feelings. If you argue about what she should find attractive or what she* shouldn’t* find annoying, she’s going to keep looking. Who needs a lifetime of that? Who wants to give a veto vote to some guy who doesn’t want to listen and always has to be right? Should you make a man your king, when you’ll obviously not be reckoned as his queen?
If a woman begins dating a guy who has no friends and no life because he can’t figure out how to spend a weekend when he doesn’t have a girlfriend, that is a red flag. If she doesn’t think it is, her friends and family will. They will ask her: What has he been doing? Spending all of his time “burning” and pining away about what he wants? Can’t he just lighten up and enjoy the company of friends? Don’t you have to wonder if the guy is capable of making and keeping friends? (You know, the friends that show up in the nuptial prayer: "…May they reach old age in the company of their friends… ") If not, why not? What are the reasons he has no friends? Too busy for others? Too demanding? Too much of a perfectionist to let anyone please him with their inadequate company? If you learn some things about a fellow by the company he keeps, what is there to learn when he keeps no company?
Like it or not, excepting those who are so desparate that they don’t care that much, most women of marriageable age will care whether or not you have friends and how you treat the ones you have. It is only sensible. Honestly, if you find your female counterpart, the woman who has made no friends and has no social life because she has been so intent on snagging a boyfriend and a husband, I’d consider her very carefully, too. “Too busy with ______ for a social life” does not portend particularly well for a happy marrage.
OTOH, when you start dating a guy and his best friend’s girlfriend is happy for both of you because he is such a great guy and she and his best friend have been hoping he finds someone just as nice, that is a very good sign. There is nothing better than the endorsement of good people who know a man well. So if you want to find a good woman, do yourself a favor and keep very good friends. They won’t just make your life easier while you wait. Very often, they’ll work to help God find you the woman right for you…the woman you need to find.
Yes to this a million times over.I would also like to add that needing someone so that you aren’t alone is a really great way to end up settling for the first, and often wrong person. Desperation makes many people overlook huge red flags and that never turns out well.
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E_7
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sacred_words
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Y’know, i never thought of it this way before. I’d do well to remember this myself.
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IanGE
Guest
We call our God the “eleventh hour God”; He always seems to leave it to the very last minute, maybe testing our faith? He’s also not too keen on us telling Him how to deal with our problem. Maybe if you analyse the root of your problem (or ask him to analyse you - He knows before you even ask!): possibly, “Lord, I’m lonely” or maybe in Al Jolson’s words “Gee, I wish that I had a gal like the other fellows have!” Let Him solve your problem the vest way for YOU!
I was alone for thirty years between divorce, annulment and re-marriage in the Catholic church. I used to quote His words to Him, "Lord, YOU said, ‘it is not good for man to be alone’ but eventually I worked out that He was wasn’t remaking a woman especially for me, he was remaking ME to be the best for her!
I realised, too, that, strictly speaking, I was not lonely - I was a loner and the Lord had to break that for a kick-off and mould me into a giver, not a grabber.
We have a Charismatic friend, divorcee, late sixties, who is constantly grumbling that the Lord won’t answer his prayer for a wife. Trouble is, his image of a perfect wife is a shapely 25-year-old. “If Michael Douglas can pull a cracker like Catherine Zeta Jones, why won’t the Lord give my my desire?”
We advise, “Trev, Michael Douglas is hot shot millionaire star, you’re an old age pensioner in a one-bedroom flat. Besides,the Lord is not going to fall in with your dirty mind!”
I was alone for thirty years between divorce, annulment and re-marriage in the Catholic church. I used to quote His words to Him, "Lord, YOU said, ‘it is not good for man to be alone’ but eventually I worked out that He was wasn’t remaking a woman especially for me, he was remaking ME to be the best for her!
I realised, too, that, strictly speaking, I was not lonely - I was a loner and the Lord had to break that for a kick-off and mould me into a giver, not a grabber.
We have a Charismatic friend, divorcee, late sixties, who is constantly grumbling that the Lord won’t answer his prayer for a wife. Trouble is, his image of a perfect wife is a shapely 25-year-old. “If Michael Douglas can pull a cracker like Catherine Zeta Jones, why won’t the Lord give my my desire?”
We advise, “Trev, Michael Douglas is hot shot millionaire star, you’re an old age pensioner in a one-bedroom flat. Besides,the Lord is not going to fall in with your dirty mind!”
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george92
Guest
thanks for the advice guys. and yeah for the most your right…God did answer by prayer but not sending someone into my life. its just i got out of this really intense long distance relationship with my ex in january. i mean it was intense since we only see each other like once a month and during that time we were hardcore making out to the point it was almost sex.
i just really miss that and i’m an above average looking guy and i know girls would love me to death. but the s*** is so hard right now with 16 hours in college and i’m constantly studying while having hormones being at full force and it doesn’t help you are constantly surrounded by beautiful women. plus i’m real worried about down the road with my career (trying to be a GIS technichian) but everyone is telling me i can’t find a job but i know what i’m doing.
again thanks for all the advice and sorry i OR’ed
i just really miss that and i’m an above average looking guy and i know girls would love me to death. but the s*** is so hard right now with 16 hours in college and i’m constantly studying while having hormones being at full force and it doesn’t help you are constantly surrounded by beautiful women. plus i’m real worried about down the road with my career (trying to be a GIS technichian) but everyone is telling me i can’t find a job but i know what i’m doing.
again thanks for all the advice and sorry i OR’ed
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Luvz2travel
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Maybe God is telling you you"re not ready. No one needs someone else for their own happiness. That’s the world’s message. It’s nice to have someone but it’s not a necessity to your existence. In my experience relationships only cause more problems than they solve.
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odile53
Guest
George, if you’re still in college, let that be your vocation right now for the time being. A real marriage profits from a good start, and that happens when the people involved have completed their education, launched their careers, and established themselves as fully functioning, autonomous adults, not students. The work world is a different place altogether from the ivy halls of academia.
The pretty women you see? Befriend them, but let it just remain friendship for the time being. If you’re carrying 16 credit hours, you have bigger fish to fry for now. But those friendships will give you a template for how to formulate a lasting relationship when the time is right, and that is in God’s own good time. Keep them friendships. Treat them as you would sisters or cousins–that means no dating, cuddling, et cetera.
Think about it: Wouldn’t you rather start a marriage with your degree earned, a good job, money in the bank, maybe even enough for a down payment on a decent house, and the ability to actually support a family (financially as well as emotionally) rather than an apartment slightly better than student housing, carrying eight credit hours along with working thirty hours a week in a job paying a little more than minimum wage, ramen noodles or pot pies for dinner every night, student loans looming, and a wife who is just as stressed out?
The first scenario is the kind of scenario God has in mind when He tells you, “Not right now, buddy,” because the second scenario is starting the most precious relationship of your life that you will ever have with another human being from a grave disadvantage.
God wants what is best for us, despite what we may think we need right now. There’s plenty of time. Take advantage of it wisely.
The pretty women you see? Befriend them, but let it just remain friendship for the time being. If you’re carrying 16 credit hours, you have bigger fish to fry for now. But those friendships will give you a template for how to formulate a lasting relationship when the time is right, and that is in God’s own good time. Keep them friendships. Treat them as you would sisters or cousins–that means no dating, cuddling, et cetera.
Think about it: Wouldn’t you rather start a marriage with your degree earned, a good job, money in the bank, maybe even enough for a down payment on a decent house, and the ability to actually support a family (financially as well as emotionally) rather than an apartment slightly better than student housing, carrying eight credit hours along with working thirty hours a week in a job paying a little more than minimum wage, ramen noodles or pot pies for dinner every night, student loans looming, and a wife who is just as stressed out?
The first scenario is the kind of scenario God has in mind when He tells you, “Not right now, buddy,” because the second scenario is starting the most precious relationship of your life that you will ever have with another human being from a grave disadvantage.
God wants what is best for us, despite what we may think we need right now. There’s plenty of time. Take advantage of it wisely.
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Irishmom2
Guest
Uh, maybe this is why God hasn’t answered your prayers. Perhaps you should check out the chastity link at the top of the page and get your hormones under control before he sends someone.
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Robert_Caritas
Guest
Good luck with this, it sounds painful. I haven’t read the whole thread, and you’ve probably received advice along these lines, but I’ll just say it my way.
Make sure to remember “thy will be done.” God will give you things, but YOU are the servant. I also agree with others that seeing your comment, you’re probably not ready for a serious relationship. Asking God for wisdom, and to help you accept things that you cannot change, in short for him to change you, is a very good idea in these cases. Focus on asking to serve him better, to be more what he wants you to be – at all times. Ask him to guide you. If you direct your attention and your hour a day of prayer at this (and the Gospels), you should see some results faster than you think.
You could be staring some wonderful and important things in the face, but not seeing them because of your anxiety about a girlfriend.
Good luck with this!
[and sorry if I said some things that had been already said!]
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george92
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yeah i did ( like 2,000 times). yeah i understood it. but its non-applicable in today’s world.
jason everett is a candy-as* who had it easy his whole life(private school, etc)…i didn’t.
but my man concern is the future. gosh, its so uncertain and it seems so dang stressful. its like i can’t live day to day.
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maryjk
Guest
These comments expose your true feelings.
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Robert_Caritas
Guest
I don’t know what the link contains. But we should look to the teachings of Jesus Christ in the Gospels on chastity. And don’t say that Jesus didn’t understand that he was living in a certain time period and so his teachings don’t apply – he radically opposed customs of his time when he thought them unjust, and he is the Son of God.
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Oh_Charlotte
Guest
responding to the original post - I did not read them responses yet, but I am sure I will not be the first to say this:
I DO NOT want a man who seeks me out because he NEEDS a woman! I want a man who wants to hold and cuddle and care because he loves ME. And I am going to be quite sure of that love before I commit to be his. And quite sure I can return the love he deserves.
I assume I am older than you, having chose too hastily the first time around. Believe me, a committed life to the WRONG girl will be far lonelier than life alone! And far more miserable. You don’t know true misery until you are tied with commitment to a family you love to the gravely WRONG PERSON.
Probably you have been old this, too, in this thread: Its when you are NOT looking that God will bring you the right one.
So what you can do to “get there” faster AND better is quit “looking” and start pursuing, instead, finding peace and happiness ALONE. Learn to love yourself, truly, then you will be able to love well when you love another as yourself.
I DO NOT want a man who seeks me out because he NEEDS a woman! I want a man who wants to hold and cuddle and care because he loves ME. And I am going to be quite sure of that love before I commit to be his. And quite sure I can return the love he deserves.
I assume I am older than you, having chose too hastily the first time around. Believe me, a committed life to the WRONG girl will be far lonelier than life alone! And far more miserable. You don’t know true misery until you are tied with commitment to a family you love to the gravely WRONG PERSON.
Probably you have been old this, too, in this thread: Its when you are NOT looking that God will bring you the right one.
So what you can do to “get there” faster AND better is quit “looking” and start pursuing, instead, finding peace and happiness ALONE. Learn to love yourself, truly, then you will be able to love well when you love another as yourself.
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Oh_Charlotte
Guest
As to hormones and the environment, true, even though its worse when you are young, you yet never escape the temptations to unchaste thought entirely. I ask God to take the thoughts out of my mind as soon as they enter. He does! And I ask Him to make me chaste in thought - its not something I try to accomplish on my own, but I ask His graces for.
If you think its hard to think chastely now, wait till you meet someone you are crazy about who is crazy over you. And then you cuddle - and chastity becomes a whole new challenge! Better practice now. Its actually easier now.
If you think its hard to think chastely now, wait till you meet someone you are crazy about who is crazy over you. And then you cuddle - and chastity becomes a whole new challenge! Better practice now. Its actually easier now.
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