Why would someone be rude when they're grieving?

[JanetF]

So I just went to a wake yesterday because my cousins grandmother died. But when I went to console one individual he was rude about it. an example is when I said sorry for your loss he said yeahh in a rude way. I understand he was mourning but, what I don’t understand is why he would be rude about something like this?

He could have been standing in the same spot for hours and have been hearing the same phrase over and over and just be TIRED. I’d let it go and move on.

 

[TK421]

He could have been standing in the same spot for hours and have been hearing the same phrase over and over and just be TIRED. I’d let it go and move on.

I’m also guessing he probably heard almost identical statements from dozens of people and became annoyed by the end of it.

 

[zab]

It is true that people react to death in family in different ways. In our family, it tends to be more humor and sometimes people don’t get that. They may think it is rude or disrespectful, but that is how it often comes out - laughter and tears and remembering so many events in the loved ones life. I remember going to the funeral home when my mother died. My aunt and my mother looked very much alike from a distance especially since I live far away from my home town and didn’t get to seem my relatives including my parents very often. My aunt was standing outside the funeral home talking to other relatives as we were pulling into the parking lot of the funeral home. Seeing my aunt, I remember saying “There’s mom” then the laughter, "well of course mom would be here, but that was my aunt standing outside.

 

[Della]

It is true that people react to death in family in different ways. In our family, it tends to be more humor and sometimes people don’t get that. They may think it is rude or disrespectful, but that is how it often comes out - laughter and tears and remembering so many events in the loved ones life. I remember going to the funeral home when my mother died. My aunt and my mother looked very much alike from a distance especially since I live far away from my home town and didn’t get to seem my relatives including my parents very often. My aunt was standing outside the funeral home talking to other relatives as we were pulling into the parking lot of the funeral home. Seeing my aunt, I remember saying “There’s mom” then the laughter, "well of course mom would be here, but that was my aunt standing outside.

Yes, it all depends on who died and the circumstances, doesn’t it? When my 90+ grandfather died we were very much expecting it. His wake was full of laughter and good memories. But when my mom died suddenly–way before her time, we were all quite somber. It wasn’t until our annual family Christmas party later that month that we could look back and laugh together over the ups and downs of our family history with mom.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

It is true that people react to death in family in different ways. In our family, it tends to be more humor and sometimes people don’t get that. They may think it is rude or disrespectful, but that is how it often comes out - laughter and tears and remembering so many events in the loved ones life.

My mother was 100 percent Irish and I can tell you when my dad passed away there was a great deal of whiskey and family jokes going on for the next few days. We were certainly not happy he was dead, but it is how Irish families, or at least Mom’s Irish family, handled grief. I’m sure to some outsiders we would have looked callous or insane.

 

[EqualinHim]

When one of my classmates took her own life in high school, I expressed my grief and anger by screaming at my parents and throwing tantrums. My mom and I also had ugly arguments with each other after the death of my grandmother. During grandma’s funeral, I didn’t want to sit and be sociable. I just wanted to hide away in the lower levels of the funeral home and hope no one would see me. I also have autism, which makes social situations difficult to navigate in the best of times. I think grief brings out the worst or best in people sometimes because we simply get overwhelmed with emotions that we’re experiencing. When people get overwhelmed, they either lash out or keep their calm. Also, keep in mind that the family at a funeral might have had very little sleep due to the stress of planning funeral arrangements and traveling.

 

[BernadetteM]

There is the other side, some people criticize a person who is grieving over the death of a older child when they tell the person (brother, non Catholic) that your child requested that when she died she wanted LACRIMOSA by Mozart played at her funeral. He said that is about sin, maybe he doesn’t believe we all sin and will be judged.

It was very hurtful as it is part of the funeral mass Mozart composed. It is a beautiful hymn and always brings tears to me and reminds me of my daughter. My brother has a Ph.D. and likes classical music and unless he said that to hurt me I can’t understand his reason. He also made fun of me when I was a teenager and wanted to become Catholic as he is always right.

Anyway the person who has lost a loved one handles it differently and maybe doesn’t want others to intrude at this time.

Bernadette

 

[HelenRose]

So I just went to a wake yesterday because my cousins grandmother died. But when I went to console one individual he was rude about it. an example is when I said sorry for your loss he said yeahh in a rude way. I understand he was mourning but, what I don’t understand is why he would be rude about something like this?

He was angry and you were a target. Anger is a big part of grieving. Don’t take it personally. Pray for him and for his grandmother. It is obvious that he is going to have a hard time dealing with this.

I was 14 when my great aunt Mamie died at the age of 93. All the adults were sad but accepting. I was not accepting at all. I didn’t care that she was 93. I loved her and felt angry that no one seemed to really care. Of course they cared but I couldn’t feel it then.

p.s. Goodness, that was 57 years ago and I can still remember how I felt and was unable to express it.

 

[awsiukiewicz]

So I just went to a wake yesterday because my cousins grandmother died. But when I went to console one individual he was rude about it. an example is when I said sorry for your loss he said yeahh in a rude way. I understand he was mourning but, what I don’t understand is why he would be rude about something like this?

 

[awsiukiewicz]

So I just went to a wake yesterday because my cousins grandmother died. But when I went to console one individual he was rude about it. an example is when I said sorry for your loss he said yeahh in a rude way. I understand he was mourning but, what I don’t understand is why he would be rude about something like this?

Maybe he was in a lot of pain. I would let it go and pray for him.

 

[awsiukiewicz]

Anger denial bargaining and acceptance or all stages of the grief process and can be experienced in any order amd go back and forth…Pax tecum