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Like when my mother tells me I look like a sack of potatoes with clothes that I wear, she’s honest, it might hurt but she’s honest and that’s important… I am not here to kiss anyone’s butt, sorry that’s not me… When we invite our friends’ over and they are too busy they tell us straight out, “we are busy can’t make it!” We don’t get angry everyone has things to do…
No, your mother is being mean. She could choose to express no opinion, especially if she was not asked for one. Or, if asked, she could say that the clothes are not flattering, and this shape, or pattern, or structure is why. Like, “Oh, you have such nice hips and that just hits them all wrong. It takes away from a good feature.” That would be honest without being insulting. It’s not “kissing someone’s butt” to be polite and to find ways to say things nicely. It’s not important for your mom to make you feel loved and appreciated, only for her to be honest? That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.

As for your friends, they refuse the invitation for valid reasons and probably don’t say things like, well, your house is boring so we’re not coming. That would be the equivalent of the sack of potatoes comment. They probably express regret and say they would like to do it another time.

If the pastor of the church had asked again, your bf could have said, “Well, my schedule really is too full for me to take on another opportunity, but if I can do it sometime I will let you know.”

Being polite and nice to people does not make one dishonest.

P.S. I do not deny that the church members are being rude. But using other people’s bad behavior to justify one’s own bad behavior is not valid. I was responding more broadly, too, though. You said trouble finds you in every neighborhood you live in. That reminded me of how every job my brother got, his boss was a jerk or a flake. He would quit with some excuse about the boss mistreating him every time. After a few jobs, it dawned on me that the only thing any of these jobs had in common was my brother. Obviously, he was taking whatever the problem was with him into each job… it wasn’t sitting there waiting for him in all those different places. When you said that, about finding trouble everywhere, it made me think that you may be interacting with people in a way that gets them upset. You may not even realize you are doing it. But your insistence that honesty is the only important thing, and that how you express it does not matter, leads me to believe I may be right. You seem to think that being nice to people and wording things sensitively means selling out your own integrity. As long as you think that, you will have trouble with people.
 
(continued)

Concrete example: A friend of mine from church started her son in the same very demanding prep school my daughter attends this year. She had been told by his teachers that he needed more of a challenge. As the first quarter progressed, she told me that her son was not doing well. The level of discussion and interaction was uncomfortable for her son, who is very introverted. He also had stopped handing in his homework. She asked what I thought. Well, from the discussion, what I thought was that this kid was too used to having an easy ride and didn’t like doing the work. He didn’t like being challenged and wanted to be let off the hook. His mom was leaning toward taking her son out of the school, and I thought that would be a mistake, that they would basically be coddling him and giving in to his laziness. Did I say it like that? NO, because she is my friend and I love her and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I did tell her that she should give the school a little more time, to see if he could adjust to the different culture. I also did tell her that perhaps he had gotten very used to the work being easy for him, and was maybe resenting having to work so much harder. But that if they stuck it out and made it clear that he was expected to do the work, I thought he would eventually rise to the challenge. See, same ideas, but nicely expressed. I made my points without calling my friend a bad mother or saying her son is lazy. She eventually did pull him out of that school, and I thought that was a mistake, but I held my peace because she didn’t ask for my opinion. I expressed sorrow that the school had turned out not to be the right place for their family and left it at that. He is not my son to raise. Does that make me dishonest?
 
No, your mother is being mean. She could choose to express no opinion, especially if she was not asked for one. Or, if asked, she could say that the clothes are not flattering, and this shape, or pattern, or structure is why. Like, “Oh, you have such nice hips and that just hits them all wrong. It takes away from a good feature.” That would be honest without being insulting. It’s not “kissing someone’s butt” to be polite and to find ways to say things nicely. It’s not important for your mom to make you feel loved and appreciated, only for her to be honest? That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.

lol… that’s how i was raised, honesty is priority… lol… sorry if it doesn’t sound good to anyone… no my mother and i have never had a good relationship… it’s not a big deal… my sister is the same way they are very honest people… my father whom is my best friend is honest as well… i mean that’s how they were raised too… When my bffs would come over and they didn’t like my food they would tell me and I would hook them up with something else… it’s not a big deal, nice doesn’t necessarily for me means lying, or being dishonest… I mean my bfs parents are like that too and they tell my kids, always, “remember if there is something you don’t like you need to tell me…” Like for Christmas dinner last week, his mother made something that didn’t really taste all that great, and my daughter pulled her away from everyone and asked if it was ok for her not to eat that because it wasn’t something she liked, his mother accepted her honesty and let her move it to the side…and told her thank you for letting me know… I mean if my f looked terrible in something I would tell her she needs to change it fast… I wouldn’t tell her that she looks terrible but i wouldn’t lie to her either, I would just tell her she really needs to wear something else and she appreciates my honesty…I am not sugar coating it for her… just like she doesn’t sugar coat it for me either… like when i was having problems with my exhusband and he was being abusive, my bffs came over and straight out told me, “you are an idiot and stupid you need to leave him!!” I mean who can’t appreciate that kind of honesty?? LOL

As for your friends, they refuse the invitation for valid reasons and probably don’t say things like, well, your house is boring so we’re not coming. That would be the equivalent of the sack of potatoes comment. They probably express regret and say they would like to do it another time.

No actually they’ve told me that before… like before I had kids and their kids were born, they would tell me like, “you have nothing fun for my kids to do sorry, why dont you come over to our place!” lol…

If the pastor of the church had asked again, your bf could have said, “Well, my schedule really is too full for me to take on another opportunity, but if I can do it sometime I will let you know.”

Well I don’t see any problem with him just telling him he didn’t play in non Catholic church, and he added to that stating that he didn’t play in any church period… so I don’t see the problem in either case…

Being polite and nice to people does not make one dishonest.

P.S. I do not deny that the church members are being rude. But using other people’s bad behavior to justify one’s own bad behavior is not valid. I was responding more broadly, too, though. You said trouble finds you in every neighborhood you live in. That reminded me of how every job my brother got, his boss was a jerk or a flake. He would quit with some excuse about the boss mistreating him every time. After a few jobs, it dawned on me that the only thing any of these jobs had in common was my brother. Obviously, he was taking whatever the problem was with him into each job… it wasn’t sitting there waiting for him in all those different places. When you said that, about finding trouble everywhere, it made me think that you may be interacting with people in a way that gets them upset. You may not even realize you are doing it. But your insistence that honesty is the only important thing, and that how you express it does not matter, leads me to believe I may be right. You seem to think that being nice to people and wording things sensitively means selling out your own integrity. As long as you think that, you will have trouble with people.
What bad behaviour are you speaking of? I don’t recall doing anything bad to anyone??? Well I am sorry to hear about your brother, but that’s not necessarily true… I have had major problems with past bosses too and so has my sister, brother and even my new boss… And it’s not their attitude. I know how people can be rude and mean even if you are not… And I don’t retaliate against anyone nor hurt anyone… The cops were called after they called the cops on us when those couples kept bothering us… And their parking kept getting more closer to the house than to the road… We have tried speaking with them and even complying with their wishes, yet they still continue… I don’t see how we deserve to be mistreated just because…I didn’t know that’s what this was about getting what we deserve for telling someone we didn’t play in their church??? As stated before, they are the only ones complaining… No one else…🤷
 
(continued)

Concrete example: A friend of mine from church started her son in the same very demanding prep school my daughter attends this year. She had been told by his teachers that he needed more of a challenge. As the first quarter progressed, she told me that her son was not doing well. The level of discussion and interaction was uncomfortable for her son, who is very introverted. He also had stopped handing in his homework. She asked what I thought. Well, from the discussion, what I thought was that this kid was too used to having an easy ride and didn’t like doing the work. He didn’t like being challenged and wanted to be let off the hook. His mom was leaning toward taking her son out of the school, and I thought that would be a mistake, that they would basically be coddling him and giving in to his laziness. Did I say it like that? NO, because she is my friend and I love her and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I did tell her that she should give the school a little more time, to see if he could adjust to the different culture. I also did tell her that perhaps he had gotten very used to the work being easy for him, and was maybe resenting having to work so much harder. But that if they stuck it out and made it clear that he was expected to do the work, I thought he would eventually rise to the challenge. See, same ideas, but nicely expressed. I made my points without calling my friend a bad mother or saying her son is lazy. She eventually did pull him out of that school, and I thought that was a mistake, but I held my peace because she didn’t ask for my opinion. I expressed sorrow that the school had turned out not to be the right place for their family and left it at that. He is not my son to raise. Does that make me dishonest?
Do you feel you are being dishonest? If not then no if so then yes…Do I feel you made the right choice of not telling her the exact truth of your feelings and opinions, like you said you didn’t want her to feel hurt so you did what you felt was right…Just like I do what I feel is right… Sorry if it bothers you or upsets you but like you are being honest with me about me being a bad neighbor, I am being honest with you about me not feeling I a bad neighbor because someone doesn’t like me…
 
Do you feel you are being dishonest? If not then no if so then yes…
Wow… feelings do NOT determine if something is right or wrong!

There are things that are right, there are things that are wrong, and there are things can be gray area. But feelings never determine right or wrong!

There are some people who FEEL that the Church’s marriage laws are mean and uncompassionate. Does their FEELING change whether the Church is right? No.

Making feelings the ultimate arbiter of right and wrong will lead you into trouble every time.

I never said you are a bad neighbor! I did say your bf was rude to the pastor, and I stand by that. I did say you may be putting people off by the way you interact with them, and I stand by that too.
 
I am sorry for those that feel I am in the wrong here… and I asked for it…

Perhaps to many I deserve it, and their reasons for doing such are justifiable…

I honestly feel I didn’t do anything to these people for them to treat me the way they have, and I don’t do anything to egg them on to continue doing what they are doing…

Maybe it’s wrong for anyone to have protectors-dogs in their homes, or outside of their homes but my dogs stay indoors most of the time… and they only bark to strangers…

We do not harass anyone, nor party nor make loud noises nor interfere with these people… It’s the other way around… It seems we are not even allowed to be in our own yard without being told something…

Perhaps to most I am rude and someone they wouldn’t even really like to speak with, and I am sorry you feel that way…
AND I am sorry that many might feel that we are rude neighbors…

As stated the church people are the only ones complaining, not the rest of the neighborhood…

Thanks everyone for listening, well reading and for your (name removed by moderator)ut… Merry Christmas, many blessings and hope you have a great day!
 
Wow… feelings do NOT determine if something is right or wrong!

There are things that are right, there are things that are wrong, and there are things can be gray area. But feelings never determine right or wrong!

There are some people who FEEL that the Church’s marriage laws are mean and uncompassionate. Does their FEELING change whether the Church is right? No.

Making feelings the ultimate arbiter of right and wrong will lead you into trouble every time.

I never said you are a bad neighbor! I did say your bf was rude to the pastor, and I stand by that. I did say you may be putting people off by the way you interact with them, and I stand by that too.
You stated this “and also that you are nice neighbors” therefore you are stating that I am…
thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut…
 
iluv, I have watched your posts for a while now, and you always do that. As soon as you get an answer you don’t like, you go all victim. “Oh, I am so sorry I bugged you all and I deserve it anyway, so I’ll go now…”

Maybe this is the mode of interaction you learned because of your unkind mother, or perhaps it gets you sympathy from other quarters. But I have to tell you, it gets very tiring. It’s hard to have any kind of conversation with you because you so quickly get defensive and start putting yourself down to get us to express sympathy and back off. When you don’t like what you hear, you try to shut down that message by throwing out the “poor me!”

I hope you can learn to get past that tendency and really hear people’s well-intentioned advice without feeling the need to defend yourself and feel all abused when people don’t just automatically pour uncritical sympathy on you. You also tend to sieze on small details and debate them endlessly, while missing the larger point. That is frustrating too, because people end up saying the same thing over and over again trying to get you to hear it.

I say all this in the spirit of trying to help you get more out of your conversations here and elsewhere.
 
iluv, I have watched your posts for a while now, and you always do that. As soon as you get an answer you don’t like, you go all victim. “Oh, I am so sorry I bugged you all and I deserve it anyway, so I’ll go now…”

I am not bugged, if you would like to continue with this about your feelings towards what my db did well that’s fine… I stated before I don’t feel we deserve the treatment we are getting, but if that’s how you feel well that’s your opinion… I didn’t get on here to be told that I was a bad neighbor nor that I was mistreating people… I needed to vent and I thanked everyone for their (name removed by moderator)ut… You stated I did deserve what I am getting…

Maybe this is the mode of interaction you learned because of your unkind mother, or perhaps it gets you sympathy from other quarters. But I have to tell you, it gets very tiring. It’s hard to have any kind of conversation with you because you so quickly get defensive and start putting yourself down to get us to express sympathy and back off. When you don’t like what you hear, you try to shut down that message by throwing out the “poor me!”

I am not looking for sympathy… nor for people to feel sorry for me… I do that on my own thanks!! I never stated poor me and never have… if you don’t like my posts well then don’t look at them any more… What else do you want me to tell you? You don’t want me to disagree with you, well I do disagree with you, you start telling me I deserve it and I am a bad person, well I don’t feel I am nor that I do deserve what I am getting… I chose not to continue with this because your opinions are just that and I thanked everyone for their (name removed by moderator)ut, there is nothing else to talk about this subject…

I hope you can learn to get past that tendency and really hear people’s well-intentioned advice without feeling the need to defend yourself and feel all abused when people don’t just automatically pour uncritical sympathy on you. You also tend to sieze on small details and debate them endlessly, while missing the larger point. That is frustrating too, because people end up saying the same thing over and over again trying to get you to hear it.

The advice you gave me was to what “and also that you are nice neighbors” In my eyes and the rest of my neighbors eyes the ones that actuallly talk to me and don’t complain about me, let me know I am not a bad neighbor…

I say all this in the spirit of trying to help you get more out of your conversations here and elsewhere.
Well thanks again…
 
They’re probably mad at you because you are Catholic. You did mention that your neighbors said the pastor likes converting people from the neighborhood. To them, you’re probably an unsaved heathen anyway, so they probably think there’s no reason to be nice to you. Since most Protestants believe in salvation through faith alone, converting people almost becomes their primary duty in life.

The part about asking your brother to play for their church sounds like he’s trying to get him to see their community and possibly join the church if he sees what he likes.

I’ve met some Protestants who have grimaced after finding out my religion. Others love prosletyzing whenever they can, whether it is on an airplane or on the street and they definitely aren’t shy about their views of the Catholic Church. I know some who travel to Catholic countries to give aid to people…only if they convert.

I don’t know the whole situation and I don’t really like barking dogs either, but I would expect people from a truly Christian church to be friendly and understanding.

When you move next time, remember to check out the neighborhood first. Make sure you won’t be living next to the same pastor again, LOL.
 
They’re probably mad at you because you are Catholic. You did mention that your neighbors said the pastor likes converting people from the neighborhood. To them, you’re probably an unsaved heathen anyway, so they probably think there’s no reason to be nice to you. Since most Protestants believe in salvation through faith alone, converting people almost becomes their primary duty in life.

I’ve met some Protestants who have grimaced after finding out my religion. Others love prosletyzing whenever they can, whether it is on an airplane or on the street and they definitely aren’t shy about their views of the Catholic Church. I know some who travel to Catholic countries to give aid to people…only if they convert.

I don’t know the whole situation and I don’t really like barking dogs either, but I would expect people from a truly Christian church to be friendly and understanding.

When you move next time, remember to check out the neighborhood first. Make sure you won’t be living next to the same pastor again, LOL.
I don’t know what religion they are but I don’t think they are Christians nor Protestants, they seem to be new…???

When I started decorating for Christmas they kept making remarks about the wreaths and the little Santa pictures… when I put lawn pictures of christmas penguins and other little christmas lawn ornaments, the morning after they were all flat on the floor… 🤷

I started taking a lot of stuff down and off the lawn and stuff so that it didn’t happen again… One of the guys that lives down the road said that he was converted, and he says they are very strict people…
 
Maybe you should google their church name and see what you come up with. They’re most likely a Protestant group. I know Seventh Day Adventists don’t celebrate Christmas.

As far as I know, the only denominations that aren’t really ‘Protestant’ or ‘Christian’ by definition are Mormons, maybe Jehovah’s Witnesses too so if this group is neither, they could be a cult I suppose?
 
Maybe you should google their church name and see what you come up with. They’re most likely a Protestant group. I know Seventh Day Adventists don’t celebrate Christmas.

As far as I know, the only denominations that aren’t really ‘Protestant’ or ‘Christian’ by definition are Mormons, maybe Jehovah’s Witnesses too so if this group is neither, they could be a cult I suppose?
Their church name is “The light of the world” or something like that… They don’t have a sign posted in their church, they had this little poster at the entrance of the block that stated their church’s name and I once glanced at it but now it’s not there any more!!! So I don’t know what their church’s name is??? 🤷
 
Why are people so rude? Why can’t people let other’s live in peace?

I have been living in the same neighborhood going on now for 2 years…just about…and for almost an entire year no problems at all… I keep to myself you know… We don’t bother anyone and we don’t hurt anyone… Our dogs are our bffs and our protectors… We live next to a church, nto a Catholic church but a church where not many whites nor other races are invited, but it’s cool you know to each their own…

The past 6 months we had tons of problems with the church people… They have complained about our dogs-called the pound on them etc… They show up at 6 am and leave at 12 midnight on many occassions, preaching, loud music, etc we never complained… But they complained about our dogs, because they can’t hear each other speak after mass since the dogs bark at them… Well on many occassions they have parked on our yard…of course the dogs will bark at them warning them to leave!!! That’s what dogs do…They don’t like it. They have actually sent people including our neighbors to tell us to move our dogs from the front yard to the back yard because they are bothering them. One couple drove up to the house, the woman started honking the horn, my bf was with me that day, and he went outside to see what was going on, she rudely yelled at him to go talk to her, when he told her that he didn’t answer to rude people she told him off, flipped him off and threatened him…

Several weeks later another couple pulled up, we were outside and she hollered at him, I told him to just answer that we didn’t want any problems… They told him he needed to check himself and me with my dogs…

During summer children from the neighborhood would run around the church, since it’s a dead end street the church’s driveway is huge, and it’s the only place to turn around and get out of the neighborhood, since it’s a dead end street, they would hide in the bushes playing hide and seek. Well my children ended up following around and playing… I know my kids aren’t saints but they don’t vandalize anything… Some of the church people called to us and told us they were going to call the cops on us if we didn’t keep our kids out of their private property… We were like huh? We told them many children were playing and that many were using their bikes that it wasn’t just ours and that they didn’t do anything…They were complaining about the bushes how some branches were broken and some leaves missing… 🤷 And that they were vandalizing their bushes… :eek:

Someone complained about me again so they called the city on me again… This is the 4th time they call the city on me…in the neighborhood where I live in the past 9 months…they don’t give me a break??!! I don’t understand…

The first time was because my grass was too tall, the person we were paying to mow the lawn broke his lawnmower so we couldn’t mow the lawn for like 3 weeks…we explained to the city they said whatever…never before were we late on getting the lawn mowed…because we had never been late, this time though, it was during an emergency you know? And it was only one time…we have never been late again…they didn’t care…they told us if they had to come by again I would have to pay $500.00 fine… 😦

The second time animal control and the city were called in about the dogs, they said the dogs were left outside all day long without food, water, etc and that they barked 24/7…As far as I know my dogs only bark when strange people are around the house and if they were out it was during the times they need to go out or when we are not at home…the dogs are not underfed etc, and when they looked at the dogs they were like uhm ok, and then my bf was like do they look underfed to you?! And they were like no, but make sure they don’t bark longer than 30 minutes or we’re going to have problems, we will remove the animals and you will get a citation…They have never barked for over 30 minutes straight, that’s pretty good if someone is actually sitting there taping this all day long… that’s pretty impressive….
Barkers are troublesome. We have two Dachshunds. They’re low-maintenance. No barking, no shedding, no property destruction. The older they get, the more chilled out they become. We’re spoiled. Growing up in Colorado, I always had *‘monster-dogs’ *-- huge, fighting beasts that caused trouble non-stop. I wanted it that way, back then, as a kid who thought ‘real’ dogs had to be big, scary and tough. As a result, our dogs never lasted long. They either ran away, got killed, and hauled off by the pound. My parents got so sick of it, they refused to bail them out and bring them home. One of them got into a fight once, and almost chewed off my hand when I tried to break it up. Wow. Wild times. No thanks.😃
 
I didn’t get to read the entire thread, but you say you have spoken to the Pastor? I was going to say, you need to call the head of the church and ask when he/she can have a nice sit down with you. Let the person know that you would like to hear their concerns if they can hear your concerns as you are very interested in being peaceful neighbors.

If this situation is not repairable in a civil way, be happy you are only renting and start looking for another home immediately and give your landlord the proper notice. The problems warrant a break from your lease without penalty (check into your renters rights in the city/state you live!) if that is something you are worried about.

From what I have read, it is not worth staying. You sound like you have no peace there.
 
I didn’t get to read the entire thread, but you say you have spoken to the Pastor? I was going to say, you need to call the head of the church and ask when he/she can have a nice sit down with you. Let the person know that you would like to hear their concerns if they can hear your concerns as you are very interested in being peaceful neighbors.

If this situation is not repairable in a civil way, be happy you are only renting and start looking for another home immediately and give your landlord the proper notice. The problems warrant a break from your lease without penalty (check into your renters rights in the city/state you live!) if that is something you are worried about.

From what I have read, it is not worth staying. You sound like you have no peace there.
Thanks for the advice… the problem is that I don’t think they have like a head church, I think they are the head church?? Doesn’t seem like it’s part of a known church you know? I will try and see if their sign is up again at the beginning of the street and see if I can find some information about their church…

And the crazy thing is that this started 9 months ago, and I have been here for almost 2 years??? I dunno what happened??? I mean everything was fine up until 9 months ago… They would even compliment on our dogs and stuff you know? Several had even come over and played with my dogs, including their children?? It’s just weird… Even my kids played with some of the member’s children then all of a sudden all this started to happen??? I dunno? 🤷
 
Barkers are troublesome. We have two Dachshunds. They’re low-maintenance. No barking, no shedding, no property destruction. The older they get, the more chilled out they become. We’re spoiled. Growing up in Colorado, I always had *‘monster-dogs’ *-- huge, fighting beasts that caused trouble non-stop. I wanted it that way, back then, as a kid who thought ‘real’ dogs had to be big, scary and tough. As a result, our dogs never lasted long. They either ran away, got killed, and hauled off by the pound. My parents got so sick of it, they refused to bail them out and bring them home. One of them got into a fight once, and almost chewed off my hand when I tried to break it up. Wow. Wild times. No thanks.😃
I hear you but my babies are not fighting dogs… my beagle is my alarm and my rott is my protector… i was a single mom for a lonnnnnnngggg time, well still am, but i am dating someone so it gives me a little more security…and since i am of low income the extra protection is needed since most of the places i have to live in are not really all that great… and like i said i never had problems with my dogs, this is just since 9 months ago since these things started happening in our neighborhood with these people… and i have been here for almost 2 years… 😦
 
My suggestion: Move when the lease is up. Before you rent, make sure you have no churches next door, and that the landlord will allow you to put up a temporary snow fence (very easy to set up, essentially green or orange “woven” plastic that is secured to poles that have hooks in them).

Until then, please be sure your dogs are quiet and their excrement is picked up as soon as they do their business, your kids are on their very best behavior even if they are not at fault, and your yard is immaculate.

This is just my opinion:twocents: , but I think they want your landlord’s property, probably at a reduced rate, and are not necessarily after you and yours. Think about it. If it was just you guys, after your bf’s remark to the pastor, they would probably just “shake the dust from their feet” to quote the Bible, not set out to drive you nuts. If your landlord did not have a rental property, indeed sold the congregation the property, they could have all sorts of things, including but not limited to extra parking (demolish the house), a “social house” for fellowship, a place for a deserving homeless or immigrant family, another meeting place for classes, etc.

To my mind, it’s not worth the aggravation to be the middle man between your landlord and this congregation.

And double-check your local laws. Even if it’s not stated in the lease, I’m pretty sure your landlord is responsible for ridding you of any pests such as roaches and mice that are trying to share your residence. The city should have gone to him, and that’s where you should have driected the man from the city.
 
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