B
basilisk
Guest
No, your mother is being mean. She could choose to express no opinion, especially if she was not asked for one. Or, if asked, she could say that the clothes are not flattering, and this shape, or pattern, or structure is why. Like, “Oh, you have such nice hips and that just hits them all wrong. It takes away from a good feature.” That would be honest without being insulting. It’s not “kissing someone’s butt” to be polite and to find ways to say things nicely. It’s not important for your mom to make you feel loved and appreciated, only for her to be honest? That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.Like when my mother tells me I look like a sack of potatoes with clothes that I wear, she’s honest, it might hurt but she’s honest and that’s important… I am not here to kiss anyone’s butt, sorry that’s not me… When we invite our friends’ over and they are too busy they tell us straight out, “we are busy can’t make it!” We don’t get angry everyone has things to do…
As for your friends, they refuse the invitation for valid reasons and probably don’t say things like, well, your house is boring so we’re not coming. That would be the equivalent of the sack of potatoes comment. They probably express regret and say they would like to do it another time.
If the pastor of the church had asked again, your bf could have said, “Well, my schedule really is too full for me to take on another opportunity, but if I can do it sometime I will let you know.”
Being polite and nice to people does not make one dishonest.
P.S. I do not deny that the church members are being rude. But using other people’s bad behavior to justify one’s own bad behavior is not valid. I was responding more broadly, too, though. You said trouble finds you in every neighborhood you live in. That reminded me of how every job my brother got, his boss was a jerk or a flake. He would quit with some excuse about the boss mistreating him every time. After a few jobs, it dawned on me that the only thing any of these jobs had in common was my brother. Obviously, he was taking whatever the problem was with him into each job… it wasn’t sitting there waiting for him in all those different places. When you said that, about finding trouble everywhere, it made me think that you may be interacting with people in a way that gets them upset. You may not even realize you are doing it. But your insistence that honesty is the only important thing, and that how you express it does not matter, leads me to believe I may be right. You seem to think that being nice to people and wording things sensitively means selling out your own integrity. As long as you think that, you will have trouble with people.