Wiccan stepdad and worried about mom. Help please

[ScaredGirl]

So… this is kinda a long story and I apologize for that. I just feel like it’s too a point where I really need some guidance and help.

I’m currently a teenage girl living in a small, somewhat conservative town. I have a younger brother and a mom and a stepdad. My real dad died when I was too young to remember him.

My mom is… or was a very devout catholic. She raised my brother and I in the church and was as dedicated to the faith as you could imagine. It was hard for her without my dad, but she never seemed interested in getting remarried.

A few years ago she met my stepdad. All my brother and I knew about him while they were dating was that he wasn’t Catholic, which we didn’t necessarily MIND but we thought was odd for our mom considering her faith. We figured he was protestant or something.

They ended up getting married a few months ago and we moved in with him. We had met him before and stuff and he always seemed like a pretty cool guy, but when we lived with him things were… idk different? He didn’t object to us going to church on sunday but he never went at all. Eventually we found out he was a practicing pagan (wiccan I think? I’m not totally sure) and had been his whole life. Our mom knew about it since they had started dating apparently and didn’t think it was important enough to mention to us, or maybe she was worried how we would react?

Anyways I was kinda… unsettled by this but he made my mom happy so whatever. I wasn’t gonna make a big deal about it. But the problem is that things have been getting kinda weird.

So when we moved we brought our outdoor cat, and she ended up running away after a couple of weeks. We don’t know where she went but figured she tried to go back to our old house. We’d had her since we were tiny kids so my brother and I were heartbroken. My mom tried to console us and offered to get us another cat but it wasn’t the same. So stepdad offered to do a spell or ritual or whatever to bring our cat back. We didn’t really believe it would work but agreed cause we wanted her back really badly. Anyways, so it ended up being some weird thing where we had to stand outside in a circle under the moon and light incense and focus our energies on our cat or whatever. During the whole thing I felt like a total weirdo and I was sure our stepdad was bonkers. Even our mom seemed kinda embarrased.

But like, the next morning our cat was at the house? I was sitting outside writing in my journal and I heard meowing and she came running up to me. I was really really freaked out by the whole thing. Like, it had to be a coincidence but it just REALLY freaked me out. I mean she’d been gone for several weeks at this point.

My mom has been going to church less and less, and my brother now wants our stepdad to teach him about his ways. Our mom seems to not have a problem with this? I mean I get a bad feeling when I’m around him that I can’t really explain, like a tightening in the pit of my stomach, but apparently I’m the only one. And I mean he hasn’t done anything bad. He never yells or gets angry, he buys stuff for us all the time and takes time off work regularly so we can have family outings, but it just feels wrong…

Not to mention he regularly uses a ‘spirit board’, which looks like a oujia board but made of real wood and carved and stuff. Apparently it has been in his family for a long time. He also uses tarot cards and always offers to give us readings. My mom and brother are both into it but I always say no.

He always offers to teach my brother and I if we ever want to learn. He doesn’t push it or make us feel like we have to, but I feel like I’m wanting to say yes more and more even though I know it’s wrong.

I don’t even have my friends over anymore cause they all think it’s super cool and always ask for tarot readings and stuff (I go to public school and none of my friends are catholic cause it is a mainly protestant town).

My mom still goes to church but only like once a month and it seems like she’s thinking about giving it up altogether. I mean I’m glad she’s not lonely anymore and I’m glad my brother and him get along but I just feel so lost right now and I don’t know what to do. I have more examples of weird and strange stuff that has happened if you need them. Please help me. I honestly don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I feel like I can’t talk to our priest cause he had no problem with them getting married in the first place.

Basically I can’t shake the hairs-on-back-of-neck, fight or flight feeling I get whenever I’m around him and it’s driving me insane.

 

[Flambeau]

Hello there!

This is my third post on this site but I’m going to give you the best I’ve got! I don’t know if your stepdad is evil, and would never make that pronouncement without knowing the man, but I would certainly stay away from any of the rituals he’s performing, as well as the spirit board and tarot cards.

I am also very concerned if your Priest wasn’t concerned with your mother marrying a practicing Wiccan. Is there a parochial vicar or deacon that you can talk to about the situation?

I have to believe you and your brother are the most important thing to your mother, and I think it would be a good idea for the two of you to have a meeting with a Priest or Deacon (if you can find one that isn’t the earlier mentioned one), where you can discuss what’s been going on as I think 99.99 percent of most Catholic Priests would be alarmed at the situation you’re in.

I will pray for you, and hopefully someone else will respond to this thread with better insight than my own. I just wanted to let you know someone did read your thread, and is praying for you.

 

[ScaredGirl]

Thank you Flambeau. Your response certainly makes me feel a bit better. Honestly the whole situation was getting so out of control I started questioning if maybe I was being crazy/overreacting about it.

I’m not sure but I will try talking to my youth group leader about it. I forgot to add that my stepdad and my priest knew each other before this (I’m not sure if they were friends but tehy seem friendly) so that might have been why he was ok with it?

I’m just afraid that I might be overstepping my bounds, and I certaintly don’t want to make my mother unhappy, but the whole situation just feels so wrong I can’t stand it.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

If you are going to go to other people to complain about your mom’s marriage, you need to figure out what you hope to gain by doing so. You won’t get your mom to leave him, and you won’t get him to give up practicing his faith in his own home. It sounds like he’s even treated all of you well.

I’m not saying don’t go to anyone, but you do need concrete examples of what you’d like to see change first.

Oh, and be sure to take your issues or concerns to your mom first. If she’s blindsided by a priest there’s a good chance she’ll go further from the church and limit your contact, at least unsupervised contact, with your priest/deacon/whoever.

 

[DesertSpirit]

I am new here. Have two daughters of my own. Keep your faith strong. Pray for your family. Do what you need to get along. Talk to your Priest. People do stray. Keep the Holy Spirit and Mother Mary in your prayers for them.

 

[ScaredGirl]

If you are going to go to other people to complain about your mom’s marriage, you need to figure out what you hope to gain by doing so. You won’t get your mom to leave him, and you won’t get him to give up practicing his faith in his own home. It sounds like he’s even treated all of you well.

I’m not saying don’t go to anyone, but you do need concrete examples of what you’d like to see change first.

Oh, and be sure to take your issues or concerns to your mom first. If she’s blindsided by a priest there’s a good chance she’ll go further from the church and limit your contact, at least unsupervised contact, with your priest/deacon/whoever.

It’s not that I don’t think he should be able to practice his own faith, I just feel like my mom changed SO fast and it has made me scared and worried.

If you knew my mom you would know she was one of the most devout catholic women you could imagine. The fact she changed SO quickly in such a short amount of time honestly scares me. And the fact that my brother is now drifting away from the faith and toward paganism and she doesn’t even really seem to care worries me.

I have talked a bit about it to my mom, just little comments here and there about why we don’t go to church anymore, but she just waves it off and it seems like she’s trying to avoid talking about.

As for what exactly I would like to see changed? I don’t know honestly. It isn’t that my stepdad has done anything bad or wrong. He is a perfectly kind and competent caretaker. It’s just that I get a bad feeling about the whole thing I guess. I know that isn’t the ‘right’ thing to say but it’s how I feel.

Thank you for your response. I realize I probably sound crazy about this whole thing but I can’t really explain it well. I know how I feel but I’m not sure how to put it into words–here or to anyone else. That’s another one of the reasons I haven’t really talked to anyone about it.

 

[ScaredGirl]

I am new here. Have two daughters of my own. Keep your faith strong. Pray for your family. Do what you need to get along. Talk to your Priest. People do stray. Keep the Holy Spirit and Mother Mary in your prayers for them.

Thank you for your reply. I’ll try to stay strong in my faith.

 

[Indigo_Cardinal]

If you are going to go to other people to complain about your mom’s marriage, you need to figure out what you hope to gain by doing so. You won’t get your mom to leave him, and you won’t get him to give up practicing his faith in his own home. It sounds like he’s even treated all of you well.

I’m not saying don’t go to anyone, but you do need concrete examples of what you’d like to see change first.

Oh, and be sure to take your issues or concerns to your mom first. If she’s blindsided by a priest there’s a good chance she’ll go further from the church and limit your contact, at least unsupervised contact, with your priest/deacon/whoever.

All of this. By your own account, he’s being good to your family, making time for you, and certainly not stopping any of your from practicing your faith if you so desire, nor is he forcing you to practice his–he invited you to take part in a ritual, the way you might invite a non-Catholic to Mass, but you didn’t appear strong-armed into it. The only thing that you seem to be able to say is that you don’t like his faith.

Your mom may have her reasons for not being so interested in the Catholic faith. Until she decides to talk about it, there’s no way to know what’s going on in her head.

But if you ask somebody to interfere in your mother’s marriage, you’re going to need a lot more substantial than, “I just don’t like his religion.”

 

[ScaredGirl]

All of this. By your own account, he’s being good to your family, making time for you, and certainly not stopping any of your from practicing your faith if you so desire, nor is he forcing you to practice his–he invited you to take part in a ritual, the way you might invite a non-Catholic to Mass, but you didn’t appear strong-armed into it. The only thing that you seem to be able to say is that you don’t like his faith.

Your mom may have her reasons for not being so interested in the Catholic faith. Until she decides to talk about it, there’s no way to know what’s going on in her head.

But if you ask somebody to interfere in your mother’s marriage, you’re going to need a lot more substantial than, “I just don’t like his religion.”

You’re right. When you put it that way I really do feel like a bigot now. I guess i’m being pretty unfair. Idk I’ll try harder to work through it I suppose. It wasn’t my intention to be small minded or judgemental.

 

[Indigo_Cardinal]

You’re right. When you put it that way I really do feel like a bigot now. I guess i’m being pretty unfair. Idk I’ll try harder to work through it I suppose. It wasn’t my intention to be small minded or judgemental.

You’re just simply not familiar with what he practices, and unfamiliar can be uncomfortable.

Focus on where you guys have common ground. He seems willing to form a strong family unit, there’s no reason why you guys can’t work it out, even with having a difference of faith.

 

[SAVINGRACE]

First of all you are Catholic so you need to do what you must to preserve your spiritual health.

1. Don’t get involved with the ‘spirit board’, spells, tarot card readings etc.
2. See another Priest if you don’t want to approach the one who had reservations about your mum marrying this guy. That is what a Priest is for, someone who listens and provide spiritual advice. ANY priest from ANY parish will speak to any Catholic.
3. Keep practicing your faith.
4. He is not violent or verbally abusive by the sounds of it and your mum is happy. Do NOT participate in any spells/rituals etc. Say politely ‘no thank you, I’m not interested’. If he continues speak to your mum and let her know that you are not comfortable with participating in any of his rituals. Bear in mind Catholic rituals are probably just as strange to him.
5. Your mums spiritual journey is hers alone to take.
6. Ask her if she can drop/pickup you and your brother off for Mass every Sunday. Is there is another adult family member who attends your church? Perhaps they can take you and your brother with them.
7. Pray for his conversion. and for your mum to return to weekly Mass. It’s a huge adjustment phase for everyone blending a family. A big adjustment for him because he is taking on two children as well. Your mum may seem different because she is adjusting as well. It can take a year or so before the family settles and start functioning on auto-pilot.

 

[Dorothy]

It’s not that I don’t think he should be able to practice his own faith, I just feel like my mom changed SO fast and it has made me scared and worried.

If you knew my mom you would know she was one of the most devout catholic women you could imagine. The fact she changed SO quickly in such a short amount of time honestly scares me. And the fact that my brother is now drifting away from the faith and toward paganism and she doesn’t even really seem to care worries me.

I have talked a bit about it to my mom, just little comments here and there about why we don’t go to church anymore, but she just waves it off and it seems like she’s trying to avoid talking about.

As for what exactly I would like to see changed? I don’t know honestly. It isn’t that my stepdad has done anything bad or wrong. He is a perfectly kind and competent caretaker. It’s just that I get a bad feeling about the whole thing I guess. I know that isn’t the ‘right’ thing to say but it’s how I feel.

Thank you for your response. I realize I probably sound crazy about this whole thing but I can’t really explain it well. I know how I feel but I’m not sure how to put it into words–here or to anyone else. That’s another one of the reasons I haven’t really talked to anyone about it.

Please see a priest and discuss all this with him. Your stepfather is involved with the occult. He is deceived and is now being used to deceive others. It doesn’t matter how nice and calm he seems, he may just not know how harmful his practices are.

Please see your priest and discuss all this in detail with him, as you did here in the forum.

May our Lord Jesus Christ and His Blessed Mother be with you!

 

[bitterhope]

As a mom and Army wife I think I can explain a little about what could be the “sudden changes” you see in your own mom. Finally after several years your mom is no longer the sole parent. Things have to be done on a very different way as a married mom than a single or widowed mom. When my husband is gone I change roles and things are done in a very different manner than when he is home. Once he get home things change again. I have to take into account his schedule, his preferences, his authority in the family and I must be willing to at times let him take the lead in things. Otherwise our marriage will not survive. Also from all the time I spend alone and doing the work of two parents, honestly I’m exhausted and it is refreshing to step back and observe instead. Now, I’ve never had to single parent for more than 24 months straight. Your mom has had a much longer go at it and I’m pretty sure it’s been a struggle beyond what she has ever let you know. She may have been struggling with many points of her faith and never felt comfort letting anyone know that. She may feel like she’s finally in a place in life where she can truly grieve the loss of your dad because there is finally someone she can lean on herself instead of always needing to be the one people lean on. It has got to be hard and confusing to her to be grieving and also celebrating at the same time. Pray for your mom. She probably needs the prayers. Hold tight to your faith. Don’t think you need to change just because your whole life is changing. Your faith can be your stronghold, your constant, your stability during this time of transition. I didn’t see that you mentioned your age but I’m assuming you are a young teen. I’ve got 4 kids between the ages of 11-16. It’s a very hard age to live through regardless of how perfect a life you have. I am impressed with how well you express yourself. Don’t be afraid to talk to trusting adults in real life as well as here. Teachers, friends’ parents, people at church, and just let them know that adjusting to the changes in life are tough. You are going to make it through this transition and life will be better than you are able to imagine at this time in your life. Feel free to PM me if you want. Things are going to be alright in time. I don’t think you are really being prejudice or whatever towards your step dad. I think you are a teen that us trying to figure out why life has taken a sudden sharp turn and what you can do to feel better about all this. As a side note, there are many pagans I’ve met through the military and I’ve always had good experiences with them. They have never attempted to convert me or belittled my faith as some Protestants have. Your mom may not have mentioned the fact that he’s pagan out of fear if how you and your brother would view that. She probably wanted you to know him and bond with him before hand to prevent an automatic rejection. Your family will be in my prayers

 

[InNomineDomini]

You’re just simply not familiar with what he practices, and unfamiliar can be uncomfortable.

With all due respect, this is a young girl who’s trying her best to live her faith. Her mother doesn’t appear to be doing the same. This in itself is cause for concern.

Furthermore, Catholics are forbidden from partaking in practices like Tarot card reading. Kudos to the girl for being strong enough to live by the Church’s teaching.

Insofar as unfamiliarity: I am personally somewhat familiar with the many, many forms of Wicca, and with various other forms of the occult, ranging from so-called atheistic Satanism to various writings of Crowley and the O.T.O. (The latter make Wiccan authors seem like utterly trite and shallow adolescents. Forgive me, but Wicca is to Crowley what fortune cookies are to Confucius.)

As would any other faithful Catholic, I would urge the girl to stay away from such practices, and I find it condescending to see insinuations that such advice would be rooted in ignorance or even in bigotry.

To the OP: I will pray for you and for your family. You do have reasons for concern, since this man is dabbling with demonic influences, and this is affecting your family. I apologize that there are those who will disagree that things like the demonic are real, and would urge you to abandon the Church and to open your arms to it.

But do not be afraid of the world, for Christ has overcome it.

 

[ScaredGirl]

With all due respect, this is a young girl who’s trying her best to live her faith. Her mother doesn’t appear to be doing the same. This in itself is cause for concern.

Furthermore, Catholics are forbidden from partaking in practices like Tarot card reading. Kudos to the girl for being strong enough to live by the Church’s teaching.

Insofar as unfamiliarity: I am personally somewhat familiar with the many, many forms of Wicca, and with various other forms of the occult, ranging from so-called atheistic Satanism to various writings of Crowley and the O.T.O. (The latter make Wiccan authors seem like utterly trite and shallow adolescents. Forgive me, but Wicca is to Crowley what fortune cookies are to Confucius.)

As would any other faithful Catholic, I would urge the girl to stay away from such practices, and I find it condescending to see insinuations that such advice would be rooted in ignorance or even in bigotry.

To the OP: I will pray for you and for your family. You do have reasons for concern, since this man is dabbling with demonic influences, and this is affecting your family. I apologize that there are those who will disagree that things like the demonic are real, and would urge you to abandon the Church and to open your arms to it.

But do not be afraid of the world, for Christ has overcome it.

It’s interesting you say that because I’ve seen Aleistar Crowley books in his study (Book of Law was one, I believe). I knew that Crowley was a famous occultist but not much else. I’m also not sure he is Wiccan, that is just the only named form of Paganism I know. He’s never actually stated to be Wiccan though. I was under the impression that Wicca was a general blanket term for neo-pagan but I’m realizing now that is not necessarily accurate.

 

[Dorothy]

With all due respect, this is a young girl who’s trying her best to live her faith. Her mother doesn’t appear to be doing the same. This in itself is cause for concern.

Furthermore, Catholics are forbidden from partaking in practices like Tarot card reading. Kudos to the girl for being strong enough to live by the Church’s teaching.

Insofar as unfamiliarity: I am personally somewhat familiar with the many, many forms of Wicca, and with various other forms of the occult, ranging from so-called atheistic Satanism to various writings of Crowley and the O.T.O. (The latter make Wiccan authors seem like utterly trite and shallow adolescents. Forgive me, but Wicca is to Crowley what fortune cookies are to Confucius.)

As would any other faithful Catholic, I would urge the girl to stay away from such practices, and I find it condescending to see insinuations that such advice would be rooted in ignorance or even in bigotry.

To the OP: I will pray for you and for your family. You do have reasons for concern, since this man is dabbling with demonic influences, and this is affecting your family. I apologize that there are those who will disagree that things like the demonic are real, and would urge you to abandon the Church and to open your arms to it.

But do not be afraid of the world, for Christ has overcome it.

Yes, these are demonic influences. Thanks for your post!

 

[InNomineDomini]

I was under the impression that Wicca was a general blanket term for neo-pagan but I’m realizing now that is not necessarily accurate.

Paganism is a massive term that’s not useful because most people reinvent it for themselves. It could mean anything from someone who likes nature to someone who (with little success) attempts to reconstruct ancient religions.

The Book of the Law is, frankly, writing which Crowley claims to have channeled. From a Catholic perspective, it’s highly likely it’s demonically inspired.

Crowley was a lot of things, but he probably really did have access to preternatural phenomenon that your average Pagan doesn’t even believe exists.

As I say, you have reason for concern. I would absolutely go to a trusted priest.

 

[ScaredGirl]

As a mom and Army wife I think I can explain a little about what could be the “sudden changes” you see in your own mom. Finally after several years your mom is no longer the sole parent. Things have to be done on a very different way as a married mom than a single or widowed mom. When my husband is gone I change roles and things are done in a very different manner than when he is home. Once he get home things change again. I have to take into account his schedule, his preferences, his authority in the family and I must be willing to at times let him take the lead in things. Otherwise our marriage will not survive. Also from all the time I spend alone and doing the work of two parents, honestly I’m exhausted and it is refreshing to step back and observe instead. Now, I’ve never had to single parent for more than 24 months straight. Your mom has had a much longer go at it and I’m pretty sure it’s been a struggle beyond what she has ever let you know. She may have been struggling with many points of her faith and never felt comfort letting anyone know that. She may feel like she’s finally in a place in life where she can truly grieve the loss of your dad because there is finally someone she can lean on herself instead of always needing to be the one people lean on. It has got to be hard and confusing to her to be grieving and also celebrating at the same time. Pray for your mom. She probably needs the prayers. Hold tight to your faith. Don’t think you need to change just because your whole life is changing. Your faith can be your stronghold, your constant, your stability during this time of transition. I didn’t see that you mentioned your age but I’m assuming you are a young teen. I’ve got 4 kids between the ages of 11-16. It’s a very hard age to live through regardless of how perfect a life you have. I am impressed with how well you express yourself. Don’t be afraid to talk to trusting adults in real life as well as here. Teachers, friends’ parents, people at church, and just let them know that adjusting to the changes in life are tough. You are going to make it through this transition and life will be better than you are able to imagine at this time in your life. Feel free to PM me if you want. Things are going to be alright in time. I don’t think you are really being prejudice or whatever towards your step dad. I think you are a teen that us trying to figure out why life has taken a sudden sharp turn and what you can do to feel better about all this. As a side note, there are many pagans I’ve met through the military and I’ve always had good experiences with them. They have never attempted to convert me or belittled my faith as some Protestants have. Your mom may not have mentioned the fact that he’s pagan out of fear if how you and your brother would view that. She probably wanted you to know him and bond with him before hand to prevent an automatic rejection. Your family will be in my prayers

Thank you for your post. I’m trying to be at peace with this because I’ve seen my mom struggling my whole life being a single mom, and I want to support her as much as possible. If my stepdad is making her happy then I’m happy for her, but I hate to see her abandon her faith and allow my young brother to abandon his because of this.

 

[bitterhope]

Thank you for your post. I’m trying to be at peace with this because I’ve seen my mom struggling my whole life being a single mom, and I want to support her as much as possible. If my stepdad is making her happy then I’m happy for her, but I hate to see her abandon her faith and allow my young brother to abandon his because of this.

I understand. You are not in control of your mother’s faith and as long as you remain close to your brother that is all you can do for his faith. Pray, lead by example, and trust that God has this all figured out. You are way too young to take such a heavy load upon yourself. And by doing so you are not trusting Jesus like we Catholics are supposed to do. Let it go and let God handle their souls. You are not and never will be the gatekeeper. It will only cause yourself harm emotionally and spiritually to try to act as their spiritual protector. You CAN control you, you will NEVER control them. If you make too big of a fuss you may actually drive a deep wedge in between yourself and them, and also between them and the Church. Hold tight to your faith and see if you can get someone to be sure you are at Mass each week. Invite your family all to come with you, and offer the Mass up for them and for family togetherness. Each night, say prayers of thanksgiving for all the lovely things in your life. Many people have things much worse than you. And also say prayers for your family. I recommend the St. Michael prayer

 

[InNomineDomini]

Pray, lead by example, and trust that God has this all figured out.

This was a wonderful post, bitterhope. Very, very well said.