Wife asked why I didn't receive Communion

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Hi, there. I haven’t read the responses below, but I would say that your wife’s inquisitive question may be a sign she wants to understand more about your faith, so that is fantastic! I would answer her by saying, “I have something I haven’t been feeling good about and want to confess it before receiving” or “I need to go to Reconciliation before I receive. Would you like to learn more about what we Catholics confess in Reconciliation or why we go to Reconciliation?” I told my newly Catholic husband that I couldn’t receive until I went to Reconciliation recently because I used the Lord’s name in vain. After, I explained to him that, during my examination of conscience, I remembered something that happened years ago, where I was an accessory to sin. I confessed the sin and was fine telling my husband that I didn’t realize the impact I had on someone’s decision that led to grave sin. You have to be willing to get as specific as you need to be but not as specific as to make you feel judged, exposed, or the like. Talk to your priest about it after Reconciliation, though. He will help you find the right words to help your wife understand.
 
“Love is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

When we confess our sins to Jesus through the sacrament of confession, he forgives them and we are assured of forgiveness. Then he forgets them.

Can spouses confess sins to each other and then promptly forget them? That is a harder things for human beings to do. We might keep a mental record, and that’s no good. We might make a situation worse by trying to overly discuss it.

In heaven we will not know or remember anyone’s sins. (No, that’s not doctrine but it’s what I have gleaned from some saints’ writings.)

There is nothing in the wedding vows wherein we promise to always discuss our sins in detail with each other. I think that such a practice will hurt marriage much more than help it.
 
tafan2 said:
I have been using it with the intent of being clear in my point, but I not think it hasn’t been
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Before you said: “I am the one who has kept my arguments simple, concrete, and consistent.” Now this. And then, you wanted me to “quit misrepresenting my (your) point.” This is such a circular argument. No wonder I and some are confused with your posts.
tafan2 said:
When asking the question, why didn’t you receive, you have no idea what the sin might be, so you are asking a question you have no right to the answer, assuming you trust your spouse’s decision not to have told you.
Hence, logic indicates if you ask, you do not trust your wife.
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Your logic indicates nothing of the sort. If I ask my wife why it is because I care enough to know something is bothering her and as a loving husband, I do have the right to ask. Sometimes a spouse does not want to tell you something, but deep down, they are really waiting for you to ask. What you are saying is: if you ask, you don’t trust. Not true at all. It goes so much deeper than that my friend.
tafan2 said:
So at least two people disagreed with you.
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Didn’t know we had to keep score. 2 people disagreed; that must mean a lot!!
tafan2 said:
If I ever asked, I hope my wife would say “none of your business”. That type of fraternal correction is how spouses really help each other.
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Seriously? In 46 years of one marriage, I nor my wife never said those words to each other. Even calling the Sacrament of Marriage, “fraternal,” says a lot about where you are coming from. No, spouses help each other not by shutting them up, but by talking and extending help.
 
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JimG said:
There is nothing in the wedding vows wherein we promise to always discuss our sins in detail with each other. I think that such a practice will hurt marriage much more than help it.
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If you think that your sins will hurt your marriage, then you should not be in that marriage. And, the only thing I can think of that would hurt a marriage is infidelity. Even so, discussion could save even that.
 
pnewton said:
By talking though our shame and guilt, we can find healing. Furthermore, this is a sacrament where the two are the vehicle of grace for each other. The husband should not deprive the wife the opportunity to receive the grace that comes from the proper response of love for the sake of his shame.
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Watch it my friend. You’re not going to get bright red apples for saying such things. And, you must have such an “infantile view” of your spouse! Either that or you’re not intelligent enough to know better.
 
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rondirect said:
And, the only thing I can think of that would hurt a marriage is infidelity.
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Yeah, that’s not true at all.

I’ll straight up admit I’m not very holy. I’m trying, but if my husband told me what he said in the confessional, I’d feel a terrible temptation to obsess about it. I trust when he just apologizes to me.

I’ll also admit that sometimes I am very curious about what he confesses. But that curiosity is not holy, either. Just being “nebby,” as folk say around here.
 
How do you know the reason was none of their business?

The OP seems to be a post and run, and not a reasonable discussion, fellowship.
 
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Is not attending mass his Anglican wife’s business? I would think not.
 
The reason for refraining from His Eucharist is what can very well be her business, both on account of sin manifesting in the business of the family, and/or husband willingly embracing the concern of his wife.

It’s interesting that with an issue like this, where the letter of the law (Scripture/Catechism) is insufficient to give explicit, black and white directives, Catholics are divided over.

Conscience and Holy Spirit are what must guide the relationship. Each relationship and circumstances vary. There isn’t a cookie cutter answer, because too many things will likely determine the answer.
 
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This is basically saying, “By knowing my husband’s sins, our relationship would be worse.”

Is our relationship with Christ better or worse by Him knowing our sins?

Are you growing in holiness?
 
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Not that you owe her an explanation, but wouldn’t your wife know whether or not you were sick and did not got to Mass? The truth is better than a lie.
 
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Sadly, neither my husband nor I are Christ, and so we must both avoid near occasions of sin.

Thankfully, we don’t have to discuss the contents of our sacramental confessions to apologize to each other for wrongdoing.
 
Actually, in all sincerity and charity, rcwitness, I’ve known several people who are prone to wrapping up nosiness, gossip, and other social faux pas in religious language to justify it. It can be intensely damaging to relationships to have one party constantly try to justify violation of normal social boundaries.

You’ve asked me and other posters intensely personal and inappropriate questions, and we’re total strangers to you. Then, with mostly appropriate deflection we’ve declined to answer in detail, and from such scanty information you’ve decided it’s your place to tell us quite a lot about our souls. I would very strongly warn against that, and actually think this line of argument is not persuasive.
 
You are not Christ, but is He in You? Are you trying to allow Him to be your Lord?

Isn’t this what Communion is a participation in? Becoming one with Him?

You are admitting that it’s on account of not following Him that you refrain from confessing to one another.

I understand that not all sins need to be confessed in detail. The depth of specifics should vary.

Sacramental grace is what helps us to be Christ to one another.
 
pensmama87 said:
Actually, in all sincerity and charity, rcwitness, I’ve known several people who are prone to wrapping up nosiness, gossip, and other social faux pas in religious language to justify it. It can be intensely damaging to relationships to have one party constantly try to justify violation of normal social boundaries.
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I just realized something.

This marriage does not have Sacramental grace. That helps understand why the OP is struggling with honesty in this area.
 
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“pensmama87 said:
You’ve asked me and other posters intensely personal and inappropriate questions, and we’re total strangers to you. Then, with mostly appropriate deflection we’ve declined to answer in detail, and from such scanty information you’ve decided it’s your place to tell us quite a lot about our souls. I would very strongly warn against that, and actually think this line of argument is not persuasive.
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Can you give an example?
 
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