Wife asked why I didn't receive Communion

[rcwitness]

rcwitness:

“Well, I masturbated last night and need to go to confession first.”

Masturbation is not infidelity. You are again heaping on things that are not Church teaching.

Catechism:

2395 Chastity means the integration of sexuality within the person. It includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery.

2396 Among the sins gravely contrary to chastity are masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices.

2397 The covenant which spouses have freely entered into entails faithful love. It imposes on them the obligation to keep their marriage indissoluble.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Yes, a sin against chastity. Not adultery/infidelity.

I did not stick to my guns and stay out, but, the verse about straining at gnats and swallowing camels comes to mind.

 

[JimG]

In my youth, the whole family would drive to church together every Saturday afternoon to go to confession. Mom and five kids. Dad was not Catholic then. We knelt in the pews for a private examination of conscience, and then went individually up to the confessional.

It never would have occurred to any of us to discuss our confessions with other family members. If my brother had asked me what I confessed, I might have punched his arm and said “none of your business.” But that never happened. We believed some things were private, including confession.

It sounds as though some Catholics now no longer believe in privacy. We could have all just crowded into the confessional together and told our sins to the priest and each other. My brother might have said, “Hey, you missed a few.”

I’m a little amazed.

 

[rcwitness]

What is infidelity to you?

 

[tafan2]

I’m wondering though, if those who feel they have a right to inquisition of a spouse also feel a similar right to inquisition of a teenage son or daughter, who might be less inclined to discuss personal faults with a parent?

This is, IMO, even worse. I would guess that nine times out of ten, a parent who does this is leading their teenager directly into serious sin in the future.
I told the story earlier of how my wife handled it once. If a parent sees a child does not go to communion and knows the fast was kept, say nothing, but get them to confession that week. Just tell them its time for the family to go to confession and say nothing. Of course, this works best if its usual behavior to load all the kids up in the car and go to confession once a month. Hopefully we all do that.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Infidelity is adultery, having sexual relations with a person other than your spouse. Not going to go grittier than that, PG rules.

Masturbation is a solitary act. Again, not going to get gritty.

Looking at pornography is a sin against chastity. It is not adultery.

 

[Pup7]

You may be more understanding and chill than some wives.

I am quite “chill”, and don’t expect to be told every thought that crosses my husband’s mind. If he were Catholic and didn’t feel disposed to receive, that would be between him and God.

I truly don’t tell him everything that crosses my mind, and I tell my friends things I don’t tell him - as does he.

It’s very simple, if someone does not go to communion due to sin, they know they sinned and are subsequently behaving appropriately, they do not need fraternal correction, and a spouse or parent is NOT a confessor.

Exactly.

Is there some Church Teaching that you are basing your assumption On? What makes you so confident it is wrong to ask your spouse?

Because your spouse is not your confessor. Just because one doesn’t think there should be a line doesn’t mean that others think there shouldn’t be a line. I think a person is entitled to limits and independent thought. Since I trust my husband, it’s none of my business.

If I didn’t trust him, I wouldn’t remain married to him.

Sin is not between only God and us.

I disagree completely.

There is a fine line here.

Not really. It’s pretty distinct by my reckoning.

Do you have Church Teaching that says it’s objectively wrong to ask why someone is not receiving???

I don’t need a specific Church teaching. I know better than to be that nosy.

Also, it can be related to the rights and protection of the innocent spouse. Harm could have been done, or laws broken which continue to harm.

Or it could be something that he’s worked out with the priest on his own and I have absolutely no reason to pry. I don’t have legal access to his medical record and I seriously don’t need to pry into his spiritual record. Chances are we’d know anyway, but I wouldn’t bring it up and I wouldn’t pry. Sometimes people have demons (figuratively speaking) that they need to deal with on their own before they’re comfortable talking to others. And that’s their right as humans.

The fact that a spouse thinks they have the right to keep a serious sin secret (from their spouse) means they have NOT healed from the sin, and it is continuing to do harm in them.

Nothing like judging the silent.

 

[Pup7]

A spouse should know about this. It’s infidelity. It’s taking what belongs to the other spouse.

It’s not infidelity, and seriously - I don’t need to know unless he wanted to tell me. None of my business to ask.

I’ve been married for eighteen years. Trust me - you seriously don’t need to know everything that the other person thinks, feels, or does.

 

[angel12]

With all due respect, naive.

I’m going to take a wild guess that she knows her husband better than you do.

 

[somecanadian]

Amen.

Not to mention how sad it is to see trust and respect as naivete.

 

[Pup7]

With all due respect, naive. Are you watching the news lately? So many men with years and years of marriage behind them with wives saying the same thing, only to find out that their husbands have been living secret lives for decades. But, we are now way off topic perhaps.

LOL are you kidding me right now?

I just spent a YEAR in Korea on an unaccompanied assignment - meaning my husband could not go with me. I had no choice; I was ordered there, and to forfeit the orders meant my removal from the USAF would start within seven days of refusal (we call it the “seven day option”).

For that matter, I could’ve been up to the same thing - I had my own apartment, I’m female in a military populated by mostly men, most of my friends are male…

Our attitude is - really, if you’re that daft, go ahead. We both know we’re not. Know why? Eighteen years of marriage, that’s why. It’s trust, not naiveté.

Back to the thread.

 

[JimG]

Is this for real? Refraining from Eucharist for spiritual grace? I hear something silly from Catholics all the time here at CAF!

Not so silly. There is a tradition of ‘fasting from the Eucharist.’ Commenting about St. Augustine’s “fasting from the Eucharist” near the end of his life. Joseph Ratzinger wrote this:

“in a really marvelous way…quite shocking. It seems to me more profound and fitting, the more often I ponder it. Do we not often take things too lightly today when we receive the most Holy Sacrament? Could such a spiritual fasting not sometimes be useful, or even necessary, to renew and establish more deeply our relation to the Body of Christ?”

 

[rcwitness]

That is a strange practice. Yet even so, maybe if it helps you not to be so offended at what may be an act of righteous kindness, and able to explain to your spouse in a way that does not stifle their freedom to search and help your struggles, sure… but I have no idea how refraining from His meal would benefit this…

 

[JimG]

“righteous kindness”? Hmm… seems a little offputting.

 

[rcwitness]

Purgatory will not be better. I’d take my wife’s good nature over angry condemning spirits any day!

 

[alice24]

That is a strange practice

fasting before communion is strange?
After a full eastern lent fast, I must become a strange person.

 

[rcwitness]

No, fasting Eucharist. Not receiving Eucharist to help appreciate it more.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

That is a strange practice. Yet even so, maybe if it helps you not to be so offended at what may be an act of righteous kindness, and able to explain to your spouse in a way that does not stifle their freedom to search and help your struggles, sure… but I have no idea how refraining from His meal would benefit this…

Are you serious? That is such an off putting and cynical response to the words of Papa Benedict!

I hope at some point in the future you return to this thread and consider how you are conversing with fellow followers of Christ.

 

[rcwitness]

I’m also willing to bet that Pope B would agree that some people are asking their spouse out of charity, which would prove beneficial if the one refraining was willing to respect the request with a pure heart.

 

[Pup7]

Purgatory will not be better. I’d take my wife’s good nature over angry condemning spirits any day!

As a wife of 18 years I really have no desire to know everything my husband thinks.

… able to explain to your spouse in a way that does not stifle their freedom to search and help your struggles…

I also don’t always want my husband’s help, just as I’m sure (and I know this for a fact) that he doesn’t always want mine. That’s not a freedom. That’s a privilege, even after 18 years.