Wife asked why I didn't receive Communion

[TheLittleLady]

It is never another person’s business.

 

[rcwitness]

That’s absolute ignorance!

Do you imagine your sins have no affect on reality or other people, especially someone Sacrametally joined to You!?

I am out of this thread. I’ve said my peace.

 

[JimG]

Can a Catholic and a non Catholic be Sacrametally married?

Yes, of course they can. A marriage is sacramental when both parties are validly baptized.

 

[tafan2]

No one has assumed that. We have a person who did not receive. That’s the scenario. Should their spouse ask them why? That’s the questiin.
What do we know: that he/she decided not to discuss any sin which is the cause before hand.
That is a given.

Our point is that one should respect their spouse enough to not wuestion them. They know why, and decided it didn’t need discussed.

Where is the assumption you claim?

 

[TheLittleLady]

Do you imagine your sins have no affect on reality or other people, especially someone Sacrametally joined to You!?

Guessing you mean “effect”. The effect of my sin on another person does not mean I have to confess my sins to them.

 

[somecanadian]

Wow. This thread.

Something occurred to me while reading through it. If a spouse did not have the inclination to share that she/he were struggling with a particular sin (alcoholism, lust, etc) then wouldn’t being ASKED ‘why aren’t you receiving’ be an occasion for sin? Someone who won’t confess these things on their own to their spouse probably wouldn’t confess it if asked directly which would lead them to lie and thus by simply asking, the intruding spouse has led their spouse to sin?

Just a thought.

Personally if I had a sin on my heart that I felt needed to be confessed to my husband and my priest, I would confess to both. My husband so I could seek reconciliation in our marriage and my priest so I could seek reconciliation with Jesus.

In the scenario the OP presented his wife is not Catholic and probably would not understand all the minute reasons Catholics don’t receive. In that situation it’s a delicate balancing act because you want to educate her while also not scaring her off the Church or making the Church seem legalistic.

Personally, I think it is about trust. If a Catholic husband feels he must ask his wife why she isn’t receiving then he doesn’t trust that she would reveal sins on her own if needed. And vice versa for the Catholic wife who asks her Catholic husband why he isn’t receiving.

But I’m in a weird relationship where if I’m struggling spiritually I just talk to my husband, despite the fact he isn’t Catholic. He is always there with sound, beautiful advice and I am always there for him when he has a moral dilemma he needs help with. I have never needed to ask and neither has he.

NOW all this said… this is just my own personal view of the question. EVERY relationship is different. There is no one right way for any relationship as each relationship consists of different people.

If you TRULY feel the charitable thing would be to prod an answer out of your spouse and if you truly feel you asking would not be an occasion of sin then go ahead and ask. That’s not personally for me but your relationship is not mine and mine is not yours and there is no absolute right answer to this question which is why I believe it has gone on as long as it has.

Edited to add: Some of us Catholics don’t receive for a variety of reasons that don’t include mortal sin. Having read previous responses I know this makes me an object of pity but whatever, at least I do not feel entitled to receive no matter what, eh?

 

[Dlee]

I think it’s time to end this thread.

 

[TheLittleLady]

But I’m in a weird relationship where if I’m struggling spiritually I just talk to my husband, despite the fact he isn’t Catholic. He is always there with sound, beautiful advice and I am always there for him when he has a moral dilemma he needs help with. I have never needed to ask and neither has he.

Not at all weird, in fact, our world would be a better place if everyone were there.

The odd part of this thread is people who feel entitled to know their spouse’s sins.

 

[pensmama87]

The odd part of this thread is people who feel entitled to know their spouse’s sins.

Yes, I think this sums it up nicely. Should I expect my husband to love, honor, and cherish me? Yes. Should I expect him to ask forgiveness when he doesn’t? Yes. Should he expect the same from me? Absolutely.

Why this seemingly should involve the specifics of what’s said in the confessional is beyond me, and the posts that insist on it have only convinced me further in the other direction.

 

[JimG]

This thread is an example of what might follow if spouses insist on discussing each other’s sins—endless, needless, discussion which makes things worse.

 

[rondirect]

Thankfully, we don’t have to discuss the contents of our sacramental confessions to apologize to each other for wrongdoing.

With the word, “apologize” in your post, it makes me think that your “wrongdoing” was to your spouse. And, your thankful that you can use confession to avoid an apology? Uh, wow!

I must live on another planet. This thread has me rather baffled with regards to how different and obscure some are to the Sacrament of Marriage as a union of holiness, honesty, sharing, helping, caring, and actually loving.

 

[fin]

If I were asked, I’d probably say that I might have committed a mortal sin, hence unsure, so I won’t receive.

Otoh, if it were others, I do not think I am in a position to ask why. I would prob. just encourage the person to go to Confession.

I think people should be praying right after Communion, not people watching to see who gets up and receives and who doesn’t.

 

[pensmama87]

With the word, “apologize” in your post, it makes me think that your “wrongdoing” was to your spouse. And, your thankful that you can use confession to avoid an apology? Uh, wow!

Well, this is a headscratcher, because you completely misunderstood me. What I meant was, “You can say ‘I’m sorry’ without saying, ‘Let me give you a replay of what I told Father in the box.’”

I’m frankly astonished that this is the impression you have gotten from my posts, but it would explain the persistent confusion on this thread.

 

[rondirect]

Something occurred to me while reading through it. If a spouse did not have the inclination to share that she/he were struggling with a particular sin (alcoholism, lust, etc) then wouldn’t being ASKED ‘why aren’t you receiving’ be an occasion for sin? Someone who won’t confess these things on their own to their spouse probably wouldn’t confess it if asked directly which would lead them to lie and thus by simply asking, the intruding spouse has led their spouse to sin?

Just a thought.

Personally if I had a sin on my heart that I felt needed to be confessed to my husband and my priest, I would confess to both.

My point exactly. What I have learned here is that every relationship, like you said, is different. I just had a hard time hearing some say, just tell your spouse, “none of your business,” and other words of “endearment” within this longest thread ever, even to the point of using a term soul mate and being corrected by canon law!

For me, like you, I turn to my wife for discussion on everything; repeat, everything, even though it has been mentioned numerous times that one does not have to do that. I understand that, but I find solace in also discussing issues with my wife. Together, we help each other move on. Confession to a priest is needed at times, but he is not my spouse and does not know what my wife and I share and help each other no matter what the situation is.

Sure, something might be discussed that could, in some relationships, create more problems; but, I found that trust in what we can say to each other in our relationship overcomes that. We took our vows to love and cherish through all storms, and it works for us. Then, forgiveness through reconciliation is the icing.

 

[rondirect]

Well, this is a headscratcher, because you completely misunderstood me. What I meant was, “You can say ‘I’m sorry’ without saying, ‘Let me give you a replay of what I told Father in the box.’”

I’m frankly astonished that this is the impression you have gotten from my posts, but it would explain the persistent confusion on this thread.

Pensmama: I truly apologize for making you upset with my response and my misinterpretation of same, but the written word vs. face to face conversations are subject to that. So, please, stop scratching (!) and realize that I agree with you: “persistent confusion.”

Peace.

 

[Pup7]

Pup, I think this is probably the first time we disagreed on a topic. No offense, but any number of years of marriage does not matter. Just like the wife’s of the all those men who have had cheated that is on the news almost every day lately. They had trust too, and where did that get them?

So one should walk around automatically assuming the other is up to no good? Uhm, no, and yes - years of marriage do indeed matter. I trust him more at 18 years than I did at 18 months - because of time.

Assume someone isn’t worthy of trust and they won’t be. If you can’t trust your spouse just because news stories say you shouldn’t, maybe you shouldn’t be married in the first place.

 

[Pup7]

My point exactly. What I have learned here is that every relationship, like you said, is different. I just had a hard time hearing some say, just tell your spouse, “none of your business,” and other words of “endearment” within this longest thread ever, even to the point of using a term soul mate and being corrected by canon law!

What I say in confession is indeed none of his business. Sort of the point of confession. If he were Catholic, his confessions would be none of my business.

 

[tafan2]

For me, like you, I turn to my wife for discussion on everything; repeat, everything, even though it has been mentioned numerous times that one does not have to do that. I understand that, but I find solace in also discussing issues with my wife. Together, we help each other move on. Confession to a priest is needed at times, but he is not my spouse and does not know what my wife and I share and help each other no matter what the situation is.

That is great that you turn to your wife for everything, but that is not the point. You choose to do so. Our point is that there are sins that you can legitimately choose not to do so. And if you do, your spouse should respect that decision. There is a basic rule in logic: A implies B does not mean that B implies A.

Again, that’s that is why the basic question is: do you have an absolute right to know your spouse’s sins? If the answer is no, you should trust your spouse to decide when she needs to talk you you about it. If the answer is yes, then this whole discussion is pointless.

 

[rondirect]

maybe you shouldn’t be married in the first place.

Pup, so surprised at you would say that to me. I thought that…well, never mind.

Our point is that there are sins that you can legitimately choose not to do so.

“Our?” There are some here that do not agree with you and others.

Let’s just end all this. You and others have your opinion, and it appears that others opinions are ridiculous unless they agree. I am sticking to my statements; I would never say “none of your business” or even think that. That’s me, and I was just voicing my opinion and not trying to convince anyone otherwise.

Peace.

 

[Pup7]

That’s a ROYAL you - not “you” personally. Shocked that you’d think otherwise. I’m sorry you thought that as well. Completely not my intent.

Pup, so surprised at you would say that to me. I thought that…well, never mind.

Let’s just end all this. You and others have your opinion, and it appears that others opinions are ridiculous unless they agree. I am sticking to my statements; I would never say “none of your business” or even think that. That’s me, and I was just voicing my opinion and not trying to convince anyone otherwise.

I don’t think any of us would literally say “that’s none of your business” either. To me confession is indeed no one’s business, as is my opting to not receive. But while I’m pretty straightforward, I’m certainly not that rude.’

Also, I would say that @tafan2’s “our” is “all of us who agree that it’s personal” - again, a ‘royal’ use of the word and not meaning every single commenter.