Wife cannot orgasm

[bcollins10]

My husband and I are both Catholics and have been married over five years. Throughout this time, we have been having sex roughly every other day but I have never been able to orgasm. Until last summer I had been “faking it” abd hoping someday I would “make it”. I finally confronted ny husband about this. We read the book “Holy Sex”, have been seeing a counselor, I’ve seen a doctor, and still no luck. Sex feels like such a chore and I earnestly want to experience this. Has anyone been through this? Recommendations for a sex therapist? In new mexico?

 

[BiffRuffle]

First, I would watch some Christopher West videos (you can find them on Youtube.) His treatment of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body gives a profoundly different and holier view of sex and marriage, than that from society, even within Catholic circles. It treats sex as holy, not good, not great, but holy.

Secondly, a completed sexual act requires the male orgasm, the giving of his life to his receptive wife. A wife’s orgasm is not required. However, after a completed act of sexual intercourse, almost anything goes in regards to giving the wife an orgasm. So, if your husband is willing, I would suggest that he do whatever makes you feel good and can bring you to the physical consciousness of participating in the inner life of the Trinity.

 

[MichaelHowling]

I think your first task is to find out if this is something physical or mental. Seeing a gynocologist and also getting some bloodwork done would be a start. Have you had an orgasm ever before before your husband? If yes, then that means you have the ability to and it’s most likely something psychological.

If psychological…what’s going on?
Does your husband masterbate or knowlingly look at porn?
Does he come on to you not out of love …but because he wants a "realease’ and objectifys you.?
etc etc

these issues could deffinatley hinder your sex life.

I can guarentee you I am physically and ability wise NO sexual dynomite in bed I PUBLICALLY confess!!! BUT… my wife knows my love for her and how I view her and the little I do (lol)…ROCKS HER WORLD! I seriously feel like a sex master. I notice even her body acts differently the more I connect and truly LOVE her when we are making love. You women are VERY receptive to recognizing the PURE gift we bring to the bedroom …and you know how to spot a fake.

I also highly suggest Christopher West! Changed my view on sex and love.

 

[Joy2day]

First, I would watch some Christopher West videos (you can find them on Youtube.) His treatment of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body gives a profoundly different and holier view of sex and marriage, than that from society, even within Catholic circles. It treats sex as holy, not good, not great, but holy.

Secondly, a completed sexual act requires the male orgasm, the giving of his life to his receptive wife. A wife’s orgasm is not required. However, after a completed act of sexual intercourse, almost anything goes in regards to giving the wife an orgasm. So, if your husband is willing, I would suggest that he do whatever makes you feel good and can bring you to the physical consciousness of participating in the inner life of the Trinity.

what?? the trinity?? oh yeah baby…

How 'bout a piece of plastic - that should work.

 

[Em_in_FL]

My husband and I are both Catholics and have been married over five years. Throughout this time, we have been having sex roughly every other day but I have never been able to orgasm. Until last summer I had been “faking it” abd hoping someday I would “make it”. I finally confronted ny husband about this. We read the book “Holy Sex”, have been seeing a counselor, I’ve seen a doctor, and still no luck. Sex feels like such a chore and I earnestly want to experience this. Has anyone been through this? Recommendations for a sex therapist? In new mexico?

Speak to your doctor about this. Start with your OB/GYN and then* ask for recommendations for specialists in this area*… it could be a hormonal imbalance. Specifically, Reproductive Endocrinologists are able to perform full hormonal function tests and assist with corrective therapy. Normal OB/GYNs do not (normally) have a full ability to address these more complicated hormonal issues. Don’t quit simply because you “saw a doctor”… see the RIGHT doctor.

Prayers!

 

[JackieMom]

I hope this isn’t too blunt, but… Your husband does know that most women cannot orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone, right? That women’s sensitive parts are external and not internal? Sorry if this is overreaching, but inexperienced males must be taught this, because it only seems logical to many of them that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander : )

 

[Debora123]

It’s very difficult for a woman to orgasm through intercourse alone.

Sorry for the invasive question I’m about to ask, but does he do oral on you?

If he does and you still cannot orgasm, then yes… you should seek medical attention.

 

[Debora123]

what?? the trinity?? oh yeah baby…

How 'bout a piece of plastic - that should work.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

I’m guessing you have tried more foreplay (and afterplay)? If so, then yes, you should seek out a Catholic sex therapist.

I think your first task is to find out if this is something physical or mental. Seeing a gynocologist and also getting some bloodwork done would be a start. Have you had an orgasm ever before before your husband? If yes, then that means you have the ability to and it’s most likely something psychological.

If psychological…what’s going on?
Does your husband masterbate or knowlingly look at porn?
Does he come on to you not out of love …but because he wants a "realease’ and objectifys you.?
etc etc

these issues could deffinatley hinder your sex life.

Er… wow, we are really quick to blame the husband for something that is probably no one’s fault (neither him nor his wife). To suggest that he must be looking at porn or masturbating because his wife cannot achieve an orgasm? Really?

As an aside, my wife orgasms about 80% of the times we have sex. Still, I feel bad when she doesn’t. However, she has insisted to me that orgasm is not a “must” for her and that it is good even without an orgasm. Whereas for me, as a man, sex without orgasm would feel frustrating and incomplete, and I would rather just not have it at all if I’m not going to orgasm. Does my wife’s take match the women here—that orgasm is nice, but not necessary all the time to have a satisfying encounter? I

If so, I ask because the way the OP describes her sex life, it makes it sound like the rest of the sex (not the orgasm part) aren’t satisfying. So maybe they have a bigger problem than just making her orgasm…

 

[Debora123]

As an aside, my wife orgasms about 80% of the times we have sex. Still, I feel bad when she doesn’t. However, she has insisted to me that orgasm is not a “must” for her and that it is good even without an orgasm. Whereas for me, as a man, sex without orgasm would feel frustrating and incomplete, and I would rather just not have it at all if I’m not going to orgasm. Does my wife’s take match the women here—that orgasm is nice, but not necessary all the time to have a satisfying encounter?

I’m with your wife on this. There are times when I’m not in the mood, and he is. Instead of saying no, I just have sex with him anyway without the intent of having an orgasm. And it’s still good because I still enjoy the closeness and I still take enjoyment out of his enjoyment. Everyone wins.

That’s why I don’t understand why some wives plain refuse to have sex with their husbands for no legitimate reason other than they are simply not really feeling up to it. Really? You can’t take 5 minutes out of your evening to have a little quicky with your husband to make him happy?

 

[jonathan_hili]

Like other posts, I’d suggest foreplay and then mental stimulation during sex itself. I’ve found that just saying the right things during the sexual act can bring a woman to orgasm. And I’d certainly second the respondent who said that expressing one’s total love for one’s lover in daily life will have a strong impact on sexual gratification during the act.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I’m guessing you have tried more foreplay (and afterplay)? If so, then yes, you should seek out a Catholic sex therapist.

Er… wow, we are really quick to blame the husband for something that is probably no one’s fault (neither him nor his wife). To suggest that he must be looking at porn or masturbating because his wife cannot achieve an orgasm? Really?

As an aside, my wife orgasms about 80% of the times we have sex. Still, I feel bad when she doesn’t. However, she has insisted to me that orgasm is not a “must” for her and that it is good even without an orgasm. Whereas for me, as a man, sex without orgasm would feel frustrating and incomplete, and I would rather just not have it at all if I’m not going to orgasm. Does my wife’s take match the women here—that orgasm is nice, but not necessary all the time to have a satisfying encounter? I

If so, I ask because the way the OP describes her sex life, it makes it sound like the rest of the sex (not the orgasm part) aren’t satisfying. So maybe they have a bigger problem than just making her orgasm…

I am with you, not your wife, on this one. Sex without orgasm would frustrate and anger me. Yes the closeness is the most important part but it’s hard to feel close with your husband basking in after glow and you going “yeah, that was nice”.

I orgasm 98% of the times we have sex. When I don’t it’s either because we were interrupted or I’m sick.

 

[MichaelHowling]

**oh no veritas **…please don’t misunderstand me! I made those comments about men because unfortunatley IT IS TRUE that a good majority of men have issues with masterbation, looking at pornography and misunderstand the true nature of sex and how it was intended to be used. More and more points to this being true in our society and how harmful it is to marriages. I simply added those comments to the pot because they are very valid possibilities in our society.

I’d also like to say that I agree with other posters here in that quite often from what I understand, vaginal stimulation just won’t physically cut it AND that it’s not necessary to always give a woman an orgasm.

I am still holding the teaching of pope john paul II in that men are the initiators of the gift and that women have radar for knowing what a pure and true gift is.

God bless

 

[Debora123]

I am with you, not your wife, on this one. Sex without orgasm would frustrate and anger me. **Yes the closeness is the most important part but it’s hard to feel close with your husband basking in after glow and you going “yeah, that was nice”. **

I orgasm 98% of the times we have sex. When I don’t it’s either because we were interrupted or I’m sick.

See, I think it’s super hot seeing him like that. So I get enjoyment out of it too even if I didn’t get that enjoyment in the same way he did.

I probably orgasm 80/90% of the time. But it’s still good 100% of the time.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

See, I think it’s super hot seeing him like that. So I get enjoyment out of it too even if I didn’t get that enjoyment in the same way he did.

I probably orgasm 80/90% of the time. But it’s still good 100% of the time.

Of course it’s super hot to see him like that. And he thinks it’s really sexy to see me like that. He has a very hard time enjoying it much when I don’t orgasm.

 

[Debora123]

Of course it’s super hot to see him like that. And he thinks it’s really sexy to see me like that. He has a very hard time enjoying it much when I don’t orgasm.

I don’t know if my husband would or not, quite honestly. It usually isn’t an issue for guys to orgasm. My guess is he would probably still enjoy it though, as long as he didn’t get the “blue” thing.

 

[TraderTif]

See, I think it’s super hot seeing him like that. So I get enjoyment out of it too even if I didn’t get that enjoyment in the same way he did.

I probably orgasm 80/90% of the time. But it’s still good 100% of the time.

I agree! I’m pretty much the same way - usually, who’s gonna complain about an orgasm? But, there are times where I’m too exhausted, or sore, (or, right now, too pregnant, lol) or whatever, and it just doesn’t feel worth it. But still…I enjoy the whole thing.

(Indeed, there are times I’ve chased my husband around the house, specifically to enjoy that…even when I didn’t want to orgasm!!)

But, yeah…I agree with the people pointing out that it’s hard for most women to orgasm from actual intercourse alone. (That’s hardly ever, ever happened for me.) You need to work with your husband, to find whatever works for you!

 

[Debora123]

But, yeah…I agree with the people pointing out that it’s hard for most women to orgasm from actual intercourse alone. (That’s hardly ever, ever happened for me.) You need to work with your husband, to find whatever works for you!

I’ve been married for 2 1/2 years and I can probably count on one hand the number of times that happened to me without any outside stimulation at all.

(excuse the tmi)

 

[MichaelHowling]

These most recent post brings up a good point to one of the reasons we’ve been given the gift of sex.

It’s about that intimacy (among other things) and truly sharing eachother…is he talking with you about what you like and communicating well ? That’s a BIIIIIG part of sex.

Is he turned inward or turned toward you his wife?

 

[The_Bucket]

These most recent post brings up a good point to one of the reasons we’ve been given the gift of sex.

It’s about that intimacy (among other things) and truly sharing eachother…is he talking with you about what you like and communicating well ? That’s a BIIIIIG part of sex.

This is well said. This is always a tricky thing to ask without too much information being provided to people, even if they are anonymous Internet folk.

Sexual intimacy is very much in the mind, and this translates over to the physical… especially for women. Men are able to climax without much going on in their minds. That whole “think about baseball” thing doesn’t work very well, if you all get my drift. Women are, usually, pretty different.

Hormones aside, my wife is usually most receptive when we’re mentally and emotionally well-connected. I don’t think we’ve ever failed to click physically when the mental and emotional part has been working. Maybe when she’s in the first trimester of pregnancy or in “Phase III.”

So follow the other posters’ advice and get looked at physically. If that checks out, then seek help for the emotional and mental side. It might not be either party’s fault. Maybe it’s a deep-seated hesitancy when it comes to sex.

But I can certainly understand the frustration. My wife once put it this way, though I am paraphrasing: “What’s the point? If you can’t, you know, what’s the point? I mean, that’s OK every once in awhile, but if that was the usual thing, that would suck.”