Wife cannot orgasm

[JackieMom]

First bold:
Unless you have an accessible G-spot and are in the right position to have the male stimulate it. The male equivalent is the prostate.

Second bold:
The only base that matters is the one that feeds the rest. Your husband has probably figured out that it is between your ears. If that one is taken care the rest fall into place like dominoes.

That’s important, but, uh, you gotta have some physical prowess too!

 

[silentfactor80]

I edited your post so that I could respond more easily to the points you raise.

1 - This proves my initial point, that it is not rare. Many women are experiencing the fallout of being abused by their husbands and many men are addicted to porn. That is all that I have asserted. That “many” women and men have been affected by this problem in their marriage.
2 - Why do I need to provide “hard data”? It is a reality that is commonly known that women can and do get injured if they are penetrated before their bodies are adequately prepared and natural lubrication is present (or artificial lubrication is applied). Labia can and do tear, as can the tissue of the vagina. This happens all the time to rape victims, but it also occurs often enough to women who are coerced into over frequent or rough sex. This is why men need to be educated prior to marriage about how to lovingly prepare their wives for intercourse.
3 - I have not failed to consider anything, silentfactor. My initial and subsequent posts have all been about a valid reason why a wife may refuse a quickie. I am making no other point.
4 - bolded red statement of yours is offensive. Even if problems might be psychological sometimes, that does not mean that a wife is guilty of any kind of sinful attitude, especially the one you describe. And in case you missed it earlier, I know nothing about 50 Shades, so whatever point you are trying to make about it here is totally lost on me. I don’t even know what “going all 50 Shades on her” might be referring to.
5 - Your last point assumes too much. I do know that men do listen to women. Amazingly, some husbands do listen and care deeply about their wives and still accidentally get it wrong when it comes to understanding female sexuality. They can do harm to their beloved because of ignorance. When they know better, they do better.
And just in case you missed this other point earlier, too, I am not putting down men, and I am not painting victims out of women either. I am simply acknowledging a reality that is present, even in the Christian community.

I have tried several times to make my point clear, but just in case it is not clear what I am speaking about, here it is one more time.
While quickies might be appropriate in some marriages, and even mutually enjoyable for the couple, there do exist marriages in which quickies would be inappropriate, due to the fact that the wife has experienced sexual abuse (either at the hands of her husband or someone else). So we shouldn’t make judgements about the motivations of women who refuse to participate in quickies.

There it is. That is the point that I have been attempting to make. That is it.

1 - It does not prove that it is not rare. If I went to a diamond mine diamonds are not rare. If I was looking for a diamond on the beach it is rare. See the point?

2 - If the woman is not lubricated properly it won’t be comfortable for the guy either. Try taking one hand and repeatedly rubbing your other arm up and down and see how that feels. I said you need hard data because you are making a serious accusation that needs to be backed up.

4 - The 50 Shades of Grey is a book about BDSM. In case you don’t know what that is you probably shouldn’t Google it because it essentially sexual fantasy torture. Chains, whips, etc.

5 - What you find offensive is the same thing as saying guys aren’t interested in their wives because they do not behave like pornstars. It is equally insulting to a guy when a woman gets upset because she doesn’t get flowers, chocolates, some big overly done romatic gesture, gifts, etc on a regular basis. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve seen online and in person that judge every guy based on what the guy buys for them. That is reality too! Often times women feel “unloved” because they don’t get things the fairy tales told them they should get.

 

[silentfactor80]

That’s important, but, uh, you gotta have some physical prowess too!

Of coarse but one does play a bigger role than the other

 

[mommamaree]

1 - It does not prove that it is not rare. If I went to a diamond mine diamonds are not rare. If I was looking for a diamond on the beach it is rare. See the point?

2 - If the woman is not lubricated properly it won’t be comfortable for the guy either. Try taking one hand and repeatedly rubbing your other arm up and down and see how that feels. I said you need hard data because you are making a serious accusation that needs to be backed up.

4 - The 50 Shades of Grey is a book about BDSM. In case you don’t know what that is you probably shouldn’t Google it because it essentially sexual fantasy torture. Chains, whips, etc.

5 - What you find offensive is the same thing as saying guys aren’t interested in their wives because they do not behave like pornstars. It is equally insulting to a guy when a woman gets upset because she doesn’t get flowers, chocolates, some big overly done romatic gesture, gifts, etc on a regular basis. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve seen online and in person that judge every guy based on what the guy buys for them. That is reality too! Often times women feel “unloved” because they don’t get things the fairy tales told them they should get.

Again, see my repeated explanation of the point I am making. I am talking about a very specific circumstance where a wife might have good reason to refuse a certain type of relations with her husband. I was not making any generalizations. Btw, I have noticed the other thread you started today about sexism toward men. Obviously you are on a kick today with that idea, but in this situation, you are shadow boxing. I am not saying anything sexist. I am not, in fact, saying ANY of the things you are debating me over. I could go through this post, statement by statement, and show how what you are saying I said is not what I actually said, and furthermore, demonstrate how you are wrong about the reality faced by many people in their marriages today, but frankly, it is not worth my time. I have done my research. You go do your own. And quit twisting my words to portray me as some male-basher. People who have been here at CAF for a while know that I do not post anti-male propaganda. I do not appreciate being debated about perceived sexism that doesn’t actually exist in my statements.

 

[silentfactor80]

Again, see my repeated explanation of the point I am making. I am talking about a very specific circumstance where a wife might have good reason to refuse a certain type of relations with her husband. I was not making any generalizations. Btw, I have noticed the other thread you started today about sexism toward men. Obviously you are on a kick today with that idea, but in this situation, you are shadow boxing. I am not saying anything sexist. I am not, in fact, saying ANY of the things you are debating me over. I could go through this post, statement by statement, and show how what you are saying I said is not what I actually said, and furthermore, demonstrate how you are wrong about the reality faced by many people in their marriages today, but frankly, it is not worth my time. I have done my research. You go do your own. And quit twisting my words to portray me as some male-basher. People who have been here at CAF for a while know that I do not post anti-male propaganda. I do not appreciate being debated about perceived sexism that doesn’t actually exist in my statements.

The other thread I started today was about the article I saw today and linked to in the OP on that thread. It had nothing to do with you. Also, if you notice several guys have posted there already and they have noticed the same thing I have. Like you said, a forum of people qualifies as “data” so i don’t need to prove it further…

What I am questioning is your “research” and claims. My claim is that your claims are not the whole story. I have done my research and have heard what both men and women have to say.

You don’t like the bolded term? Welcome to man’s world. Men get accused of being sexist all the time even though it is horribly untrue in most cases. In fact if you are a white Catholic male that automatically gets translated into sexist these days. Sorry if that bothers you but its become so commonplace for women to be extra negative on men but when the table gets turned many women don’t like it.

 

[jonathan_hili]

Sheesh why is everyone arguing?!?

Make love, not war.

 

[Joy2day]

First bold:
Unless you have an accessible G-spot and are in the right position to have the male stimulate it. The male equivalent is the prostate.

Second bold:
The only base that matters is the one that feeds the rest. Your husband has probably figured out that it is between your ears. If that one is taken care the rest fall into place like dominoes.

you’re right about the ‘between the ears’ thing. This is the key to good relations - some women don’t know what turns them on and neither do some men. It can be surprising. I would suggest running it by a priest (not one extremely old) - they might know. Flowers, chocolates, candlelit dinners etc, aren’t exactly what works all the time.

 

[Debora123]

We have to be careful not to assume anything about the wife’s motivations here.

Hi.

I wasn’t speaking about anyone specifically, so I wasn’t making any assumptions about anyone.

I was specifically referring to spouses who refuse sex simply because they are not in the mood. Not for any other reason, like psychological trauma or illness, etc etc.

That’s all.

 

[Debora123]

I’m sure that he would still finish even if I didn’t enjoy it, he has before. But while it physically feels good he is not happy with the experience unless we both completely enjoy it. He feels like it was incomplete, like something was missing, and sometimes, even if he shouldn’t, he’ll even feel guilty.

My husband used to feel that way too… but now he understands that I still enjoy it even if I don’t finish.

I mean, it would be a problem if I never finished, or even if I usually didn’t finish. But every once in a while, it’s no big deal for me, and I still enjoy it fully.

 

[silentfactor80]

you’re right about the ‘between the ears’ thing. This is the key to good relations - some women don’t know what turns them on and neither do some men. It can be surprising. I would suggest running it by a priest (not one extremely old) - they might know. Flowers, chocolates, candlelit dinners etc, aren’t exactly what works all the time.

Seduction is an art and a husband must be an artist!

 

[Debora123]

Of coarse you will find dozens of articles on a Catholic forum about women that have husbands who look at porn. Where else would a practicing Catholic woman go? And I am not saying a lot of guys don’t have a problem with porn. As far as injuries go, unless you have hard data to prove I am skeptical of that.

I think you fail to consider that more and more women are now using porn too though they tend to favor woman + woman porn. Many women don’t have a problem with men using porn (approval). It is still wrong regardless but porn wouldn’t exist without women either.

If a guy has been solicited his entire life by loose women he is going to draw the conclusion that that is the way it is. When I was in HS I had a friend that asked me to get her drunk and have fun. I told her HELL NO GET LOST and she cried about it. If I was a clueless guy I might think that’s the way girls are so I have to be that way too. Thankfully I wasn’t and still am not.

Also, part of the reason many women have problems with sex is psychological. A woman simply cannot get aroused if her husband is not her fantasy rockstar. Many women’s definition of “fantasy rockstar husband” is influenced by the forms of media I previously mentioned so you have to take that into consideration. In my generation there are lots of kooky women that like a guy to go 50 Shades on them. My friend had his wife hand him that book and wanted him to enact it for her. What kind of message do you think that send men about women?

You may be shocked but men actually do listen to women. The problem is ya’ll get upset when you get what you want and find out it is not really what you want. You personally may be an exception but a majority of women are just as messed up as a majority of guys. Sadly the minority never gets media coverage. We are boring.

Um, this was a pretty offensive post buddy…

 

[silentfactor80]

Um, this was a pretty offensive post buddy…

Can you be a little more specific please? I’m sorry if my personal opinion and experience offends you.

 

[Debora123]

Again, see my repeated explanation of the point I am making. I am talking about a very specific circumstance where a wife might have good reason to refuse a certain type of relations with her husband. I was not making any generalizations. Btw, I have noticed the other thread you started today about sexism toward men. Obviously you are on a kick today with that idea, but in this situation, you are shadow boxing. I am not saying anything sexist. I am not, in fact, saying ANY of the things you are debating me over. I could go through this post, statement by statement, and show how** what you are saying I said is not what I actually said,** and furthermore, demonstrate how you are wrong about the reality faced by many people in their marriages today, but frankly, it is not worth my time. I have done my research. You go do your own. ** And quit twisting my words to portray me as some male-basher.** People who have been here at CAF for a while know that I do not post anti-male propaganda. ** I do not appreciate being debated about perceived sexism that doesn’t actually exist in my statements.**

Bolded mine.

You’re not alone. This very same poster was doing the exact same thing to me on another thread.

 

[silentfactor80]

Bolded mine.

You’re not alone. This very same poster was doing the exact same thing to me on another thread.

The problem is the stuff you guys said is male-bashing and you don’t even realize it because society does not teach us to see things in that light. Think about how many things we see as “sexist against women” now that in the past weren’t. Holding a door for a woman these days is sexist to some women!

I don’t think my post you quoted was one bit offensive but you did. So, tell me what about it is untrue? If the truth is ugly then there is nothing I can do about it. Don’t get down on the messenger for delivering the message.

 

[Debora123]

The problem is the stuff you guys said is male-bashing and you don’t even realize it because society does not teach us to see things in that light. Think about how many things we see as “sexist against women” now that in the past weren’t. Holding a door for a woman these days is sexist to some women!

You’re coming off as absolutely delusional.

I don’t think my post you quoted was one bit offensive but you did. So, tell me what about it is untrue? If the truth is ugly then there is nothing I can do about it. Don’t get down on the messenger for delivering the message.

Mamamaree already pointed out what was offensive. I don’t feel like wasting more of my own time, and listening to you continue to say some very insulting and presumptuous things about my gender.

 

[thewanderer]

The problem is the stuff you guys said is male-bashing and you don’t even realize it because society does not teach us to see things in that light. Think about how many things we see as “sexist against women” now that in the past weren’t. Holding a door for a woman these days is sexist to some women!

I don’t think my post you quoted was one bit offensive but you did. So, tell me what about it is untrue? If the truth is ugly then there is nothing I can do about it. Don’t get down on the messenger for delivering the message.

Silentfactor, I don’t know about what Deb said on the other thread, but at the absolute least mammamarie has said absolutely nothing derogatory towards men. Mentioning that women sometimes suffer from a particular problem which gives them a reason for turning down a quickee is in no way derogatory to men. Just because she didn’t also talk about the problems men have doesn’t mean she is claiming that men don’t ever have problems. You are simply seeing offense where none exists and it really does not help your valid points (here and elsewhere) about the sexism that occurs in society against men. Because you clearly see offense in places where none exists you are giving people a reason to ignore everything you say as “seeing offense where none exists” its like the boy who cries wolf.

 

[silentfactor80]

You’re coming off as absolutely delusional.

Mamamaree already pointed out what was offensive. I don’t feel like wasting more of my own time, and listening to you continue to say some very insulting and presumptuous things about my gender.

That’s exactly what they told women back in the day and that is how society at large ignored the problems women had. Sad to see things haven’t changed much aside from the target now…

Your gender and its spokeswomen have said more insulting and presumptions things about mine than there are words in the Bible. I guess only the bad ones mine say matter though…

 

[silentfactor80]

Silentfactor, I don’t know about what Deb said on the other thread, but at the absolute least mammamarie has said absolutely nothing derogatory towards men. Mentioning that women sometimes suffer from a particular problem which gives them a reason for turning down a quickee is in no way derogatory to men. Just because she didn’t also talk about the problems men have doesn’t mean she is claiming that men don’t ever have problems. You are simply seeing offense where none exists and it really does not help your valid points (here and elsewhere) about the sexism that occurs in society against men. Because you clearly see offense in places where none exists you are giving people a reason to ignore everything you say as “seeing offense where none exists” its like the boy who cries wolf.

Actually her reference that many men use their wife like they see in porno is kind of derogatory to me. That claim did not address the factors behind such behavior. It assumes the worst without any data to backup the claim. A forum is not a good selection of respondents.

 

[thewanderer]

Actually her reference that many men use their wife like they see in porno is kind of derogatory to me. That claim did not address the factors behind such behavior. It assumes the worst without any data to backup the claim. A forum is not a good selection of respondents.

Well, seeing as that particular part of what she said is in fact not at all relevent to this thread where the OP is looking for help not for people to start an argument about something completely unrelated to her original question andd problem I think mommamaree is right to drop it and not try to turn this into a debate about how often men hurt women vs how often women hurt men. This thread is not a free for all area for people to pick fights, it was opened with a purpose, the OP is looking for help, its not the right place to start a fight or debate with others, you can pm them or start a nother thread and post a link here, but when an OP is asking for help to a problem it is extremely uncharitable to derail their thread.

 

[silentfactor80]

Well, seeing as that particular part of what she said is in fact not at all relevent to this thread where the OP is looking for help not for people to start an argument about something completely unrelated to her original question andd problem I think mommamaree is right to drop it and not try to turn this into a debate about how often men hurt women vs how often women hurt men. This thread is not a free for all area for people to pick fights, it was opened with a purpose, the OP is looking for help, its not the right place to start a fight or debate with others, you can pm them or start a nother thread and post a link here, but when an OP is asking for help to a problem it is extremely uncharitable to derail their thread.

And for that I apologize