Wife died, not baptized...help?

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rpmaill

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Hi all.

Im seeking answers… struggling with faith…etc.

Im 43, grew up catholic, confirmed, etc.
My wife Kim, dies on Oct 9 at the age of 32. She believed in God, went to church with me once, andwas willing to get baptized.
We have a 4 year old girl and she hadnt been baptized either. This year I started going back to church so they each could get baptized. I was going regularly until the summer and I slacked and they never got baptized.
My wife died unexpectadly and now Im struggling.
The obvious…why? 32, amazing mother, WHY. But the one that is bothering me alot is that she was never baptized and now im scared. If its a necessity for heaven…im scared. She was an amazing woman. This cant be happening but it is. Im not well read on the catholic teachings. Can anyone provide honest feedback…please?
 
From the Council of Trent we have what has become commonly referred to as Baptism of Desire - which applies to any whom although not Baptized by Water - nonetheless are deemed by the Church and therefore God - to have Desired Him in their Hearts.

As to that and Kim, and all of us, it is God Himself who is the ultimate Judge over her and all the rest of us as well - when it comes to Judgement and Salvation.
 
I am so sorry for your loss.
rpmaill said:
She believed in God, went to church with me once, andwas willing to get baptized.
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As @EndTimes said, there is such a thing as a baptism of desire. Pray for her, and trust in God’s mercy.
rpmaill said:
This year I started going back to church so they each could get baptized. I was going regularly until the summer and I slacked and they never got baptized.
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I know this is much easier to say than to do, specially when your loss is so recent, but do not beat yourself up over this. Life is complicated, good intentions cannot materialize – and what we expected least happens. It is not your fault.
 
Jesus wants your wife to go to Heaven more than you do.

So pray for her repose and trust in God.

I’m very sorry for your loss. Peace.
 
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Eternal Father, in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible,
look kindly upon us and increase your mercy in us,
that in difficult moments, we might not despair nor become despondent,
but with great confidence, submit ourselves to your holy will,
which is love and Mercy itself.
Amen.
 
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I’m very sad to hear of your loss. The Church teaches that there are in fact 3 types of Baptism. Also St Thomas Aquinas addressed this question in his Summa Theologiae Part 3, Question 66, Answer 11. Here are the 3:
  1. The Baptism of Water
  2. The Baptism of Desire
  3. The Baptism of Blood - For those who were persecuted for their faith before they received Baptism with Water.
St. Thomas Aquinas also states that with The Baptism of Desire it can be an 'Implicit" Desire which some still to this date dispute. It does sound as if your wife may have fit into #2 type, I don’t know. I recommend you speak with a Priest regarding your concerns and see if that helps.

I hope this helps. God bless you
 
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I’m so sorry for your loss.

I can’t imagine how hard it is.

Please know that as much as you love her, God loves her so much more. The Lord is kind and merciful.

St. Faustina teaches that the Lord’s divine mercy is offered to all at the moment of death.

I’ll keep you and your little girl in my prayers.
 
rpmaill said:
She believed in God, went to church with me once, and was willing to get baptized.
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Very sorry for your loss. Let NOT your heart be troubled. “willing to be baptized” - it would be beneficial to read the passion narrative in Luke. Dismas, the “good thief” on the cross - there was no evidence that he was baptized, but Christ assured him of Paradise > Heaven. It was his confession of being sinful, his confession of faith and his desire to be with Christ.

As Saint Padre Pio exhorted us: “Pray, hope and don’t worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful.”

Now is not the time to doubt faith, but to plunge into the deep end. Pray constantly for your wife. God will provide for you now - He always has.

A good time for a conversation with Father, as well.

Prayers ascending.
 
rpmaill said:
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I am sorry that you have lost her.

Catechism
1259 For catechumens who die before their Baptism, their explicit desire to receive it, together with repentance for their sins, and charity, assures them the salvation that they were not able to receive through the sacrament.

1260 “Since Christ died for all, and since all men are in fact called to one and the same destiny, which is divine, we must hold that the Holy Spirit offers to all the possibility of being made partakers, in a way known to God, of the Paschal mystery.” 63 Every man who is ignorant of the Gospel of Christ and of his Church, but seeks the truth and does the will of God in accordance with his understanding of it, can be saved. It may be supposed that such persons would have desired Baptism explicitly if they had known its necessity.

63 Gaudium et spes 22 § 5; cf. Lumen gentium 16; Ad gentes 7.
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I’m so sorry for the sudden loss of your dear wife at such a young age.

As others have said, if you and your wife were taking steps towards her baptism but she died unexpectedly before she actually got baptized, then she may have received the baptism of desire. God understands that in this day and age, one must plan and make arrangements to be baptized Catholic and it was not something your wife could just walk down to the church and have done on any given day. God does not abandon souls who believe in him and are willing to receive him, he has mercy on them.

So with respect to your wife, continue to pray for her, have Mass said for her, go to Mass yourself and offer them for her, and trust that God will take care of her.

With respect to yourself and your daughter, do not slack off any more on going to church yourself, and have your daughter baptized as soon as possible. You yourself need God’s help during this difficult time, and as a Catholic parent you have the responsibility to bring up your daughter in the faith. So you see to those things and ask Jesus to please take care of your wife. I’m sure he already has.

I will pray for you and your wife and child.
God bless.
 
rpmaill said:
Can anyone provide honest feedback…please?
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My honest feedback is that you need grief support. Please reach out to your pastor for help, to talk, and hopefully he can also point you to a grief support group.

Your wife showed a desire for baptism, God knows her heart. Baptism is the ordinary means of entering into the Body of Christ. But, God can work outside his sacraments.

Trust God.
 
Have Masses said for your wife. Trust God’s mercy and know that when you reach eternity, you will then understand.

I just lost my husband to a sudden stroke on Aug 30. Grief of losing a spouse is profound. I will pray for you and for your daughter.
 
I know you mean well, but, the Church teaches that we cannot make this claim of our own volition. Our OP trusts God. Our OP is encouraged to understand that God respected the free will of this lady and her eternity will be spent where she chose to spend it. We don’t get to know the rest on this side.
 
Piggy backing off what others have said re: Masses, there are organizations like the Seraphic Mass Association where you can submit your wife’s name for perpetual Mass enrollment. Masses will be said for her… forever.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Heartbreaking. I hope you have supportive family & friends. Please reach out to your local parish for both sacramental prep for your daughter but also for grief support!
 
Re the grief support: Speaking as someone whose husband of 23 years (we were together for 33 years all told) dropped dead last year, please do join the grief group or seek out support if you think you need it, but don’t feel you have to join a bereavement group if you would rather grieve in a different way.

I preferred to skip the whole bereavement group business because that was not the sort of help I needed. At one point I also got lectured by a priest who thought I “wasn’t grieving well”. This was not helpful, but I let it go because in the course of my grief I talked to probably 20 other priests and bishops, all of whom were kind and helpful and in some cases really solicitous even beyond the point where I needed them to be, so one priest not saying the “right” thing could be set aside.

I’m not saying this to discourage you in any way if you would like to attend or try out the grief support group. Just saying it’s not a requirement; there is no “right” way to grieve as long as we try to stay close to the Lord while we’re doing it.

P.S. I found this writing by a Dominican randomly in the church right after my husband was buried. It helped me a lot so I share it in hopes it will help you too. If you don’t find it helpful, feel free to set it aside.

 
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rpmaill said:
My wife died unexpectadly and now Im struggling.
The obvious…why? 32, amazing mother, WHY. But the one that is bothering me alot is that she was never baptized and now im scared.
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First, I am truly sorry for your loss & wish I could explain why, but I can’t.

Secondly, it’s not an official teaching of the Church, but St Faustina says Jesus Himself told her every man will be offered salvation three times.

Best we can do is pray for her, that she accepts the mercy extended to her.
 
Don’t be scared. We serve a loving and merciful GOD. He reads our heart and knows our intention.

Rest assured, I’ll be praying for the salvation of her soul. Shalom! 🙏🙏🙏

For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on @rpmail’s (Robert) wife and on the whole world.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living GOD, have mercy on us.
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I’m very sorry. May God grant her blessed repose and eternal memory
 
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