Wife No Longer Open to Marriage Act after Contraception Discussion

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Cecilia_Dympna said:
This is not correct.

You need to speak to an expert in Catholic ethics.
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Cecilia_Dympna is correct. Please ask your diocese who your diocesan ethics expert is (it will be a priest) and get the correct teaching of the Catholic Church. Don’t take the word of people online that you don’t even know, but get it straight from a person with authority and knowledge. And don’t assume that every priest knows the facts.

The Act of Marriage is very important for a marriage, when both spouses are capable of participating on it. Don’t abandon it because of a belief about Catholic teaching that isn’t really what the Church teaches.
 
kjfurther17 said:
And no the Church’s teaching is that it is absolutely not ok for one to have relations no matter who is using contraception just because one party does not share the same value system.
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Speak with your pastor.

The Church does not forbid marital relations if your spouse is using contraception. She is very clear on that teaching. Your Pastor can give you all of the guidance.
 
Hello kj,

I’m sorry you are going through this. I understand your struggle.

I understand why being told “ wouldn’t have gotten ‘church married’ if knew thats what it was going to be like” doesnt make you want to be intimate.

I’m also sorry some Catholics are acting like you should feel like being intimate with this type of behavior.

This could be understood by a tribunal as a sign that true marriage in the Lord was rejected, yet some Catholics are expecting you to embrace marital relations!

I understand why you want reconciliation before marital relations. Please dont despair, but affirm your love for her, and desire her spiritual health with God.
 
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I believe that “proportionally grave reasons” would be avoiding resorting to sins yourself, such as masturbation, or adultery.

I may be wrong, but that would make sense to me. You should ask your pastor about the document.

From Vademecum for Pastors:

“Contraception, directly opposed to the transmission of life, betrays and falsifies the self-sacrificing love proper to marriage, “altering its value of total self-giving” and contradicting God’s design of love, in which it has been granted to married couples to participate.”

I understand why that’s a total turn off in a spouse, and why you desire Reconciliation prior to the act which should be opposed to demanding contraception.

And so the worldly mentality attempts to turn the blame towards you, for not having relations with a wife who is behaving in such a manner.

I would only encourage you to have relations with her, if it does not involve an abortive method, if she knows it is against your will, and it is preventing you from masturbation or adultery.
 
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The sentence I quoted. “True marriage in the Lord”?

There is a valid natural marriage, there is a valid Sacramental marriage.

All Sacramental marriages are valid. Not all valid marriages are Sacramental.

“True marriage” is not a phrase that is used when discussing validity.
 
Ammi said:
And so the worldly mentality attempts to turn the blame towards you, for not having relations with a wife who is behaving in such a manner.
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I don’t think anyone is blaming him; just encouraging him to talk with his priest.
Ammi said:
I would only encourage you to have relations with her, if it does not involve an abortive method, if she knows it is against your will, and it is preventing you from masturbation or adultery
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Again, it is really not appropriate to advise the OP like this, because this information may not be completely accurate. He needs to have a talk with his pastor about his situation and let his pastor guide him toward a moral solution.
 
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“A true marriage IN THE LORD”, meaning a Christian marriage… meaning a Sacrament.

True and valid are synonymous

Catechism of the Catholic Church:

Marriage in the Lord
[1617]The entire Christian life bears the mark of the spousal love of Christ and the Church. Already Baptism, the entry into the People of God, is a nuptial mystery; it is so to speak the nuptial bath.111 which precedes the wedding feast, the Eucharist. Christian marriage in its turn becomes an efficacious sign, the sacrament of the covenant of Christ and the Church. Since it signifies and communicates grace, marriage between baptized persons is a true sacrament of the New Covenant…
 
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I am not discouraging discussion with a priest. I encourage everyone to discuss all their spiritual concerns and struggles with their pastor. But I will edit my post to reflect an encouragement to ask his pastor what “proportionally grave reasons” refers to.

Others are applying the document Vademecum for Pastors to him, and I dont dispute that it can be permissible for a spouse to have sexual relations with a contracepting spouse (under certain conditions and for proportionally grave reasons). The OP expressed difficulty understanding what that mean.

I also understand why it is a major turn off to have relations with a spouse demanding contraception. No one has sympathized with this. Strangely.
 
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EnglishTeacher said:
I don’t think anyone is blaming him; just encouraging him to talk with his priest.
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Well one poster accused him of “pushing for more children”

That’s not a fair assumption or accusation.
 
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Ammi said:
And so the worldly mentality attempts to turn the blame towards you, for not having relations with a wife who is behaving in such a manner.
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Let’s not overlook the fact that he is the one who unilaterally is ‘changing the rules’ in their relationship. The ‘such a manner’ in which she’s behaving was something he also agreed to when they got married.
 
If she is Catholic, this should not be a “change of rules” imposed by him.

And if she is not Catholic, she still rejected the change which he sought, and he attempted to lead by faith, with the Sacrament marriage.

And still, there is no need to blame, now, what he turned away from out of faith.

And no, the “such a manner” is not how he behaved also. He did not demand contraception while she was trying to reject it.
 
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I agree that we should be able to read this document, in so far as it allows us to have confidence that there are certain conditions and situations where one can have relations with a contracepting spouse.

The problem, however, is how does one have confidence that the interpretation of the priest is not an abuse of the principle or that the priest is going beyond what the exhortation intends?

For example: Does this guide go as far as to say a priest can sometimes advise a man to use condoms in a situation like this, or is it restricted to only if the woman is using the form of contraception by herself?
 
I assume you were referring to the civil marriage (which was unlawful, and the OP made right, by seeking God’s forgiveness and blessing). Do you believe the comment “I would never have consented to the ‘Church marriage’ if I knew this is what ‘open to life’ meant” is a possible impediment to a Sacrament?
 
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I’d say he is more agreeing to adhere to the rules of an authentic marriage that have always been there. Granted, you have to take the dynamics of a spouse’s unfamiliarity into account, but living in accord with God’s will is essential, it is just at times we need to be deft and caring in how we enact that.
 
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