Wife refuses marital relationship

[Ray_Scheel]

The condition I would suggest you look at for an explanation of her symptoms is “Passive Aggressive disorder”. Essentially it is a way of not doing things to exert inappropriate control on one’s surroundings. Refusing sex (or treatment, or things that might help) is “just” a way she’s found effective in controlling you. This is not a loving action on her part by any stretch or justification, while you have an actual obligation to insist she seek proper treatment for a mental health disorder.

 

[blessedtoo]

Quote:

She even refuses my innocent kisses, most of the times.

Does this cause physical pain as well?

You said she refuses your kisses. My question would be why? How is that causing pain?

 

[mdgspencer]

I would think the person to diagnose this woman would be a doctor or one kind of counselor or another. But as I said, if she won’t look for such help, there is little you can do. It is true that sex is a part of marriage, but just saying this isn’t helpful, and perhaps dwelling on this would only make this situation more personally troubling. Perhaps she would go with you if you said that you both would go together for counseling? But of course I don’t know.

 

[Black_Jaque]

All I can say is keep fighting the good fight. It’s a worthwhile hill to die on so-to-speak.

Eliminate all forms of impurity in yourself. No porn. No self-gratification. No vulgar sexual speech.

Make your body and your actions a living testimony to the sacredness of the marital embrace.

You don’t need sex in a marriage - you need intimacy, in all its forms including physical.

 

[gmarie21]

Are there NFP classes in your area of Italy (that’s where you are,correct)? If so, maybe look into signing yourselves up. Maybe if she feels comfortable charting and learning what to do (when to avoid and when you dont’ have to avoid) she’ll feel more comfortable in having relations without worrying about another traumatizing pregnancy and delivery?

 

[gam197]

I second that you both should be using NFP. It is important to not only chart the temperatures but also to check the mucus patterns.

You did not tell us what the medical condition was that caused the problem in the birth. Could it be corrected so if she did get pregnant a second time; that it would not be dangerous. The baby in intensive care is a tough situation but it seems it turned out OK. This can a a shaking experience because it sets up a lot of fear.

If she did get pregnant, she should back off of all activity in charity and rest extensively while you instead help her with the charity.

Pregnancies are not that common in the forty year age group but they do happen. As I have said before after my son was born at age 42 I really didn’t care if I got pregnant again and never got pregnant even though I had a regular monthly cycle until age 50. My two sister were the same. I suspect that many women are similar. Yes there may be a pregnancy here or there but I have yet to hear of anyone who is having baby after baby in their forties. The fear at this point is that the child is going to be born healthy and most are.

Furthermore, when she does not feel pain, she says it gives her no pleasure at all and the shorter it lasts, the better is for her.

So she does not feel pain at times which is good. She said she does not feel pleasure and may not even want to feel pleasure. There is nothing wrong with that as long as she does not deny her husband. Each act of submission is an act of love.