Wife says she'll divorce me if I become Catholic

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“Why would he do that!?!”

“What!? Why would YOU do that?”

“So you believe me in adding to the work of the cross?”

“Catholics worship Mary.”

“Catholic’s communion of the saints is divination to dead people.”

Those are some of the reactions I have received when people found out I want to become a Catholic. Some people I told; Others found out through my wife. My wife urged me to not do it, saying everyone at the church will think I will be unloving toward her if I convert to Catholicism and, she feels that way too, and that our marriage would no longer work out and that she would want to divorce me. “Why don’t you listen to everyone?” She says. “Your father and mother doesn’t agree with your actions and said the marriage is important and what is important is for us to be happy. Our pastors disagree and so do the other people. If you do it, it’ll be unloving and we might get divorced.”

Yup. It seems now that if I go through with Catholic, my marriage may be over. And my parents might blame me and so may everyone else in my life. And we have a son too. I am currently tempted to quit my plan to convert, but I don’t want to. I’m definately in a state of mortal sin and firmly believe that if I were to die, I’d go to hell. Plus, I don’t agree with protestant teachings anymore and luther and calvin, but she likes luther and agrees with his teachings. I offered to keep attending the church as usual, with the addition of mass(since I am required or else it is a mortal sin) for the unity of my marriage and to keep doing everything as before, but it comes down to the conversion. The fact I’m converting is the deal breaker apparently.

They want me to reconsider and listen to what the pastors have to say and my parents, meanwhile she no longer wants to hear me talk or share catholicism with her and others.
My wife told me she cannot respect me in wanting to convert nor accept it and it’s just unthinkable. That I’m completely selfish and being impulsive, and if I were to do it, I should wait 18 years from now when our son grows up and moves out. How could I convert; After all, this is the church whose pastor married us, and helped us out, especially when it came to us having a baby. My wife feels deep gratitude toward them and also because they have been loving toward us as a community.

…I feel like I just want to give up on myself. It feels too almost too much to bare…but I want to convert to catholicism at the same time…
 
I’m sorry to read about your dilemma. Life is really hard and everyone of us has our own fair share of trials in this world.

Please do not make any drastic changes just because you have found the Catholic faith. Continue growing in your faith and if you can talk to a priest. You do not have to be so vocal about your new found faith to everyone. Our own spiritual growth is between us and God. Pray for your family that they may be enlightened. Show them that you are a better man and that you are at peace with what you are learning spiritually. You do not have to prove the Catholic Faith to anyone. Be happy and if it is truly your heart’s desire to receive the Eucharist , you must talk to a priest.
 
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. As others have already said, it would be a good idea to speak to a priest about this to help you sort through the best way to move forward.

It is a difficult dilemma for sure. You want to follow the truth where it leads you, but you do not want to jeopardize your family. There does not seem to be an easy answer.

It might also be helpful to seek some good family/marital counseling. Of course I do not know your situation beyond what you’ve written here, and I do not intend to make judgments, but the way this has escalated seems like there may be some other communication or trust issues or insecurities involved. If so, resolving or mitigating those may help resolve the problem.

Most of all, I advise you to pray. Pray for guidance, and especially pray for your wife.

God bless.
 
I am sorry to hear of your ordeal. 😦

I agree with the others about the recommendation to speak with a priest. He can help you to navigate this better than we can here. I will pray for you and your marriage.
 
I too am sorry for your dilemma. It’s hard when one spouse wants to convert and the other doesn’t. I think it’s bad of everyone to try to put all the onus about behavior on you alone, though. It’s not like you’re joining ISIS or something really radical like that, for heaven’s sake. They are blowing it way out of proportion, IMHO. Jesus told us our own families would be against us following him as he desires us to, so don’t be discouraged. Theirs is a knee-jerk reaction aimed at shaming you in to abandoning the Catholic faith. Don’t give into that kind of pressure. Jesus never coerces anyone to follow him–those that do that kind of thing aren’t thinking about you, they are expressing their own fears, and dumping it all on you.

As to attending Mass, it’s a good idea for you to continue to attend Sunday Mass (Saturday evenings if more convenient to your situation, but you are not obligated to attend Mass until you are received into the Church, so don’t worry about that at this point. As for your mortal sins, God knows your heart. If you have perfect contrition for them, and at this point can’t confess them to a priest, God knows and understands. Not that you shouldn’t confess them if you are received into the Church, but God isn’t looking to nail you for your sins when it is not possible for you to confess them at this time, so be assured of God’s mercy and just do the best you can.

I will remember you and your family in my prayers. Keep on praying for them, and don’t make an issue of your faith journey. I know when we see the truth we want to share it with everyone, but if people aren’t disposed to hear it, they will only reject it, and you along with it. So, keep it cool and quietly practice your faith as best you can. Show them God’s love as a Catholic–that will win their hearts better than all the words in the world. Give them time and don’t push things. If you aren’t under a priest’s guidance, I urge you, along with the others in the thread, to make an appointment to talk to your local priest, so he can advise you and help you work through all this. God can work miracles for us. Trust in him and be at peace.
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
“Why would he do that!?!”

“What!? Why would YOU do that?”

“So you believe me in adding to the work of the cross?”

“Catholics worship Mary.”

“Catholic’s communion of the saints is divination to dead people.”

Those are some of the reactions I have received when people found out I want to become a Catholic. Some people I told; Others found out through my wife. My wife urged me to not do it, saying everyone at the church will think I will be unloving toward her if I convert to Catholicism and, she feels that way too, and that our marriage would no longer work out and that she would want to divorce me. “Why don’t you listen to everyone?” She says. “Your father and mother doesn’t agree with your actions and said the marriage is important and what is important is for us to be happy. Our pastors disagree and so do the other people. If you do it, it’ll be unloving and we might get divorced.”

Yup. It seems now that if I go through with Catholic, my marriage may be over. And my parents might blame me and so may everyone else in my life. And we have a son too. I am currently tempted to quit my plan to convert, but I don’t want to. I’m definately in a state of mortal sin and firmly believe that if I were to die, I’d go to hell. Plus, I don’t agree with protestant teachings anymore and luther and calvin, but she likes luther and agrees with his teachings. I offered to keep attending the church as usual, with the addition of mass(since I am required or else it is a mortal sin) for the unity of my marriage and to keep doing everything as before, but it comes down to the conversion. The fact I’m converting is the deal breaker apparently.

They want me to reconsider and listen to what the pastors have to say and my parents, meanwhile she no longer wants to hear me talk or share catholicism with her and others.
My wife told me she cannot respect me in wanting to convert nor accept it and it’s just unthinkable. That I’m completely selfish and being impulsive, and if I were to do it, I should wait 18 years from now when our son grows up and moves out. How could I convert; After all, this is the church whose pastor married us, and helped us out, especially when it came to us having a baby. My wife feels deep gratitude toward them and also because they have been loving toward us as a community.

…I feel like I just want to give up on myself. It feels too almost too much to bare…but I want to convert to catholicism at the same time…
Click to expand...
Very sorry about your situation. Any chance she or you would be open to at least attending another Apostolic Church, at least at first?
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
“Why would he do that!?!”

“What!? Why would YOU do that?”

“So you believe me in adding to the work of the cross?”

“Catholics worship Mary.”

“Catholic’s communion of the saints is divination to dead people.”

Those are some of the reactions I have received when people found out I want to become a Catholic. Some people I told; Others found out through my wife. My wife urged me to not do it, saying everyone at the church will think I will be unloving toward her if I convert to Catholicism and, she feels that way too, and that our marriage would no longer work out and that she would want to divorce me. “Why don’t you listen to everyone?” She says. “Your father and mother doesn’t agree with your actions and said the marriage is important and what is important is for us to be happy. Our pastors disagree and so do the other people. If you do it, it’ll be unloving and we might get divorced.”

Yup. It seems now that if I go through with Catholic, my marriage may be over. And my parents might blame me and so may everyone else in my life. And we have a son too. I am currently tempted to quit my plan to convert, but I don’t want to. I’m definately in a state of mortal sin and firmly believe that if I were to die, I’d go to hell. Plus, I don’t agree with protestant teachings anymore and luther and calvin, but she likes luther and agrees with his teachings. I offered to keep attending the church as usual, with the addition of mass(since I am required or else it is a mortal sin) for the unity of my marriage and to keep doing everything as before, but it comes down to the conversion. The fact I’m converting is the deal breaker apparently.

They want me to reconsider and listen to what the pastors have to say and my parents, meanwhile she no longer wants to hear me talk or share catholicism with her and others.
My wife told me she cannot respect me in wanting to convert nor accept it and it’s just unthinkable. That I’m completely selfish and being impulsive, and if I were to do it, I should wait 18 years from now when our son grows up and moves out. How could I convert; After all, this is the church whose pastor married us, and helped us out, especially when it came to us having a baby. My wife feels deep gratitude toward them and also because they have been loving toward us as a community.

…I feel like I just want to give up on myself. It feels too almost too much to bare…but I want to convert to catholicism at the same time…
Click to expand...
I echo other posters’ advice to seek counsel from a priest. Perhaps he can identify sufficient reason, such as for peace in the family to defer becoming Catholic for now, but that he can be aware of your situation so that in case you face danger of death, you can be received immediately before you die. Perhaps there are other options too that can allow you to become Catholic, such as secretly.

The threat of divorce though, is appalling. I’m not sympathetic at all to this kind of reaction, and this should remind us that husbands/men, too, are victims of abuse (yes, I believe this is abuse).
 
Try slowly teaching her that her thoughts are in error. Be kind, and explain. This is a perfect time for you to learn more about the Catholic faith! The more you know, the better you can explain it to her. Perhaps she might even feel the call to convert!

The Holy Spirit is tugging at your heart, but he is also giving you an opportunity to be an evangelist. Talk to a priest and have him help you.
 
Looks like a good case for spiritual communion. Do it when you can. Do it until this gets fixed.

As for your wife. Just take her into your confidence and tell her you won’t convert if it would break her heart. But let her know that it’s really something you feel you’re being called to do. Explain that it’s really important to you. That it’s a real pull. But that she’s your first concern.

Be earnest. No passive-aggressive stuff. Then drop it. But keep praying about it. Leave it in God’s hands.

God never left a guy by the side of the road. Not when he got there through an act of extreme sacrifice.

And sometimes if someone knows you’re not pulling away from them they’ll relax a bit. A real show of love sometimes lights that same candle. Sometimes gets a good return trick.

Peace Cyril. Good luck man.

-Trident
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
“Why would he do that!?!”

“What!? Why would YOU do that?”
Click to expand...
Marriage counseling might help, because the communication seems abusive with “you” statements rather than “I” statements.

A counselor could improve communication (providing both parties would be amenable), as well as talking to a priest, as already mentioned.
 
When I told my husband I was converting to Catholicism, the first thing he said was, “So, I guess you’ll divorce me now.” :confused: I don’t get it, but it was a real fear for him. And we’ve been married 25 years! I know your situation is different since you don’t know what may happen.

I agree with the advice to talk to the priest. I’m certain it will help to get a Catholic perspective on this situation, simply because there is so much grace available. Sometimes coming from a Luther/Calvin belief system, it can be difficult to step out of the “angry God” mindset, i.e, if you mess up, get ready to dodge the lightening bolts! Talking to a priest can put your heart and mind at rest about a lot.

My family (which includes a long line of Protestant pastors, preachers, deacons and teachers) is still shaking its collective head at my decision. I answer questions, if someone has one, but mostly I just pray for them. Trying to convince them is a waste of time, but the Holy Spirit can work without my “help.”

My current situation is: I attend Mass by myself at my local Catholic Church either early on Sunday morning or on Saturday evening (I also attend in the morning during the week if I can) Then I attend church with my husband and daughter at a later service on Sunday morning.

Perhaps your wife needs some time to process this life change–to see that you are still the loving, supportive husband you’ve always been.

After you know the truth, I don’t believe you can ignore it forever. This is where talking to a priest and getting his advice could be very helpful.

If you haven’t, it also might be helpful to read Scott and Kimberly Hahn’s book “Rome, Sweet Home.” Mr. Hahn is a former anti-Catholic Presbyterian minister, now Catholic apologist and professor. He and his wife both came into the Catholic Church, but years apart. Mrs Hahn is very eloquent when discussing her struggle with her husband becoming Catholic. It may give you some insight your wife’s perspective.

HTH, and peace to you

CarolHS
 
I’m very sorry for your situation, and will certainly pray for you and your family. If she persists in these statements, talking to a priest and a marriage counselor both might help. Your wife holding your marriage hostage to keep you from trying to follow God sounds like a troubling situation, especially given the statements that converting would be “less loving” coupled with seemingly not realizing that it’s not entirely loving to threaten divorce to try to prevent your conversion.

Of course, it may just be that this was a knee jerk shock reaction, and that if you remain calm and show her that your love for her is not diminished by your attempts to follow God, she may also calm down, and realize that when it comes to matters of conversion “what the people at church think” etc is really just not all that important. I mean, we will be judged when we die, but not by the people at church. And likewise saying “all that matters is that we’re happy” as an excuse to not try to follow God doesn’t make much sense, not only because of the misplacement of priorities there, but also because it is God who leads us to true happiness.
 
Your situation reminds of the words of Bishop Sheen, “There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate the Catholic Church but there are millions who hate what
they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be!”
I will certainly pray for you and your family.
Another thought. Have you contacted the “Coming Home Network?” While they work
with a lot of clergy coming into the Catholic Church, they help lay persons as well.
 
CarolHS said:
If you haven’t, it also might be helpful to read Scott and Kimberly Hahn’s book “Rome, Sweet Home.” Mr. Hahn is a former anti-Catholic Presbyterian minister, now Catholic apologist and professor. He and his wife both came into the Catholic Church, but years apart. Mrs Hahn is very eloquent when discussing her struggle with her husband becoming Catholic. It may give you some insight your wife’s perspective.
Click to expand...
Yes, this is the book I posted a link to above. Great book
 
Thank you for your responses and prayers.

Here is what I posted before I decided to convert and before I spoke to the local pastor:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=13688341#post13688341

My wife has fears and we are going through tough times right now in addition to my decision to convert. I think given time, she might accept my decision BUT one point she made was her concern about what people at our church would think of my(Bad, unloving husband causing trouble for my wife); coverting to a new religion would/may cause confusion for our son(Why does Dad and Mom go to different churches and believe different things); We barely have time for each other(It’s tiresome to go to one church service, but to dedicate yourself to two, AND be required morally AND holy days is a bit much when it could be too much for our son right now).

She has few, if not any, and I think none, no any close friends out where we live and church we are going to is 40 minutes drive away. She doesn’t drive; I do. Our friends are in that community. English is her second language and she doesn’t understand mass at all or get any of it and has to endure a mass service she can’t understand even pastorally when they speak the message. That’s so critical for her that she feels she couldn’t grow or learn much there at mass. And to top it off, the times we went it’s quiet and no one really talks to each other and it seems people just go to go and leave as soon as they can and it feels a lack of sociality and love compared to the community we are in. I’m sure many of you can relate and understand these facts, but the truth is not based on how we feel but fact.

We moved away a year ago so I could be closer to work and my parents and that was already almost a marriage deal breaker she often tells me, and what has kept us together is the church we’re going to and us as christians, but converting to catholicism even if I still go to the same church as before is the deal breaker and just too much. We’re also paying off some outstanding debts that I had before we were married, so I often work a lot and we have a high mortgage to pay too.

We also have communication problems, as she is learning english and can speak it, but I suffer from add and have symptoms such as breaking things and forgetting things.
We both want to make our marriage work. I started taking medication today to help handle that. ADD is a learning disability and for those of you who aren’t familiar, it’s a root problem for marital troubles. One of the downers about it is my tendancy to forget details and have trouble retaining knowledge from studying. So hopefully, the medication can me in my goal of learning her language. And I told her I’d focus on sitting through the service given out in her language instead of the parallel one in my language to help me study the language.

I honestly feel it we didn’t have debt, were closer to her church and the city, and she had close friends around her, and we didn’t have this add problem I have, and the mortgage was much less, the situation would be more bearable and she might be able to accept it. Except she had this fear that the implication of my becoming a catholic will be difficult on our son.
I’ve already conceided that we’d put him in a christian school instead of a catholic one.

But I’ve been vocal in expressing why protestantism is in error and it has led to some evangelizing opportunities because for a protestant like me to convert, it’s repugnant. It’s completely unthinkable and baffaling. Catholicism and the catholic church is seen as a travesty of christianity. And although I explain the teachings, no one wants to hear it except from a protestant perspective, but when I do show them verses in the bible or a catholic tract, they go quiet and have little to say in response. Bishops, church hierarchy, the apostlic keys, priests, pope, absolving of sins, the early church fathers, veniel and mortal sins—all these things are completely foreign to these people who are really ignorant and at times unwilling to accept them as truth or hear why catholics believe such things. They want a protestant take on it.

That’s like a Jevoah’s Witness who has been shaken to the core and shown the truth by a catholic or a protestant wanting to go to their pastor and ask about the truth of christianity. Of course the Jehovah’s witness will say their beliefs about the trinity and reassure him.

I feel my only option now is prayer and fasting. I feel completely alone and the priests in my area are always busy and out doing things.
 
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