This has nothing to do with the OP’s original remark,but you hit upon a pet peeve of mine. I absolutely hate when women do this and I am a woman! Sorry. I just thought that I would add that not all women do these sorts of things.
I would say that some men do that too and in fact, being a lawyer and a cold hard logic fan accused of cruelty, I’ve been there too. Basically, if someone keeps making you feel bad and then argues facts on a factual level, you just don’t want to put up with it. The answer is probably that while your feelings aren’t entirely rational, they aren’t entirely irrational either, and the “facts” being discussed in a “factual” manner may unwittingly be influenced by emotions to a large degree. Factual discourse takes data from perception and perception is very much blurred when one’s in an emotionally unstable state. Additionally, sometimes you may have the feeling that while someone is bringing up correct facts and using logical reasoning, the way those facts are applied (and selected) is not entirely fair. Then it turns into some kind of courtroom logic, you know, like in litigation. At that point it’s not really looking for the truth as much as trying to win an argument. At that point it’s no wonder that someone puts his foot down because it’s making him
feel bad.
And now I think it would be a good moment to offer the Opening Poster a suggestion:
Please look at the facts and make sure they are facts. Sometimes everything looks so correct and errorproof to us and then a single little thing makes it all wrong. I’m a lawyer. I know what happens when you miss a tiny little detail and I know it can happen to anyone. I’ve second-guessed myself from time to time in life as well. The key step is letting go of the unspoken assumption that we think to be facts is facts. There’s always the possibility that we got something wrong or that there are some options we’re missing and we think we’ve found the only right way of addressing a situation. Sometimes we will notice, sometimes it will take other people to point out. And then, “oh @#$%, they do have a point there.” So, perhaps try to look at your position from a lot of distance and also look at your wife’s position from a lot of distance as well - especially letting go of the presumption that she’s going to be the emotional one and get her facts wrong. Perhaps she actually has a point somewhere you don’t see and perhaps your feelings play a part somewhere you don’t see either. And that’s not exactly wrong, since your feelings matter too and her thoughts matter also.
As for her crying, well, she probably isn’t doing it on purpose to win the argument. And even if, I doubt it’s a cold-hearted calculation. And if it’s not… don’t we all have faults?
You need to communicate and you need to show some heart to each other. Since you’re the man, you have the responsibility to provide and protect her, so she must see you aren’t her enemy, nor a tyrant. At the same time, caving in to emotionally backed demands won’t likely earn you her respect, much less make cooperation smoother. Need to find some balance there. Easier said than done, I know. Feel free to remind me when I get married myself.
Tell her she’ll have to pay for that tactic later, when the children see how it works. Ok well maybe it won’t help right now, but if she starts to complain later, tell her “how do you think I feel?”
