Wife will not go to confession

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Here is a great site where you can get a free copy of Contraception Why Not, which is a great resource. it covers both spiritual and health reason why ABC is a bad idea and NFP a better alternative. The same site has other NFP resources as well.

Will she talk to a priest about these issues, if not for confession just spiritual advice?
 
I doubt that she would talk to a priest about this issue. I don’t think that she feels comfortable, because she knows in her heart that it is wrong. I think that all I can do is pray for her.
 
I doubt that she would talk to a priest about this issue. I don’t think that she feels comfortable, because she knows in her heart that it is wrong. I think that all I can do is pray for her.
That’s the best thing. Padre Pio was a great advocate of asking your guardian angel to work with another person’ guardian angel to work out tough situations between the two parties. It’s something I do now often, and can’t hurt for you to try too. 🙂 Prayers for you and your wife.:signofcross:
 
I notice that you announce your baby’s name in your signature line. You also give details of yourself and your wife, and share some private matters here.

The internet is not as anonymous as you seem to think. Don’t you think you should be more discreet? :confused:
 
I notice that you announce your baby’s name in your signature line. You also give details of yourself and your wife, and share some private matters here.

The internet is not as anonymous as you seem to think. Don’t you think you should be more discreet? :confused:
He gave his baby’s first and middle name - I don’t think that is enough information to figure out who they are.
 
with regard to internet and privacy… (as i have already stated my opinion about the general topic)

ANY information put on the web must be assumed to be “public” or at least, at risk of publicity…
i assure you, that typing in … for example… someone’s use name into a search engine, pulling up all their blog entries on this site. comparing notes as to what has been posted… i could likely find out a great deal about anyone.
with the name of the baby, the home city (which can be often figured out from parish names or other information) and the posters use handle on this service, i would be willing to bet i could get his home address, if i really wanted to. which i dont.

it is never a bad idea to remind people, especially when children are involved, that there are predators on the internet… people who are NOT GOOD PEOPLE and in fact many child molesters and adulterous skanks are experts at using the internet to find “partners”

a pedophile will often use the internet to try to find “available” children, or images of them at least… and i have sadly known several cases where a marriage was in trouble… and suddenly a smooth talking stranger came onto the scene and seduced the wife… and it turns out he found out the marriage was having problems because of the husband talking about it… either on the net or at work or whatever.

so a reminder that the internet is a public place… is always in order.
I am fairly transparent on the web. my real name, home city, etc are easily found, and i know that.
 
It also bothers me that she accepts the Eucharist and is on birth control. Every time I bring up the subject she gets defensive and does not want to talk about it. Any Advice?
I’m sure it’s already been suggested but you might approach her with the NFP method. Natural Family Planning takes effort on both parties, not just your wife, not just you. It’s-- as if you can’t tell by the title ;)-- Natural. There are no chemical horomones to injest or anything like that. Also, it’s Church approved. It does take effort to learn and control.

I completely see your point of view, but I can also understand your wife. As a mom myself, I went through pretty severe post-pardum issues, depression being one of the biggies. Was her birth particularly traumatic? Did your wife experience anything bad during her pregnancy or delivery? Perhaps there’s an underlying reason she wants to be certain she doesn’t get pregnant yet.

As far as her not going to confession, she does need to go. However, if she has absolutly no intention of ceasing with the birth control pills, she can’t truly make an honest confession. What she should do at that point is abstain from Communion. But If she’s anything like I have been, that is probably the last thing she wants to hear, especially from you-- her husband, her friend, and a recent convert.

Please don’t be offended and try to support her. Post-pardum is a crazy time for most women without any added issues. Good luck and God Bless both of you!
 
Maybe you can find a Church support group for new parents. I am sure there are other couples going through this as well. There are probably couples that are on their second or third that have probably been through it and survived it and another woman who has “been there done that” could probably talk to her and get through to her better than the man who “did this to her.” 😛
 
My wife does not seem depressed and is actually one of the happiest and positive people I know. The issue with birth control is that she was on it before the pregnancy. Then once I started RCIA I asked her stop taking them. She stopped and we had our first child, we wanted to try for the baby. I think that she sees this as something that every woman does and it is not the big of a deal. We discussed this last night, and she stated " why would God create the doctors that prescribe these pills, and the scientists that make them." She thinks that since God created man that he must have wanted man to make birth control pills, or why would God allow his creation to make these pills.
 
God made man.
men still do evil or ill advised things dont they?

does your wife think God wants us to use Nuclear weapons too? no… she is either deeply confused, or she is just saying things to get you to stop arguing.

seriously, find a good priest to talk to.
 
Part of the problem with post-partum is that some women that are going through it do not want to admit to the depression at first as they feel ashamed that they are so depressed when everyone else is so happy. She may be hiding it. This would cause more guilt and more shame. Just a thought.
 
from what the poster is saying it really sounds like his wife has fallen into that really common but false understanding that “everyones doing it it must be ok mentality”. artifical Birth control is used so commonly today that even well meaning Catholics fall into the trap of , well sure I believe everything the church teaches but this is an ok exception.
Sad , but true.
 
He gave his baby’s first and middle name - I don’t think that is enough information to figure out who they are.
It’s enough information for those who know him to know his and his wife’s private business that he is sharing on this thread.

It’s a small world, and anyone interesting in a Catholic forum will surely find this site.
 
with regard to internet and privacy… (as i have already stated my opinion about the general topic)

ANY information put on the web must be assumed to be “public” or at least, at risk of publicity…
i assure you, that typing in … for example… someone’s use name into a search engine, pulling up all their blog entries on this site. comparing notes as to what has been posted… i could likely find out a great deal about anyone.
with the name of the baby, the home city (which can be often figured out from parish names or other information) and the posters use handle on this service, i would be willing to bet i could get his home address, if i really wanted to. which i dont.

it is never a bad idea to remind people, especially when children are involved, that there are predators on the internet… people who are NOT GOOD PEOPLE and in fact many child molesters and adulterous skanks are experts at using the internet to find “partners”

a pedophile will often use the internet to try to find “available” children, or images of them at least… and i have sadly known several cases where a marriage was in trouble… and suddenly a smooth talking stranger came onto the scene and seduced the wife… and it turns out he found out the marriage was having problems because of the husband talking about it… either on the net or at work or whatever.

so a reminder that the internet is a public place… is always in order.
I am fairly transparent on the web. my real name, home city, etc are easily found, and i know that.
I was more thinking that people in his immediate circle of Catholic friends or family would know his private marriage business. If I were his wife and knew someone at my church read about me online, my use of contraception, or other private stuff, I would be embarrassed.
 
I think that one issue that bothers me is that she accepts 95% of the church’s teachings. And I have tried to explain that you either believe in all the teaching or none of them. As she cannot pick and choose what she likes or does not.
This is an attitude you need to get rid of right now. I understand you are still basking in the glow of “convert zeal” but you need to understand something. Using artificial birth control is a sin. Just like any other sin. Your wife is a sinner. What you are saying here is that she should be kicked out of the Church because she is a sinner. Um, so where does that leave all the sinners, with no one to minister to them? And where does that leave the Church, with no job? This attitude that people who commit this one particular sin are not real Catholics is going to get you nowhere with your wife, and it’s also going to alienate you from those of us who have struggled and failed on this teaching.

You also have to give your wife some slack because of the culture in which she was raised. She is right to think that taking BC is just what “normal” women do. Everyone does. 95% of Catholics do. Her culture (and probably her upbringing) has handicapped her ability to make a free, moral choice in this matter. Does that remove all her guilt? No. But it may mitigate her culpability. Did your RCIA education teach you about mitigation of culpability? For some people, something defined as a mortal sin may not carry that penalty for them personally, because their ability to make a choice, or understand the choice they are making, is hindered by something. I’m ashamed to admit that my own tubal ligation came about partly due to family peer pressure on the topic. 😊 Now, I am not saying that your wife is not committing a mortal sin, nor am I saying that her culpability is mitigated. What I am saying is that it might be, and you should probably leave this matter between her and God. She knows what you think. She knows what the Church teaches, though she may not really understand why. So now, let it be hers and pray for her.

Your spiritual journey took off into high speed over the last couple of years. That is YOUR reality. It is not hers. Hers is in a different place and at a different speed. She may never reach the place where you are. If you want to remain married and not end up visiting your child on the weekends, but also if you want to truly respect and love your wife for who she is NOW and where she is NOW, then you are going to have to restrain yourself from bringing this topic up all the time. God’s time is not our time. If she allows it, He will take care of it. If she does not allow it, that is beyond your control, and she will pay the penalty of her misuse of free will on her own. You have expressed what needs to be expressed. Now show true love and caring and be supportive and pray for her.

You don’t have to cave. You don’t have to let her force you to agree that ABC is no big deal or that it’s not wrong. You can just say, “You know I don’t agree with you. Let’s talk about something else, because that topic just causes trouble. I love you.”
 
My wife does not think that she needs to go to confession. She thinks that the sins that she commits are not bad. For example she just began taking birth control, as we had a baby 3 months ago and does not want to get pregnant. I have informed her that this is wrong and against the church, and she does not care. We also missed Mass last week as the Baptism class we were in ran long and missed the last Mass of the day (we were going to attend that one.) I am going to confession this week, as I want to rid my sins. But, my wife thinks that I am blowing this out of proportion, as I joined the church this year at Easter Vigil. My wife is a cradle Catholic. I think that she thinks that since she is 31 that she can confess the sins later or she does not find them a big deal. It also bothers me that she accepts the Eucharist and is on birth control. Every time I bring up the subject she gets defensive and does not want to talk about it. Any Advice?
She is right in line with the vast majority of people who identify themselves as Roman Catholic these days. But the truth is if Catholic Church teachings are correct, she and all the rest of the cafeteria cathoics are going to burn in Hell for time and eternity at death.

If she doesn’t believe Catholic teaching, she should examine them in light of scripture to see if her disbelief is grounded in truth. If these teachings are false, then why would she want to stay in a church that teaches error then turns around and pronounces her under anathema or damnation?

This is not a game. Despite the warm fuzzy glow of Post Vatican II openness. There is NO middle ground when it comes to Roman Catholicism. People who do not believe all of the required dogma of the Roman Catholic Church are under the anathema of the church and will go to Hell at death.
 
from what the poster is saying it really sounds like his wife has fallen into that really common but false understanding that “everyones doing it it must be ok mentality”. artifical Birth control is used so commonly today that even well meaning Catholics fall into the trap of , well sure I believe everything the church teaches but this is an ok exception.
Sad , but true.
I agree. It doesn’t sound like there is a post-partum issue going on before. They married and he had no problem with BC and she’s been on it for awhile. He converts and at basically the same time they decide to try for a baby, so when he asks her to go off BC she agrees because she wants a baby also. Now the baby is here so in her mind it only makes sense to go back on BC.

It seems like to solution is going to be awhile in coming and require a lot of prayer. At this point the best arguments against BC night be health related and then after she’s listening to that and prayer is softening her heart, she may be ready to hear the moral arguments.
 
But the truth is if Catholic Church teachings are correct, she and all the rest of the cafeteria cathoics are going to burn in Hell for time and eternity at death.

People who do not believe all of the required dogma of the Roman Catholic Church are under the anathema of the church and will go to Hell at death.
See… this is where people like you get into sticky wickets. The teaching on birth control was NOT infallibly proclaimed. It is a discipline. It is not a required dogma.

Wanna know what the required dogma are? Read the Nicene Creed.

And YOU don’t know if anyone is going to Hell or not. You don’t know how, if, or when they repented. There are lots of people in Purgatory waiting for their chance to see God whom YOU have condemned to Hell.
 
This is an attitude you need to get rid of right now. I understand you are still basking in the glow of “convert zeal” but you need to understand something. Using artificial birth control is a sin. Just like any other sin. Your wife is a sinner. What you are saying here is that she should be kicked out of the Church because she is a sinner. Um, so where does that leave all the sinners, with no one to minister to them? And where does that leave the Church, with no job? This attitude that people who commit this one particular sin are not real Catholics is going to get you nowhere with your wife, and it’s also going to alienate you from those of us who have struggled and failed on this teaching.

You also have to give your wife some slack because of the culture in which she was raised. She is right to think that taking BC is just what “normal” women do. Everyone does. 95% of Catholics do. Her culture (and probably her upbringing) has handicapped her ability to make a free, moral choice in this matter. Does that remove all her guilt? No. But it may mitigate her culpability. Did your RCIA education teach you about mitigation of culpability? For some people, something defined as a mortal sin may not carry that penalty for them personally, because their ability to make a choice, or understand the choice they are making, is hindered by something. I’m ashamed to admit that my own tubal ligation came about partly due to family peer pressure on the topic. 😊 Now, I am not saying that your wife is not committing a mortal sin, nor am I saying that her culpability is mitigated. What I am saying is that it might be, and you should probably leave this matter between her and God. She knows what you think. She knows what the Church teaches, though she may not really understand why. So now, let it be hers and pray for her.

Your spiritual journey took off into high speed over the last couple of years. That is YOUR reality. It is not hers. Hers is in a different place and at a different speed. She may never reach the place where you are. If you want to remain married and not end up visiting your child on the weekends, but also if you want to truly respect and love your wife for who she is NOW and where she is NOW, then you are going to have to restrain yourself from bringing this topic up all the time. God’s time is not our time. If she allows it, He will take care of it. If she does not allow it, that is beyond your control, and she will pay the penalty of her misuse of free will on her own. You have expressed what needs to be expressed. Now show true love and caring and be supportive and pray for her.

You don’t have to cave. You don’t have to let her force you to agree that ABC is no big deal or that it’s not wrong. You can just say, “You know I don’t agree with you. Let’s talk about something else, because that topic just causes trouble. I love you.”
that was very well put. Remember even Jesus went around people that were “sinners.” Even Peter denied Jesus three times and still became our first pope. This is where she is now and we will all grow wiht Christ.
 
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