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Blue_Goose
Guest
At some point in time (if it does not already exist) you will be facing resentment! Resentment and anger kill relationships.
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PennyinCanada
Guest
It does. That’s why I love that God gave us confession and the graces that come with that.
Another reason to be Catholic, I say.
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AvignonPapacy94
Guest
Rome Sweet Home? Already read it.
Although I’m not sure I want my wife reading it, don’t need to get “no contraceptives” into her head when we’re living paycheck to paycheck, if you know what I mean.
Although I’m not sure I want my wife reading it, don’t need to get “no contraceptives” into her head when we’re living paycheck to paycheck, if you know what I mean.
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underacloud
Guest
Yes, I know what you mean, unfortunately. This sort of attitude would seem to undermine your statement that you are taking your faith seriously.
Before you worry about the faith of your children, you need to work on your own faith. Go to mass weekly. Learn the faith better (including the teachings on contraception). Only if you have a more serious faith yourself will you be effective in passing that faith on, and insisting on your right to do so.
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ServantPD
Guest
Well, the Apostles trusted in the Holy Spirit and casted lots to determine who would replace Judas as an Apostle. Given that the kid would be Christian anyways, it was in good faith that he threw the coin!Okay, are you pulling our leg?You and your wife did not really flip a coin to determine your child’s religion, did you?
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Lamentation
Guest
If you were married in the Catholic Church, a dispensation would have been required stating that you, being the Catholic, would raise any children in The Faith; and that your wife not interfere.
I went through this issue when I was dating a non-Catholic; you have to be with a very accepting person to properly deal with this one.
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MaryT777
Guest
Tell her she made that promise when she married you as a Catholic. I highly doubt to be extremely frank that she gives a damn either way if she agreed to a coin toss.
Should be a simple issue, how about dinner and a few drinks this time? @@
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southern_knight
Guest
Do you agree with the Church’s teachings on sexuality. I find it troubling that you wouldn’t want your wife to read books about Catholicism for fear that she begin to understand and appreciate the the beauty and truth of the Catholic Church in all areas of life.
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LongingSoul
Guest
Honestly, I think you are presenting a very shallow view of what it means to be Catholic to your wife to her detriment and to the detriment of your children.
I remember when one of my brothers was younger pre-marriage and ‘living in sin’… my Mum would despair of what to do when he came to stay on holidays. She wanted him to go to Mass but she knew when she had encouraged that before he would rock up to communion along with it. He like the rest of us grew up in the faith but at that period of his life, chose sexual freedom over moral boundaries.
In the end, Mum stopped encouraging him to come to Mass with us for fear of his soul.
“So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup. For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. But if we were more discerning with regard to ourselves, we would not come under such judgment.” - 1 Corinthians 11:27-31
I think that because you don’t follow Catholic teaching as far as the obligations of Sunday Mass and the prohibition against contraception… it may be unwise to pass these erroneous teachings onto your wife and children as acceptable to Catholicism. You will be doing more harm than good and bringing condemnation on yourself.
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esieffe
Guest
I agree. Occasionally, I see these posts that are “too far out” to be true. Other times, sadly, they werent. In this case, I hope it is a joke, I would hate to grow up and find out that my entire direction in life was based on the flip of a coin.
I am not trying to be mean spirited to the op if he is “real” but do consider that POV from your children coming back to haunt you. They will most certainly want to know why one sibling was raised differently than the other.
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AvignonPapacy94
Guest
Do I believe the Church’s teachings on sexuality? Well, sort of. But while it’s nice to see you are all quick to make fun of me, here’s what I see from my perspective if I follow y’all:
(1) Stop having sex with my wife, or (2) Risk bringing another child I cannot afford. Having my kids wearing Wal-Mart shoes so they get made fun of, or can’t play sports because we can’t afford it, or can’t get braces and has to deal with crooked teeth isn’t what I believe is the best direction to take my family.
What I don’t understand is this: You seem quick to label someone “not a Catholic” because they don’t have perfect church attendance or don’t believe everything that the Church teaches. I think you are viewing things in needlessly absolutist terms.
My objective is to be better tomorrow than I am today, and to be better today than I was yesterday. My goal isn’t to become the perfect Catholic per se, but rather, to follow Truth as best as I can, and I believe that the Catholic Church is the best source of truth I’ve ever found.
Sure, I don’t go to mass all the time, and I don’t really feel bad about using contraception, but that doesn’t sum up the entirety of a person to me. I’d rather spend my time helping others, doing good, being a good husband, and raising my kids right–that’s why I’ve reached out to y’all.
I’m disappointed that the advice in this thread gets caught up in how we chose the religion of our first son or our particular morality–that’s not what I came here to seek your opinions on–rather, I want to resolve this dilemma: How do I persuade my wife to raise the rest of our kids Catholic when she believes in equality and that her religious tradition shouldn’t be cast aside? The only thing y’all have said is “see a priest”, which is basically a non-answer.
Let me press the reset button. Forget the side tangents that have distracted us on this forum so far, and let’s focus on the issue of spousal persuasion techniques when it comes to raising second (and additional) children in the Catholic tradition.
(1) Stop having sex with my wife, or (2) Risk bringing another child I cannot afford. Having my kids wearing Wal-Mart shoes so they get made fun of, or can’t play sports because we can’t afford it, or can’t get braces and has to deal with crooked teeth isn’t what I believe is the best direction to take my family.
What I don’t understand is this: You seem quick to label someone “not a Catholic” because they don’t have perfect church attendance or don’t believe everything that the Church teaches. I think you are viewing things in needlessly absolutist terms.
My objective is to be better tomorrow than I am today, and to be better today than I was yesterday. My goal isn’t to become the perfect Catholic per se, but rather, to follow Truth as best as I can, and I believe that the Catholic Church is the best source of truth I’ve ever found.
Sure, I don’t go to mass all the time, and I don’t really feel bad about using contraception, but that doesn’t sum up the entirety of a person to me. I’d rather spend my time helping others, doing good, being a good husband, and raising my kids right–that’s why I’ve reached out to y’all.
I’m disappointed that the advice in this thread gets caught up in how we chose the religion of our first son or our particular morality–that’s not what I came here to seek your opinions on–rather, I want to resolve this dilemma: How do I persuade my wife to raise the rest of our kids Catholic when she believes in equality and that her religious tradition shouldn’t be cast aside? The only thing y’all have said is “see a priest”, which is basically a non-answer.
Let me press the reset button. Forget the side tangents that have distracted us on this forum so far, and let’s focus on the issue of spousal persuasion techniques when it comes to raising second (and additional) children in the Catholic tradition.
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Allegra
Guest
Your question has already been answered. You need to show your wife that your faith is important to you by following it and incorporating it in your everyday life. Since you don’t accept all the teachings of the faith you profess anyway, why is it so much to ask for your wife to want to teach her version of Christianity? After all, they are the same on alot of the major beliefs and traditions. If you show your wife that you really take these things seriously and they mean a lot of you, it becomes less about who wins and who loses and more about teaching the Truth. Also, you should take the trouble to learn about NFP.
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underacloud
Guest
Pursuade her of the merits of the Catholic faith by practising it yourself. This is not a tangent, this is the most important thing you can do, especially in teaching the faith, through example, to your children.
Please note mass attendance every Sunday is not the expectation of the perfect Catholic. It is the basic requirement for any Catholic.
As for contraception, if your wife chooses to use contraception against your wishes, then there is no sin on your part. But if you encourage her (or use it yourself), you go against a firm teaching of the Catholic faith.
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Marie5890
Guest
I go back to my question and thought.
What are they dynamics of your relationship with your wife?
Is it a partnership? Is it competitive? (ie winning vs losing?)
Also, my thought is, if raising second and other children in the Catholic faith is important to you and you want to try spousal persuasion, then the best place to start is with your own faithfulness and demonstrating to your wife that it does mean something deeply to you. That it’s just not about it being a family “tradition” but rather an actual faithful belief in Catholic teaching and dogmas. That it’s not just “tradition” that you value, but the actual Church and Her teachings.
That does mean going to Mass every week, participating in your parish community etc etc.
That sort of thing.
If you personally are wishy washy in living out the Catholic faith, I can see why your wife has more reason not to be persuaded. From her POV, it wont matter if a second child is raised Catholic or other children afterwards if you own convictions (or lack there of) is luke warm…
You have to demonstrate by your personal action to faithfulness that it DOES matter. That it IS of great value. That it’s not “ho hum”
It cant be about competition. It cant be about winning. It’s about the spiritual foundation that you want to give your children.
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Marie5890
Guest
^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^
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Marie5890
Guest
^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^ esp the BOLD
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AvignonPapacy94
Guest
Pope Francis said something recently about not judging, and perhaps that divinely inspired wisdom could be followed here…
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Marie5890
Guest
Which particular comment are you referring to? He has said a lot and most of what has been put in the media has been taken out of context.
Can you give us the particular quote that you are thinking of and the context of it?
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AvignonPapacy94
Guest
It doesn’t necessarily have to be damaging to the family if it inspires robust debates and examinations into the different beliefs. Hell, maybe the kids that are raised Protestant (hypothetically) will be convinced of the superior logic of the Catholic Faith (after all, that’s why you’re here) and join anyway. Could be a moot point with my wife if I get the arguments right and win over my kids to my viewpoint.
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