Wife's Affair I'm Lost

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I know you want a lot of answers right now, and maybe you will never get answers that make any sense to you. Would it help more to focus on your mutual love and healing looking forward?

God bless you+
 
TheBenMan said:
I will do that but how does it explain my wife’s sudden interest in women?? I’ve never told her no and was always there for her.
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I’m of the opinion that hormone glitches play a big part in these things. I wouldn’t be surprised in fact if they one day discover that even life long same sex attraction has everything to do with a hormone glitch of some sort.

Many women of our age can benefit from visiting an endocronologist to have levels checked. She may be willing to try that road at this early stage in her troubles while she is still feeling remorseful and perhaps shocked by the exposure her activities now have.
 
You need spiritual and professional direction immediately. Seek help from your parish priest, who will be able to assist you in finding a Catholic-trained professional counselor. Your children are going to learn of their mother’s relationship with this friend, if they don’t already know or suspect something, so the sooner you get professional help, the better you will be able to deal with this shock for them as well as yourself.
 
PattiDay said:
You need spiritual and professional direction immediately. Seek help from your parish priest, who will be able to assist you in finding a Catholic-trained professional counselor. Your children are going to learn of their mother’s relationship with this friend, if they don’t already know or suspect something, so the sooner you get professional help, the better you will be able to deal with this shock for them as well as yourself.
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Indeed.

Also remember that this woman is** modeling behavior** for your children. This needs to be taken into consideration. Yes?

Sooner is better than later methinks.
 
DaddyGirl said:
Some men and women have always felt it, but suppress and ignore and deny it…until they feel they cannot keep the lid on it anymore. And then it seems “sudden”, when it was really not.

.
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Some men and women have also felt the need to have mutiple sexual partners. We Catholics call this being unchaste. Should these people not keep the ‘lid on it’ anymore as well?
 
Nimzovik said:
…

I have met many feminists who were not Lesbians but I have never met a Lesbian who was not a feminist.

Martha Shelley

And

But the true feminist deals out of a lesbian consciousness whether or not she ever sleeps with women.

Audre Lorde

and considering the manner in which Feminism has been rammed down the Public Psyche. via the TV I would think it not unreasonable to see merit with your assertion…
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This is the truth and those quotes are so interesting in light of my sweethearts story (told in my post in this thread). I mentioned his wife’s abrupt and sudden personality change as soon as she got pregnant 3 months after wedding, and that Robert thought this must be “hormonal” (I told him I have never met a pregnant woman who had any thing like this kind of hormonal reaction.) What is interesting is that she went from being the politically conservative, High Mass Anglican (that they both were), to a liberal Anglican, and a from a quiet meek, submissive woman desiring a traditional marriage (she desired to be a stay at home wife with him supporting her, and in fact remained so) to suddenly being an extreme outspoken liberal in her view points - and a markedly angry, bossy feminist, he attests. That was the mark of the “completely different person” that she suddenly became, never to return to the woman he married.

It took a few years for the suddenly new, yet seemingly forever-feminist that emerged to engage in her first lesbian affair, but it did start out as a clearly very strong feminist personality…

So that’s why I found your comments interesting.

(The marraige tribunal is now examining this marraige, and we don’t hear any of the deliberations or considerations of course, so at this time I happen to be really wondering about what a person with SSA thinks when they marry and what their capability is in keeping a marraige vow…)
 
I’m praying for you and your children. I can’t even begin to imagine your pain. Please know that you are not alone–it seems very prevalent in our society. I am so sorry for your suffering. I will pray you find peace
 
Oh_Charlotte said:
This is the truth and those quotes are so interesting in light of my sweethearts story (told in my post in this thread). I mentioned his wife’s abrupt and sudden personality change as soon as she got pregnant 3 months after wedding, and that Robert thought this must be “hormonal” (I told him I have never met a pregnant woman who had any thing like this kind of hormonal reaction.) What is interesting is that she went from being the politically conservative, High Mass Anglican (that they both were), to a liberal Anglican, and a from a quiet meek, submissive woman desiring a traditional marriage (she desired to be a stay at home wife with him supporting her, and in fact remained so) to suddenly being an extreme outspoken liberal in her view points - and a markedly angry, bossy feminist, he attests. That was the mark of the “completely different person” that she suddenly became, never to return to the woman he married.

It took a few years for the suddenly new, yet seemingly forever-feminist that emerged to engage in her first lesbian affair, but it did start out as a clearly very strong feminist personality…

So that’s why I found your comments interesting.

(The marraige tribunal is now examining this marraige, and we don’t hear any of the deliberations or considerations of course, so at this time I happen to be really wondering about what a person with SSA thinks when they marry and what their capability is in keeping a marraige vow…)
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Yes indeed. The poor victims of this dynamic are truly devastated. As for trying to figure out whether or not the SSA person is capable of such a commitment is philosophically nebulous methinks. What they thinks at the time of the marriage is no doubt in part blind delusion (which I must admit afflicts heterosexual couples as well ;)) and part rationalization. At worst it is deception.
 
Oh_Charlotte said:
This is the truth and those quotes are so interesting in light of my sweethearts story (told in my post in this thread). I mentioned his wife’s abrupt and sudden personality change as soon as she got pregnant 3 months after wedding, and that Robert thought this must be “hormonal” (I told him I have never met a pregnant woman who had any thing like this kind of hormonal reaction.) What is interesting is that she went from being the politically conservative, High Mass Anglican (that they both were), to a liberal Anglican, and a from a quiet meek, submissive woman desiring a traditional marriage (she desired to be a stay at home wife with him supporting her, and in fact remained so) to suddenly being an extreme outspoken liberal in her view points - and a markedly angry, bossy feminist, he attests. That was the mark of the “completely different person” that she suddenly became, never to return to the woman he married.

It took a few years for the suddenly new, yet seemingly forever-feminist that emerged to engage in her first lesbian affair, but it did start out as a clearly very strong feminist personality…

So that’s why I found your comments interesting.

(The marraige tribunal is now examining this marraige, and we don’t hear any of the deliberations or considerations of course, so at this time I happen to be really wondering about what a person with SSA thinks when they marry and what their capability is in keeping a marraige vow…)
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When I read your account of your fella’s ex, I thought her behaviour was indicative of someone who had been sexually abused when young. It can happen that when a woman has a child, especially if it’s a girl child, issues that have been successfully hidden, can come back and mess up the psyche to the degree you indicate.

Sexual abuse when young is one of those things that people feel they’ve successfully overcome, but without proper therapy people rarely get through life without it coming back to haunt them.
 
Yes… There is truth in this. "Gay for Safety’ is a valid concept.
 
LongingSoul said:
When I read your account of your fella’s ex, I thought her behaviour was indicative of someone who had been sexually abused when young. It can happen that when a woman has a child, especially if it’s a girl child, issues that have been successfully hidden, can come back and mess up the psyche to the degree you indicate.

Sexual abuse when young is one of those things that people feel they’ve successfully overcome, but without proper therapy people rarely get through life without it coming back to haunt them.
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Oh, that’s interesting. Its because she had a child. Robert’s now adult daughter tells me her mother says her mother’s father abused her when she was child. He had a quite a reputation as a blowhard that no one liked, so this is not surprising. Yet Robert was surprised and almost doubtful - his wife had never told him this in the days they communicated so long ago. But I told him its often much later in life these memories come clearly back, usually around 30, or when their own child is the age that they were when they were molested…

I have not heard the term “Gay for safety” but it makes sense since it is the pattern I have seen. To do this to a child - it is truly better to have a milestone around your neck. Gays do need our compassion; it is a terrible thing inside that makes them this way, at least most certainly in most cases, IMO.

When I was teaching the school psychologist told us something interesting that forever impacted (for the good) the way I taught. She said when you have a student who is angry, belligerent, difficult, badly-behaved, we should not label them that in our minds, but instead, label them “scared”.

I am going to try to do this when I encounter angry gays, and say a prayer for the poor suffering soul. Because but for the grace of God go I…
 
Thanks for the replies everyone! It has given me even more to think about. I have been searching around the internet about this issue. I’m even more confused. I read about female sexuality being more fluid and how possibly as high as 60% of women are bisexual. Why are so many women created to not be satisfied by men? I feel like I just want to end this marriage and never look at a woman again. Nature seems to like to have a laugh at men’s expense and our kids. 😦
 
TheBenMan said:
Thanks for the replies everyone! It has given me even more to think about. I have been searching around the internet about this issue. I’m even more confused. I read about female sexuality being more fluid and how possibly as high as 60% of women are bisexual. Why are so many women created to not be satisfied by men? I feel like I just want to end this marriage and never look at a woman again. Nature seems to like to have a laugh at men’s expense and our kids. 😦
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60%? That’s ridiculous to say the least.
 
TheBenMan said:
Thanks for the replies everyone! It has given me even more to think about. I have been searching around the internet about this issue. I’m even more confused. I read about female sexuality being more fluid and how possibly as high as 60% of women are bisexual. Why are so many women created to not be satisfied by men? I feel like I just want to end this marriage and never look at a woman again. Nature seems to like to have a laugh at men’s expense and our kids. 😦
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This is not true. Please stop reading on the internet. These theories about women’s sexuality being more “fluid” are nothing more than junk science to justify sexual perversion. Women were created to be satisfied by men, that is God’s plan, not ours. You are going in circles right now and reading websites isn’t going to help. It’s not about all women, just your wife, who is choosing to cheat on you with another woman. It’s on HER, not all women.
 
TheBenMan said:
Hi CAF,
I’m Ben and I’m new here. I needed some place to come to look for advice about my wife’s affair. I got suspicious when her and her friend (a female) were spending lots of time together and she would often cancel our Friday evening plans for a "girls night out’ and leave the kids and me at home. We have a son (17) and daughter (15). I kindly explained to her many times it was unfair to the kids but I always got a lecture on how important “girls night” is. Yeah, well now I know why it was so important. Her and her friend were having sexual relations!! Being a tech guy I monitored her internet traffic on our home network because I suspected something was up but never this. Her emails to her friend were explicit and she posted lots of comments to blogs about her activities. I confronted her about it and she went to pieces. She said she was sorry she lied and that she was very satisfied with our sex life (a lie?) but being with a woman was different and something I couldn’t give her. I was at a total loss for words! What does that mean?

I reminded her of the Church’s teaching on the matter let alone the fact she committed ADULTERY! She said she understood but that it didn’t feel wrong to her and part of who she is. She never said she was bisexual when we got married and we were on the same page of “there is no such thing as gay marriage.” I’m completely lost here. Its sad I was actually wishing it was a guy instead because at least I could understand that. Why do women think this way?

She said she would stop cheating but I don’t believe her. I told her to cut off her friend and I might consider moving the family elsewhere as the friend lives 10 minutes away. She said I was being irrational but I don’t think so. I told her she needs to go to counseling and I’d go too b/c something is grossly wrong. Any advice?
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You’ve taken some reasonable steps based on what you wrote. Counseling is a good step, and no, I don’t think she’s totally happy with everything.

Just make sure you find a good counselor, preferably Catholic. I’d go to a priest and ask for a referral.

I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to move, but your kids are clearly old enough to know that a big change means something is going on.
 
TheBenMan said:
Thanks for the replies everyone! It has given me even more to think about. I have been searching around the internet about this issue. I’m even more confused. I read about female sexuality being more fluid and how possibly as high as 60% of women are bisexual. Why are so many women created to not be satisfied by men? I feel like I just want to end this marriage and never look at a woman again. Nature seems to like to have a laugh at men’s expense and our kids. 😦
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60% of women are NOT bisexual! ALL of my close female friends are heterosexual, with the exception of the one who thought she was bi once and is now sure she is homosexual.*** Those who say 60% are like those of the false gay agenda who started in on the “fact” that 10%! of all people are gay. They pushed that figure and it was acknowledged as false when they began that campaign some years back but its been said so much people think there is something to it. Likely Hollywood and the media are 10% though…

You must be processing this what seems to be an insult to your masculinity at this time. So sorry. That’s surely a natural reaction. And I feel for you especially thinking this is what my sweetheart must have felt one day. Yes, and he didn’t want to look at another women either and didn’t after that… (just as I didn’t look at another man after my bad one)… I don’t think its nature I think its just sin and that’s always been with mankind but its especially bad in our time. We live in such a sexualized society and all this emphasis on people saying its sexy for women to be with women – its disgusting because it surely inspires young girls to experiment who otherwise wouldn’t - because they think they need to be sexy to win a man, because society says that’s all-important, and that is how to do it. Its sick and sad.

However to be married and have a loving husband who wants to be with you and still “need” a girlfriend - she must be homosexual - or Bi, whatever you want to call it. Perhaps she was abused when young. Anyway its outside of normal. Its not how its supposed to be and that’s why it hurts so much.

Blessed Mother, in this month of May, your month, please take Ben under and pull him close to you and comfort him.
***So that might be 2 or 5% are “bi”, whatever that really is…
 
TheRealJuliane said:
It’s not about all women, just your wife, who is choosing to cheat on you with another woman. It’s on HER, not all women.
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👍 Seriously. Your wife’s behavior isn’t even remotely typical. But I’m very sorry that she is betraying you/cheating on you and I will pray for you both. May God soften her heart so she can recognize that she is sinning and repent.
 
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