Wife's Affair I'm Lost

[FrancisBenedict]

I know you must be hurting and feel so confused so much right now.
Did your wife say she wanted to end it and stay with you?
Is forgiveness possible for you?
I pray you come to a blessed resolution and your mutual love deepens.

 

[Nimzovik]

60%? That’s ridiculous to say the least.

Indeed. There is a lot of Femen propaganda out there…

It is actually *natural *to see lesbians everywhere :bigyikes: after going through what you are going through. Obsessing is a reflexive reaction to one that has been blindsided by the unexpected and bizarre unknown.

It will pass. You will learn from the experience. Eventually you will come to pity them and will leave it at that. For it is truly a dark world. You will mourn for your wife and the choices she embraced. You will eventually resign yourself to the fact that you can not fix people. You will ultimately pray for her benefit, but you will do it from a relative distance, psychologically speaking. All you can do is pray and trust to the Lord’s judgement.

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

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This happened to a bloke here in Australia (the most rugged, manly, blokey bloke one could ever meet)! Thats irrelevant however, the reason I am posting is that this guy has always been a Catholic and practicing to my knowledge, has taken his teenage son to Mass and helped many people through his voluntary services on top of his work occupation.

He continued attending Mass, ignored the humiliation (personal humiliation) caused by satan, continued to help people through voluntary services, is highly loved and respected within the region he lives. He sheltered his Children from it all, has the closest bond with his son and now found wonderful love and happiness.

This is happening for a reason; given Jesus will heal your Heart (if you ask), will heal your Childrens hearts (if you ask) and given this sad and negative time, will give you the skills and abilities to assist many many people during their lives as time goes by (all raw and painful now, however I know you will be rewarded for this pain you are currently and temporarily enduring if you pray and trust in Jesus,

I suggest going and seeing a Priest together, placing Holy Images, the Crucifix/Holy Cross in your home, praying The Holy Rosary for your Marriage.

 

[Nimzovik]

That study was done of 484 college students in California. How representative of the general population do you think that is?

youbeauty.com/relationships/can-love-make-you-bisexual?page=2

I’m not impressed by the site either.

Hmmmmmmmmmm…

The study was done on California College students eh? Did they all have a ‘Gender Studies’ class in their curriculum as well?

 

[Zayn]

I’m 17 and I never had a girlfriend or anything, but that seems bad my man. Tough spot you’re in. God bless.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Oh, that’s interesting. Its because she had a child. Robert’s now adult daughter tells me her mother says her mother’s father abused her when she was child. He had a quite a reputation as a blowhard that no one liked, so this is not surprising. Yet Robert was surprised and almost doubtful - his wife had never told him this in the days they communicated so long ago. But I told him its often much later in life these memories come clearly back, usually around 30, or when their own child is the age that they were when they were molested…

I have not heard the term “Gay for safety” but it makes sense since it is the pattern I have seen. To do this to a child - it is truly better to have a milestone around your neck. Gays do need our compassion; it is a terrible thing inside that makes them this way, at least most certainly in most cases, IMO.

**When I was teaching the school psychologist told us something interesting that forever impacted (for the good) the way I taught. She said when you have a student who is angry, belligerent, difficult, badly-behaved, we should not label them that in our minds, but instead, label them “scared”.

I am going to try to do this when I encounter angry gays, and say a prayer for the poor suffering soul. Because but for the grace of God go I…**

That seems like conditions that warrant someone checking on the family.

Many especially the older ones were disowned and a large minority were homeless at one point or another.

Thanks for the replies everyone! It has given me even more to think about. I have been searching around the internet about this issue. I’m even more confused. I read about female sexuality being more fluid and how possibly as high as 60% of women are bisexual. Why are so many women created to not be satisfied by men? I feel like I just want to end this marriage and never look at a woman again. Nature seems to like to have a laugh at men’s expense and our kids.

More fluid then men yes, but male sexuality is about as fluid as cold molasses. It is definitely not 60%, more like 3-5%.

This is not true. Please stop reading on the internet. These theories about women’s sexuality being more “fluid” are nothing more than junk science to justify sexual perversion. Women were created to be satisfied by men, that is God’s plan, not ours. You are going in circles right now and reading websites isn’t going to help. It’s not about all women, just your wife, who is choosing to cheat on you with another woman. It’s on HER, not all women.

Actually while numbers like 60% are totally junk it has been shown that women’s sexuality is more fluid, this is believed to be mainly due to there being a much stronger emotional component. “Emotional affairs” in both men and women have a tendency to get physical.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Are there some Catholics who have always felt the need for multiple sex partners? From puberty onward? I just realized, I’ve never really heard anyone here on CAF talk about that at all unless they are speaking of a continually cheating spouse.

Anyway…if they do feel that way, I’m saying they should be honest about it to themselves and to their spouse as early as possible.

Same thing if someone has always had SSA. The OP hasn’t said if his wife has felt it for a long time, since puberty or younger…but if she has, it would have been good to acknowledge it early on so that if she still felt this way when she got married, her spouse knew about it…instead of it seeming to be “sudden”, as the other poster described, and everyone is shocked and traumatized.

If someone has an issue and they don’t address with it and just sweep it under the rug, the issue can get worse until it explodes.

Don’t you think it’s better for everyone if people are as honest with themselves and others as soon as possible…instead of pushing things down and having them erurpt?

.

Some Catholics want them to “act heterosexual”, but all this does is ruin lives when they get tired of pretending to be someone else.

 

[Chantal25]

First, i would talk to my priest.

If you don’t want to trust her again, i believe that you may be able to get annulment of your marriage.

If you do love her and want to work thing out, then i recommend for you to start praying now and pray the rosary. Commit to once a week and soon enough, you will do this every day.

I would pray Saint Joseph too. Mother Mary is truly full of grace and she cans grant us so many graces for us.

I am deeply sorry, so sorry, i hope that everything works for the best. Miracles happen, they truly do

 

[TheBenMan]

That seems like conditions that warrant someone checking on the family.

Many especially the older ones were disowned and a large minority were homeless at one point or another.

More fluid then men yes, but male sexuality is about as fluid as cold molasses. It is definitely not 60%, more like 3-5%.

Actually while numbers like 60% are totally junk it has been shown that women’s sexuality is more fluid, this is believed to be mainly due to there being a much stronger emotional component. “Emotional affairs” in both men and women have a tendency to get physical.

Thanks for the words of support everyone! I am curious about your post Dakota. Granted 484 California students do not represent the population very well but do you have any other studies that refute the 60% number? Aside from experience in your life are there any studies that challenge this and offer a different take?

I tried talking to my wife about the emotional side of things and she said she is not emotionally attached to her friend (i.e. she doesn’t love her in a romantic way). She said she just enjoyed the physical contact. Sounds like they just used each other to me.

I also asked her if she felt this way before marriage and she said she didn’t. She never even thought about it. Like someone said earlier she said “it just happened.” Whatever that means.

I may be able to forgive her but staying with her is up in the air right now. I am more concerned that if my daughter finds out she may think this behavior is OK now. This world is sickening. I should have followed my gut instinct to stay single and chaste. Marriage makes a person vulnerable

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Thanks for the words of support everyone! I am curious about your post Dakota. Granted 484 California students do not represent the population very well but do you have any other studies that refute the 60% number? Aside from experience in your life are there any studies that challenge this and offer a different take?

I tried talking to my wife about the emotional side of things and she said she is not emotionally attached to her friend (i.e. she doesn’t love her in a romantic way). She said she just enjoyed the physical contact. Sounds like they just used each other to me.

I also asked her if she felt this way before marriage and she said she didn’t. She never even thought about it. Like someone said earlier she said “it just happened.” Whatever that means.

I may be able to forgive her but staying with her is up in the air right now. I am more concerned that if my daughter finds out she may think this behavior is OK now. This world is sickening. I should have followed my gut instinct to stay single and chaste. Marriage makes a person vulnerable

I need to see how they measured “bisexuality” to refute it, their definition in itself very well might have been deficient.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thanks for the words of support everyone! I am curious about your post Dakota. Granted 484 California students do not represent the population very well but do you have any other studies that refute the 60% number? Aside from experience in your life are there any studies that challenge this and offer a different take?

I tried talking to my wife about the emotional side of things and she said she is not emotionally attached to her friend (i.e. she doesn’t love her in a romantic way). She said she just enjoyed the physical contact. Sounds like they just used each other to me.

I also asked her if she felt this way before marriage and she said she didn’t. She never even thought about it. Like someone said earlier she said “it just happened.” Whatever that means.

I may be able to forgive her but staying with her is up in the air right now. I am more concerned that if my daughter finds out she may think this behavior is OK now. This world is sickening. I should have followed my gut instinct to stay single and chaste. Marriage makes a person vulnerable

So your wife has no repentance whatsoever? “It just happened,” and you’re supposed to just accept it and deal with it? As if cheating with a woman isn’t infidelity?

It’s the attitude, almost more than the act, that I would be very concerned about. What about next time someone offers her physical contact? Male or female? She doesn’t seem to have any remorse about having cheated on you.

Will she go to see your priest? Will she go to counseling? If neither, I would immediately sit the children down and tell them all of it. No keeping secrets. Let them see your pain and make sure they know how wrong this is. Your wife can’t eat her cake and have it too. If she wants to go behind your back and carry on a homosexual affair, then let the chips fall where they may.

 

[Patavium]

Ben,

Be very careful about the sources you read on nonscientific journals like the media. They can be VERY skewed.

Please see my thread: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=781049

 

[Nimzovik]

Are there some Catholics who have always felt the need for multiple sex partners? From puberty onward? I just realized, I’ve never really heard anyone here on CAF talk about that at all unless they are speaking of a continually cheating spouse.

Anyway…if they do feel that way, I’m saying they should be honest about it to themselves and to their spouse as early as possible.

Same thing if someone has always had SSA. The OP hasn’t said if his wife has felt it for a long time, since puberty or younger…but if she has, it would have been good to acknowledge it early on so that if she still felt this way when she got married, her spouse knew about it…instead of it seeming to be “sudden”, as the other poster described, and everyone is shocked and traumatized.

If someone has an issue and they don’t address with it and just sweep it under the rug, the issue can get worse until it explodes.

Don’t you think it’s better for everyone if people are as honest with themselves and others as soon as possible…instead of pushing things down and having them erurpt?

.

Highlighting mine:

Until it** ‘explodes’** eh? Oh good grief. We* all* have the ability to** choose**, to decide to act or not - yes? One can indeed choose not to engage in the perversion of acting out Homosexuality despite one’s inclinations - yes?. **Just like any other sinner in the world! One can sublimate. One can pray for assistance. (Guess what! Why **not **pray for a healing of such inclinations? People that do not ask for miracles do not get them.) One can choose celibacy.

Homosexualsdo not get to claim a special dispensation to avoid the commandments (not suggestions) of heaven.

Nuff said.

 

[Nimzovik]

Ben,

Be very careful about the sources you read on nonscientific journals like the media. They can be VERY skewed.

Please see my thread: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=781049

Yah! No kidding. Look at how the** Kinsey Report** was debunked. They even made a movie about it.

 

[TheBenMan]

So your wife has no repentance whatsoever? “It just happened,” and you’re supposed to just accept it and deal with it? As if cheating with a woman isn’t infidelity?

It’s the attitude, almost more than the act, that I would be very concerned about. What about next time someone offers her physical contact? Male or female? She doesn’t seem to have any remorse about having cheated on you.

Will she go to see your priest? Will she go to counseling? If neither, I would immediately sit the children down and tell them all of it. No keeping secrets. Let them see your pain and make sure they know how wrong this is. Your wife can’t eat her cake and have it too. If she wants to go behind your back and carry on a homosexual affair, then let the chips fall where they may.

She won’t see a priest but she will go to a Christian counselor. She said she was sorry she lied and didn’t tell what she was feeling. I did not however hear a resolute sense of remorse for actually doing it. Sounds more like she is just sorry she got caught.

I agree that the double standard is complete injustice when it comes to to a same-sex affair. Cheating is cheating. No exceptions. Some people seem to justify it with the attitude “well you can’t give me what my sex can give me…” I did get that as a reply.

Ben,

Be very careful about the sources you read on nonscientific journals like the media. They can be VERY skewed.

Please see my thread: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=781049

The article I linked was written from peer-reviewed research Apparently some shrink followed 484 women from college in California. I know sounds a little sketch now that I think of it but still. I wish the liberal states would sink into the ocean. Its their philosophy that creates messes like this.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

She won’t see a priest but she will go to a Christian counselor. She said she was sorry she lied and didn’t tell what she was feeling. I did not however hear a resolute sense of remorse for actually doing it. Sounds more like she is just sorry she got caught.

I agree that the double standard is complete injustice when it comes to to a same-sex affair. Cheating is cheating. No exceptions. Some people seem to justify it with the attitude “well you can’t give me what my sex can give me…” I did get that as a reply.

The article I linked was written from peer-reviewed research Apparently some shrink followed 484 women from college in California. I know sounds a little sketch now that I think of it but still. I wish the liberal states would sink into the ocean. Its their philosophy that creates messes like this.

The 10M+ conservatives in California would be greatly offended.

 

[Nimzovik]

To put it simply, this: " “well you can’t give me what my sex can give me…” I did get that as a reply. " is the deal breaker. She categorically is stating that she is essentially gay. She enjoys gay physical contact. I see no offer to retract such behavior. She has acted in a tremendously selfish manner in terms of violating any emotional connection to you. Period.

So.

Unless she professes a 180 degree repentance of such a posture there is NO hope for the marriage. Your only resort is prayer for her. Until she adamantly claims to wish to be true to the vows, she has for all intents and purposes,** abandoned** you.

This is grounds for an annulment methinks. She is not fulfilling her vow.

You have no recourse other than to let her be cast into the abyss of her sin and to reap the consequences. Perhaps she will find repentance then.

Warning. 86% of women end up getting custody of the kids last time I checked ( US Census Bureau 2009 ) The legal system truly is sexually biased against men. Start preparing your legal strategy** now.
**

 

[Brandall]

I have no insight as to how these things happen. Regardless, I’m a human that has experienced great emotional pain before and I know how you hurt. I’ll be praying for you often starting as soon as this is posted.

Peace be with you my friend. May God’s love soothe your aching heart.

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

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When people feel that they are at their most vulnerable and/or have trauma, stress, childhood issues that present during Marriage and particularly after they have had children, without prayer, with breaks in their Faith and/or Religion (many Catholics), these types of things occur. Many Childhood issues arise AFTER being Married and having Children for hundreds of people I have known; in particular Catholics.

This is one of the precise reasons that Jesus left us the Bible through His Apostles, has allowed His Mother our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus to Intercede on His behalf, to reach out and implore us to pray, pray, pray for ourselves and Families, for Priests, for other people, for other causes, to attend Mass each week, Reconciliation each week, Fast regularly (to get rid of satan’s temptations through commercial foods and additives and be healthy in Spirit, Mind, Body and Soul), in particular, to pray The Holy Rosary as a Family if at all possible; which many of us have not done all the way through given the work and social activities we chose instead. I am guilty of all these things through my life and had I been firm with my family all the way through; things would have been a whole lot happier.

It takes more than one parent to follow through on Jesus’ wishes in relation to our Faith and lives; when one is against following Jesus’ teachings and/or refuses to participate; satan steps right in with glee turning Families upside down and wreaking havoc.

It has taken me the best part of the last (3) years healing and reflecting, healing and reflecting; now all clear as to why and how everything occurred within my own family.

A member of my Family is gay; I have never held it against my loved family member (whether I had been married to the person or not).

The best thing out of everything is to ask Jesus to heal your Heart, Soul, Mind and Body and that of your Children’s along with your Wife’s.

Statistics are often incorrect and often full of errors and omissions.

Some people are gay for a while as a result of stress, turning to someone who is there for them, trying a “fad” then moving on to a man/male/bloke (given the embarrassment, feelings of disrespect, humiliation inflicted upon themselves, women often do not return to their husbands without the presence of Jesus in their lives).

However, as stated above, if you truly love and want your wife in your life; pray The Holy Rosary to Jesus, handing over your wife and the whole situation with your Marriage; He will answer you and He will Heal yourselves and the whole situation as He did for myself and my Children and their father ie family issues.

Sit objectively outside of the Marriage, acknowledge that your Wife had Childhood issues/matters to sort out (you are irrelevant in terms of the cause of this) that satan caused to bring to the fore during your Marriage, which have been expelling in the wrong situation ie your wife approached another female that she may well have needed at the time to heal and deal with her childhood issues.

Most people who are lesbians or bi-sexual enjoy the intellectual and hobby interest side of their relationship more than just a sexual fling or sexual contact. They generally have many things in common whether it be academically, hobbies, interests etc, therefore I am saying, do not take any of it personally despite your profound hurt, grief and dealing with the situation.

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A Family who prays together…stays together

Please Dear God our Heavenly Father, The Holy Spirit, Dear Jesus Christ our Saviour and Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus, could You please open this Mother and Wife’s Heart further to Thee and bathe Her and all of Her Family in Thy Divine Love, Protection, Healing, Health and Safety, renewing their respect in one another, now and for Eternity, Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil, Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil, Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil, Amen.