Wife's Affair I'm Lost

[TheRealJuliane]

She won’t see a priest but she will go to a Christian counselor. She said she was sorry she lied and didn’t tell what she was feeling. I did not however hear a resolute sense of remorse for actually doing it. Sounds more like she is just sorry she got caught.

I agree that the double standard is complete injustice when it comes to to a same-sex affair. Cheating is cheating. No exceptions. Some people seem to justify it with the attitude **“well you can’t give me what my sex can give me…” I did get that as a reply.
**

That’s disgusting. I can’t advise you, but I will keep you in my prayers. I think she’s revolting, frankly.

 

[TheBenMan]

That’s disgusting. I can’t advise you, but I will keep you in my prayers. I think she’s revolting, frankly.

Thanks. I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking this. We were talking more tonight and she said she doesn’t really want to end the marriage and would stop her fling. She said she’s really confused now b/c she let her friend talk her into this. Apparently she complained to the friend that our intimacy always led to intercourse and some nights she just didn’t want to go that far. I told her she should have said something and I would have gladly focused on her needs and put mine aside. That conversation ended in tears…she needs counseling. I think that’s a start. I don’t want to hurt my kids.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thanks. I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking this. We were talking more tonight and she said she doesn’t really want to end the marriage and would stop her fling. She said she’s really confused now b/c she let her friend talk her into this. Apparently she complained to the friend that our intimacy always led to intercourse and some nights she just didn’t want to go that far. I told her she should have said something and I would have gladly focused on her needs and put mine aside. That conversation ended in tears…she needs counseling. I think that’s a start. I don’t want to hurt my kids.

Yeah, I thought about this a few minutes and I think it’s ridiculous. No one has a gay affair because her husband wants to have sex. She does need counseling but I don’t think she’s being truthful. As you said, she may not want to lose what she has, but she’s kidding herself to blame the friend. Most normal women would be incredulous if a female friend suggested, “Well I can take care of your needs better than he can!” and would immediately put distance between them and the friend, if not cut her off completely.

 

[7armyrugrats]

Yeah, I thought about this a few minutes and I think it’s ridiculous. No one has a gay affair because her husband wants to have sex. She does need counseling but I don’t think she’s being truthful. As you said, she may not want to lose what she has, but she’s kidding herself to blame the friend. Most normal women would be incredulous if a female friend suggested, “Well I can take care of your needs better than he can!” and would immediately put distance between them and the friend, if not cut her off completely.

Exactly right. If one of your male friends suggested an affair because he can take care of you in ways your wife can’t, would you even for one moment consider it? I dare say after the initial shock, you most likely would be nauseated at the thought. And then quickly make your exit and end the friendship. Things like that don’t “just happen,” and if they did it points to problems too large to make marriage work. It shows a lack of morals, a lack of desire, a lack of communication, a lack of intimacy, a lack of compassion for your spouses feelings, and a lack of commitment. I could make this list go on and on, but I think you get the point. No, no woman just tries this out because her husband wants intercourse. And I dare say I’m not the only woman who believes what happens between a man and wife should remain between them. I wouldn’t dream of “venting” to my friend about my husband like that. If there were a problem that I felt we needed help with I would ask a professional, not just another woman.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Yeah, I thought about this a few minutes and I think it’s ridiculous. No one has a gay affair because her husband wants to have sex. She does need counseling but I don’t think she’s being truthful. As you said, she may not want to lose what she has, but she’s kidding herself to blame the friend. Most normal women would be incredulous if a female friend suggested, “Well I can take care of your needs better than he can!” and would immediately put distance between them and the friend, if not cut her off completely.

It’s rarely so blunt, more likely she became emotionally closer and then the relationship started heating up.

Exactly right. If one of your male friends suggested an affair because he can take care of you in ways your wife can’t, would you even for one moment consider it? I date say after the initial shock, you most likely would be nauseated at the thought. And then quickly make your exit and end the friendship. Things like that don’t “just happen,” and if they did it points to problems too large to make marriage work. It shows a lack of morals, a lack of desire, a lack of communication, a lack of intimacy, a lack of compassion for your spouses feelings, and a lack of commitment. I could make this lust go on and in, but I think you get the point. No, no woman just tries this out because her husband wants intercourse. And I dare say I’m not the only woman who believes what happens between a man and wife should remain between them. I wouldn’t dream of “venting” to my friend about my husband like that. If there were a problem that I felt we needed help with I would ask a professional, not just another woman.

Things often are the result of something gradual rather than sudden though it can seem sudden.

 

[TheBenMan]

Exactly right. If one of your male friends suggested an affair because he can take care of you in ways your wife can’t, would you even for one moment consider it? I dare say after the initial shock, you most likely would be nauseated at the thought. And then quickly make your exit and end the friendship. Things like that don’t “just happen,” and if they did it points to problems too large to make marriage work. It shows a lack of morals, a lack of desire, a lack of communication, a lack of intimacy, a lack of compassion for your spouses feelings, and a lack of commitment. I could make this list go on and on, but I think you get the point. No, no woman just tries this out because her husband wants intercourse. And I dare say I’m not the only woman who believes what happens between a man and wife should remain between them. I wouldn’t dream of “venting” to my friend about my husband like that. If there were a problem that I felt we needed help with I would ask a professional, not just another woman.

Point well made. Good to know there are level headed women out there. We have a counseling session booked for next week. Let’s hope for the best. I’ll be honest though a big part of me wants to walk. I’ll just never understand this.

 

[waterdog]

Please order a copy of Amazing Grace for Married Couples, by Jeff Cavins et al published by Ascencion Press. Stories of hope.

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through.

I work with young people, being the youth minister at my church and also holding down at job at the high school guidance office. And I have four young adult children. All around me I see sexual brokenness. I have seen young girls persuaded by young women to experiment. I have seen the same with young men. I also know we are living in a time of sexual experimentation like none before. Young people get drunk and participate in orgies in which all manner of sexuality is explored. Porn is an enormous industry. People are under the impression that if they aren’t ok with extra marital sex, gay sex etc they are just mean. People are still horrified by child adult sex, thank God, but this sickness is prevalent. How we can we help but be messed up about our sexuality? The great lie is echoed in the Journey song “Any way you want it, that’s the way you need it.”

I encourage you to study Theology of the Body. Ascencion press also has some good resources on this, and it is really the way to totally understand and respect and love the way God made us to be.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Point well made. Good to know there are level headed women out there. We have a counseling session booked for next week. Let’s hope for the best. I’ll be honest though a big part of me wants to walk. I’ll just never understand this.

You’ve experienced adultery from your wife. That’s the main aspect. The homosexual aspect is yet another layer on top of that, so it’s like 2 out of body experiences. “My wife cheated on me,” is one. “My wife may be a lesbian,” is another. The person you thought her to be, may have been a lie. The trust is very damaged and may not be able to be recovered. I give you kudos for even trying.

You’ll remain in my prayers. Stay here for support. We really care.