Wife's infidelity

  • Thread starter Thread starter CaPray67
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
40.png
CaPray67:
Thank you. I picked this book up over the weekend and read the chapter about marriage. It helped alot. My wife also read it.
Click to expand...
I would suggest reading C.S. Lewis “The Four Loves” - it goes deeper into the subject.
 
CaPray67 said:
Hello,

My wife and I are trying to recover from her unfaithfulness that began in January of 2003. For two years I believed we where on the road to recovery but recently found out last December that she felt she was “in love” with this person. She said she was in love with him but at the same time claims to not have spoken to him since January 2003. For me this is hard to believe since she said she was not “in love” with him in January of 2003 but only had “feelings” back then. Yet somehow the feelings grew without any contact. After finding out about her feelings we agreed to attempt to keep out marriage together. She said her feelings for this other person were gone and I believed her and forgave her. However, recently she admitted she could be his friend if they were to crosspaths again in the future. This makes me feel as if she’s holding on to him and that she doesn’t see the wrong that was done. Before I end maybe I should just summerize the background of the whole situation. She started talking to this person back in January of 2003 in which she told him she was attracted to him. It moved along and soon they were talking about possibly meeting at a hotel in the future. They both admitted they’d be “afriad of what they might do” if they did meet. My wife also at one point told him she wished he was in bed with her. All along he told her that he was going to propose to his girlfriend. He was also aware that she is married and has two children. He tried to get my wife to a hotel with the excuse that he wanted to tell her something “in person”. When I found out about everything I confronted him and he admitted that he brought up the hotel to see how she’d react to that possibility and that he really had nothing to tell her in person but just wanted to see how far she’d go. My wife has since admitted that if they did meet in private she would have had sex with him. That’s the the basic background of the whole situation. Now after all this she’s telling me she could be his friend. How should I handle this?
Please help.

-CaPray97
Click to expand...
I hope I’m not opening old wounds when I ask what is the result of your efforts to salvage your marriage. Whatever the outcome two years since this thread was posted, I’m certain that God’s divine plan and grace for you has been sufficient to aid you in recovery and rebuilding your life, with or without your wife. God bless you most abundantly!
 
jules208 said:
I hope I’m not opening old wounds when I ask what is the result of your efforts to salvage your marriage. Whatever the outcome two years since this thread was posted, I’m certain that God’s divine plan and grace for you has been sufficient to aid you in recovery and rebuilding your life, with or without your wife. God bless you most abundantly!
Click to expand...
According to the original poster’s profile he has not been on the forum since March 8, 2005 so my guess is you will not get an answer.
 
Thanks for the heads up. I figured I’d give it a shot and if he responds, great!

Have a great day/evening, depending on what part of the planet you sit right now.

God bless!
 
puzzleannie said:
whatever your wife’s actions, you have no right to discuss them here with strangers (or with your friends and relatives, for that matter) and you are being unfaithful to her by doing so. sorry if it hurts, but you did ask for help. get counselling, and when you go to confession and to Mass ask for family healing, and for the ability to truly forgive and be forgiven.
Click to expand...
Never mind…didn’t realize how old this post was!
 
Ailina said:
Whoa! Who is being unfaithful here? This person is hurting, and needing some advice. His wife stepped out of the marriage, not him.

I too had a spouse who stepped out of marriage, and I felt terribly isolated and alone, and didn’t know where to turn. I was keeping a terrible secret, which was exactly what my ex-husband was hoping I would do so he could continue on with his porn addiction and sexual affairs. He betrayed our marriage, not me. He gave me a sexually transmitted disease. I needed support in order to muster the courage to get out of a terrible situation, one that I didn’t want my kids to witness. Had I stayed, the message I would have passed onto our children is that a wife is to be disrespected and mentally abused. I did not want my sons growing up thinking that is how you treat a wife. I did not want my daughter thinking that wives accept that kind of behavior from their husbands.

How do you forgive a spouse who is unrepentant and has not asked for forgiveness, nor is willing to work on the marriage?
Click to expand...
You know, interestingly, I was listening to Catholic Answers Live on EWTN radio several days ago, and the guest priest made the comment that we are not obligated to forgive those who do not seek our forgiveness. He did not add that it would be most noble and virtuous for us to forgive our unrepentant enemies, but I can only imagine that it is the case. It’s tough, for sure, to forgive the unrepentant, and few are willing or able to forgive malice with no compunction.

If anyone is unable to forgive a spouse, I strongly recommend that one pray without ceasing for the spouse AND for oneself to be able to forgive. In those moments when the emotional pain feels awful, close your eyes, bawl your eyes out if you must, but instead of picturing all the wrongs that were done to you, imagine yourself on the Cross next to Jesus. Imagine yourself nailed to the wood, your body wounded and bleeding, and believe that you are suffering with Christ for the sake of sinners. I believe that is the greatest reason we must carry our own cross and share in Christ’s sufferings.

When the hurt resurfaces, as you picture yourself on the Cross with Christ, plead for your spouse’s salvation in the midst of your deepest pain. Utter the same words of forgiveness that Jesus cried, “Father, forgive him for he knows not what he has done.” Each time you do this, not if, an abundance of graces and peace will be showered upon you by the Holy Spirit. I guarantee it.

Had I read this thread when it was in progress in 2005, I would have strongly recommended separation, and I do for any spouse dealing with an unrepentant, indecisive, unfaithful spouse. Separation is not the “first step” in divorce, as many may view separation. Instead, separation removes the pressure and sense of obligation and guilt that spouses will struggle with as they go about the business of determining the best course of action after a traumatic event such as infidelity. The guilty wife in this thread, obviously to me, was torn between a desire for passion with another man, and the sense of duty and obligation she felt toward her husband. Separation, while it may have pushed her to make a sinful choice to run after the “friend,” would have revealed to herself and her spouse where her treasures truly lie, for there will the heart be also.

Jules
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top