Wife's Rejection

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whatevergirl said:
But, I definitely think she needs to apologize. Being patients doesn’t mean being mistreated for the next however many months until the baby is due, with no apologies or acknowledgment of her behavior. :o
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I would think so but we will have to see where the conversation leads later on.
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
To calm things down so he could then let her know he was hurt by her behavior. I probably forgot to mention that:o

But for him to act like a child by giving her the silent treatment and withdrawing affection is not healthy and he does not have hormones as an “excuse”.
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Noted, and we are all indeed still learning.
 
Oshiego_Rod said:
Working in sales is not easy so my boss did have a few talks with me regarding my sales goal and I shared those discussions with my wife. The policy at work is that if you are sick please go home because we have a small enclosed area and germs can easily spread and infect others. I was sent home once by HR and this second time I made the decision. She works at a hospital so these two environments are totally different. Hope that helps.
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I work in sales and marketing, yes it can be challenging at times, especially now with our economy in a state of flux. I will pray for you to achieve your goals! Just ‘cast your net’ each day, and ask God to do the rest…and He will! I love my career, and it’s in knowing that I am not in charge of the harvest, but God is, that makes me more productive.

Re: how this relates to your situation…I am not seeing why your wife was angry…because you came home sick?😦 I dunno. I think she owes you an apology. Her reaction was way out of line…hormones or not. You were sick, and you should be able to take a day off without someone reacting that way. Hopefully, you both will patch this up…and it won’t happen again. God bless.
 
whatevergirl said:
I don’t think he handled it correctly, Malia, either. But, we don’t know if he did nothing wrong, or just said something innocent, and she took it the wrong way, etc…etc…

IF HE DID SOMETHING wrong, yes he should be the one to apologize and smooth things over. If he did nothing, and she just went out of control, he should not apologize. That sends a message to women that hormones are an excuse to behave poorly, and they are not. If someone is that out of control…not talking ‘normal’ emotional outbursts such as crying for no ‘apparent’ reason (I still have those days with pms) …then, she needs to talk to her doctor. Having strenuous outbursts aren’t healthy for a pregnant woman to have, and she needs some help then.

But, I agree…the OP should have confronted the issue, and not just slept on the couch, and avoided her. But, if they have not been married long, they will learn to work out these differences as time goes on. It’s a work in progress.

I just wouldn’t apologize for my husband losing his temper and throwing things at me, if I didn’t do anything wrong.Hopefully, the OP’s wife realizes that she was out of sorts, and they can work to resolving things. 🙂
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I am actually catching a cold right now so I really didn’t say anything. Just coming home sick when she had expected me to tough it out caused her reaction.
 
Oshiego_Rod said:
Sure didn’t feel that way last night. But I will be praying and meditating on all the advice I have been given. Thanks!
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**I know…words can HURT…badly. But this is where you need to pray and think. Feelings are neutral, it’s what you do with them that counts.

Now, you FELT like she didn’t love or need you. But, do you KNOW that she does? If you don’t know that she does then there are deeper problems that need to be addressed. If you do know it, then wrangle those feelings and wrap them in a prayer so you can help your wife when she is hurting.**
 
whatevergirl said:
:confused: My son deserves a good woman, just like my daughter deserves a good man.
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I’m certain that they do. Most of my friends and thick-headed just like me and the expression is a way to remind them not to take their spouses for granted. No offense was intended.😦
 
:hypno: :hypno:
iluvmybabies said:
Easily, speaking from experience I did that to my exhusband all the times I was pg and when I was in labor with my 3rd child I kicked him out of the hospital room, of course they let him back in once it was time…but the point is that he retaliated against me all the time, thus leading to our separation, and then divorce…🤷 So glad you remained silent and didn’t do anything against her…

Just don’t stay quiet…Talk! The point of a marriage, relationship, love, is TALKING! Conversation…If my ex would have been loving he would have remained silent and actually would have listenend to what I was telling him…And try to be compassionate with her and more caring…Try to listen more, and hear what she needs and has to say. Try to please her more often, I am not saying be her “slave” but reallly, remember she is carrying a child and it’s a difficult change for her…

You have no idea what a pg woman goes through…and all of our hormones and body discomforts, etc so please be patient with her…Speak with her and be kind to her, loving, sweet and romantic and ask her what she needs and wants…

Let me tell you if he would have done all of these things I still would have been married to that man!!!:o
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:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :
 
cthulhubryan said:
I’m certain that they do. Most of my friends and thick-headed just like me and the expression is a way to remind them not to take their spouses for granted. No offense was intended.😦
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No worries. I just think that men deserve every bit of respect in a marriage, as women do. I think we are very different creatures indeed, but respect is a two way street in marriage.Thanks for your post.🙂
 
whatevergirl said:
I work in sales and marketing, yes it can be challenging at times, especially now with our economy in a state of flux. I will pray for you to achieve your goals! Just ‘cast your net’ each day, and ask God to do the rest…and He will! I love my career, and it’s in knowing that I am not in charge of the harvest, but God is, that makes me more productive.

Re: how this relates to your situation…I am not seeing why your wife was angry…because you came home sick?😦 I dunno. I think she owes you an apology. Her reaction was way out of line…hormones or not. You were sick, and you should be able to take a day off without someone reacting that way. Hopefully, you both will patch this up…and it won’t happen again. God bless.
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At least you know how business has been. We have a hiring freeze right now. So here I am at work still sniffing and hacking. They want to send me home but I told them I would rather stay at this point. I agree flowers for avoiding her last night and this morning. I don’t like confrontations so I tend to avoid them.
 
happymommy said:
She might know that she was wrong and want to apologize, but he wasn’t talking to her, so now her feelings are hurt too. Hey, where did the guy go anyhow? Here we are worried about his marriage and he hasn’t come back! Do you think we scared him off being crazy women, or we might have hurt his feelings and now he isn’t talking to us, sorry that wasn’t nice, but it was a little funny:)
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Sorry I am at work trying to get some proposals out the door. Now I’m on lunch trying to catch up on all the posts but thanks for all the advice. I always know there are lessons hidden behind the drama that God is teaching me and I am still eagerly learning praying that she will be too… not now.
 
happymommy said:
Do you think we scared him off being crazy women, or we might have hurt his feelings and now he isn’t talking to us, sorry that wasn’t nice, but it was a little funny:)
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When I get upset I use sarcasm more than yelling so I am really really thankful I held my tongue last night, And no, you are no all crazy women. 🙂
 
iluvmybabies…that is an interesting statement…that your ex husband’s retalitation is what led to the demise of your marriage. But, your behavior was ok then, but his reaction was not ok?:confused:

I think what is important to note…is that when a woman is pregnant, yes, she is going through a myriad of things…but, men, while they do not have the physical problem or burden perhaps, of carrying the child, are also overwhelmed. Being pregnant is not a solo event in a marriage. Men, be proactive and supportive of your wives, but women, don’t exclude your husbands as to the changes you are going through. Men can’t read our minds. I wish they could, but they can’t. And we can’t just expect them to know what we’re feeling 24/7. I learned this the hard way in my own marriage. My husband was kind enough to point out that I’m not always right, and that I should get help for hormonal issues, because really, that was when we had the most problems. I took his advice, and while we might have a disagreement or two…it’s not hormonally charged anymore. I encourage all women not to borrow this as a crutch or excuse for poor behavior.

So, yes, being hormonal is a real thing. Very real. But, don’t let that be your excuse for treating your hubbies badly. INCLUDE them in your hormonal issues…don’t exclude him. He isn’t your enemy. He is your hubby…and soon to be dad to your baby. He is not experiencing the hormonal problems you are, but please…keep him in the process. He can’t read your mind, so allow him to hold your hand.😦

Just my two cents.
 
Oshiego_Rod said:
I don’t like confrontations so I tend to avoid them.
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**Uh oh, you are really starting to sound like my husband:eek:😃

Let me tell you what 10 years of marriage has taught us. There is no such thing as avoiding a confrontation. Whatever is leading up to it doesn’t go away just because one of you does. It’ll come back to bite ya 10 times harder the longer it stays buried.

We have seriously been on the verge of divorce…not because we don’t agree on the big things (money, sex, kids, jobs, morals, values, religion etc etc etc) but because we were unable to deal with the little things effectively. he thought avoiding a confrontation meant it was gone…where all of those instances just bred resentment in me. Then when the confrontation eventually did happen (and believe me, it will) it was a zillion times bigger and more destructive than if we had dealt with it at the time it happened.

You have a baby on the way. Your life is changing. You are both going to be under a lot more stress. Trust me…take the time now to figure out how to solve conflicts peacefully. Her rages and your running away are going to hurt your growing family.

Prayers for peace in your home, today and for the rest of your lives together.
**
 
Oshiego_Rod said:
Good points and I will definately buy her a rose like I use to. Hopefully she doesn’t question how I got the cash to buy the rose since she takes charge of the accounts.
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Honey it doesn’t have to be a rose or anything you have purchased - write her a poem, that is what my husband used to do. A simple haiku of how you love her is all that is needed. Or free verse - go down memory lane, tell her in an acrostic (use her name -
B- I love Brenda
R - she is Really a good cook
E - Everyday she wakes up and I look at her and think how Blessed I am that she said “yes” when I proposed to her.
N - New love blossoms in me daily for her.
D - Dear and darling one of mine that God has given to me.
A - Always beautiful.

That was so lame :cool: - any way you get the idea.

Brenda V.
 
iluvmybabies said:
So glad you remained silent and didn’t do anything against her…
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Someone mentioned it earlier but two wrongs don’t make a right and if pride clouded my judgement then indeed there would have been the war of the words. Did I mention I cried myself to sleep on the couch last night? j/k
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
But, do you KNOW that she does? If you do know it, then wrangle those feelings and wrap them in a prayer so you can help your wife when she is hurting.
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I know we love each other and I can only pray that this will pass.
 
Ok, as someone who’s never been pregnant (yet) I can tell you that there were times just when I’m PMSing that I would “fly off the handle” so to speak. But my husband knows this about me so when I start going off he just takes it and lets it roll off his back like a champ. That’s one reason I love him to death. :love:

Now, I’ve never thrown things or anything like that, but there has been a time or two that I did tell him that I felt like I was going through things alone and something along the lines of “I don’t need a husband” as well. See, we are actively trying to conceive and my infertility is a big stressor to me. Sometimes I feel like I’m suffering through it all alone because my husband seems distant. THAT is why I said that terrible thing, because I felt alone. Maybe she feels like she is going through all the sufferings of pregnancy by herself?

Take time to pamper her, do chores without being asked and be extra thoughtful and sensitive to her feelings. The one thing my husband does (and drives me crazy though) is then he asks me what I want him to do for me specifically. Well, I don’t really want to order him around, but I can understand that he just wants to do whatever makes me happy. I dunno, so just do extra things for her and be her support. 👍
 
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