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Oshiego_Rod
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I never given that a thought. Thank you for bringing this up.
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iluvmybabies
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and yeah the whole contraction thing, I remember telling the nurse off because she wouldn’t let me off to walk around and I was getting them really bad, but when I walked around and got in hot shower I wouldn’t feel them that bad…so I had a reason for that one too!! And if no one agrees with me oh well I never used epidurals or anything so I know it hurts like he!!..and if telling people off esp your hubby during that time is what makes you happy then please respect the pg woman…iluvmybabies…that is an interesting statement…that your ex husband’s retalitation is what led to the demise of your marriage. But, your behavior was ok then, but his reaction was not ok?
Well most of the reasons for this behaviour of mine were because of the stress and depression I was in with each pg, and because most of the pills then would have harmed the baby I never took them…And yes it was ok because I had a difficult marriage, like I stated in many posts before I wanted children he didn’t…it didn’t help knowing this through my pgs…and instead of him willing to talk about it he would do stupid things like go out on me or forget to pick me up after work because he was out with his friends and gfs…etc…so yeah I had plenty reason to react that way…
I think what is important to note…is that when a woman is pregnant, yes, she is going through a myriad of things…but, men, while they do not have the physical problem or burden perhaps, of carrying the child, are also overwhelmed. Being pregnant is not a solo event in a marriage. Men, be proactive and supportive of your wives, but women, don’t exclude your husbands as to the changes you are going through. Men can’t read our minds. I wish they could, but they can’t. And we can’t just expect them to know what we’re feeling 24/7. I learned this the hard way in my own marriage. My husband was kind enough to point out that I’m not always right, and that I should get help for hormonal issues, because really, that was when we had the most problems. I took his advice, and while we might have a disagreement or two…it’s not hormonally charged anymore. I encourage all women not to borrow this as a crutch or excuse for poor behavior.
Well in a perfect world I am sure all husbands worry about their wives changes and conditions, but a lot of men close themselves off to that as well…I know from my father and my exhusband…they were not concerned nor cared to hear out their wives thus my mother never allowed my dad in any of the labor rooms with us 4 children, and the first miscarriage she had…and as for myself, well I ended up kicking out my exhusband…I know many have learned from experience, like my brother-in-law-sister’s hubby whom didn’t really care for her during the first pg but with her second one he learned a lot and tried to be more compassionate with her…And she too was under a lot of stress, working, housework, kids, long distance marriage-her hubby worked in a different town mot of the days she would see him 2 times a week, and she too would lash out once in a while but of course you know problems and stress can lead to that especially when we feel we are not getting the necessary attention, affection, understanding or compassion from our hubbies…my bffs hubby would leave all the time she was crying from whatever emotional thing she was going through during her pgs he would call me and would be like “shes at it again get over here and take care of her!!” I would be like excuse me she’s pg with your kid!!! What’s going on?! You know…but some men are just like that and maybe with the OP it isn’t the case but also I know that when my cousin a 5’6" 115 lb girl got pg and she couldn’t avoid stretch marks, OMG I thought I went psycho!! I mean without plastic surgery that 2 piece bathing suit was history!!! So I mean there are different reasons the point is that of course without knowing we can’t really advice and if she’s just lashing out just because without any reason then she might be going through depression and she needs to speak with her doctor…
So, yes, being hormonal is a real thing. Very real. But, don’t let that be your excuse for treating your hubbies badly. INCLUDE them in your hormonal issues…don’t exclude him. He isn’t your enemy. He is your hubby…and soon to be dad to your baby. He is not experiencing the hormonal problems you are, but please…keep him in the process. He can’t read your mind, so allow him to hold your hand.
Just my two cents.
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whatevergirl
Guest
This is excellent…EXCELLENT advice. Good post Malia!**Uh oh, you are really starting to sound like my husband
Let me tell you what 10 years of marriage has taught us. There is no such thing as avoiding a confrontation. Whatever is leading up to it doesn’t go away just because one of you does. It’ll come back to bite ya 10 times harder the longer it stays buried.
We have seriously been on the verge of divorce…not because we don’t agree on the big things (money, sex, kids, jobs, morals, values, religion etc etc etc) but because we were unable to deal with the little things effectively. he thought avoiding a confrontation meant it was gone…where all of those instances just bred resentment in me. Then when the confrontation eventually did happen (and believe me, it will) it was a zillion times bigger and more destructive than if we had dealt with it at the time it happened.
You have a baby on the way. Your life is changing. You are both going to be under a lot more stress. Trust me…take the time now to figure out how to solve conflicts peacefully. Her rages and your running away are going to hurt your growing family.
Prayers for peace in your home, today and for the rest of your lives together.
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Feanaro_s_Wife
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You know what…I am not sure sure you are praying for the right thing…not that I know it all, lol
… just seems like you should be looking for ways to help her through this (and if I were addressing your wife I would be telling her to help you through this as well) instead of waiting for it to “pass”. Issues will always come up in your marriage. Waiting for them to pass isn’t likely to help them.
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iluvmybabies
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Exactly avoiding confrontations might make her feel like you don’t care to listen to her situations or problems, another reason for her to lash out during these delicate times…I mean I understand the whole arguing thing and listening to her yelling etc if it even gets to that, but the point is to talk…conversations are important…
As stated before, if my ex would have been more compassionate and would have listened and spoken with me then things would have been different. It’s not fun when one feels like they are doing everything while the other seems to be annoyed by that person, you know?
I felt like that all the time…As if I was the only one doing everything, while my ex would run away or even stay at work over time all the time so I wouldn’t bother him, after we got divorced he told me I never made him happy, because all I ever do was talk and all I wanted to do was talk, he said he never had anything to talk about and he didn’t want to hear what I had to say, so he tried to stay out of the house and make my life miserable as much as possible!! So not a good man to be married too…and glad that didn’t last…But still I am sure you are a great hubby just don’t avoid the situations nor your wife especially right now…
It’s no fun to feel all alone during this delicate time, and if she’s stressed or depressed you need to help her out and guide her to a doctor because your baby can suffer from this…and maybe even your marriage…
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Cinette
Guest
I have just come across this thread and have only read your first posting and couldn’t let this pass with sharing my experience.
When we were first married I liked a lot of attention and would provoke my husband - I would have “play play” fights which, of course would end up in a serious argument and I would sulk.
My husband would joke with me and once I laughed I could no longer be angry. We did make a promise to each other that we would never go to bed angry.
One night I was really cross with him and refused to even look at him, so when we went to bed I turned my back to go to sleep. Then…suddenly I felt a toe touching my leg…and very slowly…I moved my leg…and then again I felt the toe…very slightly…and again I moved away very slowly…and this went on until I nearly fell off the bed…I laughed so much and we made up!
My husband would pronounce my name the way South African people would pronounce it (I have a very French name) and hearing him imitating their accent made me laugh.
So over the years that is how we resolved our problems. Oh and about “play play” fights. One day my husband looked at me and said “Happiness is boring” and I stopped in my tracks…I realised that he was right. Everything was running smoothly that I just needed to provoke a little fight for more attention and sometimes, yes, it would end up serious. But hearing him say that made me realise that it is so true “Happiness is boring”…it is human nature.
Now 42 years later we are still very close. It is so funny because everytime we are alone in the elevator I get lots of kisses and hugs and the other day our 6 year old granddaughter was waiting for the elevator with us when my husband gave me a kiss on the cheek and she said “You are not in the elevator yet!”
So c’mon Rod - where is your sense of humour. Tickle her, make her laugh - its worth it.
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whatevergirl
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Yes…and so you too are overwhelmed. A new baby on the way, and your company is experiencing what so many other companies are now. So, while you don’t have the same burdens she has right now, you have your own. You guys need to talk. May I make a suggestion? Make reservations to a very nice, quiet, and romantic restaurant…and just TALK. And explain to her your feelings of angst, etc…and ask her to let you know when she is feeling down, etc so those altercations don’t happen again.
Never leave your marriage bed either. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger…THAT IS AN OLDIE BUT GOODIE. LOL
God bless on becoming a dad…
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iluvmybabies
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OMG that is so sweet!!I have just come across this thread and have only read your first posting and couldn’t let this pass with sharing my experience.
When we were first married I liked a lot of attention and would provoke my husband - I would have “play play” fights which, of course would end up in a serious argument and I would sulk.
My husband would joke with me and once I laughed I could no longer be angry. We did make a promise to each other that we would never go to bed angry.
One night I was really cross with him and refused to even look at him, so when we went to bed I turned my back to go to sleep. Then…suddenly I felt a toe touching my leg…and very slowly…I moved my leg…and then again I felt the toe…very slightly…and again I moved away very slowly…and this went on until I nearly fell off the bed…I laughed so much and we made up!
My husband would pronounce my name the way South African people would pronounce it (I have a very French name) and hearing him imitating their accent made me laugh.
So over the years that is how we resolved our problems. Oh and about “play play” fights. One day my husband looked at me and said “Happiness is boring” and I stopped in my tracks…I realised that he was right. Everything was running smoothly that I just needed to provoke a little fight for more attention and sometimes, yes, it would end up serious. But hearing him say that made me realise that it is so true “Happiness is boring”…it is human nature.
Now 42 years later we are still very close. It is so funny because everytime we are alone in the elevator I get lots of kisses and hugs and the other day our 6 year old granddaughter was waiting for the elevator with us when my husband gave me a kiss on the cheek and she said “You are not in the elevator yet!”
So c’mon Rod - where is your sense of humour. Tickle her, make her laugh - its worth it.
I love love stories!!
My honey has that same philosophy and after 3 years of dating I am beginning to believe it…It’s crazy how when we are not “play” fighting things are boring, it’s like the same thing over and I may be content but once the “play” fighting starts and might turn into an argument and then we kiss and make-up it feels so much better to hold him!! lol…And we get along so perfectly well I thank God for him on a daily basis!!
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iluvmybabies
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Work is always going to be a stressful subject when it comes to having a baby, trying to make the time to be with your wife, and preparing for the new bundle of joy is always a wonderful time, scary, confusing and exciting all at the same time…
But the best thing to do is to talk!! Conversation and communication…No matter how stressful your day is, go home and speak with your wife…Allow her to express herself and then let her know that you need to express yourself as well! And before you know it both of you will have vented, said everything that was on your mind and will be working on a solution, hopefully kissing and making up!! But seriously though communication is important and as long as both of you are willing to work things out together you should be able to make this new addition to your family a most joyful experience ever!!
I wish you lots of luck and may GOD bless!!
But the best thing to do is to talk!! Conversation and communication…No matter how stressful your day is, go home and speak with your wife…Allow her to express herself and then let her know that you need to express yourself as well! And before you know it both of you will have vented, said everything that was on your mind and will be working on a solution, hopefully kissing and making up!!
But seriously though communication is important and as long as both of you are willing to work things out together you should be able to make this new addition to your family a most joyful experience ever!!I wish you lots of luck and may GOD bless!!
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Oshiego_Rod
Guest
I agree, actions need to be taken as well. I forgot to mention, that night we had a fight I ended up cooking her favorite dish so she had something to eat today as she gets home before me, and cleaned up a little. Funny, instead of yelling back or finding a way to get even I end up cooking for her.You know what…I am not sure sure you are praying for the right thing…not that I know it all, lol
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Feanaro_s_Wife
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Now, that is awesome
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iluvmybabies
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OH! That is sooooo sweet!! Even though we don’t really know the situations of why it even happened to begin with but you really seem to want to show her you love her dearly and are willing to make her super happy, so all that is now needed is the conversations!! And find out what it is that happened for her to react in that way…I am sure if you sit her down calmly speak with her she will be able to apologize to you and thank you for what you did for her!! Also I bet you will discover that it might be something not so difficult that both of you can work out…you know?!
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Oshiego_Rod
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I do love to goof around but this was the first time I saw her violent side. I didn’t dodge objects but did see some Identified Flying Objects. I agree that a little humor can go a long way.So c’mon Rod - where is your sense of humour. Tickle her, make her laugh - its worth it.
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Oshiego_Rod
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Thanks! I normally call her on my drive home so hopefully she will pick up so we can chat.
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Oshiego_Rod
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Thank you for sharing this. I can only pray that she will be receptive when I call her later.But the best thing to do is to talk!! Conversation and communication…No matter how stressful your day is, go home and speak with your wife…Allow her to express herself and then let her know that you need to express yourself as well! And before you know it both of you will have vented, said everything that was on your mind and will be working on a solution, hopefully kissing and making up!!
I wish you lots of luck and may GOD bless!!
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Oshiego_Rod
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I can only pray that our afternoon conversation will be good. [SIGN]That’s why we PRAY![/SIGN]
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Oshiego_Rod
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That is why I remained silent but it was wrong for me to sleep in another room.please respect the pg woman…
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iluvmybabies
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OMG that’s kind of surprising and I don’t know how to advice you on that one?! I know I wouldn’t be happy knowing my hubby slept in a different room!!
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wifenmommy
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Ahh the hormone wave will subside soon! Just a lil tale what my poor hubby had to endure with me (I was told that I am really fiesty and a tad mean when I am pg…I dont see it, oh well~lol). I love my dh dearly and we are high school sweethearts, been together forever, but he has this “charming” habit of picking on me (most of the time I just roll my eyes at him, but when I was pg, well, he got more than that!)…Weeeellllll, when I was pretty far along we were sitting outside at his mom’s house, and he was sitting in a plastic lawn chair, he said something really, really, really obnoxious (I dont even remember what it was now! lol) and I hauled off and punched him so hard that he flipped backwards in the chair and broke it! I felt bad afterwards, but in some women, those baby hormones make a sane, rational woman flip out. It seems like you (the OP) are on the right track!! Keep it up bud! Just pray for extra patience and keep praying for your wife and yall will be ok!
ps…I know it is hard, but please dont take the mean stuff she may say to heart!! Trust me, it is the hormones talking!
ps…I know it is hard, but please dont take the mean stuff she may say to heart!! Trust me, it is the hormones talking!
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MamaMia3
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Just be as understanding and loving as you can be. Speaking from the perspective of someone who has been pregnant 4 times I can tell you HORMONES TAKE OVER. But don’t you dare point that out to her!!! Just be loving and supportive and tell her how much you love her. And oh yea, please pick up after yourself. (nothing worse then being pregnant and having to bend over to pick up hubbys messes) just thought I’d throw that in as a bonus tip.
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